I'm really struggling today.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

The despair seems to have settled on me like a black cloud. I've tried so hard all through this to keep my own and everyone's spirits up, to keep on top of homeschooling, to cook nice meals, to find ways to bring at least a little joy and pleasure into everyone's lives, and I just can't do it anymore.

Everything seems hopeless.

Yep. It’s grim. What’s your set up? Can you get away from it all for half an hour? Go for a walk or a lie down?!

I came here to write something similar. I found 2020 was a walk in the park. I kept positive and held it all together. Everything is just after crashing down on top of me yesterday and it smacked me in the face that there's no break on the horizon. There's no restaurant open. There's no cinema open. There's no gigs to look forward to. There's no holiday to look forward to. It's all just work and go home and rinse and repeat with not even a break in sight any time soon.

Can't face a walk. Traipsing round the same bloody places in the cold. Can't go for a lie down as DH is working in the bedroom and in meetings most of the morning.

Hiding in the kitchen atm with a cup of coffee, trying to work up the motivation to start homeschooling.

I'm luckier than many, I know. But it's still shit.

That pretty much sums it up BlueFlyAway.

in solidarity.

How old are your children? You need to somehow get some time to clear your head! Coffee helps though

Yup. It is the lack of anything to look forward too that ix hard. DC are really missing contact with anyone and schoolwork via Google is a grind, for one of them. The other, GCSE year, seems fine with her more liberal chatty online learning though.
If the weather were warm it would be better, but for now ...Brrrr and yawn.

Same - feel for you OP

Just feel so low !

I feel the same. I was fine throughout 2020. I knew this winter would be hard but thought I was prepared and we would see the end of it come spring with vaccines etc Now I am not sure or for some reason everything came crashing down on my around Christmas time. I feel for the first time in my life that I have an insight into what depression must be like. A big black cloud that won’t lift. If I feel like this I cannot imagine what people who already struggled with depression per Covid must be feel like. It’s awful!!

What time does dh log off? Can you and he agree that you get the first hour after he logs off to go and be alone? Take a bath or just lay on your bed and read.

Thank you all. I appreciate the sympathy and the helpful suggestions. It doesn't feel like anything will help atm though. Certainly not being alone. I'm so bloody lonely despite never really being alone.

I’m making another cup of tea ☕️ I know what you mean OP it’s just bloody endless. Iv been on mat leave since last may and in an area that had local restrictions pretty much right through and I’m struggling. My little girl has developed into such a little character since Christmas and it makes me sad that no one sees it. My husband lost his job in the first lockdown and had been taking temp contracts doing anything to keep us going he is currently out 6.30-6 everyday and the days are long. I have left my older boy in nursery which is a blessing. I go for a long walk with the pram everyday and that is it. I’m due back to work soon and feel guilty that I’m looking forward to getting back sooner than planned for the routine and to get out of the house and it will help financially but also I’m a nurse so worried about what I’m going back to. I just want to hug my mum and see my new nephew who was born on Boxing Day 😭

Little things! Do you have a garden? Order some plants for spring! Do you like cooking? Get something nice to cook for dinner. Do some baking. Treat yourself to some new lounge wear (as we aren’t really going anywhere). Young children? Have a home disco! Etc.

I feel the same. I lost it last Sunday when I saw the news about schools not going back before 8 March, I've been holding it together for months & that broke me. I felt terrible on Monday when DD asked why I'd kept crying the day before 😭

If I think about it too much I start having palpitations & feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.

I just want to be able to look forward to something. We booked a holiday for may half term thinking it'll be fine by then but even that doesn't seem likely ☹️

It'd be strange not to despair at the moment op. I'm at a "whatever works" point right now - if finances allow throw money at the problem, if food helps eat it, if you want to watch trash TV do etc. It's been a tough time for many, the weather is shit, we've got some way to go.

It's very hard. Please be kind to yourself. I think women often feel like they have to make it fun for everybody and "fix things". This is one thing that can only be fixed by time and vaccinations! Maybe don't cook anything nice today and just give everyone beans on toast for a day. They will survive.

OP, I could have written your post. I feel so depressed and this feels like it will never end. I can also relate to a DH in the bedroom. I am also in the kitchen (with my youngest on a zoom opposite), I only have a cold hallway and the bathroom if I want to be alone. I don’t have many wise words, just saying that you are not alone.

The things that help me (marginally) is

having a piece of cake at 10.30 for everyone (I like happy faces),
cordless earphones so I can listen to music or a podcast and block out some noise whilst walking around,
a book we all like for bedtime stories and
having a Netflix series to catch up on in the evenings.

I am not sure if any of those things would help for you?

@DownWhichOfLate I think the problem is we’ve been doing all those things for the best part of a year, everyone is worn down by it now.

So sorry you feel like this. It’s good to chat about it here isn’t it? I’m doing well with the Covid situation but I think that’s because I’ve had other huge things to deal with in the last 18 months. And I’ve shared a couple of things on mumsnet and it’s been really nice to have the camaraderie.
I’ve also just joined a WhatsApp women’s chat group which I think might be supportive. It’s to do with another one of my issues so wouldn’t be useful to everyone but I’m wondering whether there are chat groups you could also connect with to get you through things a bit more easily?

The Monday morning feeling is amplified amidst all of this shit.
Get yourself on line and treat yourself. You've earned it. We've all earned it 💐

Feel the same here, kept taking it day by day and got through it all so far. By now it is so hard, despite the many things we’re lucky with through all this. Watching my school age kids frequently having crying jags because they they miss their friends and school and feeling helpless to do anything beyond all the usual zooms, waving from the doorstep type things we’ve done before. And my pent up toddler screaming at my feet when I feel so little will to be fun mummy for him. Anyway, off to make a cup of tea and try to get through another day.

Totally natural to feel shit. Because everything is shit! And starting a new week of shit is only going to feel lousy.

I like to focus on the increasing numbers of people vaccinated, and the rapidly falling numbers of positive test results. It will take a while for these things to feed through into fewer hospital admissions and deaths, but it is happening.

But yes, the new variant has put us in a worse place than expected, and we were already weary.

Btw I bought 3 bunches of daffodils yesterday, and it's surprising how much they are cheering me up. So I recommend that!

I also notice that many on here feel the need to apologise for their feelings by saying " I know I am luckier than most....' Fuck that. Wallow in it for a bit. You are perfectly entitled to feel terrible and it's not a competition. I am wallowing in things today. Presently I will get up and move on, but am allowing myself some misery.

Me too.

Just sending love and strength to everyone struggling today. We all have these horrible days, when it feels completely impossible to carry on - but there will be a brighter and easier day coming, hopefully very soon.