Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

Did you see the thread about only child? At least you say you have kids. Mine is an only. And yes, he hasn't seen anyone. Same as your DCs, school from Sep - Dec. So I think there are many children who are in similar or worse situation than your children.

You are doing the right thing OP. Following the restrictions to protect not only yourselves but others as well. Just a pity more people wouldn't do the same then we could be out of this cycle of rising transmissions and lockdown quicker
We have a vulnerable child and therefore since March 2020 our children have been unable to attend school to protect the vulnerable one. For an entire year pretty much our kids have not played with a single other child. We went to the park on a few occasions when the schools were in during the day when it was empty while everyone else's children were in school (we are provided with remote learning but we can do this at anytime of the day) and that is the only place my children have been able to be.
Its too much of a risk to go to a shop because of everyone else meeting up....2 families with 2 5 year olds meet in a park the 5 year olds share covid they bring it home the dad in the house then gets It but doesn't realise and is still going to the shops spreading it...and that is how it gets to the vulnerable people so our children's lives are unfortunately having to be extremely impacted as a result of this constant mixing by everyone else
It used to be all in this together let's protect people now it's 'i don't give a fuck anymore and I'll bend the rules to suit myself' from most people it would seem (the bitter part of me wishes it was them people that covid would have a direct impact on but unfortunately its indiscrimate) So I'm glad to see at least some people on this thread are actually following the rules and doing their best under the circumstances

Op I agree other people doing what we are not meant to is jarring and small kids don’t understand. I’ve seen and heard many meeting up etc and I don’t know where this whole thing about kids not counting came from but everyone seems to think that’s the rules, 2 adults can meet and the kids don’t count!!!

Our primary has explicitly said they have been told from the kids at school they’ve been meeting others etc and that parents will be contacted and school place withdrawn as it’s not safe if some are not adhering to the rules whilst others are and still expecting to send their kids into school.

We’ve been “just us” with kids doing home school since the beginning of January. I think most people I know have, to be honest - there’s nowhere to go and the weather’s awful. I’m lucky that my kids are great pals, although they do miss their school friends. They’ve been doing FaceTime, but will be looking forward to going back.

We are also in the same boat....try to stay strong and let your children know they are not the only ones having to get through this...I have great respect for those who follow the rules for the greater good.

Mine haven’t seen anyone beyond our household since last year. We are a big family so couldn’t take advantage of the “rule of six” before but some of the kids were in school. We can do this but I am very tired of it too.

Without being goody at all but if children aren’t going to be vaccinated and people having a shielding child what are your long term plans? As if no children are vaccinated will there ever be a time the vulnerable kids will be integrated back into school and play dates etc?

You're not alone or falling behind. We've not gone out since the schools shut, apart from some walks, and we've not seen anyone. This close to the vaccine coming out it seems to much of a risk to us to take any chances.

Yes, it is miserable at this minute. But there are still SO many cases each day, and I know several people who've lost older family members, and while the risk is lowering every day because of the older generations getting jabs, we've been following the rules for so long now, I'd be devastated if we then go and get it and get ill/get long Covid right as hope is in sight.

Do what you feel comfortable with, and stop completely shielding if you need to, but don't stop doing it just because of what other people are doing.

OP, we have been following all the rules like you but this week I reached my limit and arranged to meet dd1's friend and mum at the park. I think it's unfair that adults, teenagers and the youngest children can meet a friend but primary aged children (who need parental supervision) cannot. I don't want to encourage you to break rules but, for us, this feels like the best and kindest decision.

It’s admirable that you are following the rules OP ... but if your 5 year old is now suffering I think you probably need to bend them a little ... even if it’s just you standing 2 metres away from the other mum masked and chatting while your daughter plays or walks with a friend . Don’t do it often maybe every few weeks ... but it does make all the difference and may just keep your daughter happy.

The age gap you have is really difficult, it’s basically like you have 2 only children. A teenager isn’t going to play with a 5 year old. Meet another adult and their 5 year old for a walk. And let your teen meet another for exercise. You’re clearly at breaking point and that’s not a good situation for anyone to be in.

We haven't seen anyone since schools broke up either. 2 teenagers - they sometimes chat to their friends online and we go out for a walk every couple of days.

We are like you. Hardly been out. Occasional walk in the park but its usually busy where we are so even that is often avoided and we just walk around the block for exercise! Mostly getting home deliveries so hardly going into the shops. Since the weather is not good I don't feel I am missing out much. I have a (just) teenager and a year 1 child. It is particularly hard with a year 1 child (just like your reception child) as they are being set work by the school which requires parents to do most of the teaching and there is far too much of it (its a private school so they are trying to justify their fees). Feeling thoroughly stressed and fed up. My children are spending too much time on screen entertainment too!

@OverTheRainbow88

Without being goody at all but if children aren’t going to be vaccinated and people having a shielding child what are your long term plans? As if no children are vaccinated will there ever be a time the vulnerable kids will be integrated back into school and play dates etc?

This is the most worrying thing for all parents of CEV children right now. It doesn't get mentioned by the government or by anyone infact about what will happen for these families. Just been forgotten the whole way through the pandemic to be honest. There has recently been chat about vaccinating children though with science saying it needs to happen and I do feel like that will come that the government will eventually agree that all children need vaccination in the meantime the only hope is that with enough of the rest of the population vaccinated that community transmission will be very low

Can't your teen meet a friend outside? Can't your youngest one go the playpark and you can meet a mum and friend there? If you don't have a particular vulnerability to Covid then I think you are being OTT and should be doing more with the kids to get them out and socialising a little in a safe way.

@Whitecup4

I feel better lots of people are finding themselves in the same position as us, due to following the rules.

If it’s not rude to ask, and I don’t mean this nastily, I really don’t....but do you feel like mugs? Like your the ones who are the fools? That’s how I feel. How can I pull myself back around?

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a mug. I've stuck to the rules throughout and was very careful when they started to relax. I'm in group six for vaccination and my son has a medical condition which would make him high risk as an adult if you see what I mean. I also know people with long covid, so I don't think this virus is nothing. But a lot of it is about not being part of the problem. I've really struggled though in this lockdown because I can't help feeling that it's really unfair on those of us who have done the right thing throughout. I'm also worried that I won't have half the friendships that I had before covid because other people have kept up their social lives while I've been locked away, doing the right thing. I have two teens and a younger DD. One of the teen meets the same friend each week for a walk. I'll encourage the other two children to meet one friend for a walk during half term, although more difficult with the younger child as slightly too young to be out walking with a peer by herself. To answer your last question, I think about being asked about it by my grandchildren in the future and being able to explain to them that it was hard but we did the right thing for the human race. I think about my children growing up knowing that they did the right thing and don't need to live with the guilt of contributing to deaths. Obviously I don't frame it like that with them at the moment, but they aren't stupid and they know right from wrong.

[quote VaVaGloom]**@GreenWillow* To answer your question, sadly yes I do think you will be 'left behind' to an extent if you continue down this path, as so many other people have decided to apply a more common sense approach to our DC mixing socially*

Flipping heck. I can't believe people are standing in judgement against other people actually following the lockdown rules. I agree the rules are especially harsh on primary aged children but if we all start doingaCummings applying common sense to what suits us best personally in lockdown then where would we be? For a start lots more kids would be back in school as who in their right mind would choose to wfh and homeschool?[/quote]
Your obviously entitled to your opinion, but I'm not sure where I have 'stood in judgement'

OP asked a question, I have offered her my view on whether or not her family will be left behind.

Its up to OP whether she is willing to make the tradeoff.

*You're

Arrggh

Let’s be honest - there is nothing ‘common sense’ about only applying rules which don’t inconvenience, or are simply more palatable, to you.

That’s not actually what ‘common sense’ means.

OP - no-one else can tell if there are already people at the park, because not everyone can see it from their window.

They just head down there, and if other people are there, they just keep a social distance.

You can follow the rules and still have a walk or a play in the park with another parent and child...there's no need to be a martyr to it to those who are insisting they have done the right thing.

I know we are all doing our best and we all hope that we will say to our grandkids that we did it because it was the right thing to do. But, I have this niggly feeling that we are going to look back and say 'we gave up so much, we became broken people, and then we couldnt do it anymore'. I cant do this indefinitely. I worry that we are all so willing to keep the nhs functioning that we may just keep agreeing to do this whenever asked, which makes me worried about when we say 'enough'. Will we ever say 'enough?'. It's been a year. It was only meant to be a few months. I am not sure how I will frame the idea that I eventually broke as a good thing, because it seems that day is getting closer and closer.

Sounds so so so tough OP. My eldest is in his pre school year so is still able to go to nursery. I honestly do not know how I would've managed with home schooling. My hat is off to all of these parents juggling. I think you're amazing and I hope you know you are even when you feel like you're failing!
Things will get better!

Would you feel any better about it if the two children have March-August birthdays, so aren't actually five yet?

Poor wee children.

I think too many of you are following the letter of the law instead of the spirit of the law. You'll go straight from not allowing your children to meet anyone anywhere to throwing them into classrooms of thirty other children.

I live in another country but we also have to be really careful because our hospitals are almost full, but my dgd gets to play with quite a few of her friends. We don't want her ending up with irremedial mental health problems either.

Why can't you take your children to the playground to play?