The Psychology of those who look to depress others

[Outseyeder]

This situation has created a unique opportunity for a particular group of people. Those who gain enjoyment and self-esteem from controlling others emotions, specifically people who are looking for reassurance about when the existing restrictions might be eased.
The pattern is now quite clear. First there is an OP saying words to the effect of "when do you think we will have a normal life again". Sometimes there are specific variants like "Am I being optimistic booking a holiday for x date".
You can almost smell the glee in the Controllers' when they see post like this (or are they planting them there themselves??). They pounce with a formulation along the lines of "if you think this is going to be over by y you're going to be sorely disappointed. I think it will be at least z...." with some added justifications and virtue signalling. The Controllers seem to have engineered a sort of reverse takeover of MN, especially this section, and lurk and lurk waiting to pounce.
It is hard not to conclude that these people are absolutely REVELLING in the lost quality of life of others around them, and their great ally is uncertainty. This allows them to make prediction after prediction, once they have assessed the expectations of the other side which they want to undermine. They will never ever admit to being what they are, but they are all over this website at the moment and it is time they were called out.

Maybe they are just hard work IRL all the time too?
The ones I know who say it will never end, we are doomed, are generally anxious all the time anyway!

Yeah I agree, there are people like that IRL too. They are just quite unhappy people and misery loves company, I think.

People are allowed to have a different opinions and it’s fine for them to share that opinion when asked.

To only want to hear one type of answer, well that could be called either being controlling or being in denial.

It's easier for people to have all these good and bad viewpoints on social media forums, whereas they might not be so outspoken in real life. Every one has opinions on everything, Covid, Trump. Boris, Brexit, Lockdown viewpoints, Meghan Markle ha ha, the list goes on. Everyone knows best !

@VanillaSheHer

People are allowed to have a different opinions and it’s fine for them to share that opinion when asked.

To only want to hear one type of answer, well that could be called either being controlling or being in denial.

I think it's much more than that though, isn't it?

Oh, that's a shame. I thought this was going to be an interesting discussion about such people but nope, just a chance to jump on those that won't massage op's egos and naivety when they say they are going a holding for April, plan to travel to oz or whatever and want the world to agree that it will be totally fine!

People are just giving their opinion. If you ask a forum a question you should expect a range of views. If you want everyone to agree with you, you'll be waiting for hell to freeze over. No one is gleeful about this situation, but if you go around trying to dictate a narrative and try to bully those who disagree the sometimes it does give a sense of satisfaction if they can prove a point.

They're not happy about the situation, just happy to have put you right.

It shocks me actually that you can't see that they way people react to you is because of your attitude.

To only want to hear one type of answer, well that could be called either being controlling or being in denial.

No, sometimes people starts threads to calm themselves down and ask for positive or upbeat stories and you will always get someone come on to shit all over the positive thread and spread doom and gloom. Eg, if someone starts a thread about how great the vaccine is and how good the uk are doing at rolling it out right now, you will get people jump on to say the vaccines not proven to work, the government are murders, they are a teacher so deserve a vaccine far more than 85 year old doris does, the vaccine isnt 100% effective, what about the people in east mongolia though, dont they deserve to live?! On and on with negativity. Theres having an opinion and then theres deliberately turning a nice thing bad knowing the op didnt want to be depressed.

Everyone is different and copes with things differently. Maybe those people are depressed and can't see anything positive? Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's malicious.

That's just discussion and differences in opinion. Some people are optimistic, and share it, and some people are pessimistic, and share it. The nature of a site like mn is that questions are asked and ideas are posited, with an element of people trying to convince others that their viewpoint is the right one. I find it odd that you see that as controlling actually.

I think people are just different, but the thing is with covid restrictions, for the sake of your mental health, unless you're actually seeking information to inform yourself because you generally don't know, it's best to stick with your 'tribe'.

For example, I cannot cope with focussing on having the DC not in school after February HT. I do realise it MIGHT be Easter, but actually if I use that as the end date it makes me feel catastrophic. Whereas thinking about 'just 5 more weeks then we might get a break' really helps. Other people find this unsettling, and yes, I've been on the recieving end of 'you know there's NO WAY that's going to happen don't you?' When it's said to that, it feels a bit like being stabbed. However, these people are probably the opposite of me and can't focus it on being after HT becuase they'll feel too disappointed if it's not. So, for now i'm staying away from people who are more settled by pessimistic outlooks.

This is partly because cases are plummeting - people focus on deaths but in terms of covid decision making deaths are an irrelevant statistic - we know people will die if they get it. The only stats that really matter are hospital admissions/capacity and the number of cases. So actually, when I hear someone justify a pessimistic decision with 'deaths are too high' part of me does want to punch them just through sheer frustration!

They are not controlling just because they have a different opinion. I'm not sure what you want the responses to be?

I believe X
So do I
Me too
Oh you're fabulous for writing that I agree

Er... wouldn't be much of a forum would it?

The trouble with this thread title is like honey to the misery bees.

It's not even opinions people are offering though, which would be fair enough, it's stomping all over anxious and hopeful people's opinions with size 10 hobnail boots. And they certainly don't tolerate anyone else's opinion.

If people really just think it's a fair opinion then they need to read a few more threads.

And they are not confined to the Covid board.

I wouldn't come to a forum for hope and pure positivity. It's a mix of all sorts of people. If you desperately need that and are going to get upset when something else it said then you need to find another way to find that boost.

I think people are just being realistic. Yes have hope, book that holiday, but don't be surprised if people think it's a bad idea. Many of my friends insist on being on the painful rollercoaster of book, worry, cancel, book again, fret, cancel. It's hard to watch

The irony of starting this thread.

It's not even opinions people are offering though, which would be fair enough, it's stomping all over anxious and hopeful people's opinions with size 10 hobnail boots. And they certainly don't tolerate anyone else's opinion.

This. They must be delightful company in real life.

I'm pretty negative about covid. My opinion is as valid as someone who thinks it likely we'll be back to normal by April actually more so because mine is based on reading facts not just blind hope

Pessimists/realists have be shown to be more successful in life due to preparing for negative situations and mitigating them, so I'm happy to stay as I am.

I'm positive in general about all sorts of things but I'm realistic enought to see that 1600 people dying a day isn't a double thumbs up situation.

I think it is part of the misery loves company phenomenon. Some people are miserable and can't bear the thought of others avoiding that same misery, almost like its cheating if they avoid the difficulties that the miserable person experienced either with different decisions or a different attitude.

One motto I've adopted after contact with people like this is "I don't owe it to anyone to be miserable"

I think it depends on the degree. Nothing wrong with having different views on the timelines/not wanting to be overly optimistic.

But there’s a certain type of poster that’s all ‘we’ll never be back, there will never be a festival again, we’ll be having weddings over Zoom from now on’. I just assume those people are mentally unwell and scroll on by.

You’re not addressing a very important aspect. In the past, have these negative people been proven right or wrong? I’ma bit negative, got to be honest. I’ve also had pretty much a 100% accuracy on my negative projections for the past year.
There is an episode of teen titans where Raven describes herself as “nean”. Nean is a combination of nice and mean. It means she is prepared to tell people things that they don’t want to hear, but would benefit from hearing. You may want to watch the episode for some insight, OP.

@inquietant

I'm pretty negative about covid. My opinion is as valid as someone who thinks it likely we'll be back to normal by April actually more so because mine is based on reading facts not just blind hope

Pessimists/realists have be shown to be more successful in life due to preparing for negative situations and mitigating them, so I'm happy to stay as I am.

I'm positive in general about all sorts of things but I'm realistic enought to see that 1600 people dying a day isn't a double thumbs up situation.

Being realistic is one thing, and I don't think the op is referring to those people who say, for example, summer is more likely to be when restrictions are eased.

There’s certainly a lot of this online, and I’ve met people like this in real life. I’ve come to the conclusion that some people just actually like being unhappy!