I'm really struggling today.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

The despair seems to have settled on me like a black cloud. I've tried so hard all through this to keep my own and everyone's spirits up, to keep on top of homeschooling, to cook nice meals, to find ways to bring at least a little joy and pleasure into everyone's lives, and I just can't do it anymore.

Everything seems hopeless.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

I really can't comfort eat, I have to keep my weight down if I'm ever going to work again, and I'm nowhere near as active as I used to be, so have to cut calories instead.

Just had an email to tell me I didn't get a job I auditioned for recently that I really wanted.

I'm so sorry I'm trying to lose weight so treating myself with a new book/something to watch/wear. It's not quite the same but helps.

I seem to have gone to next phase where it feels surreal. Like we could be the only ones left in this house.

I know we’re not. I go out daily, even bump into friends and chat, exercise and walk dogs.

I see children skipping to school in the morning and it makes me feel very sad. Something so normal not even close to being possible.

But at the same time I’m not hugely down, manage to make the dc laugh a lot. Buy nice food for teen.

It’s definitely the hardest part for me though. The sheer length of it

March 8 feels along way away and that is the earliest date it will change. That’s a hard one

. no one covers my caseload at work when I'm not there so I know that it'll just compound the issue and mean I'm even more behind and more stressed next week when I've got to catch up on even more of a backlog.

My.job is like that too, but I have 6 days holiday which has to be used by the end of March so I'm taking a.few Fridays off and half term . Unfortunately I'll just have to try to catch up afterwards

Same here

I've hit the wall today. Sat here working and what would be a really interesting challenge holds no interest for me. Colleagues keep pestering, so I've blocked them for the day and gone on DND.

Just really can't face the crap today.

I really do get where you are coming from . Seeing the MH destruction effecting my own adult children who were all particularly mentally robust before Covid is destroying me. You kind of run out of motivating upbeat advice ...am despairing.
I am looking at uk holidays to try and cheer myself up .The dreary weather doesn’t help . 💐X

Everyone has peaks (not very high ones) and valleys. I was feeling OK today until I randomly thought imagine if Feb 15th was end of lockdown rather than the aim for the vaccinations. Then I saw the Isle of Man's news and literally felt ill with envy. Even when lockdown ends I can't see any improvements. Whenever they talk about things opening they never mention families mixing.

I've been finding it very very hard too, especially with a mix of other stuff in life. I have to internally congratulate myself for having clothes on and brushing my hair at present.

I think at the moment, rather than worrying about keeping everyone else upbeat, while you are bumping along on fumes, it would be worth trying to muster any spare energy you have towards finding something each day that helps you. I think if we can find things that lift us, that helps the rest of the family with their mood.

Same OP (love your name! I think mine would be one of Hodgesaaaargh's birds of prey)

I sorta beat the rush by having a total nervous breakdown end of last year... was finally in a better place, got back to work and promptly caught COVID. So no energy for walks/park/housework. Living room is unspeakable. And the shit weather is not helping.... where are the clear, sunny cold winter days?!

Sorry you didn't get the part either

And thanks to the PP who recommended the walking app!

Think positively, with all the restaurants and entertainment venus closed, you will be saving thousands which you can spend when the weather is nice. I don't agree with lockdowns and school closures, but we have to make best use the the situation and do what is best for ourselves. If you have to meet friends and families, just go ahead and arrange to meet up. If homeschooling is giving you too much stress, just claim keyworker status and send your child to school. Don't let your life be dicated by lockdown lunatics and politicians who are too cowardly to address the wider damage of lockdowns.

It's getting more shit by the day, here too.

I felt like this over the weekend. You are not alone.

Yeah, I was fine in the summer and early in the winter I kept saying "January will be really grim" so was prepared for it. I think what's been difficult is the realisation 2021 is just more of the same. I thought once we got out of Jan-Feb we'd see things ease slowly back to normal.

I feel the same. I was fully prepared for a grim winter, but hoped that we'd have the prospect of things getting slowly back to normal. Yet now, even with vaccines produced and administered faster than ever expected, there's no sign of that. My only hope is that they're being deliberately pessimistic because they know they over-promised and had to make embarrassing u turns and don't want to do that again. The idea that the best we might have to look forward to is a summer like the last one horifies me. Last summer was crap, at least for me.

I loved The Durrells too. Watched it with my daughter and really cheered us up. My Dad passed away recently so installed Netflix on my mums tv and it is a wonderful escape for her at this difficult time xx

I'm actually very angry and raging because we are where we are because of some selfishness in the population where many people refused to follow the guidelines to minimise contacts and risk of virus.

I never once felt last yesr that my rights were eroded and from the summer time I live ld a good life even though we had some restrictions. I was able to find some balance in finding things that I liked and enjoyed outside of work. I can remember staying in an air bnb last summer for 2 nights and I felt so safe. I can remember getting some takeaways and I can remember eating out once in a while. Basically I lived happily with the restrictions with a cautious balance.

Now because of some peoples greed and selfishness over Christmas and being able to stay away from parties and gatherings, we are all suffering another lockdown where there's nothing to look forward to. I blame our government too. We should never have been placed into another lockdown. They should have protected our borders after the first lockdown to minimise more virus arriving into the country and trickling down into communities.

I believe if we were in a level 3, there would still be something to look forward to. It wouldnt be great or ideal but there would be something to look forward to.

Me too, I'm usually the eternal optimist, with a smile for everyone and everything but I've reached breaking point. Hate to say it but this thread makes me feel better so, thank you OP, makes me feel I have company in a shit show of a life at the moment.

I consider myself fortunate that I don't have young children to home school and certainly have empathy for all of those that do, however, the flip side to that coin is that my daughter has come back to live at home for a few months and even though I love her dearly, she's WFH and I feel like my little organised haven has suddenly had to change, plus it takes away any privacy for my newish relationship (met in the summer). And that relationship, that I've been longing for for years, is also fraught with difficulties, we haven't had a 'normal' date or done 'normal' things since we first got together so it feels very surreal.

I'm detest Facebook and all the happy family posts and am envious of all my friends for ridiculous reasons and can't even be bothered to message some of them back for days.

I'm living a totally fragmented life and agree with some previous posters that the last thing I need is someone telling me to bake another cake or go on another walk! Just leave me to wallow in my misery!

Thank heaven's February is only 4 weeks long - just think folks, 4 weeks today it'll be March!

Feeling a bit done today too. I think I stupidly thought I’d feel happy to get through Jan and on to Feb but I feel worse than ever. I’m not sure what I thought would happen on Feb 1st.
I was having happy thoughts about Spring but the forecast here is so shit. And I still have to trudge outside every day in the rain and gloom with the dog! We’ve been doing this for a month so it’s just relentless isn’t it?

Kids are doing homeschool but I’m struggling to get them outside at 4pm. Husband has just moaned at me the DS2 is spending about 70% of his day on Roblox. Which isn’t quite true. He gets on with his work independently and whizzes through it. But still that made me cry and argue with DH. I guess he wants me to be baking with him or reading. So hard to drag them out in the cold. We do most days but still it’s a Battle.

No kitchen disco suggestions here. I think we all know the suggestions now. We just need acknowledgment that it’s really shit. Mustering up some energy to drag my kids off their screens and to go out in the grey and cold.....

I mean lockdown 3 for a month. We’ve obviously been doing the rest of it a lot longer but its much worse now.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Thank you all. I appreciate the sympathy and the helpful suggestions. It doesn't feel like anything will help atm though. Certainly not being alone. I'm so bloody lonely despite never really being alone.

You say it so well. I'm beyond helpful suggestions myself, so am not going to make any. But I know how you feel, and I am sorry that you feel it too.

I'm sorry to hear how fed up you are OP, and everyone else.
Same here
Shit
No job, husband is working but I want my own income.
Nothing to look forward to
People I know seem much less affected than I am, which makes me feel worse.
Thank goodness I have the dog :)

Ugh me too

Same here. Birthday today too

Mine is worse because I am not even being the fixer
My dh is out of work but I am
The one suffering with a anxiety and depression so he is picking up all the slack on homeschool and cooking and housework (I am doing a bit of paid work but slump onto sofa between meetings)
Also eating far too much shit food

I hesitate to say Happy Birthday in the circumstances, @Paddingtonthebear. and and (or whatever your poison is) for you though.

And a virtual handhold in miserable solidarity for everyone feeling the same way. It sucks. I have nothing positive to say, but I'm thinking of you all with kindness. It's the best I can do.