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Covid

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Original poster

Are we being left behind? Be honest

437 replies

Whitecup4 · 04/02/2021 13:47

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

OP posts:

spaceghetto · 04/02/2021 22:28

I think it can feel like you're the only ones but everyone is in a different situation I suppose. My dh works from home and we have a year 1 son and a 2 year old they haven't been anywhere. Dh and I take it in turns to do the weekly shop. I am letting him do my shop next week as a valentine's present for him. He is delighted 🤣

AbstractDot · 04/02/2021 22:38

Now that the cases in my area are back to October/November levels when my child was on school, I have today allowed an outdoor meet with another child and parents, the first time this lockdown. If it's outdoors in the fresh air I think it hugely reduces risk and although as they are 6 and 7 it's against the rules technically, it seems fair to me given the current cases and our own personal risk levels of obeying to every other rule. But it won't be a weekly thing yet.

If you don't already, can you get some video call apps for your DC to chat to friends. My DC has a few young relatives and beatt friends she plays with over zoom, kids are very creative and they play all ponds of games 'together' such as dressing up and being mummies

user1488819536 · 05/02/2021 00:03

My toddler is 3. I take him for walks in the woods, to work ( I work with horses so he can come with me), and to the park a lot. We also go and feed the ducks, find hills to ride his scooter up and down, collect random stuff like stones and feathers.
If its wet he wears wellies and a waterproof snow suit with a onesie underneath. He loves it. I would never keep him indoors.

namechange63524 · 05/02/2021 03:33

We are following. We were in isolation and then tier 4, so my 5yo hasn't seen anyone else since early December and only in school as we had November lockdown before then. What makes me nervous is the small number of people that are isolating when they should. I feel pulled in so many directions. We try to go to woods etc rather than playgrounds. He also has daily school zooms which help. My 6yo is all pre recorded, although they are going to start a weekly zoom. Yes, I do feel a bit of a mug sometimes, feel like I go from one extreme to the other, but I'm also aware that many people are following the rules too. I know we are pretty much zero risk to others atm, which makes me feel a bit better and more like going to playgrounds. However, Playgrounds near us are absolutely rammed according to pics on social media - it's outside so a lot safer, but how many of those kids are mixing as normal/not isolating etc? They do have each other to play with though and we have a garden.

Redruby2020 · 05/02/2021 03:59

You should live where I am, we went to the park the other day, and it was as usual, packed out, full of adults and kids.

lovelemoncurd · 05/02/2021 04:04

In this circumstance I would meet up with another mum and child because the mental health of you and your child is at risk. There has to be an element of common sense in all of this!

Coyoacan · 05/02/2021 04:47

In this circumstance I would meet up with another mum and child because the mental health of you and your child is at risk. There has to be an element of common sense in all of this!

Exactly

There is another thread today where the OP and the rest of her office has been working from home perfectly well since last April and suddenly her manager has decided everyone has to start working in the office.

I do my best to stay within the spirit of the rule, but I would not sacrifice my child's mental health for anything

Bananasandorangesss · 05/02/2021 04:48

Totally agree with @lovelemoncurd above there must be an element of common sense. Do what you need to do to stay head above water.

I’m seeing a friend for walks and had a family member and DC over at the weekend for DS to play with.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/02/2021 04:55

@Bimbleboo

My point stands. I’m in scotland. I know the rule regarding kids. I didn’t at any point say the rule was anything else. What I said was the rule makes no sense to me when only factoring in virus spread. (The rules saying kids can mix is absolutely not because they can’t spread it. Or we wouldn’t have had to close the schools. The rule is there for other reasons such as the mental health argument)

If my kid and someone else’s kid are climbing all over each other and laughing/coughing in each other’s breathing space, and THAT household has someone in it with Covid who’s not aware yet, then I’m sorry but that virus is spreading to my household whether me and the other mum are stood three metres or three inches apart.

And I might not know that it has spread to ours. So I might then be in a supermarket. Or at a hospital appointment. Or whatever else, spreading it along my merry way. Even though I stood a pointless three metres away from the other mum.

So since I’m making my decisions based on risk of spreading/catching the shitty thing, it doesn’t make any sense to let kids mix while I stand ‘distanced’ because they ‘don’t count’ and tell myself that means I’ve not taken any risks.

Sorry but this is nonsense.

For your scenario to mean no added risk by you not SD from other mum, it would need to mean the mum and children have covid at the same time but are all asymptomatic. This isn’t impossible of course but not that likely. More likely that only one of them has it and that’s as likely as not to be the mum.

Even if the DC do have covid, the pathway for you to catch it via them is one of your children to catch it via their children, and then you to catch it from your DC. Not only does that involves two ‘jumps’, evidence suggests child > child and adult > child transmission is less likely than adult > adult. But if you’re standing close to the mum you create a direct adult>adult transmission pathway.

So basically - just stay 2m from the mum, it’s not that hard.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/02/2021 04:56

*should say child>adult there not adult>child

lucywho123 · 05/02/2021 09:22

I would be interested to hear from the 'and this is why the UK is in the state it is' - and whether they know of anyone that has gone to a park, or for a walk with a friend, and ended up catching Covid from either of these two things?

I believe the main spread of infection is within care settings and household transmission from people going out to work and so on?

TryingNotToPanicOverCovid · 05/02/2021 09:37

Yep we've only been walking outdoors and receiving home deliveries and I caught covid. I was very shocked but thankfully it was a relatively mild dose.

I am still amazed at these comments. They explicitly want to reduce transmission. If everyone just decided that theyd choose a friend to do stuff with then where would we be? It does seem that a lot of people on this thread have decoded not to follow the rules.

And yes if this is what mumsnetters think Im sure lotsof people are "just seeing family/frie d/playing with x" . Crazy.

lucywho123 · 05/02/2021 09:52

Yep we've only been walking outdoors and receiving home deliveries and I caught covid. I was very shocked but thankfully it was a relatively mild dose.

Were you going out walking with 1 friend? That is specifically what I was asking

natalienewname · 05/02/2021 10:11

I am taking my 7yr old for a walk tomorrow. We might happen to bump into a friend who is also walking with her 7yr old.

The adults will keep a distance, but the children might play together in the park. As we happened to bump into each other.

My children haven't seen another child since early Dec, and they are suffering. I'm using my common sense but I will admit it is breaking the rules.

gallbladderpain · 05/02/2021 10:23

@lucywho123

I believe the main spread of infection is within care settings and household transmission from people going out to work and so on?

A group of my friends....3 adults 8 children met up in the forest park. The following day one of the adults felt unwell so got a test amd also tested 2 children, herself and one of her children were positive....over the next 10 days one of the other adults tested positive and 4 of the children...3 with mild symptom and one of them badly enough to require hospital treatment. So yes people are contracting covid outdoors and we all know children do not social distance

Triffid1 · 05/02/2021 10:28

With all due respect, this is far more significant than what most people have been talking about. The moment it's a big group, social distancing inevitably falters and it amazes me that people don't realise this. It is easy to maintain social distancing with me and one other adult while the kids are running/riding/scooting ahead. It is almost impossible to maintain social distance when there's a big group that requires much more supervision and engagement and people need to all stand close together in order to talk etc.

It also means that if it IS spread in situations lie this, it's spread so much more widely. To multiple families. There's a reason they say meet one other person - so that in the event it does spread between those two people, it's just between two families not multiple families. It's also why I don't care if the kids come too - because frankly, if me and a friend walk and one of us gives it to the other, that person will give it to the kids too.

lucywho123 · 05/02/2021 10:33

Ok so didnt meet with 1 friend then. I didnt ask about those being idiotic and meeting up in groups. I am talking about those saying you cant meet up with 1 other person and 'that is why the UK are in this mess'

RedskyBynight · 05/02/2021 10:52

Was anyone saying you couldn't meet 1 other person? It's been stated several times that this is within (England) guidelines. The objections seemed to be sending your children to play in a crowded playground (=meeting in a group unless the children scrupulously socially distance, which is unlikely) or one family meeting another family (=meeting in a group).

People are missing the point anyway. It's not a question of whether one single individual meet up is more or less risky than other things. It's whether the totality of lots of things taken at a population level is too risky for the population.

We're in a position where some things are deemed necessary to continue (medical care, care homes, supermarkets, schools for key worker children etc.). There's probably more spread in these places that 2 people meeting 2 other people outside, but the meeting up is not allowed, because if everyone did it, the additional extra cases on top of all the other cases would be too many for the NHS to cope with.

And that's why the people saying "just make your own risk assessment" are also missing the point. Individuals risk assess for themselves, they don't risk assess against risk to the country.

Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree · 05/02/2021 10:52

Can I ask you how you have any proof what so ever that this happened during this meeting and not from touching a bit of post or a basket at Tesco’s 15 minutes before hand?

We here many stories in here about people that have been “so careful, not left the house but I have covid”

Of all the Covid bullshit that bothers me the most the “I definitely caught it from ....” is the absolute worst. Especially when it comes from people that also believe you can pick it up from an un- washed tin of beans.

How about you all stopped and had a think about what you do actually believe and what you actually don’t instead of chucking everything you ever read or heard into the pot.

lucywho123 · 05/02/2021 11:18

The objections seemed to be sending your children to play in a crowded playground

This is within the guidelines though @RedskyBynight - so the point still is, does anyone know of anyone who has caught Covid after allowing their child to play in a playground with other children that they may or may not know

RedskyBynight · 05/02/2021 11:25

@lucywho123

The objections seemed to be sending your children to play in a crowded playground

This is within the guidelines though @RedskyBynight - so the point still is, does anyone know of anyone who has caught Covid after allowing their child to play in a playground with other children that they may or may not know

It's within the guidelines only if the children socially distance.

Summerhope1 · 05/02/2021 11:32

OP, I do feel for you. Can you arrange some zoom meeting for your younger DD to chat with her friends? And I think school work is not that important at the moment. I would encourage her to engage with the school work, but if she is not interested, then leave it. You can get her to play some BBC bitesize games for English and math. That should be enough for the moment.

We are the same as you, haven't meet anyone since December. Luckily, my DCs get on well with each other, so everyday they would go out for a walk together, watch TV together, maybe play games together at weekend. Then the other time, they do their school work on their own room separately. Younger one chat with his friends online and play game online with friends as well. Younger one do complain about this online learning a lot, but seems fine so far.

I keep chatting with my group of mum friends, I don't think any of them are doing things differently. For my area, this second wave is much more serious, we all have friends or colleagues caught Covid this time. And daily cases drops very slow, daily cases are only back to before Christmas, so we just have to stick to rules.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 05/02/2021 11:36

This is ridiculous, catching covid is not like being bitten by a zombie. NEARLY EVERYONE will only get mild symptoms. Why are people not putting their kids happiness and wellbeing first while using common sense.
It's like there is a blue Peter badge for those who can martyr their family the most. News flash: there isn't

Liveitalittle · 05/02/2021 11:41

@Dontforgetyourbrolly the constant ridiculous news reports have frightened people. I just hope we are not raising a generation of hygiene obsessed children.

lucywho123 · 05/02/2021 11:55

Agree with @Dontforgetyourbrolly and @Liveitalittle - the fear mongering in the media, by the Government and silly judgemental threads on MN have meant people have lost all rational sense

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