Driving 80 miles to meet student daughter for a walk

[walkornot]

She would drive 20 miles to meet me. She went back to her uni town before lockdown. She's okay but struggling at times. Thinking of meeting her next weekend for a walk. Bad idea?

@ineedaholidaynow

If she was really struggling she would come home with you.

I am sure most of us could argue we could do with a recharge and meeting up with someone close to us

🥱

Yes I think it's important , it's hard to really know what's going on until you see someone. I thought my DF was ok during the first lockdown until finally we met for a walk and I realised he was actually terrified , had lost weight and was displaying acute anxiety . Too many kids are vulnerable right now. I'd go if it was my DD.

@PhilCornwall1

*Yes, and the answer is yes, of course you should meet your struggling daughter for a walk.

Otherwise what the hell kind of world are we living in?*

Judging by some of the comments (and only some), we are living in world (or at least a country) where absolutely nothing is more important than following every one of these laws and it must be done without question, regardless of why you need to break them.

It's madness.

It has brought the worst out in people. Turning on each other. Blaming, judging.

I would OP. You'll get a better feel for how shes doing mentally by meeting her in person. If she's really struggling you may need to come up with another plan for her or if she seems to be managing the visit will give her a boost at least. Good luck.

My two DS come first. We are low risk as we have had CV19 together just before Xmas (caught when I went to see my Dad in hospital before he passed away). But yes if my sons wanted to meet or come home I'd say yes (although we do keep to a minimum).

I'd do it without a thought. Even better if you could get her to come home.

The trouble is that a huge proportion of the country is feeling massively down and would like to meet someone outside of their household to "recharge". And whilst one person doing this is clearly not a particular issue, if we all started doing it, it could become one very quickly.

People who are vulnerable or have genuine mental health issues, of course need, and should receive, support. I'm not sure that OP's daughter falls into either category or OP would not be posting on MN about meeting her next weekend - she would already be in the car. So, whilst I sympathise, her needs are not any greater than anyone else's.

@RedskyBynight that is my thinking.

Also at what point do you say the distance is too far? I wouldn’t be able to drive that distance there and back without having to have at least one visit to the loo. So adding the risk of spreading the virus.

I feel for the DD and if she is really struggling I would be bringing her back home.

Schools aren’t going back until at least Easter, so I am assuming universities aren’t going to be offering f2f anytime soon. So how many times will she need a recharge?

It depends entirely on what you mean by "struggling". A bit miserable and missing mum is no excuse. Genuinely in despair to the point of significany impaired mental health is a valid reason for offering care to the vulnerable.

Your DD not wanting to come home suggests she's in the first camp, but only you know quite what the situation is.

Just do it

Harsh as it is, no and you know that, but why ask as it seems you have already made your mind up all you are doing is asking for validation for something you know you shouldn’t be doing

Why can’t you FaceTime? Or Skype?

Yes, if my child needed me I would go without question. I wouldn't do just for the craic though.

I am sure I would not wait until my child was in "genuine despair" before I tried to help them either.

I'd go. People saying not to sound so callous.

@SuperbGorgonzola

I am sure I would not wait until my child was in "genuine despair" before I tried to help them either.

I feel so sorry for these children who have parents who would wait for them to be in 'genuine despair' before going to them.

Cannot understand this at all and anyone who thinks that way shouldn't be a parent and should be ashamed.

If you have genuine and serious concerns about her well being then yes go.

If she's just 'fed up' then absolutely not.

Well if it's for her "mental health" you can do anything you like so fill your boots

@jimmyhill

Well if it's for her "mental health" you can do anything you like so fill your boots

Your use of sarcasm here is disgusting.

Go.

I’d go, no question. And I’ve stuck stringently to the rules and have barely been out of the house since March.

@jimmyhill

Well if it's for her "mental health" you can do anything you like so fill your boots

Why the sarcasm? Are you trying to demean mental illness?

Strawberry, please don't worry about my intelligent, robust, level-headed, capable, mature children. You have no need for concern and I have no reason to be ashamed.

@jimmyhill

Well if it's for her "mental health" you can do anything you like so fill your boots

What a shitty comment!! Would you be so demeaning about people with physical health problems or disabilities? No? Then why do it for mental health? Or do you not believe that mental health problems are real?? Yes some people do use mental health as an excuse but that doesn't mean that mental health is real, often debilitating, sometimes life threatening.

I would absolutely go .

I did genuinely ask in order to clarify my thoughts
The thing is, how can I tell if it's just "a bit fed up" or genuinely struggling- as she might not say even if I ask?
And I absolutely do not Facetime a valid replacement