Driving 80 miles to meet student daughter for a walk

[walkornot]

She would drive 20 miles to meet me. She went back to her uni town before lockdown. She's okay but struggling at times. Thinking of meeting her next weekend for a walk. Bad idea?

Sorry miss read post, that's a very long way. In that case meet half way in the middle and try to distance. It's your daughter & mental health is just as important as physical health x

What @Lalliella. said.

Of course you should. I can’t believe the callousness of those who say you shouldn’t.

100% I would.

Students can be very vulnerable at the best of times, and MH services are so inadequate for students.

Also very hard to get a picture of how someone actually is on Skype or the phone- you need to spend actual F2F time with them- same reason my therapist feels Skype therapy is an inadequate substitute (though we do it and muddle through).

OP I would go- but actually I would probably drive all the way to hers and walk from there: I think if you both drive and meet up, police might be (unreasonably) if you’re stopped- but if you go to her it’s indisputably a caring visit.

It’s shit that this is what life’s come to, and it’s a small chance you’d be stopped, but neither of you need that aggro, or to be made to feel guilty unnecessarily and unjustly.

I would Tbh.
Pondering similar with DD2 who is now 6 months pregnant with her first baby and early 20s. Last saw her end of November.

I would if she needed to come home, we have one dd with us as it is. Dp's dd is struggling and was told if she wants to pack her car up and come here but she then stays put here until lockdown ends.

Of course you should go. Go and get your baby girl, love her and protect her mental health. She is not a diseased bio hazard to be avoided.

I cannot understand people saying ‘no, talk to her on zoom’. These young adults struggling are the ones more likely to be found hanging. Shame on you all for telling OP not to go.

By the way OP I have driven 300 mile round trips twice during lockdown to see my DM who I’m in a bubble with, there were loads of cars on the roads and I saw police a couple of times and never got stopped.

I would too.

I’ve followed all the rules, but for this? In a heartbeat. I’d probably hug her to pieces as well.

I would. My kids come above everything. I'd happily pay the fine too.
In fact if no face to face learning I'd have them home whether advised or not!

Yes I'd do it. You're meeting outside which is low risk and driving in a car on your own. Also good for the car to get a long drive.

You're making me all emotional - thank you

This is seeing a vulnerable person. My take would be to discuss this with your dd over text in case either of you are challenged and you will then have proof meeting each other is for mental health reasons.

OP just go. Ignore the posters who are advising she “seeks help” from her GP, yeah like some tablets and zoom therapy is the answer.

Ridiculous.

Go and see your daughter.

I would, it would be callous not to, my children come above anything else.

@Redbrickwall

Absolutely. I feel sorry for their kids with that attitude.

Bad idea.

If you think she truly needs you, yes.
As others have said, you’re not going for a walk, you are supporting a vulnerable person. Just drive carefully.

I would in a heartbeat, I don't understand those who wouldn't.

@walkornot

She would drive 20 miles to meet me. She went back to her uni town before lockdown. She's okay but struggling at times. Thinking of meeting her next weekend for a walk. Bad idea?

I'd drive a 1000 miles and accept all the fines under the sun if my children needed me. They come well above this bloody virus and the laws that go along with it.

Vulnerable person needs help = acceptable reason for the journey.

She just wants to see me to recharge.
Then the answer should be no. This sounds like she just wants to see you rather than her being a person who is really struggling with mental health issues and in need of care or vulnerable. If we all did this because we are missing people and want to see them then we'll never get out of lockdowns.

I think it is incredibly difficult but I would not. The activity itself is low risk, outdoors etc. However, that isn't how collective responsibility works. If each individual likes a tiny little hole in the dam then it stops fulfilling it's purpose. Each activity has wider repercussion. Additional cars on roads, stops at petrol stations etc all increase chance of transmission, contact points, chance of accidents or breakdowns requiring other services. It models behaviour for others and begins to normalise it and so on. If we each see our own circumstances as being special and break restrictions for them then what have we got left?

I'm a bit confused as to whether the dc is really struggling or whether she's just a but fed up like the rest of the country.

I would absolutely go and pick my daughter up if she needed it, but you said that she doesn't want to come home, and that she just wants to see you to recgarge. That doesn't sound vulnerable to me, but only you know what your dd's mental health is actually like.

If she is genuinely vulnerable, then I think you should go, but people seem to throw that word around quite easily. If she's just a bit low but coping overall, then I don't think you should break the rules.