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Original poster

Turning off ventilator

186 replies

jinglybell · 06/02/2021 06:31

Partners brother has been ventilated for 3 weeks now.

A little improvement but he got an infection a couple of days ago and everything has gone down hill.

They are removing the vent shortly to let him pass.

Gutted.

OP posts:
RubyViolet · 06/02/2021 15:18

@Squiffany

My ICU is different in this wave. We have people on ventilators in their 50’s, 40’s, 30’s, 20’s and late teens. The majority have no known underlying conditions. The numbers of patients ventilated is more than double the first wave. The original ward has expanded into 3 other wards.

I’m sorry OP.

This is so hard to bear when you hear how young your patients are.

And to OP. So sorry and best wishes to you and yours.

JackieBritneyWeaver · 06/02/2021 15:28

@lljkk

How old was he ("so young") ? I'm surprised they think it best to turn off ventilator for a young guy, curious how the decision happens, why some survive after weeks & others can't.

You hear so many stories about people being on ventilators for like 4 weeks or more before recovery or death (thinking of Nick Cordero, or random anonymous people ). I know with NC it was a huge sequential shutdown of everything that led to his demise. That was after months in intensive care.

A friend of mine died aged 34 of Covid, a ventilator is no guarantee of survival or longer term treatment no matter their age or previous health.

OP I am so sorry to hear your news and please don’t feel that you have to answer intrusive questions when you’re grieving.

Whattheduck · 06/02/2021 15:29

Thinking of you and your family x

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 15:31

It’s so unbelievable how some people don’t even have any symptoms at all, whist the next person gets poorly enough to die of it. That’s the scariest part of it all.

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 15:31

Sorry for your loss OP

RogueV · 06/02/2021 15:32

We are in the same position as you today.
It’s heartbreaking

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 06/02/2021 15:35

@lljkk

How old was he ("so young") ? I'm surprised they think it best to turn off ventilator for a young guy, curious how the decision happens, why some survive after weeks & others can't.

You hear so many stories about people being on ventilators for like 4 weeks or more before recovery or death (thinking of Nick Cordero, or random anonymous people ). I know with NC it was a huge sequential shutdown of everything that led to his demise. That was after months in intensive care.

They really don't do it shits and giggles. When my brother was in the situation (in his case it wasn't the head injury that did it, it was the damage sustained as a result of being deprived of oxygen for too long, despite somebody experienced in CPR being on the scene immediately), they spent days making certain there wasn't any sign of brain function first. And then they perform more tests on the day. If it's happening, it's because there is no other way to proceed in the interests of the person concerned - it's not helpful to question it, because nobody wants to have to try and justify the decision to anybody outside.

OP, I'm sorry. I never actually really cried for mine - but there was just a feeling of utter powerlessness and such deep, deep sadness that has, to be honest, changed everything for me. Even though it's coming up to two years now, it's as though nothing's quite right anymore. My reaction afterwards was more of a 'Let me be. I don't want fussing. Put food in front of me, don't ask what I want because I don't have a clue, don't ask me how I feel because I just don't have the energy to put it into words. But don't put things on the telly that talk about similar things. And a silent arm around me as we lay down and I don't sleep or head gently rested on my shoulder rather than a full face hug is comforting, even in my isolation'

It's possible your OH may prefer a similar approach, rather than another, more overt one. But it may be extremely hard for him to say that is what he needs.

littlepattilou · 06/02/2021 15:36

@jinglybell SO sorry to hear this. Sending you love and hugs and flowers... Flowers

Shocking how this disease is taking younger people now. I saw a story earlier about a young woman of 29 who recently gave birth to her 4th child, who just died of covid. Tragic. Sad

uk.yahoo.com/news/covid-29-old-healthcare-worker-190542107.html

TheyIsMyFamily · 06/02/2021 15:37

Such awful news. I'm so sorry, OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/02/2021 15:43

So sorry, @jinglybell - what a hard time for your partner and his brother's family.
Such a terrible disease :( Thanks

Pinkfreesias · 06/02/2021 15:45

I'm so sorry for you and your family. This virus is vicious and indiscriminate.

I remember the decision to turn off my mother's ventilator after she had a brain hemorrhage years ago. We knew it was for the best, but it was bloody painful and left us with awful feelings of guilt.

Sadless · 06/02/2021 15:51

My brother died before covid at 38 years in icu he had liver failure and they said there wasn't any thing they could do.
He had one of the bag things over his head and when they removed it he only lasted a few minutes. The nurse who had been looking after him said she knew it wouldn't take long because when she removed a opening in the bag to wipe his face his stats went down alot.
The family was with him and I suppose it was peaceful but I have never been through any thing like that before.
I think seeing my brother dying like that and watching the news with people in icu with them bag things has made me more scared of getting the virus.
Sal

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 06/02/2021 15:54

I am so sorry, OP.

Heartrending.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 06/02/2021 15:56

I just want to acknowledge how truly heartbreaking this is for those of you who’ve suffered bereavement

alreadytaken · 06/02/2021 16:00

The decision to take someone off a ventilator is done in the best interests of the patient and their family. This is a cruel disease and the young and healthy are not immune.

The insensitive should start another thread if they really want the details.

I'm sorry, OP, nothing will help right now but the staff will ensure his death is as gentle as they can.

MadameBlobby · 06/02/2021 16:00

Truly horrific.

I am so sorry Flowers

Cattenberg · 06/02/2021 16:01

I’m so sorry. It’s hard to comprehend the random cruelty of Covid. It’s certainly beyond me. Flowers to you and the other posters who’ve been through this.

caringcarer · 06/02/2021 16:01

How awful for you all. Sending warm wishes.

JingsMahBucket · 06/02/2021 16:01

@jinglybell Terrible. I hope you and your family can find a few moments of peace throughout the next few weeks and in the future.

Chrissybobble · 06/02/2021 16:02

Sending you strength and love OP, look after each other x

lljkk · 06/02/2021 16:03

Sorry didn't mean to cause offence.

It would help me to accept an outcome like this if I knew more about why some stayed so long on ventilators to recover & others didn't. It was the only way I could relate to OP's situation... the "how would I understand that was ok" wondering.

My brother was present when "they called time" on my mother. It helped my brother hugely that he himself had had medical training in all the emergency procedures he saw. I'm sure he made much more peace with her loss as a result.

I'm sure people will hate what I post as usual. You can ask MNHQ to just delete all my posts?

YouokHun · 06/02/2021 16:05

@Lovelydovey

Thinking of you all. Covid is such a cruel disease.

Would he be allowed a visitor? We were allowed 10 mins in full PPE each with my DF before he passed away (covid critical care unit, though not ventilated).

Prepare yourself also for what comes next and it being very different to pre-covid times. We were only allowed to bring home sentimental belongings from hospital (clothes were burnt etc) and everything else has been very slow and done by phone etc. Might be worth a separate thread on that as I am sure many of us have experienced this - especially if you will play a role in sorting those practicalities or supporting your partner in doing so.

Take care of yourself.

I’m so sorry for your situation @jinglybell and you @Lovelydovey for the loss of your DF. I have just been pondering the psychological cost of loss during Covid. My BiL (58yo) died of Covid in March last year and my DF is in the very last stages of cancer now. It is an already hard situation made so much harder by the isolation of the seriously unwell and their loved ones, the impossibility/difficulty of hospital visits and not seeing people who might have supported you. I think Lovely is right to mention the rather different form things are taking and I am sure you will be a great comfort to your partner over the coming days and weeks. I wish you and your family all the strength you’ll need @jinglybell and sending virtual hugs. Flowers

and @RogueV (I’ve just seen your post Flowers

Progress2019 · 06/02/2021 16:07

Im so sorry x

21growbags · 06/02/2021 16:08

So very sorry to read this OP 💐

PageBaileyandbookanOR · 06/02/2021 16:08

How awful. Xx