Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

It’s very clear from this thread why the rates of infection have remained so high for so long. Children should not be playing with other children from different households. Yes it’s horrible and is awful but that’s the reality of where we are in the middle of this awful pandemic. The longer people just do whatever the fuck they like the longer this will go on for.

Look how people reacted back in March when they thought it could affect them or their children...everyone pulling kids out of school....raiding supermarket shelves and feeling the fear. Now they believe that it won't affect them they don't care about the impact on the rest of society who are still at as much risk as everyone else was panicking about back at the beginning (thinking you are at no risk isn't entirely accurate recently either I've known a number of young ...including children with no health problems get very seriously ill and in one case a friend of mine a mother of 4 young children lost her fight)

@Bagelsandbrie

It’s very clear from this thread why the rates of infection have remained so high for so long. Children should not be playing with other children from different households. Yes it’s horrible and is awful but that’s the reality of where we are in the middle of this awful pandemic. The longer people just do whatever the fuck they like the longer this will go on for.

Exactly....they don't follow the rules but then they moan that schools can't reopen either. There's a group of individuals (i thought it was small...however I'm concerned that its growing) who can't see the connection between the 2 and to be honest I feel sorry for the people who are doing the right thing and suffering the consequences of school closures as a result of others inability to follow some black and white rules

@OverTheRainbow88

Without being goody at all but if children aren’t going to be vaccinated and people having a shielding child what are your long term plans? As if no children are vaccinated will there ever be a time the vulnerable kids will be integrated back into school and play dates etc?

I guess it depends on how vulnerable the child is. Some extremely vulnerable children will be receiving the vaccine off licence because the risk to them of contracting the virus outweighs any potential risk of a vaccine which hasn't been tested in their age group. There are trials underway though for children, so hopefully it won't be too long. My son would be in group six if he were older (so not shielding, but has around 4 times the risk of death as someone without his condition). I'm hopeful that it would be a mild illness for him, but any illness means skilled care at home if at all possible. I'm looking forward to receiving the vaccine so that I can support him if he is ill - this would be extremely difficult to do if I was very ill myself. There will be children who have higher risk of poor outcomes with covid than him who are still not consider suitable for vaccination for now. So we all have to do everything we can to reduce transmission so that these children can be a little more safe.

[quote gallbladderpain]@Bagamoyo1 actually I think you will find I'm following the rules like everyone else should be doing. No where does it say 'prioritise your own needs and apply what you think suits you best
It would be safer for my own family to be able to maybe meet up with our parents/grandparents if community transmission wasn't so high. As it is we can't meet our parents because they are still of working age themselves and they are in public roles and while community transmission is high as a result of most people 'prioritising their needs' we therefore can't see them. So yeh we and many other CEV families like us will just lock ourselves up forever more so as not to get in the way of you maybe having to stay a few metres away from people...maybe you would like to pay our bills for us as well so we can become imprisoned while you carry on for your mental health ?[/quote]
You aren’t following “the rules” any more than I am.

People are allowed to meet one person outdoors - we’re doing that.
Kids were allowed to go to school when schools were open - mine did that.
I’m allowed to have a support bubble as I’m a single parent - I do that.

You are also following the rules, but you’re extending them to meet with your family’s needs (ie not sending any of your kids back to school) . I understand that your have a child who is ECV, so you choose to be extra cautious. If you had a child with significant mental health problems, who was at risk of suicide if they couldn’t meet a friend outdoors (not the case for me, but theoretically possible), then you would take a different stance.

Neither is wrong or right, but they are both essentially selfish, as is human nature. We all try and do things for the greater good, but at the end of the day, no one is more important to us than our own children.

OP I think you are very wrong in thinking you are in a minority, you are with the majority of parents in UK!
Children and parents are at home, and they avoid contact with others as much as possible.
That said, you need to motivate your children. Try to find new walks, some fun activities (like watching films with popcorn, baking some yummies, hiding something in the house, special arts and crafts, whatever they like). Maybe getting them a trampoline, swing or something they can use at home? They can play in the park, not sure the playground, but they can take scooters, bike (weather permitting). Let them videocall their friends, and many online children gaming allows them to have chat groups, so they can play with their friends, and talk to several of them at the time. If you have the technology, use it! No ideal, but it will have to do for the time being. If you do mot have access to it, that is tough indeed, maybe a phone call to their friends?
In the meantime you are supervising them, I would not care about their screen time at the moment.
And try to combine that with as much outdoor activity as you can master.

@Bagelsandbrie

It’s very clear from this thread why the rates of infection have remained so high for so long. Children should not be playing with other children from different households. Yes it’s horrible and is awful but that’s the reality of where we are in the middle of this awful pandemic. The longer people just do whatever the fuck they like the longer this will go on for.

It is permitted to meet one person outdoors from another household.

[quote Snowrabbit]@heidipi rein in the arrogance. Here's the rules: www.gov.uk/guidance/national-lockdown-stay-at-home#summary-what-you-can-and-cannot-do-during-the-national-lockdown. So you can meet another adult (I'm assuming you live in England but are you aware that in other UK areas, kids can socialise outdoors in groups if under 12? Who knows where any poster lives so why should we assume it's the English system that's relevant here? )Not only that, but are the playparks closed? No, they aren't, are they? It's exercise for kids and it doesn't matter a a toss of the person beside you at the park is someone you know or don't know... Honestly, so arrogant but so, so wrong.[/quote]
@Snowrabbit from the current Government rules that you've linked:

Meeting other people
It is against the law to meet socially with family or friends unless they are part of your household or support bubble. You cannot leave home for recreational or leisure purposes (such as for a picnic or a social meeting)

Playgrounds are primarily open for use by children who do not have access to private outdoor space, like their own garden. Although you can take your children to a playground for exercise, you must not socialise with other people while there

Exercise - You can exercise in a public outdoor place:
by yourself
with the people you live with
with your support bubble (if you are legally permitted to form one)
in a childcare bubble where providing childcare
or, when on your own, with 1 person from another household

I reiterate that primary age children are getting the short straw but, in England, parents meeting up with children is actually against the law.

“It is permitted to meet one person outdoors from another household”.

Yes. Outside. Socially distanced.

Not kids from different households playing together in a park play area. It’s not that hard to understand, surely?

I didn't extend the rules to not sending my children back to school. There was guidance in place for CEV children and school. I take your point about a suicidal child that is an extreme though and I'm pretty sure but I wouldn't be quoted on it that there is guidance in place for those scenarios but we can't just decide because little lily feels a bit sad today that we can all go meet up in the park or have a playmate to make her feel happy again because well there would be no point in the rules at all then because everyone im sure has felt down at some point of this and then everyone would just be breaking the rules !

@frazzledquaver. Yep our levels are lower and our under 12s are allowed to meet up. No mass transmission caused by children meeting up in parks.

I don’t actually care if people want to lock their kids away if they and their families are happy in isolation. Just joined this thread who has a desperately unhappy young child and the lockdown enthusiasts are trying to shame her into continuing to isolate her on the basis that it’s a massive risk. It’s not and no one has provided any evidence what happens physiologically between the ages of 4 (allowed) and 5 or 6 (banned).

It’s bonkers how “it’s the rules!!!!” people have become with no critical thinking involved.

[quote Snookie00]@frazzledquaver. Yep our levels are lower and our under 12s are allowed to meet up. No mass transmission caused by children meeting up in parks.

I don’t actually care if people want to lock their kids away if they and their families are happy in isolation. Just joined this thread who has a desperately unhappy young child and the lockdown enthusiasts are trying to shame her into continuing to isolate her on the basis that it’s a massive risk. It’s not and no one has provided any evidence what happens physiologically between the ages of 4 (allowed) and 5 or 6 (banned).

It’s bonkers how “it’s the rules!!!!” people have become with no critical thinking involved.[/quote]
Calm down dear. You were asking what the difference was between Scotland and England in terms of risks/transmission, and I explained. I haven't seen any shaming and I think most people are suggesting that she could have a little bit more flexibility within the guidelines if she feels comfortable. We'll all be in this a lot longer if more people decide that the rules don't apply to them, though.

What were you doing all summer?

Your obligation is to your child’s mental and physical well being .
End of.
You do what’s best for you and them.

In pre covid times, if you were doing to your children then what you are doing now you’d have ss swooping in.

If you think everyone is sticking rigidly to the riles then you have another think coming.

Ask yourself.. how far am I prepared to go before my child is completely broken?

Or when am I going to say , enough is enough.
We have given are all and we aren’t giving any more.

It’s like the frog in the boiling water scenario..a year ago you would’ve laughed at this outrageous situation, but here you are op bit by detrimental bit you have complied and sounds like you would go even further.

Would that be one mask or two..or is it three now that’s the optimum amount of masking so we don’t breathe it in or out?
I’ve no idea.
It’s all bonkers and I’ve certainly not been a party to it and so have millions of others who are just getting on with their lives as normally as possible

On another thread I’ve been blasted for letting my 5yo DC play with other children from their class bubble in summer, when infection rates were rock bottom in our area.

Here people are casually suggesting you ‘accidentally’ bump into friends in the park when the rates have been terrible and new variants are much more transmissible, seemingly amongst children too.

We’re not going anywhere other than out for walks right now, not with anyone else.

@Snookie00 It’s bonkers how “it’s the rules!!!!” people have become with no critical thinking involved

I don't think that's necessarily true. I agree that there are many inconsistencies in the policies. For example you could end up with a street being divided into different Tiers under different restrictions and you could travel between tiers for work. Last summer they announced an obesity fight combined with eat out to help out where you could buy subsidised McDonalds. Saying children couldn't socialise outside school but that schools are safe environments with no masks / distancing. Cherry picking some school years for full time return others having no onsite education.

They know people won't comply with everything but on the other hand the faster cases decrease the faster we can start to reopen schools and be allowed more social contacts. It's in ALL our interests that people comply as far as possible so that we can get some semblance of life back otherwise lockdown will just drag on for longer.

DH is WFH, I'm a SAHM. We don't fall in any circumstances for bubbles, family isn't local anyway. Life is pretty lonely.

However, we have got out where we can.
Swimming and Karate resumed in the autumn, so there were a couple of months of that.
We get out and mix up places to go walking for an ounce of mental stimulation. (Anything not tarmacked from the doorstep is a swamp anyway. Also our local playground has little for those aged 4+, and the chances of seeing fellow 7 or 10 yo's hanging around there is minimal)
We got out to outdoor attractions while we could.
This afternoon, we drove off to a better park/ playground. It's still good for the DCs to be around other children playing even if they're not interracting directly.

DS1 is 10. I've arranged for him to exercise with his friend. I'll supervise at a distance.

DS2 is a struggle. His friendship core has remained in school and he's lost his social confidence and hasn't got it back through the autumn term, and drifted out of the circle. He has no close friends, and refuses to engage with remote communication. I can't make friends for him, but getting him out and mixing up the environment does a lot to keep him on the right side of depression. Last night he joined me for food shopping (it's quiet then anyway) and he was so happy from the excitement of it.

Far more children are being damaged by unstimulating, sedentary, isolated lives than by Covid.

@VaVaGloom. I understand that and I’m not rule breaking - not a covid denier/ mask objector, not having parties or seeing anyone in the house. Until someone can show me evidence that a 5 or 6 year old is a much higher transmission risk than a 4 year old, I’ll continue to think that this rules is arbitrary and I would definitely prioritise said 5 year olds mental health over the rules du jour.

So many people follow the rules unquestioningly and don’t stop to consider the craziness of some of them. 8 year old in Gretna is fine to play with a mate in the park. 8 year old in Carlisle doing the same is apparently going to swamp the NHS.

But the thing is in this pandemic you can't choose to take your own risk unless you stay away from everyone else (which you wouldn't be doing if you are bending basic rules anyhow) because of asymptomatic spread !
You could do what you want and then carry covid and pass it on before you even realised you had it...how would you feel if that then lead to a friend/family member or colleague becoming seriously unwell or dying all because you just couldn't deal with following the rules and decided to have a playdate which lead to the spread. I'm not saying you couldn't get it from doing stuff within the rules shopping etc that's a risk as well but to further increase your risk of being a spreader by just doing whatever you wish? You would have to be a pretty heartless person if you still didn't give a shit that you had passed it on in my opinion

I personally know people who refuse to follow self isolation and continue to send their kids into school despite the fact they are supposed to be self isolating as positive contacts or someone within their household symptomatic...incredibly selfish and could lead to another child in that class losing a parent if they carry it home !

If I were you I would go out more with the kids - wrap up warm and spend longer out - take a ball - find a basket ball net - find a river to walk along - take the bikes - mix it up and enjoy the nature x

If the only priority is to stop the spread then why are 2 people allowed to meet? Why are under 5s exempt? Why are we allowed out full-stop?

Some people are going over and above the rules - see this thread for many who are clearly basking in the glow of competitive lockdown. Some are sticking two fingers up at the rules by having house parties. Most other people are doing their best to keep themselves and their families safe enough - both physically and mentally.

For the sake of your family’s mental health, meet up with someone for a walk. Take your youngest on a walk with a friend and their young child. Let your teen go for a walk with a friend. Some exercise and social interaction will do you all some good

You are not the only ones. We are exactly the same. My DH and I work from home and our kids are at home except
Youngest at nursery. My older two children do not see another human being other than their parents unless on zoom or in passing on the street.

Speak to school with your mh and your dd mh prob get a school place