I'm really struggling today.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

The despair seems to have settled on me like a black cloud. I've tried so hard all through this to keep my own and everyone's spirits up, to keep on top of homeschooling, to cook nice meals, to find ways to bring at least a little joy and pleasure into everyone's lives, and I just can't do it anymore.

Everything seems hopeless.

I think we all thought Nov/Dec 2021 will be better then 2021 comes along and its cold dark wet and we are in full lock down again and at times we have all felt down. I think we just need to learn to be kind to ourselves and get through this any which way we can.

Could you have a day off? I often think one of the things I'll look back at WFH and regret the most is that I didn't use the opportunity more to do things like nap, go for a run at 3pm, do my hobby at 10am etc. I've always prioritised work. Obviously that's only possible as I work at a place with flexible hours that's about what you deliver, not when you're online, but still think I should take advantage of it more. I don't have DC but could you just announce 'tomorrow is a day off school day' and use it to have a proper break, take time for yourself? One day won't harm their education.

I feel the same. I have just been stood in the kitchen crying whilst cooking dinner, after loading the dishwasher (again), doing the washing up, tidying up everyone else’s mess. Now, I am off to order our online groceries after doing the meal planning and homeschooling. I really miss my business and actually trying to earn some money of my own and having some self worth 😞

There was a novelty factor in last springs lockdown and it coincided with some beautiful spring weather. My job provided me with a better work/life balance. I saw some things that I never saw before too. Families making time for each other. Families going out walking. Families playing on the local beach. There was an end in sight too and it came from early summer time.

The winters lockdown just gone, it was tough but I never found it as hard.

This time around and there's a load of black and bleak coming down on top of me. My job is back to its usual self and there isn't a restaurant or cinema open in sight and I will be lucky if I will be allowed a break or a holiday this year.

I'm so so so sick of it all.

I am totally with you all. I have hardly been out of the house for the past week, I just cannot be bothered even though I know how much better I feel when I go for a walk. But I am pig sick of going for walks alone (DH is housebound pretty much due to disability).

The stuff in the news today about the SA variant hasn't helped. It's like a blow upon a bruise to paraphrase Evelyn Waugh.

@notalwaysalondoner

Could you have a day off? I often think one of the things I'll look back at WFH and regret the most is that I didn't use the opportunity more to do things like nap, go for a run at 3pm, do my hobby at 10am etc. I've always prioritised work. Obviously that's only possible as I work at a place with flexible hours that's about what you deliver, not when you're online, but still think I should take advantage of it more. I don't have DC but could you just announce 'tomorrow is a day off school day' and use it to have a proper break, take time for yourself? One day won't harm their education.

I’m on maternity leave - which is certainly easier than for those who have to juggle work and homeschooling etc - but I don’t get to book annual leave from it

Sorry I didn’t mean that to come across so snarkily. It’s a nice thought. Part of the problem for many of us is the relentlessness - there just isn’t any possibility of downtime or “a change is as good as a rest” type things

There was a novelty factor in last springs lockdown and it also coincided with some beautiful spring weather. I saw some beautiful things that I never saw before. Families making time for each other and going out for walks. There was an end in sight and it came in the summer time with lower cases and am easing of restrictions.

I'm finding this lockdown so so so hard because life is all work with no break or end in sight. I find weekends are used catching up with jobs I should be doing all week. I feel dreadful because theres no appropriate down time from any of it.

I work as a nanny. For years I relied on the mid term breaks from school to get time off. That never happened last year because the family never went away for mid term breaks and that meant I was working. I did book a week off for September for a holiday abroad but the holiday ended up being cancelled and the parents I work for ended up having me in work. I was going to go away on a home holiday but I wasn't even allowed a week off. I'm just after getting the schedule for February and there's a mid term break in a few weeks and I don't even get a day off. I actually honest to go feel sick because life is now all work, work, work, work, work with no break in sight and it's hitting home very hard with me now, thinking is this yesr going to end up the same as last year.

The last time I got a week off was back in 2019 which seems like ages ago and that's very hard to stomach. There's just no break in sight.

Hi @OhYouBadBadKitten sorry to hear you're struggling. I've also got a lot of other shitty stuff going on, and its very difficult to keep going. Sending

to all.

@HereComesATractor

Sorry I didn’t mean that to come across so snarkily. It’s a nice thought. Part of the problem for many of us is the relentlessness - there just isn’t any possibility of downtime or “a change is as good as a rest” type things

I hear you. I have a day off a week on which I'd get jobs done, meet a friend for coffee/walk/breakfast & spend most of it alone but now we're all at home it's exactly the same as every other day

We both work full time from home. Kids are 5 and 1. 1 has been ill recently so have had both at home although now “just” 1 at home whilst we work full time. My tactics -

1. Mirror working. Neither me nor spouse work whilst looking after kid. This way avoids feeling torn in two. Kids understands really super clear boundaries - when one parent is working they might well be dead - they aren’t around for anything at all.

1. Everyday involves 15 minutes of a solid bath or shower with splendid goodies. Includes a soundscape from Headspace. Includes fabulous products and smelliest. Lights low. Candles. Every single day for 15 mins - spa time.

1. Every single day involves cooking a meal from a cuisine I adore. After kids have gone to bed. Now it’s become a ritual.

1. We pay close attention to Netflix and similar and have a long list of binge watching.

1. Meditation on headspace every single day. Not on bad days only. Every single day, like clockwork - 10 minutes. It feels like looking after myself.

1. Devote time in my half of childcare and home learning to do part of the home learning outside of the house.

1. Early bedtimes for kids. We both take both kids plus dog upstairs Earlyish for massive on the floor playing and cuddling together and getting tired and happy and exhausted so that we get a proper evening to cook eat and binge watch.

1. Flowers at all times. Two sets one on table one on mantelpiece. Never without fresh flowers.

1. A long list of household projects. Small but significant : improvements building up.

Because if I didn’t do these I’d have to think about how I may never see my parents halfway around the world or that they have never ever met or touched my baby who arrived at the start of the pandemic or how relentless this all is.

I feel the same OP. I've managed and coped so well until now.

But today has been so dark.

I don't read the news anymore either - so I don't know why.

Gosh thank you for starting this OP. I am so relieved that I am not alone. It has all just become too much for me. We are almost a year in this pandemic. I have worked very hard trying to keep all of our spirits up, the house a home, good food, work, school work, and so on.
I am sick of the Be Positive police, the Use Your Time Well crowd. All the (marvellous) suggestions of how to make it better/wonderfu/ passable make me feel TERRIBLE. Because I have nothing left, I am exhausted I am drained. I am empty.

Part of my problem is the fact that there is really no end in sight.

I think things are looking up, I’ve just worked out that by the end of may bank holidays both my parents will be fully vaccinated and I can start seeing them again properly, my children will have their Grandparents. I don’t mind other things not opening up if I can see them.

Can we see grandparents by May? They’ll only have had one jab, and we won’t have had any?

Re grandparents, my parents will have had both jabs plus 3 weeks. I'm a single parent so we can bubble with them

As someone else said it’s shit so you will feel shit. Perfectly normal response right now.

Have a hot shower and a good cry (in the shower), then an early night. Allow yourself to feel shit. Repeat when needed. Honestly a few years ago I had a horrendous time, and it was the only thing that really helped.

Do things to cheer yourself up too - flowers, clothes shopping, nice food listening to podcasts/YouTube, Netflix etc. But please allow yourself to be sad too.

Yesterday morning the sun came out and I remembered my best friend in Spain who I normally visit about twice a year. On the way back from the airport we always stop in a little seaside place and have a drink and a catch up. I so wanted to be there . I messaged her and she said she feels exactly the same as everything is closed for them too!

@Coldwinterahead1

I think things are looking up, I’ve just worked out that by the end of may bank holidays both my parents will be fully vaccinated and I can start seeing them again properly, my children will have their Grandparents. I don’t mind other things not opening up if I can see them.

Please get your positivity out of this thread, it is not wanted here.

Having only one thing to look forward is hardly being positive.

@Frequentflier

It's very hard. Please be kind to yourself. I think women often feel like they have to make it fun for everybody and "fix things". This is one thing that can only be fixed by time and vaccinations! Maybe don't cook anything nice today and just give everyone beans on toast for a day. They will survive.

I really agree with the need to 'fix things', I am absolutely exhausted from keeping everyones spirits up at home and work and making sure they are ok so I guess it was inevitable. I have yet to have a wobble and I am normally a glass half full person who makes the most of things but like you OP it all got too much yesterday. Be kinder to ourselves and hopefully today will be a better day

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Thank you all. I appreciate the sympathy and the helpful suggestions. It doesn't feel like anything will help atm though. Certainly not being alone. I'm so bloody lonely despite never really being alone.

This resonated with me too. I'm surrounded by teens who all seem either perky or utterly stressed. I desperately want them all to be off doing things so I can be alone. I had a Zoom call last week with a charity committee that I'm on. It was lovely to see them all but even then the bloody dcs kept mooching through asking how long I was going to be - our wifi isnt great and they wanted to watch Netflix. For the first time I nearly lost it.

I had a Zoom call last week with a charity committee that I'm on. It was lovely to see them all but even then the bloody dcs kept mooching through asking how long I was going to be - our wifi isnt great and they wanted to watch Netflix. For the first time I nearly lost it.

Do you know what, you should have “lost it”! Sometimes it’s what children need to see. Teenagers can be v selfish, it’s part of being a teenager, and I’m very much “pick your battles” etc but to interrupt you when on a Zoom call, is plain rude. I’d speak to them today and tell them that their behaviour was unacceptable, that your meeting was far more important than their Netflix viewing and they need to stop being so childish. (Reminding them that their teenage behaviour sometimes resembles that of a three year old toddler, often shocked mine into reflecting on their behaviour.)

Your post about being lonely despite never being alone resonates with me.

My DH works long hours (from home) so he is always here but never "here".
I work too but he never "gives" me any time to work during the day - if I have a work call I have to ask him to take over with DC and he makes a huge fuss about "clearing his diary".
I tried to reason with him last lockdown but it was pointless so this time I have decided to just suck it up. The resentment is still there though, bubbling under the surface.

So I homeschool, cook and clean. I referee fights and wipe arses. Then once they are in bed I start work. Work until 10pm and roll into bed.
Rinse and repeat.
Saturday I go into my office and work. This has become the highlight of my week (how sad). I buy a croissant and nice coffee. Put the radio on and plough through my work.
Sunday is my only day off from work now and then I feel pressure for #familytime #makingmemories - everyone looking at me expectantly over breakfast to come up with something new and exciting to do, in a lockdown. I am out of ideas so it is to the park again where the DC bicker and DH moans about the cold.

It is all so dull and predictable.