Stay at Home........

[Acesulfame]

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?

There is a schrodinger's cat aspect to staying THE FUCK at home. To achieve this you will need to simultaneously exist in two states:

1. The state of stoically - yet vocally - suffering terrible personal hardship (which you are, of course, happy to continue indefinitely)

1. The state of just staying (THE FUCK) at home because how fucking hard is it?!!!

The state you will manifest at any given time is dependent upon who opens the box.

If you are not prepared to grate cheese into your coffee when the milk runs out, or fashion your own san pro out of potato skins/socks, instead of LEAVING THE HOUSE to buy such frivolous items, then there is literally no hope for the future of mankind and we will be stuck in continuous lockdown fot the next 35 years.
Ideally everyone should only be allowed out for 1 hour per week(day dependant on surname) to do all essential shopping, and exercise.

This is the best thread on this topic in a whole year.
🙏 😂 😂

This thread is amazing 😂😂😂😂😂 omg

Ideally everyone should only be allowed out for 1 hour per week(day dependant on surname) to do all essential shopping, and exercise.

Exercise?

The thing is, exercise can be done in the home. Haven’t you been doing your Joe Wicks every day? Didn’t you know that in Spain people can’t leave the house for frivolous reasons like exercise and everyone is totally happy and even fitter than when covid started.

I mean, it’s not technically against the rules, so you can do it if you want to, but if everyone thinks that way we’ll be in lockdown until Spring 2061

I personally will be staying THE FUCK at home.

The phrase ‘I don’t feel safe’ will get you out of absolutely anything that you don’t care to do and demonstrates your commitment to true TF status and staying TF at home and TF in front of the news.

@TrainspottingWelsh

B&M sells import Nescafé and some of the other brands have the ingredients written in 'foreign'. So following the science it's clearly spreading deadly overseas variants and we're all going to die because some selfish peasants are too cheap to shop at Waitrose.

That's why I've been traveling 60 miles to my nearest Waitrose so as to minimise disease spread. I hope you all understand the sacrifice I'm making. Remember to STAY LOCAL though, no driving 5 minutes to exercise away from the main road.

You also have to use the phrase ‘huffing and puffing’ a lot to describe runners. They don’t just breathe, oh no. They huff and puff their hot sweaty runners breath all over the unsuspecting public. They should wear masks, or better still have their lungs removed so there’s no chance of them breathing heavily.
In fact why are they out running anyway? They should be staying the fuck at home.

In fact why are they out running anyway? They should be staying the fuck at home.

Exactly. They could jog on the spot at home.

DP is going for his jab today so won't be STAYING THE FUCK AT HOME and he has to drive 10 miles to get to the place, so not even staying local...I'm going to have to LTB aren't I?

@trappedsincesundaymorn

DP is going for his jab today so won't be STAYING THE FUCK AT HOME and he has to drive 10 miles to get to the place, so not even staying local...I'm going to have to LTB aren't I?

I think he could retain TF status provided he posts a Facebook update brandishing his vaccine card like it’s the headteacher award for greatest pupil ever. Caption should be ‘I’ve been Pfizered’ or ‘that’s my first jab done.’

And bonus points if he complains about the number of cars on the road as he’s driving to and from his appointment.

Sadly it is clear that a number of you have not been "staying the fuck" at home.

However I not here to judge but to simply offer salvation from your sins.

This can be achieved by sleeping under a Captain Tom Moore duvet cover

https://www.redbubble.com/shop/captain+tom+moore+duvet-covers

With a "stay home stay safe "pillow

teespring.com/en-GB/stay-home-save-lives-3033?view_as=EUR&currency=GBP&country=GB&tsmac=google&tsmic=youtube&pid=650&cid=102701

whilst flying a Thank you NHS flag outside

I have to go to the bank later. I will be sure to take pics of everyone else nearby who are clearly not staying the fuck at home, (and post on SM) whereas my reason for going out is obviously essential. It literally can't be possible that anyone apart from me has a valid reason to be in town, and I will be judging harshly and probably nearly combust if someone huffs and puffs with 5 metres of me

@1dayatatime

Sadly it is clear that a number of you have not been "staying the fuck" at home.

However I not here to judge but to simply offer salvation from your sins.

This can be achieved by sleeping under a Captain Tom Moore duvet cover

https://www.redbubble.com/shop/captain+tom+moore+duvet-covers

With a "stay home stay safe "pillow

teespring.com/en-GB/stay-home-save-lives-3033?view_as=EUR&currency=GBP&country=GB&tsmac=google&tsmic=youtube&pid=650&cid=102701

whilst flying a Thank you NHS flag outside

Someone local to us has one of these massive flags across their window. They have made sure everyone knows that they stayed the fuck at home.

Actually on re-reading this thread it makes me a little ashamed to have contributed as making jokes about a global pandemic is literally as low as you can go. It's not that fucking funny really and shows an unpleasant side of self centred ness and lack of respect from some MNers.

Ironically you have made me decide to stay the fuck at home today and actually play my part in saving lives.

In order to do this and so I really don't have to leave my home I have ordered a load of stuff from Amazon to keep myself occupied (these aren't essentials but obviously I will need it to keep myself occupied with yoga balls and coloured sharpies and other frivolities) and also ordered an online shop from Sainsburys to keep me supplied with treats to make me more motivated to stay in. All those warehouse workers and people working in food production and pickers and packers and delivery drivers can just do all that work for me and bring it to my door so I can actually stay the fuck at home.

Maybe if some of you selfish disrespectful cunts stopped joking around and followed my example we would all be out of this quicker and at least have some chance of resuming normal life even if it is the new normal.

@FlowersInSpringtime

Actually on re-reading this thread it makes me a little ashamed to have contributed as making jokes about a global pandemic is literally as low as you can go. It's not that fucking funny really and shows an unpleasant side of self centred ness and lack of respect from some MNers.

Ironically you have made me decide to stay the fuck at home today and actually play my part in saving lives.

In order to do this and so I really don't have to leave my home I have ordered a load of stuff from Amazon to keep myself occupied (these aren't essentials but obviously I will need it to keep myself occupied with yoga balls and coloured sharpies and other frivolities) and also ordered an online shop from Sainsburys to keep me supplied with treats to make me more motivated to stay in. All those warehouse workers and people working in food production and pickers and packers and delivery drivers can just do all that work for me and bring it to my door so I can actually stay the fuck at home.

Maybe if some of you selfish disrespectful cunts stopped joking around and followed my example we would all be out of this quicker and at least have some chance of resuming normal life even if it is the new normal.

Bows head in shame 😔. You’re right, of course. You have inspired me to follow your lead, and to spend my day ordering things for the working classes to deliver to my middle class self, in order that I can stay the fuck at home more effectively.

@FlowersInSpringtime

Actually on re-reading this thread it makes me a little ashamed to have contributed as making jokes about a global pandemic is literally as low as you can go. It's not that fucking funny really and shows an unpleasant side of self centred ness and lack of respect from some MNers.

Ironically you have made me decide to stay the fuck at home today and actually play my part in saving lives.

In order to do this and so I really don't have to leave my home I have ordered a load of stuff from Amazon to keep myself occupied (these aren't essentials but obviously I will need it to keep myself occupied with yoga balls and coloured sharpies and other frivolities) and also ordered an online shop from Sainsburys to keep me supplied with treats to make me more motivated to stay in. All those warehouse workers and people working in food production and pickers and packers and delivery drivers can just do all that work for me and bring it to my door so I can actually stay the fuck at home.

Maybe if some of you selfish disrespectful cunts stopped joking around and followed my example we would all be out of this quicker and at least have some chance of resuming normal life even if it is the new normal.

if we'd all just listened to the preppers in the first place (back in january 2020) you wouldn't need to do a sainsburys shop and you could be looking forward to your 340th fray bentos pie with tinned vegetables for dinner, and a jelly for dessert (all from the underground bunker under bed storage)

@FlowersInSpringtime

Actually on re-reading this thread it makes me a little ashamed to have contributed as making jokes about a global pandemic is literally as low as you can go. It's not that fucking funny really and shows an unpleasant side of self centred ness and lack of respect from some MNers.

Ironically you have made me decide to stay the fuck at home today and actually play my part in saving lives.

In order to do this and so I really don't have to leave my home I have ordered a load of stuff from Amazon to keep myself occupied (these aren't essentials but obviously I will need it to keep myself occupied with yoga balls and coloured sharpies and other frivolities) and also ordered an online shop from Sainsburys to keep me supplied with treats to make me more motivated to stay in. All those warehouse workers and people working in food production and pickers and packers and delivery drivers can just do all that work for me and bring it to my door so I can actually stay the fuck at home.

Maybe if some of you selfish disrespectful cunts stopped joking around and followed my example we would all be out of this quicker and at least have some chance of resuming normal life even if it is the new normal.

You are so right, do these people not understand exponential growth?

I can't see the telly anymore to watch Netflix for the stacked tins of Fray Bentos in front of it

One of the ‘stay the fuck at home’ repeat posters on my fb was also very vocal about how play parks should have been closed earlier this year - no end of sharing petitions, photos of moderately busy parks, dodgy unverified statistics on risks, etc.

A couple of weeks ago she posted a photo of her and her son playing the park together. I was half tempted to comment “Stay THE FUCK at home!”

Oh dear. Actually I am a prepper but have been for years, not just for Coronavirus.

(This post isn't actually meant to ironic but it is slightly ironic in another way as our reason for prepping is we are one of those zero house minimum wage households producing and delivering stuff to the middle classes and don't get paid if off sick. Incidentally that makes it harder to STFAH™️ as feeding my DC is more important to me than other people, selfish twat that I am)

As you were! Back to funny posts please! Although if I've killed the thread I can also have some more guilt which is of course the name of the STFAH game

Zero hours (although actually zero house too )

@Whatafabulousday

I can't see the telly anymore to watch Netflix for the stacked tins of Fray Bentos in front of it

Finally I have found my people here! Thank you for for this thread!

I think another criteria to qualify for TF status is the inability to resist mentioning to the supermarket cashier that you have only left your home to shop for an elderly neighbour. Be sure to feign humbleness when they predictably congratulate you on your selfless, heroic, altruistic act.. After all, what’s the point in being a hero unless everybody knows about it? Post it up on Facebook too, obviously. Then pull up a comfy armchair, sit back and lap up the glory.