I'm really struggling today.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

The despair seems to have settled on me like a black cloud. I've tried so hard all through this to keep my own and everyone's spirits up, to keep on top of homeschooling, to cook nice meals, to find ways to bring at least a little joy and pleasure into everyone's lives, and I just can't do it anymore.

Everything seems hopeless.

Can you phone a friend and have an actual chat not a zoom call just an old fashioned whinge down the phone.

I never had much of a social life around pubs or clubs or the current lockdown and lack of social life shouldn't bother me so much however there's so much more to life than pubs and clubs.

I always enjoyed getting out once in a while to coffee shop or restaurant. Maybe once a week or once every 2 or 3 week. It was my time away from the rat race to unwind. Eat a meal in peace without rushing. Now there's no break in sight or it's months away.

I kept positive throughout 2020 and I looked for the positives and I aimed to have something to look forward to for the weekends like currently it's hobbies and some lockdown drinks. Realistically there's nothing to take me away from the stresses of work and everyday life. Lockdown is going to go on for many more months and I can't do it any more.

There's no restaurant, no cinema, no functions, no concert, no holiday. I don't need all of these in my life my the way but there's nothing on the horizon for a break to get away from it all.

This is how I feel at the moment. I’m using the Get Outside app to find new walks in my area xxxx

It's so hard, the weather is awful, I think we can acknowledge that a lot of us are just existing no matter what our circumstances. Love and hope to all posters on here xxx

I am with you 100% today. DH and I are both WFH FT and trying to homeschool reception aged child. It's felt so bloody tough over the past 4 weeks but instead of getting used to this way of life I honestly find each week more difficult.

On Monday's I open my inbox and my stomach drops. Today I actually cried. I just can't keep up with work and also have the distractions of having a 4yr old running around, plus spending hours each day homeschooling him (we do try and share this workload out between DH and I but it's still a lot of time taken away from my work duties each week). I'm now so stressed each day that even when I do have time to sit down and crack on with some work I'm just not productive because I'm stressed out so much. We barely ever leave the house even for a walk because its hard to take yet more time out of my work day to go for some fresh air... and by the time we pause for dinner etc. it's dark and DS doesn't want to go then (understandably).

Argh. I'm just done.

Want to ask my manager for some annual leave this week to take the pressure off a little ...but... no one covers my caseload at work when I'm not there so I know that it'll just compound the issue and mean I'm even more behind and more stressed next week when I've got to catch up on even more of a backlog.

How is everyone else coping?!

@BlueFlyAway

I never had much of a social life around pubs or clubs or the current lockdown and lack of social life shouldn't bother me so much however there's so much more to life than pubs and clubs.

I always enjoyed getting out once in a while to coffee shop or restaurant. Maybe once a week or once every 2 or 3 week. It was my time away from the rat race to unwind. Eat a meal in peace without rushing. Now there's no break in sight or it's months away.

I kept positive throughout 2020 and I looked for the positives and I aimed to have something to look forward to for the weekends like currently it's hobbies and some lockdown drinks. Realistically there's nothing to take me away from the stresses of work and everyday life. Lockdown is going to go on for many more months and I can't do it any more.

There's no restaurant, no cinema, no functions, no concert, no holiday. I don't need all of these in my life my the way but there's nothing on the horizon for a break to get away from it all.

I have a baby so wouldn’t have been able to take much advantage of these things anyway (though I would have loved museums and the library to be open) but it turns out I get a lot of enjoyment out of knowing others are out having fun! When children’s outdoor sports started up again in the autumn here it was so lovely to see them having fun, and hearing the school playground full of laughing and shrieking, and knowing people are enjoying theatres, live music, pubs and restaurants etc. It’s all a boost even if vicarious

Thank you all. @HereComesATractor and @hamstersarse and a few others have summed it up, really - I know all the things I can do to cheer us up, we've done the walks and the exercise and the kitchen discos and the baking and all of that, but frankly it doesn't work anymore, and even if it did, I can't be bothered. I am out of energy and motivation.

Tried something a bit different to kick off homeschooling today and read a couple of chapters of "My Family and Other Animals" to the DC. They're both too young for it, really, but it's my favourite book and always makes me smile, plus they enjoyed cuddling up on the sofa with me. I like reading aloud - I'm an actor by trade and obviously not getting much chance to use my skills at the moment.

We're now plugging away with maths and English. Breaking in a moment for "tuck shop."

Still feeling shit, but I think PPs are correct - I need permission to feel like that for a bit, and not try to force myself to be Mrs Motivator. Trying to keep everyone positive feels like trying to stop an iceberg atm.

I'm feeling the same. Not home schooling - kids are grown up and working - but furloughed since this lockdown was announced. I've just stuck into this pit of mindless boredom. I can't even summon the energy to watch television. It just feels so pointless.

Yep I’ve exhausted all the ‘go for a walk, do lovely baking and crafts, hot chocolate with marshmallows and a film inside’ it just doesn’t cut it anymore :(

I wish I was furloughed. It would take some pressure off me.

Well done OP, I love that book too!! Did you watch the Durrell's on TV.
I also have been struggling. I broke last week when my HV said my lo needed speech therapy. I feel like this is my fault, I have failed her by obviously not talking enough during lockdowns, not making sure she sees enough people etc. She's also started to be really scared of people, when she used to love them.
I've got to control these feelings, I know, but I think it's normal that they all escape sometimes and give myself a break. Met a lovely lady in the park this morning and felt like she really was an angel so kind and reassuring to me. Will prob live off her kind words for a while.

Loved The Durrells. Can't watch it atm though, as the yearning to go abroad just gets overwhelming.

When this is all over I'm never going to be persuaded to holiday in the UK again.

This is how I feel too. It's been exacerbated by the fact I feel for a scam regarding a job offer. With my business decimated and it being illegal, all I wanted was to earn money to pay my bills ffs. Feel sick, but consoling myself with left over Christmas chocolate and what other crap I can find. Today can sod off I think.
Hope you're OK OP.

And me. all out of positivity today, which is out of character. Fixed and finished. This is toilet.

@PandoraP

I feel the same. I was fine throughout 2020. I knew this winter would be hard but thought I was prepared and we would see the end of it come spring with vaccines etc Now I am not sure or for some reason everything came crashing down on my around Christmas time. I feel for the first time in my life that I have an insight into what depression must be like. A big black cloud that won’t lift. If I feel like this I cannot imagine what people who already struggled with depression per Covid must be feel like. It’s awful!!

Yeah, I was fine in the summer and early in the winter I kept saying "January will be really grim" so was prepared for it. I think what's been difficult is the realisation 2021 is just more of the same. I thought once we got out of Jan-Feb we'd see things ease slowly back to normal.

I feel a bit better today knowing January is gone at least.

Oh sweetheart, did not want to ignore you. Do you have any colouring books that you can sit down and colour to block other things out, have a lovely bath with candles. It will get better.

It's no help OP, I know but i'm feeling the same and am pretty resilient usually. It's been a grim month. But we should hopefully all see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon.

@LucyMaxwellDM

This is how I feel at the moment. I’m using the Get Outside app to find new walks in my area xxxx

I am well aware that this is a thread for sympathy, not practical advice, but walks are keeping me sane at the moment, so thank you for this. Had not heard of it and it looks good for me.

It’s the relentlessness of it all. My situation could be a lot worse but i feel like my skin is tissue-paper thin right now. Trying to slap a brave face on for the kids and working full-time in a new role I’ve barely been able to get to grips with is beyond challenging. I’ve resolved to look after myself physically this week. Been caning the wine lately which isn’t helpful. Basically I’m in self-destruct mode and I need a massive kick up the backside. Helps to know others are also struggling. We will come through this. Hang on in there OP👊

Sympathies OP I feel similar, this is my worse morning so far.

Some good advice, I also recommend some cake, retail therapy, tv. if you have netflix, queens gambit and call my agent both great.

It literally is gritting teeth to get through the day here. Crying, blankets and mumsnet. Take care x

I really can't comfort eat, I have to keep my weight down if I'm ever going to work again, and I'm nowhere near as active as I used to be, so have to cut calories instead.

Just had an email to tell me I didn't get a job I auditioned for recently that I really wanted.

call my agent looks promising!

Right there with you, folks. It all feels so overwhelming and relentless and never-ending. Work is too hard and I can't keep up. Homeschooling is impossible and she's falling behind every day which makes me feel shit. Money is always tight, can't treat ourselves to nice things from Amazon because I have to put every spare penny towards clearing debt. Everyone's mental health is precarious. Yesterday I didn't even washed and out of my PJs until after dark, and then I just put on fresh PJs and went back to the sofa. Which means none of the housework got done - because that is all too overwhelming too.

We all know the things we can and should be doing to feel better. But it is a shitty situation and we are absolutely allowed to feel shit and feel like we're not coping. Especially if we aren't actually coping.

I don't care that the pubs and restaurants are closed. But the only places my (autistic) daughter was ever even remotely happy to go were (1) the cinema, (2) the swimming pool, (3) her grandparents' house and (4) her friend's house. The only thing that made her happy at home was having a friend come over to play. None of these things have been possible since last summer, and not all of them even then. It is shit and we are all just existing instead of living right now. We hardly leave the house. None of us want to go on a fucking walk around the streets of our boring little town.

Some days are better than others. But none of them are actually good right now.

@Oysterbabe my 5yo is the same. Sleep is dreadful. He just seems fed up. I've jollied him into doing his school work (school work is a Poohead, he says) and now he's cuddling up on the sofa watching molly and mack while I get his 4 month old sister to sleep and get lunch.

It's groundhog day.

'It's the relentlessness of it all.' Sums it up very well.

Another post above sums it up too.

I had so much stamina for the lockdown in 2020 and I kept positive. I thought once January is over, we will be into spring and it will ease and things will get better. I'm realising 2021 will turn out to be the same. I'm so sick of it now. I realise the importance of the lockdown but it's so hard.

There's just no let up. There's no break or easing of schedules.

The headache I'm suffering is unreal. There's just no break away from any of it. The last week that I had off was back in Summer time of 2019 and the thought of my work shitting on my back again without sniffing more than 3 days off is unbearable. Bank Holidays will be so dry. I feel sick to my stomach.