Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

@snowrabbit 😆😆 "you can follow the rules and still have a walk or a play in the park with another parent and child." Can you? What rule is that?

we've stuck rigidly to the rules- all four of us at home, BUT, my kids are fine- they're both secondary school age and can entertain themselves (by which i mean a whole lot of screen time/chatting with friends)- they don't want to goout with us.
My friend has 7 and 11 yr old daughters- the youngest struggles with boredom and my friend therefore meets up with a mum and her young daughter in the park every friday.
i don't begrudge them this at all and would probably do the same if my kids were as bored- it's only that mine are older and more self-sufficient.

You aren’t on your own in it OP. We have done nothing. Seen no one. My dd (not yet school age) hasn’t played with anyone or visited anyone since March. We have seen no friends or family since March.

I used to take her to the park every day during school hours so it was quiet. We don’t go anymore because they are packed full and most families don’t do any kind of distancing whatsoever once in the playground. That’s obviously their choice, and I make my own choice which is to not bother being in the situation because I can’t control what they do and I’m not comfortable with it.

I don’t really get the logic of saying let the kids mix and distance from the adults. What’s the point? If the kids are mixing, the adults might as well. You aren’t being any safer if the kids are sharing germs to bring home anyway.

I guess it depends on whether you are doing things based on risk or based on what you can get away with rule-wise. We haven’t made any decisions based on what the rules were because the rules didn’t make anything risk free or even particularly low risk in many situations.

I think too many of you are following the letter of the law instead of the spirit of the law.

Um, because that's how this country's legal system works? It works in absolutes, and not what people think the law should be?

You’re getting all the isolation enthusiasts on here who are trying to show off how well they do isolation. They’ve not left the house since December, Mar, Feb, forever.... going out for walks on their own with their teenagers but speaking to no one else and not setting foot in a shop. Back in the real world, 2 people can meet for a walk in the park with a friend and tagging along a 5 year old each is not a cardinal sin.

I think the opposite @Snookie00 you’re getting a lot of the people who don’t understand that contagious disease doesn’t care if you’re lonely or desperate it just needs hosts to spread. Stay home a bit longer.

@heidipi rein in the arrogance. Here's the rules: www.gov.uk/guidance/national-lockdown-stay-at-home#summary-what-you-can-and-cannot-do-during-the-national-lockdown. So you can meet another adult (I'm assuming you live in England but are you aware that in other UK areas, kids can socialise outdoors in groups if under 12? Who knows where any poster lives so why should we assume it's the English system that's relevant here? )Not only that, but are the playparks closed? No, they aren't, are they? It's exercise for kids and it doesn't matter a a toss of the person beside you at the park is someone you know or don't know... Honestly, so arrogant but so, so wrong.

@Bimbleboo letting kids mix and not adults is allowed in Scotland and the numbers are much better - so it obviously it's not just about "what you can get away with" v risk. Clearly not that big a risk given kids in Scotland have been allowed to play outside in groups for months and months if under 12.

No we are just realistic and accept that this rule is arbitrary. I live in Scotland and under 12s are allowed to mix. Are our 5-11 year old less contagious than yours? Is the science different? Are there massive outbreaks linked to a kids meeting in parks? Of course not, it’s a political decisions that are made in Westminster or Holyrood. You can follow to the letter of the law and keep your kids locked away if you choose but don’t make out that this rule is anything other than political.

OP I just wanted to say your kids won't hate you, you've made decisions because you want to protect them. It's a hard time for everyone.
You are entitled to a childcare bubble, nothing to do with work. Could you utilise this so that your youngest gets a change of scene, sounds like she is having a hard time and might benefit.
You could also take her to the park, let her go on the equipment then sanitise, that's what we do, I don't see how it's any different to me going shopping then sanitising, touching the same amount of things.

@snowrabbit yep that's the link where it says "It is against the law to meet socially with family or friends". OP is in England. She, as an individual, can meet one other person outdoors, that's the law at the moment. How does that cover having a walk or a play in the park with another parent and child? Not intending to be arrogant but how can it be anything other than bending the rules because the rules are inconvenient?

I do feel like a mug sometimes, but then I remember why we're doing this, look at the numbers dropping, the vaccination figures going up and carry on carrying on.

I'm a keyworker, since covid part from home and part at work, but DH is home so DD stays home. Colleagues often assume she's at school because technically we could have a place....

Luckily she's older than your youngest (10) and spends lots of time on roblox whilst chatting with friends on WhatsApp. Before getting the roblox bug sometimes she'd just video call a friend and they'd play lego or whatever and chat. Could you set a virtual play date up for your little one?

My mums in our bubble, but cases are higher in her area and so she's taking the stay home message very seriously (still going for walks). Not seen her irl since Christmas and she nearly cancelled on us then...

Not been to a playground since the summer as they're all rammed, but if I were in your shoes I wouldn't worry about one or two other kids being there.

I always shop alone.

Not sure if we're within the rules or bending them, but more recently when walking the dog dd will occasionally (maybe once a week) knock on for her friend and ask if she wants to go for a walk with her.

They're not old enough to be completely alone so I follow on behind at a distance (and try not to bunch up when they get to a road and wait for me to check its safe to cross).

Its lovely to hear them chatter and walk.

I feel for her when she hears school friends talking about meeting friends and their parents or going to see grandparents, but luckily she's handling things pretty well.

We are doing exactly the same as you and have been for months. Its hard through.

My point stands. I’m in scotland. I know the rule regarding kids. I didn’t at any point say the rule was anything else. What I said was the rule makes no sense to me when only factoring in virus spread. (The rules saying kids can mix is absolutely not because they can’t spread it. Or we wouldn’t have had to close the schools. The rule is there for other reasons such as the mental health argument)

If my kid and someone else’s kid are climbing all over each other and laughing/coughing in each other’s breathing space, and THAT household has someone in it with Covid who’s not aware yet, then I’m sorry but that virus is spreading to my household whether me and the other mum are stood three metres or three inches apart.

And I might not know that it has spread to ours. So I might then be in a supermarket. Or at a hospital appointment. Or whatever else, spreading it along my merry way. Even though I stood a pointless three metres away from the other mum.

So since I’m making my decisions based on risk of spreading/catching the shitty thing, it doesn’t make any sense to let kids mix while I stand ‘distanced’ because they ‘don’t count’ and tell myself that means I’ve not taken any risks.

OP I’m shielding and my kids have been nowhere apart from school since last March, except when they couldn’t because of lockdown.

We are all struggling, and even worse my children are literally petrified they are going to catch covid and kill me. Thanks to my overly anxious DH who let his mouth run off in front of them last spring. So I cannot even say sod it, and bend the rules for our sanity because my DH is on my case all the time about avoiding people. The children are all just as petrified, even though I try to hide as much doomsday news bulletins from them as possible.

I cry for how little in life they have to look forward to all because of my asthma. I cannot bend the rules I have to sit and wait. Even though I’m getting my vaccine on Monday the advice is for me to continue to shield for the foreseeable. But once 4 weeks have passed I’m binning shielding. How long does the government expect parents like me to shield for at the detriment of our children?

This is not life this is existence and I feel like We are all in prison.

@gallbladderpain

You are doing the right thing OP. Following the restrictions to protect not only yourselves but others as well. Just a pity more people wouldn't do the same then we could be out of this cycle of rising transmissions and lockdown quicker We have a vulnerable child and therefore since March 2020 our children have been unable to attend school to protect the vulnerable one. For an entire year pretty much our kids have not played with a single other child. We went to the park on a few occasions when the schools were in during the day when it was empty while everyone else's children were in school (we are provided with remote learning but we can do this at anytime of the day) and that is the only place my children have been able to be. Its too much of a risk to go to a shop because of everyone else meeting up....2 families with 2 5 year olds meet in a park the 5 year olds share covid they bring it home the dad in the house then gets It but doesn't realise and is still going to the shops spreading it...and that is how it gets to the vulnerable people so our children's lives are unfortunately having to be extremely impacted as a result of this constant mixing by everyone else It used to be all in this together let's protect people now it's 'i don't give a fuck anymore and I'll bend the rules to suit myself' from most people it would seem (the bitter part of me wishes it was them people that covid would have a direct impact on but unfortunately its indiscrimate) So I'm glad to see at least some people on this thread are actually following the rules and doing their best under the circumstances

But you are prioritising yourself and your family, by avoiding Covid. Others are prioritising their family by protecting their mental health. We’re all essentially selfish.

You're not alone. think of all the people you can't see.

@Bagamoyo1 I agree with this. I don’t think I’m being a martyr because my choices are fear based.

I don’t want to take my chances with it coming in my house because I fear me or my family being one of the unlucky ones impacted badly... I also wouldn’t cope with it being on my conscience if I passed it to someone who was terribly or tragically affected.

It’s not selfless at all. I am being selfish in my own way. Couldn’t agree more with your stance.

We follow the restrictions, go to a playground with your youngest, if you see a school mum you can chat from 2 meters. Do that. Your youngest especially won’t really remember much about this. For your mental health go out on your own.

I know many many more people affected by covid currently than before, it’s not the time to arrange meet ups and play date. I think a few more weeks and a plan for return to school will be announced

If the playground is open then I would take my reception aged child there and let them play with the kids. You might feel differently if you or your family are high risk but although DP and I both have underlying health conditions we balance that against the benefits of our kids seeing other kids, particularly the youngest who is only 9.

Just go to the park! Unless anyone in your house is CEV. Or arrange to meet another parent and child for a walk (taking turns to leave the other at home) and 2 parents walk a little behind 2 children. The children should be able to understand to walk apart and still chat or do races or nature hunts together surely.

I cannot believe people are doing this to themselves and their children. Children need peers.

@Snookie00

You’re getting all the isolation enthusiasts on here who are trying to show off how well they do isolation. They’ve not left the house since December, Mar, Feb, forever.... going out for walks on their own with their teenagers but speaking to no one else and not setting foot in a shop. Back in the real world, 2 people can meet for a walk in the park with a friend and tagging along a 5 year old each is not a cardinal sin.

Isolation enthusiasts 😅 did not think I would ever know the concept of competitive isolation. But hey. Then 2020 happened...... funny

@Snookie00

No we are just realistic and accept that this rule is arbitrary. I live in Scotland and under 12s are allowed to mix. Are our 5-11 year old less contagious than yours? Is the science different? Are there massive outbreaks linked to a kids meeting in parks? Of course not, it’s a political decisions that are made in Westminster or Holyrood. You can follow to the letter of the law and keep your kids locked away if you choose but don’t make out that this rule is anything other than political.

Scotland has half the rate of infection as England.

@Bagamoyo1 actually I think you will find I'm following the rules like everyone else should be doing. No where does it say 'prioritise your own needs and apply what you think suits you best
It would be safer for my own family to be able to maybe meet up with our parents/grandparents if community transmission wasn't so high. As it is we can't meet our parents because they are still of working age themselves and they are in public roles and while community transmission is high as a result of most people 'prioritising their needs' we therefore can't see them. So yeh we and many other CEV families like us will just lock ourselves up forever more so as not to get in the way of you maybe having to stay a few metres away from people...maybe you would like to pay our bills for us as well so we can become imprisoned while you carry on for your mental health ?