The Psychology of those who look to depress others

[Outseyeder]

This situation has created a unique opportunity for a particular group of people. Those who gain enjoyment and self-esteem from controlling others emotions, specifically people who are looking for reassurance about when the existing restrictions might be eased.
The pattern is now quite clear. First there is an OP saying words to the effect of "when do you think we will have a normal life again". Sometimes there are specific variants like "Am I being optimistic booking a holiday for x date".
You can almost smell the glee in the Controllers' when they see post like this (or are they planting them there themselves??). They pounce with a formulation along the lines of "if you think this is going to be over by y you're going to be sorely disappointed. I think it will be at least z...." with some added justifications and virtue signalling. The Controllers seem to have engineered a sort of reverse takeover of MN, especially this section, and lurk and lurk waiting to pounce.
It is hard not to conclude that these people are absolutely REVELLING in the lost quality of life of others around them, and their great ally is uncertainty. This allows them to make prediction after prediction, once they have assessed the expectations of the other side which they want to undermine. They will never ever admit to being what they are, but they are all over this website at the moment and it is time they were called out.

I think the OP is talking about the type of people who post stuff like "Never I'm afraid. We will never be able to live as we did in 2019. Accept it" in response to someone desperately asking something like "When do you think I'll be able to take my kids away again?"

It's the "I'm afraid" that pisses me off most. It's used as though the poster is party to special facts that she is simply sharing for our own good. Why do they want to share their misery like that? I think it's much more than "oh MN attracts a diversity of opinion".

Honestly I find the ones who suffer from wishful thinking the saddest and also the most deeply irritating. The ones who still believe Boris' ever changing message - It will all be over by easter/ summer/ Christmas/ easter..yada yada. I find these 'it will all be over by the end of next week' people, as at best incredibly needy or more likely ignorant science deniers. For gods sake who's more likely to be telling the truth Chris Whitty or Johnson? Sage or Pritti Patel?

I am all for realism but there are definitely some posters on MN who are the curtain-twitching, I-told-you-so lockdown lovers who appear to detest the notion that life will return to normal. No matter when that is. Some folk do seem to revel in it.

Also agree with PP about the use of "I'm afraid" in comments, it's so condescending and almost passive aggressive. As if they are party to knowledge the rest of us aren't. Again a sign of those who are revelling in the restrictions; probably because they are not impacted by them to any strong degree in their daily lives.

I've noticed this in lots of other ways. Morose people who would gleefully answer the phone with "you've just missed him".

And I agree about "I'm afraid". The only think worse than that is Saint Boris saying "alas".

Am I the only one who reads the "I'm afraid" statements in a gloomy deadpan vicar voice?

@TheKeatingFive

I think it depends on the degree. Nothing wrong with having different views on the timelines/not wanting to be overly optimistic.

But there’s a certain type of poster that’s all ‘we’ll never be back, there will never be a festival again, we’ll be having weddings over Zoom from now on’. I just assume those people are mentally unwell and scroll on by.

Yes this. Posts are usually along the lines “believe me, all Christmas gatherings will be via zoom forever” instead of “I think...”

@SnuggyBuggy

Am I the only one who reads the "I'm afraid" statements in a gloomy deadpan vicar voice?

reminds me of my grandmother reporting on who had died/was coming close.

“You remember Mary Smith?”
“...no?”
“Oh you do, she lived across the road from your old piano teacher until they moved to Wigan?”
“???”
“Well. [big stage-whispery voice] CANCER. I bumped into her son’s ex-wife’s girlfriend and she told me, absolutely RIDDLED with it. So I think the funeral’s probably going to be end of October time, I’ll need to show face of course, represent the family...”

If Nana were alive now and on the internet I am sure she’d be posting this kind of doomy “oooh it’ll be at LEAST another fifty thousand dead before we see anything improve and even THEN the vaccines will fail, I’m afraid” stuff.

(She was lovely really, honest...)

But people will have different opinions and thats what this forum is for, discussions.

There is a big difference between pessimistic and realistic, some people see being realistic as being pessimistic, if the future looks a little bleak, it's ok to say that's that's the outlook, we don't all sit around confirming false hope. Burying ones head in the sand does not do anyone any favours.

Also some people will give their knowledge on a thread that looks like it is giving false information or false hope. It hard not to when a person knows it's complete tosh what is being spoken.

It's not really controlling others emotions by giving an opinion or prediction, it just life.

But people will have different opinions and thats what this forum is for, discussions.

What the OP’s talking about goes beyond different opinions, though.

“Will I get to go on holiday to Italy this year?”

“Yes I think so” - optimistic

“No I doubt it” - pessimistic

“How are people still this naive?? There will be NO foreign holidays until at least 2037 I’m afraid. We have been very clearly told since the start of the pandemic this virus was here to stay, and people like you need to grasp what that means. Sorry.” - weird, and the kind of thing the OP is talking about.

I know what OP means, and I know exactly what PPS mean with the "I'm afraids".

I know some "I'm afraids" in real life. They will wallow in all the dire misery in the world, then stare at you blankly if you say the least thing positive. And I'm no Pollyanna. Draining. Utterly draining.

They are the sort who suck their teeth and Make Pronouncements in a specially gloomy voice.

One of the best things about this bloody pandemic is not having to see them. But I know they're loving it. I've known them for years and they actively resist anything that may drag them out of their swamp of misery. They like it there

I recall back in March being told I was ‘stupid’ to go to the Caribbean because the apocalypse was nigh.
I didn’t believe it.
I enjoyed swimming in the blue ocean very much and climbing a waterfall. I drank mojitos in the sun.
When I got home, things had indeed changed for the worse.
I’m very glad I got to go to the Caribbean. What would I have gained sitting a home proclaiming doom?

My guesses (notice the word guesses, I am not presenting as a fact) are that restrictions will ease from around Easter (end of respiritory illness season) and most of the country will spend around May-September in tiers 1-2. That's a significant easing on where we are now. Life will feel better with longer days and dried out mud for a start! If it was open in 2020, it will probably happen in 2021. We know more about indoor/ outdoor transmission so I'd expect outdoor events to resume far sooner that last year.
I'm not expecting a real normal including mass indoor events- the point that they re-launch, will be a good sign of longer term stability and confidence.

From the point in June that it became clear that my y2 and y4 were not setting foot into school for another 3 months, I shifted my focus to September. August felt recognisably like a summer holiday, not truely normal, still no willing from family and friends to meet so still lonely, but we went on a modified UK holiday and went to various outdoor attractions to break the groundhog day mentality.

Winter was inevitably going to be harder and I didn't put much headspace in to it, and have put my focus into getting through day by day until Easter and seeing my pots of bulbs that I planted as a symbolism of hope in back in October.

I'm not thinking beyond September- hopefully the vaccination programme will cause it to be significantly less restricted than this year. Maybe not normal, but the NHS should be under significantly less stress from Covid... although there is the general backlog to deal with.

I still hate the phrase "new normal" but can accept "temporary normal". There are some useful things we can learn from life since March 2020 such as increased flexibility of working, but we shouldn't lose sight of what normal was and lose our appetite for it for the sake of the economy which funds our public services including the NHS.

I'd say that's fairly realistic and optomistic but other realistic scenarios could look different without bèing downright pessamistic to hopeless. Equally expecting a snap return to full normality is likely to result in disappointment (but if I'm wrong on that, I'd be thrilled )

The most pessamistic scenarios tend to have little foundation on what is known and emerging trends.

There will be NO foreign holidays until at least 2037 I’m afraid.
We have been very clearly told since the start of the pandemic this virus was here to stay, and people like you need to grasp what that means. Sorry.” - weird, and the kind of thing the OP is talking about.

I have not seen anyone saying we won't be able to holiday for 16 years, but yes that would be silly

They were right to say in March the virus is here to say, it was, so just being realistic.

And yes if at the start of this, people biggest worry was their holiday, again the reality was that they probably didn't have a grasp of the severity of what the situation was/would be.

It's not complicated. People are generally Drains or Radiators. I feel a responsibility to be a radiator whenever possible. People who are drains feel no such responsibility. (And generally only have other drains for friends, if they have any friends at all).

Also a lot of the gloom mongers weren’t right anyway.
I was told there be no holidays in 2020 but I managed three.
I was told school would be closed at October half term but it wasn’t.
I was told my industry wouldn’t run again for the foreseeable - it opened up and remains open.
I was told the premier league would be voided but my team won.

I think one of the main things I have noticed about people’s reactions to covid on here is that it has given people who had very little going on in their “old” lives a chance to feel like they are now living the right way and assume now that their view of what life is about is the new “normal”. (very little social interaction, no travel, love sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, hate going into the office, have to force themselves to go to parties/ meet new people). Whereas they once felt like outsiders they now feel like they are leading the way, they don’t like socialising so they are now happy that no one else can. They then take this even further by trying to scare people into thinking it will always be this way as deep down they are probably dreading the day we go back to normal and they are viewed as outsiders again.

I am a huge extrovert and love being around people and doing different activities lockdown is so hard for me but when the shoe is on the other foot I wouldn’t dream of trying to scare and introvert into believing they will have to go out socialising every night of the week forever more!

I think one of the main things I have noticed about people’s reactions to covid on here is that it has given people who had very little going on in their “old” lives a chance to feel like they are now living the right way and assume now that their view of what life is about is the new “normal”. (very little social interaction, no travel, love sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, hate going into the office, have to force themselves to go to parties/ meet new people). Whereas they once felt like outsiders they now feel like they are leading the way, they don’t like socialising so they are now happy that no one else can. They then take this even further by trying to scare people into thinking it will always be this way as deep down they are probably dreading the day we go back to normal and they are viewed as outsiders again.

This is spot on!

I think the OP is talking about the type of people who post stuff like "Never I'm afraid. We will never be able to live as we did in 2019. Accept it" in response to someone desperately asking something like "When do you think I'll be able to take my kids away again?"

I thought the same - also (in addition to the name-changing dementors mentioned) the several PBPs who've been back to post things even worse

I distinctly recall at least three and there are probably others I missed

I think those things because I'm very pessimistic. I'm too scared to let myself have any hope because the two times I have the situation has gotten worse.

I do, however, choose not to say anything as I don't want to sound totally doom and gloom.

I don't revel in depressing other people I'm just generally quite depressed myself.

Ugh. Totally. I've given up talking to a couple of my best friends who are all doom and gloom. Even when I try and avoid the subject they go on and on about it and really bring me down.

I’m a positive, realistic person who reads scientific evidence from sage & iSAGE & looks at government past errors & guesses at how successful they’ll be this time with whatever fuck up they’re now trying to fix.
1600 mainly unavoidable deaths a day caused by inaction, indecision, poor judgment, usually against “The Science”. Billions wasted. Kids lives ruined. Hundreds of thousands dead.
I’m always happy to say “nah” to people’s ludicrous expectations. Usually, as there’s nothing to suggest they’re going to be correct.
It’s called “managing expectations” and as part of my MH patient facing role, it’s usually the best way to be in all circumstances

I wonder what the psychology is of people who when hearing others with a different opinion from them cast aspersions on the intention of that other person?

This isn’t the first post/thread I’ve seen saying that the “negative” people are enjoying it.

What makes you think that? Does it say something about your character I wonder?

Maybe they just have a different viewpoint? Maybe they are naturally pessimistic.....doesn’t mean they’re enjoying it. Possibly quite the opposite.

@Outseyeder

This situation has created a unique opportunity for a particular group of people. Those who gain enjoyment and self-esteem from controlling others emotions, specifically people who are looking for reassurance about when the existing restrictions might be eased. The pattern is now quite clear. First there is an OP saying words to the effect of "when do you think we will have a normal life again". Sometimes there are specific variants like "Am I being optimistic booking a holiday for x date". You can almost smell the glee in the Controllers' when they see post like this (or are they planting them there themselves??). They pounce with a formulation along the lines of "if you think this is going to be over by y you're going to be sorely disappointed. I think it will be at least z...." with some added justifications and virtue signalling. The Controllers seem to have engineered a sort of reverse takeover of MN, especially this section, and lurk and lurk waiting to pounce. It is hard not to conclude that these people are absolutely REVELLING in the lost quality of life of others around them, and their great ally is uncertainty. This allows them to make prediction after prediction, once they have assessed the expectations of the other side which they want to undermine. They will never ever admit to being what they are, but they are all over this website at the moment and it is time they were called out.

OP The ADs threads await you. Or if they are too dull you can find people on youtube and facebook who will tell you it's all fake and just invented to make you miserable/control you.

@Katie517

I think one of the main things I have noticed about people’s reactions to covid on here is that it has given people who had very little going on in their “old” lives a chance to feel like they are now living the right way and assume now that their view of what life is about is the new “normal”. (very little social interaction, no travel, love sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, hate going into the office, have to force themselves to go to parties/ meet new people). Whereas they once felt like outsiders they now feel like they are leading the way, they don’t like socialising so they are now happy that no one else can. They then take this even further by trying to scare people into thinking it will always be this way as deep down they are probably dreading the day we go back to normal and they are viewed as outsiders again.

I am a huge extrovert and love being around people and doing different activities lockdown is so hard for me but when the shoe is on the other foot I wouldn’t dream of trying to scare and introvert into believing they will have to go out socialising every night of the week forever more!

Oh all of this with bells on.

I got into an argument with someone on here way back in May or June, who basically told me that this was like revenge on all of us extroverts who maintained that working outside the home was the best set up and forced people like her to work in offices when they didn’t want to.

I had to back away from that one. I am an extrovert, I thrive on being around people, being out of the house. I need these things for my mental health and unsurprisingly my mental health has been awful. I wouldn’t dream of telling an introvert that there was anything wrong with them for feeling the opposite way to me but this person was revelling in others being miserable in a situation that seemed tailor made for her.