Anyone agree? Re. Children in lockdown

[Sorehandsandfeet]

Now, I am aware that I am not speaking for everyone but I have spoken to a few people who have the same opinion. Before I get flamed, I understand that there are those living below the poverty line that don't have the resources for this lifestyle. I also know that there are some children who are not in the position to fully access education in lockdown due to poverty or neglect. However, I do think this applies to many.
Before lockdown many children had very busy lives with very little down time. After school there were all the extra curriculars,such as dancing, music, sports etc. Then there were the weekend competitions, matches etc. Alot of children I know pretty much had school, activity, dinner, homework and bed. Weekends were busy. Not only that but they were expected to excel academically also.
In my personal opinion, this high stress lifestyle was as damaging to the mental health of this generation as the lack of formal school is now.
Some children are finally being allowed to chill out at home with their families. Let's not be naive, most older children/ teens are still in contact with their friends via devices. Most are receiving 'some' education. I know it is substandard compared to being in class but it is still going ahead. Parents who wfh now have more time without all the running, ferrying children from one activity to another and stress of having to fit everything in. In some ways some children may have improved mental health/self esteem without all the pressure and competition.

I agree.

One of my relatives had 11 extra curricular clubs per week.

Just accept folk all parent differently and leave it at that🤷

My eldest went off to senior orchestra band practice once a week as well as judo, missing both now. He is getting music lessons remotely but not same as playing in the orchestra. DC needs this. Missing out valuable skills.

I went to the park today..,,, was so lovely to see a many children running, happy, free, mums, dads smiling chatting,

It was a beautiful thing to be part of 🥰

I have several friends who have said that they have “got to know” their child due to lockdown. How sad is that?

These are children that are dumped in wrap around care from 7.30am until 6pm and then have evenings & weekends full of clubs & activities normally.

Here’s hoping some other life lessons are learnt from this awful year.

I left my career because DS1 hated wrap around care 8;00- 17:55. I was rushing around with DS2 in nursery too. DH often away. No family support.
I had intended to pick it back up in a couple of years when DS2 was in school but it became apparent that DS1 has ASD, so my career is shelved until childcare is no longer needed.

I've learned that DS1 needs a buffer of time to reset and refuel at home and can then cope with an activity. He does swimming, scouting and karate, which are of significant benefit with his dyspraxia and scouting for his independent/ social skills.
DS2 slots with that, plus tends to pick up termly extras from school.

Our weekends are largely free, but we tend to casually do parkrun to get us up and then the day is free. No commitment.

We managed to keep walking until the November lockdown. We had a couple of activities resume in the autumn term. I tried getting them off to a park after school but became defeated by loss of daylight.

Since Christmas we've been very sedentary. Too little motivation and appeal left.
They hate zoom. They hate home learning. They refuse to engage with remote scouting. DS2 basically left Beavers for Cubs at 6. He's socially regressed and his friendship group have continued without him so he struggled to slot back in. My children have spent the majority of the past year isolated from their friends and family.

If people have realised that they were doing too much and choose to adjust their lifestyle, fair enough. Activities can be dropped. Home education is viable. But to strip all children of any opportunity to mix and learn in social settings is massively detrimental to this generation. The option to scale back was always avaliable without the shut down of society.

@sorehandsandfeet, my DS, 14, is anxious and stressed as without sports he can't get rid of his anxiety. He used to do karate once a week, swim squad training twice a week, trampolining once a week and cricket about 8 hours a week. He is pacing about like a caged tiger. He still does his push ups and sit ups and face times his friends but for him sport is his go to way to get rid of anxiety and without it he is really struggling. He misses his Scouts too.

@Shibees

I have several friends who have said that they have “got to know” their child due to lockdown. How sad is that?

These are children that are dumped in wrap around care from 7.30am until 6pm and then have evenings & weekends full of clubs & activities normally.

Here’s hoping some other life lessons are learnt from this awful year.

How massively judgemental

Disagree. My kids are bored, not getting exercise, fresh air (a walk is no substitute for tearing around a playground a few times a day) not learning much, more tech and screens than we've every allowed (their tablets lived in a cupboard untouched except for car journeys, now they take them to bed) No other adults, no privacy or freedom to do silly things with friends and no chance of seeing loved ones. I don't think it could be much worse really. The pressure at home is high, there's nothing to do and two working parents.

@ouchmyfeet

Not judgemental at all. These are things other mums have told me.

I really hope zoos and other outdoor leisure can be part of the next round of opening up. It's so boring doing the same old walks and with a 1 year old in a buggy you're quite limited as to where you can actually go. I have to wait for my DH to get home or wait for the weekend so I can take my 5 year old to the woods.

My daughter did lots of dance from age 2 to age 8. She has had almost a year off now, but I think she will be fine restarting. Same with swimming. We are all looking forward to going to the cinema, playing tennis etc. Dd always loved school clubs in craft and sport and I think they will begin again within the next year. I'm glad we have taken our kids to lots of music festivals and arts events, we will enjoy them even more when they begin again and I am sure they will. Maybe in slightly different formats.

Both my kids have been doing lots of music through lockdown.

And the outdoors are still there to explore and we are very lucky in easily being able to get outside.

I think it is a great shame for very little children though as baby groups were very good for both the babies and the mum's and it seems to me that almost all those activities would have to stop.

On the other hand, when I was small there was very little of that, I was just at home with my mum and /or nain, and we were ok. Very tough I imagine if there is not much family support.

@Shibees These are children that are dumped in wrap around care are you sure you are ‘not judgemental at all’?

Strongly disagree - DS needs to see other teens, this isn't good for children's mental or physical health.

My kids are autistic and dance/music/theatre was the only place where they could socialise with people who accepted them. They love for their performing and not having it has been hugely detrimental to their mental health.

Although it's lovely to hear that some children are happier - does it not worry the parents of said children that, ultimately, their children will have to return to school (in most cases) and they will have to engage with life as it was? I would honestly worry if my children were expressing joy at spending so much time at home, away from their peers and away from social interaction. Of course I don't want them to be unhappy (and mine are not, really) but it's so important that they remember that this is NOT the norm - that it's for a purpose and is meaningful as a way of returning to life as it was. That doesn't mean we can't tweak that life (I for one will not be planning to put 2 activities in one night as I did pre pandemic because of clashes with timetables etc) but surely it's disingenuous to pretend that this is it?

@Shibees I totally agree.

What do you mean here by judgmental?

[quote Shibees]@ouchmyfeet

Not judgemental at all. These are things other mums have told me.[/quote]
@Shibees you don't think your comments indicated that your judge parents who need wraparound childcare in order to earn enough to support their families?

Strongly disagree

I do agree that some parents - mainly mothers are obsessed by finding a “talent” for the kids or just seem to mark success by how many different activities or clubs their DC belong too. It’s ridiculous and such pressure on the children.

Children definitely need time and space to enjoy being at home/ playing in their rooms/ with their toys/ reading what they like/ just some downtime to be happy and chilled without being carted around in the family taxi from one club to another. The pressure to socialise/ conform/ excel at so many different activities. It’s beyond stressful and totally unnecessary . So agree with you on this. However now- even there is no contrast or opportunity to do 1 or 2 max clubs a week they actually enjoy- the downtime at home is just dull and monotonous as it’s all they know. There needs to be both, just not quite as many as some parents insist on pushing on their kids.

Totally disagree. Have to laugh at parents work from home have more time..so I now have to work whilst home schooling at the same time, be available to work contracted hours whilst teaching or helping teach yes because primary school kids need help and are not all self sufficient, down time is non existent as we live work in same place. Arguements more frequent as no break from each other. No school, outside clubs or activities for kids so they can interact with peers or enjoy other company, Can’t wait for stuff to reopen. Outside interests clubs were never too much if they were my child wouldn’t have wanted to do them.

Nope my two love they after school activities - guides and Karate for all of us and luckily they have continued just via zoom so they still get to see their friends and socialise it’s just not in person. Guides have lovely well planned meetings the girls are still making things, baking, working towards badges etc. In Karate as they are all zoom we have managed to increase the sessions we do each week and we are on our way to being ready for our brown and white belt grading yes it’s sad we can’t be in the Dojo but we will soon.

@ouchmyfeet

@Shibees you don't think your comments indicated that your judge parents who need wraparound childcare in order to earn enough to support their families?

I probably do judge yes. Mostly because we have bent over backwards (significantly reduced earnings on my part etc. plus other sacrifices) to enable me to be at the school gates every day.

But I suppose my actual point was about children being over scheduled - I just cannot see how children that have been at school for over 10 hours a day would then have the energy or even mental capacity to then attend a club or activity without some down time at home first.

I also agree with other posters that this lockdown life is not healthy for children either. My DD is an only child & needs & enjoys social interaction but that also doesn’t mean she needs endless activities and rushing around during evenings & weekend. It’s about balance.

I'm somewhere in the middle. Usually in feb half term I would be overscheduling my DC to avoid hours of screen time and "I'm boooored" comments so we would have play dates, museums, trampolining, family visits. This week we have literally nothing to do and it's not been awful. My kids have had too much screen time but in a chilled out just relaxing in front of the telly way and have learned to collaborate and negotiate with each other a lot better, which I always had to police previously. They've learned a few boring life skills (using the washing machine etc) and to entertain themselves more than they used to. They are going to school part time though so they aren't missing out on contact with other kids and I'm not having to home ed so I appreciate our circumstances are still quite balanced. I do feel my 5year old has really missed out on some crucial socialising in the last 12 months - birthday parties and play dates especially and he's desperate to learn to swim. My 9 year old isn't really missing much that she can't catch up on.

That only applies if you were pushing your kids into those things. My DS is a swimmer. Swam 6 times a week before lockdown. His swimming was driven by him and now without it he is lost. He misses his swimming immensely. Yes our lifestyle is calmer. But that doesn't suit everyone. Ok, maybe it's less driving for me, but I'd far rather drive him around and be exhausted, than see him so sad without the sport he loves.

I feel a bit judged by your post OP

But I suppose my actual point was about children being over scheduled - I just cannot see how children that have been at school for over 10 hours a day would then have the energy or even mental capacity to then attend a club or activity without some down time at home first.

That's just it OP - you can't see. You can't see we are all different. You can't see that some kids actually enjoy that lifestyle. Some kids thrive on pushing themsleves, on being part of a club, of seeing their club mates daily, of striving to win the next medal at a gala, of spending hours in a pool/gym/on a track - whatever their passion.

I have 2 boys. Equally loved. Equally wonderful. Same parenting ethos for both. One would hate to spend a day at school then go out to a club. He needs and loves to chill on the couch after school. The other is lost without his swimming. He needs to come home, grab a snack and be straight out the door and at the club swimming endless lengths and pushing his body to the max. He enjoys it. We r all DIFFERENT.