Stay at Home........

[Acesulfame]

I’ve stayed at home throughout for the most part but I’m concerned that I didn’t stay “the fuck” at home. I understand it’s important from posts I’ve read on here. Does that mean I’m going to get Covid? Can anyone tell me how I can make my staying at home more “the fuck”?

I love how the vendor of the “I need to be on the road because I am a KEY WORKER!” car sticker recommends them for “bus drivers”. I know the police have been a bit heavy-handed but surely they’re not pulling over and quizzing the number 38 to Clapton Pond??

@Malteser71

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, bull in a China shop, but I think you should be realistic. Your views are frankly terrifying, which has left me both terrified and literally shaking and sobbing.

In fact, I spat my tea out all over my keyboard!

By 2024, we might have the schools back open, but it’s a risk that only those selfish enough not to check their privilege would want to take. And I’m not in that category, thank you VERY much.

So I’m afraid I’m afraid. And very sorry.

But more importantly, I’m HTH.

And I’m sorry that you’re afraid. I think. But obviously not sorry enough to stay ‘the fuck’ at home 😭

@Mrsfrumble

I love how the vendor of the “I need to be on the road because I am a KEY WORKER!” car sticker recommends them for “bus drivers”. I know the police have been a bit heavy-handed but surely they’re not pulling over and quizzing the number 38 to Clapton Pond??

I dunno, I reckon Derbyshire police might have given it a try.

Malteser71 I'm sorry you are going to die a slow and miserable death from starvation, due to destruction of your laptop through tea spittage, rendering you unable to work from home or order deliveries from Tesco.
We salute your sacrifice in, literally, giving your life to staying "the fuck" at home.
I'm still going to London next week though

Selfish fuckers.

This has really made me chuckle!! I now have visions of people in hazmat suits chasing villagers round with large butterfly nets swiping manically like a scene from roadrunner!! 😂😂

I failed to take a selfie when being vaccinated earlier this week, so I couldn't post it on social media, whilst also changing my profile picture to an I've been Vaccinated sticker, and expressing exceptional gratitude to all concerned. This was because I was in and out of a suburban pharmacies side room at the speed of light, and no-one even gave me a sticker. I should have stayed the fuck at home...

@MaudesMum

I failed to take a selfie when being vaccinated earlier this week, so I couldn't post it on social media, whilst also changing my profile picture to an I've been Vaccinated sticker, and expressing exceptional gratitude to all concerned. This was because I was in and out of a suburban pharmacies side room at the speed of light, and no-one even gave me a sticker. I should have stayed the fuck at home...

Poor show. You are also supposed to take a photo of the vaccination card. You are a terrible person.

@miserablecat

Exactly. Everyone knows it was B&M that massively contributed to the increase in. Just surprised Whitty hasn’t said something tbh to get it closed down, blatant public safety issue.

Waitrose however has the the good air filtration system thing and naturally more civilised social distancing in the aisles so all the naice unwrapped breads aren’t infected with the nasty COVID particles. Plus it’s a fact you don’t have to bleach shopping from Waitrose. Everywhere else requires a 24 hour soak of all shopping or you’re LITERALLY playing Russian roulette.

*Increase in R

This thread is epic. Obviously as a more worthy and self sacrificing covid hero I'm not referring to the hilarity the murderous posters seem to find in the subject, I'm just relieved that some are finally looking to follow 'the rulez'. It is all about the optics, and solemnity is required to stay the fuck at home.

If your dc are anything from bored to seriously struggling, you're only staying at home. To stay the fuck at home, under 12's must believe they will kill granny if they so much as complain of boredom, teenagers should be reduced to quivering wrecks by shouting LONG COVID at them, and be disgusted by their peers booking festival tickets.

It's also great to post on local groups that you've cooked loads of some vile shite and you are happy to deliver a hot meal to nhs staff or anyone vulnerable. This must be accompanied by a selfie which you can pretend is just to reassure people your kitchen is covid secure. You can't go wrong, most people would choose to chew their furniture over your rancid offerings, and with any luck anyone in need will be catered to quietly elsewhere.

Under no circumstances must you shop or run errands for anyone you know that is vulnerable etc, or do so discreetly through a volunteer group. You must publicly volunteer to do so on all local groups, hopefully nobody will take you up on it. If they do, be sure to tell 50 people in the strictest confidence about the potentially fatal risks you took by picking stuff up when you were there anyway. Bonus the fuck points if you then artfully arrange the 3 items on your kitchen unit, and share the photo with a caption such as 'off to deliver shopping to all the elderly'.

Personally I've added so much the fuck to staying at home I am now reincarnating people before they have even died, when otherwise you selfish stay at homers would have murdered them.

You must also make silly posts with a illustration that if someone isn't wearing a mask they also don't wear trousers and will piss all over you.

Do you care about ANYTHING OTHER THAN COVID?

Yes?

Murderer!

@Againstmachine

You must also make silly posts with a illustration that if someone isn't wearing a mask they also don't wear trousers and will piss all over you.

And comment faux sadly ‘if you don’t like a mask, you’re going to really struggle with a ventilator ’.

B&M sells import Nescafé and some of the other brands have the ingredients written in 'foreign'. So following the science it's clearly spreading deadly overseas variants and we're all going to die because some selfish peasants are too cheap to shop at Waitrose.

@MaudesMum

I failed to take a selfie when being vaccinated earlier this week, so I couldn't post it on social media, whilst also changing my profile picture to an I've been Vaccinated sticker, and expressing exceptional gratitude to all concerned. This was because I was in and out of a suburban pharmacies side room at the speed of light, and no-one even gave me a sticker. I should have stayed the fuck at home...

I'm afraid that if you didn't post a picture of your vaccination card and/or sticker, along with the caption "doing my bit", then you don't get any "the fuck" points.

@ComtesseDeSpair

I’m hoping that when all this is over (no sooner than 2025, of course, and even then life will never be the same again, I’m afraid) there will be a mechanism for finding out the exact individual impact of our efforts so we can have badges made stating “I saved the fuck out of 44 people’s lives.”

I am confident that somewhere, in the bowels of etsy or Facebook, such a badge already exists.

The number of lives that had the fuck saved out of them will surely be calculated on a simple ratio of one actual human life saved per each utterance of “stay the fuck at home”.

TrainspottingWelsh I've seen fabric softener with instructions in BRAZILIAN in B & M.
Will people not recognise the risk?

😂 ‘written in foreign’

See, the collective wisdom of MN has solved the Brazilian puzzle. We’re not looking for someone who’s ‘traveled’ there (d’oh), we’re looking for non-STFAH B&M shoppers. Explains everything and boy do they have some explaining to do.

Hancock “you’re welcome”.

@Weedsnseeds1 mil mentioned in passing she'd made tortillas. Of course I hung up straightaway, tortillas are as good as Brazilian. She's early 70's so probably got senile dementia, bless.

But on the subject of Brazilian, does staying the fuck at home mean pubes au natural to avoid the variant?

TrainspottingWelsh if MIL also has a can of black beans in the cupboard, you need to consider no contact.
Brazilian waxes are, obviously, out of the question. Do you think there's a ventilator just sitting around in case you need to save your nether regions?
You'd let a granny die while your minge luxuriate in an oxygen bathe?
Just stay THE FUCK at home

Exactly. Everyone knows it was B&M that massively contributed to the increase in. Just surprised Whitty hasn’t said something tbh to get it closed down, blatant public safety issue

Actually, I think you’ll find it was The Range.

Everyone knows the car park there is always rammed with people flocking to buy cushions and canvases of the New York skyline to hang in their homes that they’re not staying the fuck inside.

Are you trying to imply I haven't been staying the fuck at home @Weedsnseeds1? Are you trying to catch me out by asking what mil has in her cupboards? I will be posting on Facebook about this slander!
Pils could have starved to death for all I know cos I have been staying the fuck at home, not murdering people by checking if they need any shopping. Already gone nc, can't have granny giving the dc long covid.

I could have had wax delivered by a delivery driver too selfish to stay the fuck at home, but I'm so grateful for your condemnation, if I don't like a full bush then I certainly won't like being on a ventilator.