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Original poster

Turning off ventilator

186 replies

jinglybell · 06/02/2021 06:31

Partners brother has been ventilated for 3 weeks now.

A little improvement but he got an infection a couple of days ago and everything has gone down hill.

They are removing the vent shortly to let him pass.

Gutted.

OP posts:
Northernsoulgirl45 · 06/02/2021 16:10

Sorry for everyone's losses. To think there are people still minimising this cruel disease.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 06/02/2021 16:12

Devastating.

Sending thoughts and strength to you and your family, OP.

And to each and every person on this thread coping with traumatic loss.

AquaFairySoul · 06/02/2021 16:15

@lljkk

Sorry didn't mean to cause offence.

It would help me to accept an outcome like this if I knew more about why some stayed so long on ventilators to recover & others didn't. It was the only way I could relate to OP's situation... the "how would I understand that was ok" wondering.

My brother was present when "they called time" on my mother. It helped my brother hugely that he himself had had medical training in all the emergency procedures he saw. I'm sure he made much more peace with her loss as a result.

I'm sure people will hate what I post as usual. You can ask MNHQ to just delete all my posts?

As also someone who has suffered a loss, whilst you've apologised I just suggest you stop and say no more. It won't help.
Sweetpea84 · 06/02/2021 16:19

I’m so sorry 😢

Bilgepumper · 06/02/2021 16:19

So sorry. Flowers

BBCONEANDTWO · 06/02/2021 16:25

My heart goes out to you and your family - so very sorry for your sad sad loss.

MmeLaraque · 06/02/2021 16:33

So sorry to read this. As already noted, grief hits people in different ways. When my dad died a couple of years ago, it wasn't a shock, because he was old, and had already suffered multiple strokes, as well as being in the throes of dementia. Still I had relatives behaving like dunderheads because according to them, grief is only grief if expressed in a way they recognise. Pffft to them.

All the best for the coming hours, days and weeks, OP, and others whose loved ones have died. This is nasty virus, and I cannot work out how on earth some people are still denying the randomness and viciousness of it.

Go well.

Chailatteplease · 06/02/2021 16:48

Very sorry to hear about your BIL OP, sympathies with you and your family Flowers

HelloDaisy · 06/02/2021 16:50

@lljkk

Sorry didn't mean to cause offence.

It would help me to accept an outcome like this if I knew more about why some stayed so long on ventilators to recover & others didn't. It was the only way I could relate to OP's situation... the "how would I understand that was ok" wondering.

My brother was present when "they called time" on my mother. It helped my brother hugely that he himself had had medical training in all the emergency procedures he saw. I'm sure he made much more peace with her loss as a result.

I'm sure people will hate what I post as usual. You can ask MNHQ to just delete all my posts?

I haven’t seen all your posts but in answer to this one - some of it is just how your body copes with the virus and it’s ability to fight it. Some people can manage it and others can’t but that’s not connected with how much they want to live, just how well their body can respond to the invasion and control it same as cancer and all sorts of other illnesses.

As for your brother, perhaps he found more peace as he was with her as she died. My mum died in an accident so we didn’t see here at all after saying goodbye to her as she went on holiday. Perhaps if we had been there, I would have felt more peace and acceptance instead of the shock and the raw gaping hole she left in my life...

jinglybell I am so very sorry for your loss. This virus is indeed unforgiving and cruel. Lease do look after each other and accept any help that is offered to you. Sending love and strength to you all xx

TurquoiseDragon · 06/02/2021 16:51

I'm so sorry. For you, your partner, his brother and brother's wife and children. Thanks

Be kind to each other, grief can sometimes show in odd ways.

Lorieandrews · 06/02/2021 17:12

@lljkk

Sorry didn't mean to cause offence.

It would help me to accept an outcome like this if I knew more about why some stayed so long on ventilators to recover & others didn't. It was the only way I could relate to OP's situation... the "how would I understand that was ok" wondering.

My brother was present when "they called time" on my mother. It helped my brother hugely that he himself had had medical training in all the emergency procedures he saw. I'm sure he made much more peace with her loss as a result.

I'm sure people will hate what I post as usual. You can ask MNHQ to just delete all my posts?

You don’t need to know anymore. So you don’t need to accept it. You need no more information

OP. This is a cruel illness. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wish there was more I could say.

Sending love ❤️

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 17:17

@lljkk has apologised for unintentional upset. That’s adequate
And yes people do process harrowing information in different ways including needing to know about outcomes,prognosis,decision making. It’s a very individual thing how one processes and copes,what they need

Garlicbagelmonster · 06/02/2021 17:43

@lljkk

How old was he ("so young") ? I'm surprised they think it best to turn off ventilator for a young guy, curious how the decision happens, why some survive after weeks & others can't.

You hear so many stories about people being on ventilators for like 4 weeks or more before recovery or death (thinking of Nick Cordero, or random anonymous people ). I know with NC it was a huge sequential shutdown of everything that led to his demise. That was after months in intensive care.

I presume if you had read the post correctly, the brother had got an infection. Jesus, read the room.

Thinking of you and your family OPFlowers

atotalshambles · 06/02/2021 17:45

Thinking of you, OP. I'm so sorry. What a horrible virus this is.

Starheart · 06/02/2021 17:52

Sending love to your family. X

Original poster
jinglybell · 06/02/2021 17:53

@RogueV I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing, much love and strength to you and your family

Thank you so much everyone, so grateful that you've all taken the time to reply when I felt so alone.

He would have turned 46 tomorrow. His children are late teen and early 20's

My partner is home now and feeling numb, I'm just glad that he could be with him at the end

He had severe scarring and pulmonary fibrosis caused by covid. His lungs looked like "honeycomb" the Dr's said.

Once his oxygen was turned down he passed quickly, but did open his eyes briefly.

Devastated.

OP posts:
TiredRN · 06/02/2021 18:02

Love and thoughts to the op and family xx

@lljkk Ventilators don’t keep peoples blood pressure at normal levels, don’t dialyse or filter patients, they don’t treat cardiac arrhythmia or arrest, there’s much more to the treatment of an icu patient than purely a ventilator. A whole team of doctors, nurses and AHPs monitor progress, covid icu patients are a level of unwell that is unprecedented. There comes a point where they will be proned, and on 100% of what the ventilator can give them, on all the medications and infusions we can give them (for blood pressure, heart function, antibiotics etc )all the interventions and they sadly just can’t come back from it. These patients have usually been on icu for quite a length of time. We can’t keep people alive indefinitely (despite what many think), there comes a point where treatment is futile, and where they are very likely to die imminently even with continuing intensive treatment. And for patients who do survive many face life altering long term effects. ICU is very poorly understood, even amongst HCP, before I started in ICU back in April I had no idea.

iolaus · 06/02/2021 18:02

I'm so sorry for your loss

We lost my cousin in the first wave, he turned 47 whilst on the ventilator - like your brother in law no underlying health conditions

Life is so cruel at time, the feelings of grief will come in waves, and numbness is normal too - I'm glad he had his family with him at the end

MyCatHatesEverybody · 06/02/2021 18:02

So sorry for your loss Flowers

BarnacleB · 06/02/2021 18:05

I'm so sorry for your loss x

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 06/02/2021 18:08

I'm so sorry OP. Flowers

Dartsplayer · 06/02/2021 18:09

So sorry for your loss OP

Bornlazy · 06/02/2021 18:11

How awful ginglybell but so glad his immediate family got to say goodbye. My thoughts are with you all Flowers

lynsey91 · 06/02/2021 18:13

So sorry for your loss. I lost both parents last month to covid and whilst, obviously, I am devastated they were both in their 90's so a good age. Your brother in law was no age really and should have had many more years with his family.

Covid is an awful virus and has caused so much pain and suffering to so many

Christmasfairy2020 · 06/02/2021 18:13

How old was he.