Driving 80 miles to meet student daughter for a walk

[walkornot]

She would drive 20 miles to meet me. She went back to her uni town before lockdown. She's okay but struggling at times. Thinking of meeting her next weekend for a walk. Bad idea?

You are legally allowed to do this for health reasons - both for exercise and care and support. Only you can decide if the situation warrants it.

To be clear the regulations do not permit you to drive 80 miles to mix with another household because you want to clarify whether or not someone is a bit fed up

I mean. Come on.

@Underhisi

You are legally allowed to do this for health reasons - both for exercise and care and support. Only you can decide if the situation warrants it.

This is true - legally allowed

@MartiniDry

Strawberry, please don't worry about my intelligent, robust, level-headed, capable, mature children. You have no need for concern and I have no reason to be ashamed.

Oh well done you @MartiniDry, we'll send your medal in the post!

I'm CEV and I would not hesitate to go to my child. I'd take sarnies and a pot to wee in

@walkornot

I did genuinely ask in order to clarify my thoughts The thing is, how can I tell if it's just "a bit fed up" or genuinely struggling- as she might not say even if I ask? And I absolutely do not Facetime a valid replacement

And if you do meet her, and she's genuinely struggling ... one meeting with you will not fix it. So what will you (both of you) do next?

Go whether strictly speaking you’re allowed to or not. You’re her mother and can best judge what she needs not a load of strangers here who are questioning whether she is really struggling.
I have children at uni at the moment and know they are having a really crap time. They are still young and need support.

I would go in a heartbeat. Your daughter is more important than the rules. If you get stopped by police say that you are doing what any good mother would do. It worked for Dominic

I would go and I think you should go

@E1ffelTower

Why ask mumsnet? Why do you need a load of strangers to berate or validate your choices? If your daughter needs you, just go!

This

I would be going, and I 100% would not be asking for permission or the opinions of others.

I'm not sure what i.would do in this situation. I would probably consider whether to bring her back home, I wouldn't drive.80 miles to meet her as lots of people could come up.with reasons why it was important for them to travel. One.comment you made though Op was that you would not have done this 2 weeks ago but things.are now calmer. I don't think over 30,000 new cases a day and over 1000 deaths is things being calmer!

Police stopping people must be incredibly rare. I dont see it anywhere in RL. In fact I dont see police full stop even before covid

Jeeze, this thread has now become who has the most resilient children and what every day joe public people class as vulnerable.

Never, never ask mumsnet questions like this OP. Def when not covid related.

@LegoAndLolDolls

Police stopping people must be incredibly rare. I dont see it anywhere in RL. In fact I dont see police full stop even before covid

The town I live in is now crawling with them. I've never seen so many Police in almost 50 years. Makes you wonder where they have all been.

For me it would come down to whether struggling means genuinely struggling and experiencing mental health difficulties (in which case I totally would make the journey and would be encouraging her to come home in order to keep her safe), or whether it's struggling as in a bit bored, fed up with lockdown and wants a catch up (in which case I wouldn't because it's just like most other adults at the moment).

@Silenceisgolden20

Jeeze, this thread has now become who has the most resilient children and what every day joe public people class as vulnerable.

Never, never ask mumsnet questions like this OP. Def when not covid related.

Exactly, it's not a competition!

Nothing would stop me traveling any distance if a family member or friend was struggling. There is nothing in the law that states you can’t travel for exercise the guidance says stay local but that’s not legally enforceable. This would also come under care for vulnerable person so you have nothing legally to worry about. She’s your daughter, she needs her mum just go. We are on the brink of a crisis much bigger than covid and that’s a mental health crisis we need to stop thinking covid is the be all and end all it isn’t. People are struggling and a face time isn’t sufficient and will never replace the power of face to face human interaction.

@walkornot

She would drive 20 miles to meet me. She went back to her uni town before lockdown. She's okay but struggling at times. Thinking of meeting her next weekend for a walk. Bad idea?

Just do it OP. You'll just be shouted at on here about ACCIDENTS!! and BREAKING DOWN! etc etc etc

She's your daughter and she wants to see you. Just do it.

You could get fined. Is it really worth it for a walk? Can you FaceTime instead

I didn't realise that she was struggling, apologies op I would go for it

I absolutely would. 20 miles? That's what ..20 minutes? Half an hour? I commute over 45 miles (90 to 100 miles round trip) for work every day (NHS critical.worker).

I know people would disagree, but 20miles is not far. She's your daughter. She's important. She's struggling. It's not like you r commuting all the way to flippin Barnard castle ....

@meltedgalaxy

You could get fined. Is it really worth it for a walk? Can you FaceTime instead

If it was either of my two, I'd happily take the fine, it's hardly the crime of the decade. Well as we now live in "covid times" as some weirdly call it, perhaps it is.

@meltedgalaxy

You could get fined. Is it really worth it for a walk? Can you FaceTime instead

Truly one of the most shocking things I’ve read on here. The OP is talking about her daughter needing her mum.

The number of replies on this thread saying 'Just go' or 'I would', probably explain why the UK cannot get a hold on the virus spreading.
Why do so many think their situation is 'the exception' ?

Of course you can't drive 80 mile to meet your student daughter for a walk. That is absolutely not what we should be doing.

A couple of weeks ago I wouldn't have considered it, numbers were so high and there were those women with the peppermint tea. But now things seem a little bit calmer, hopefully even more so next week, so I'm wondering.

'a little bit calmer' ????? Where in the country are you ?
That is NOT the case where I am. That is not the case where my friend is working as a consultant. That is not the case where the two nurses I've spoken to recently are. This is not the case where the Doctors who haven't been practising for some time (doing research, teaching etc) have all been dragged back to the frontline. This isn't the case in our hospitals where they have had to create hundreds of extra intensive care beds. This isn't the case where people waiting for operations and treatments for other conditions have just had their lives on hold, or, worse, people who are now actually dying because they haven't been able to get the early interventions.

Oh, and yes, I do have a dd away in her first year at university, and another daughter living away who finished her degree in the Summer. I know how hard it is. I know we all get fed up.