I'm really struggling today.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

The despair seems to have settled on me like a black cloud. I've tried so hard all through this to keep my own and everyone's spirits up, to keep on top of homeschooling, to cook nice meals, to find ways to bring at least a little joy and pleasure into everyone's lives, and I just can't do it anymore.

Everything seems hopeless.

@LizzieSiddal

I had a Zoom call last week with a charity committee that I'm on. It was lovely to see them all but even then the bloody dcs kept mooching through asking how long I was going to be - our wifi isnt great and they wanted to watch Netflix. For the first time I nearly lost it.

Do you know what, you should have “lost it”! Sometimes it’s what children need to see. Teenagers can be v selfish, it’s part of being a teenager, and I’m very much “pick your battles” etc but to interrupt you when on a Zoom call, is plain rude. I’d speak to them today and tell them that their behaviour was unacceptable, that your meeting was far more important than their Netflix viewing and they need to stop being so childish. (Reminding them that their teenage behaviour sometimes resembles that of a three year old toddler, often shocked mine into reflecting on their behaviour.)

I have the same today and I'm going to lay down the law. I literally don't want to see them between 7pm and 8pm or the wifi is going off tomorrow as soon as online school is done.

OP, shed some of the responsibilities for a day and give yourselves a break. Forget the homeschooling until tomorrow. Order take-out for tea, or pull something out the freezer. Put your PJs on and pop on a film to watch with the family. Appreciate you can't suddenly make life carefree, but take the pressure off for a few hours. Self care is important xx

I have the same today and I'm going to lay down the law. I literally don't want to see them between 7pm and 8pm or the wifi is going off tomorrow as soon as online school is done.

Good for you! 💪

Oh god, 100%. It feels like I've been working my way through the various stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining - but now I just feel utterly utterly stuck on depression. Possibly because the final step - acceptance - doesn't really work with a pandemic. God knows what acceptance of all this would look like. My self-employed job depends on creativity and zip and fun - and every cell of me feels like the opposite. I don't really know what to do.

This is the thread for me.

I feel so crap.

Dog wouldn't sleep last night. I ended up on the sitting room floor. I'm knackered and my hips ache and I've only had about 3 hours sleep as a result. Then she mooched around the garden for 10 minutes not doing anything, came in and pissed on the floor.

I'm exhausted. I can't get my work done properly and combine it with home schooling (and DS has mild learning difficulties which mean it's impossible to just leave him to it - he really, really is trying so hard, too, bless him).

Plodded round the 7.00am walk with the dog fantasising about the little bastard getting run over (honestly, the only thing that would upset me is that DS would be sad beyond imagining if he lost the dog - I think getting the little fucker was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, but I'm stuck with it now for the next 10 years).

Then fantasising about dropping DS and dog at best friend's house and just booking myself into a hotel - clean sheets, clean carpets, no dog piss on the floor.

Then wondering what it would be like if I got covid (I know this is a really crap line of thought and I apologise to people who've lost loved ones, but I really need to get this off my chest). With my asthma and slightly fucked liver (still trying to get to the bottom of that one with the medics - I don't drink, I'm a healthy weight, we don't know why my liver function is fucked), I'd probably end up hospitalised. Wondering if that might be the answer. I could just quietly give up. It wouldn't be like I'd actively done something. DS would have a terrible time, but not as terrible as if I'd actually chosen to die.

I really don't quite know what to do.

House is a tip, even though I seem to spend all my time cleaning and doing laundry.

DS still in bed (dog kept him up too, he's too knackered to do anything). So I'm failing on the motherly home schooling front too.

Just sitting at the kitchen table crying. Can't even bring myself to sit on the sofa because the dog is there and frankly I don't want to be in the same room as the dog, much less sitting next to it.

Oh Tether that sounds so difficult and horrible. My heart goes out to you, and everyone else who's feeling so desperately low.

It will pass. It will. You don't have to do anything, just get through one day after another. Ultimately that is all that matters - not homeschooling or keeping the house magazine tidy. Just still being here to look back with your son and say, 'blimey, that was a tough time. Thank goodness we got through it.'

I've just had a quick look and it appears that kennels are still open. Could you possibly find one that could take the dog for a week, if funds would allow, just to give you a break from the dog while you catch up on sleep?

I feel your pain.

I'm a single mum with a very stubborn 6yr old DD and needy 2.5 yr old DS.
Actually they are both very needy. And climbing the walls.
Neither of them go to sleep until 10pm earliest and the baby wakes from midnight onwards until I give up and get up for the day.

I'm exhausted. Hate homeschooling, not that DD will do it. Hate trying to be positive. Fucking hate walks in the pissing rain everyday and hoping/fantasising about being run over....

It's all a bit bleak

@TetherEndOf

This is the thread for me.

I feel so crap.

Dog wouldn't sleep last night. I ended up on the sitting room floor. I'm knackered and my hips ache and I've only had about 3 hours sleep as a result. Then she mooched around the garden for 10 minutes not doing anything, came in and pissed on the floor.

I'm exhausted. I can't get my work done properly and combine it with home schooling (and DS has mild learning difficulties which mean it's impossible to just leave him to it - he really, really is trying so hard, too, bless him).

Plodded round the 7.00am walk with the dog fantasising about the little bastard getting run over (honestly, the only thing that would upset me is that DS would be sad beyond imagining if he lost the dog - I think getting the little fucker was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, but I'm stuck with it now for the next 10 years).

Then fantasising about dropping DS and dog at best friend's house and just booking myself into a hotel - clean sheets, clean carpets, no dog piss on the floor.

Then wondering what it would be like if I got covid (I know this is a really crap line of thought and I apologise to people who've lost loved ones, but I really need to get this off my chest). With my asthma and slightly fucked liver (still trying to get to the bottom of that one with the medics - I don't drink, I'm a healthy weight, we don't know why my liver function is fucked), I'd probably end up hospitalised. Wondering if that might be the answer. I could just quietly give up. It wouldn't be like I'd actively done something. DS would have a terrible time, but not as terrible as if I'd actually chosen to die.

I really don't quite know what to do.

House is a tip, even though I seem to spend all my time cleaning and doing laundry.

DS still in bed (dog kept him up too, he's too knackered to do anything). So I'm failing on the motherly home schooling front too.

Just sitting at the kitchen table crying. Can't even bring myself to sit on the sofa because the dog is there and frankly I don't want to be in the same room as the dog, much less sitting next to it.

TetherEndOf, my 96 year old granny who has lots of medical conditions, survived with no after effects. She is in another country, but still... If you are worried- understandably so- could you search MN for people with conditions who were only mildly affected? I think it may help...

Can't motivate ds(14) he is on Teams looking incredibly bored and not contributing. I want to scream and shout at him in frustration but that would achieve nothing

I couldn't agree more.
I find myself dreading getting out of bed and having to trudge through another day of some school (ds) and lectures (me).
Life is miserable.

Being a LP in this pandemic is really really shit and lonely.

Thank you BeforetheFlood - the thought of kennels has given me a positive fantasy to indulge in! (Will have to get dog a clean bill of health from the vet first - since the new year she's managed kennel cough and an array of gut parasites so varied that the vet got quite excited by the novelty of the lab results!)

And thank you Frequent - yes, I know people personally who've survived with underlying conditions. It's just that I'm so shattered I'm not thinking very rationally. The knowledge of which should of course help me to pull myself together, but it isn't at the mo.

And yes, totally agree, being a LP is particularly shit right now, isn't it?

I have had to stop listening to and watching the news as it is just so depressing. There were a few positive stories yesterday like the case numbers going down week on week, same with the deaths and hospital admissions but the news was ALL about the SA variant. Nothing else. The media does nothing to help.

Thread for me too. Feeling so low today. I shouted at the kids and am back in bed, can’t stop crying. Feel like such a fucking awful parent but sometimes I just can’t take it anymore.

I have genuinely fantasised about being hit by a car and being in a coma for a few months.

I know the virus is bad, but what is being done to us all is inhumane.

My birthday yesterday
I’m a single parent, two young children.
On paper it should have been depressing
But we got a lovely marks picnic for lunch, watched a film
Slacked off half of her schooling and went for a long wood walk
I treated myself to a new coffee machine

And I went to bed happy.

It’s times to like that I’m so pleased that i get such happiness from the little things. Yes I love socialising and holidays and cinema and freedom

But as long as I have my home, health and, most importantly, my precious children, then I’m happy.

I love this thread, I feel better knowing that people are as miserable as me.

I do still get joy from little things Hagotcha80has treated herself to a coffee machine, I've got some lovely new face oil arriving just for me that I am looking forward to. I enjoy seeing my dc more, I like seeing them play together and get on so well.

But I have had enough of the monotony of everyday. Twice a week, sometimes once I go into the office. Other than that I sit at the dining table, work, help dd1 with her work, entertain dd2, get lunches,clear up lunches, work, clear the table, start dinner, clear the table... my dh still goes out to work and his shift pattern means that because I work in the day, I have to stop workibg if I want to take dc out for a walk then make up the time later - which I don't want to do as I like to not be at the table working in the evenings.

I know people have worse circumstances ; dh just had a colleague die of covid and another is still in intensive care. I have worked so hard this last 18 months to improve my mental health and reduce my antidepressants and I am really trying not to slip back. But I am so bored of everything.

@Hagotcha80 happy bday fellow Aquarian !

Sounds lovely , I too had a much nicer day than I expected xx

Also, Hagotcha80 happy birthday!

Me too. I keep crying for absolutely no reason.

@Hagotcha80 happy birthday

You just reminded me that its.mine soon, I've just told DH that I want a cake either homemade by him & DD (they make great cucpakes) or his.mum if they come. To drop off a present for me (shes a great baker).a.homemade cake and a takeaway for tea would make my birthday! It's a low bar for a milestone birthday

The Irish government is setting the population up for restrictions likely going beyond March. It looks like coffee shops and restaurants won't open until into May or beyond.

I understand the importance of the lockdown to suppress the virus. I'm so upset and angry at it all. A saying comes to mind - give people an Inch and take a mile. We are in lockdown because they know parts of the population are not able to behave themselves and contain themselves and follow social distancing guidelines.

I saw it within my work circle before the Christmas with some people going out 2 or 3 times a week for the weeks the restaurants were open. They weren't happy with one or two times and having a balance within the pandemic. It was all or nothing for them.

All I need is a meal out once in a while to be allowed to escape from life stresses and sit and digest a meal.

I've been dong OK but the last few days I feel done in. Headache, heartburn and a tension in my jaw that I haven't had in years.

I'm self employed (Etsy shop and similar) and I'm trying to build it up now I have more time (hahhahhahaaaa), starting from last Feb...

Today I've raced around for an hour getting my parcels ready between helping DD2 (10) with school work. She needs support, and I've realised that her problem at school is focus - if I'm not engaging with her she's switches off and goes into daydream mode. Learning from very good videos by her teachers and information sheets is not working for her. 5 hours a day we sit side by side with me doing very little of MY work.

Last week we all had a pillow fight, and that was 10 minutes of fun. We're trying Hello Fresh from this week, but I'm sure there will be refusal to eat on at last 2 out of 4 days - so that'll be another chore for me. I love walking normally, but just don't want to go out.

I miss the cinema. I love watching films on the big screen with a giant bag of popcorn and a hug diet cola. I mostly miss my friends and family - the shittest time could easily be turned around with good company, and that's the one thing I can't have.

doing*

Also my e key is sticking and the number between 2 and 4 really doesn't work. Need a new laptop, so need to earn some money.

@BlueFlyAway May 😱 I wonder how many independent cafes, coffee shops etc will have gone bust by then

the shittest time could easily be turned around with good company, and that's the one thing I can't have.

This is SO TRUE. I've lived through much worse times (for me), but never without being able to sit in friends or relatives kitchens until 3am drinking wine and sounding off until we're all laughing.