The Psychology of those who look to depress others

[Outseyeder]

This situation has created a unique opportunity for a particular group of people. Those who gain enjoyment and self-esteem from controlling others emotions, specifically people who are looking for reassurance about when the existing restrictions might be eased.
The pattern is now quite clear. First there is an OP saying words to the effect of "when do you think we will have a normal life again". Sometimes there are specific variants like "Am I being optimistic booking a holiday for x date".
You can almost smell the glee in the Controllers' when they see post like this (or are they planting them there themselves??). They pounce with a formulation along the lines of "if you think this is going to be over by y you're going to be sorely disappointed. I think it will be at least z...." with some added justifications and virtue signalling. The Controllers seem to have engineered a sort of reverse takeover of MN, especially this section, and lurk and lurk waiting to pounce.
It is hard not to conclude that these people are absolutely REVELLING in the lost quality of life of others around them, and their great ally is uncertainty. This allows them to make prediction after prediction, once they have assessed the expectations of the other side which they want to undermine. They will never ever admit to being what they are, but they are all over this website at the moment and it is time they were called out.

@hamstersarse

I had a lovely holiday abroad in 2020.

The doom mongers would have you believe that you had to stay in your house on your own since last March. disinfecting your online shopping.

Speaking of shopping, I wonder how all those 'preppers' look back at their utter panic.

When I went to several baren supermarkets on Wed 18th March 2020 to buy a fresh top up shop, I was glad that we did a bulk buying session of long-life items in Costco in the first half of Feb. It was a bit ahead of our usual schedule just incase the situation arose that we fell ill and would struggle to replenish stocks to feed the family over a few weeks. Since then we resumed "normal" buying habits other than the fact that I have had to buy lunch for two or four people in the home since mid-March rather than one. I was certainly less panicked than people who found that there wasn't enough food on the shelves to get them through the week, and I was able to leave scarce items alone for people that needed them.

Admittedly it felt rather Soviet Russia or The Handmaids Tale until the supply chain adjusted.

My theory: there are some people who can cope with things not turning out as well as they hoped, and some people who can't. The people who can tend to be optimistic so that they can be happy in the moment, and if things don't work out then they adjust their hopes to fit the new situation. Meanwhile, the people who can't tend to set their expectations low to avoid disappointment. For the most part the respective strategies work for both of those groups and there's nothing wrong with either.

But then you get the usual MN problem of people not understanding that others think differently to themselves. The low expectations people see someone make an optimistic prediction, perhaps a bit unrealistically, and assume that they too will experience crushing disappointment if it doesn't come to pass. So they see it as their duty to point out everything that could go wrong to spare the poster future distress, not understanding that maybe they just want to hear some positive things right now to get them through a bad patch.

I do think some of it is well-intentioned (apart from the people who are obviously just being nasty - there's always a few), but it's usually not helpful or wanted. It's very annoying when people take it upon themselves to try and manage our expectations for us, as though we're children who can't cope with bad news unless we're prepared for it weeks in advance.

Love the crab bucket analogy, it makes so much sense. That's exactly what it feels like.

Speaking of shopping, I wonder how all those 'preppers' look back at their utter panic.

"Preppers" were not the ones panicking. Because they already had a store of supplies built up slowly during 2019 when there was no pandemics forecast. Same as now they'll have 2 weeks worth of food stored away in case their household needs to self isolate.

I think you are referring to panic buyers.

YANBU op and I say that as a natural pessimist who expects the worst then when something happens it's a bonus. However I'm not like this x around other people, neither am I sushiny toxic positive which is equally invalidating and destabilising. I'm factually reassuring if such a concept exists.. ie I use factual, scientific based information to discuss issues in a way that hopefully reassures. I find there are plenty of emotional vampires on here, that are revelling in the doom and gloom. Also those who are gratuitously enjoying lockdown both watching other people's unhappiness and gloating in it and those who are so socially inept the current situation is a blessing (am NOT talking about neuro diverse here by the way, as I am one). The lockdown screeches at the expense of any other strategy is part of the reason why we're stuck in this endless gloomy half life. The government is appeasing those calling for harsher and stricter lockdowns as the advocates of lockdown are able to shout the loudest. Plenty of healthcare professionals and academics feel we've got this wrong but due to it not being the populist opinion they've been silenced.

This is one of those irregular verb situtations, where the way we think about our own attitudes is completely different to how we view those with different attitudes to our own, isn't it?

I am an optimist.
You should maybe consider having a back up plan.
They are a fantasising idiot in complete denial.

I am a realist.
You should try to keep positive.
They are a dementor who loves to spread suffering.

@hamstersarse

I had a lovely holiday abroad in 2020.

The doom mongers would have you believe that you had to stay in your house on your own since last March. disinfecting your online shopping.

Speaking of shopping, I wonder how all those 'preppers' look back at their utter panic.

I fed 5 people for 6 weeks on what we had in the house for Brexit and milk from the milkman because we couldn't get an online delivery for love nor money and my nan was shielding so we couldn't go to the shops. We didn't need toilet paper, painkillers, calpol, bleach or hand wash because I routinely buy all ahead. There was no panic. There weren't even particularly odd meals. And I had enough that when a friend told me that a couple of old ladies she usually shops for were struggling to get their normal food (generally tinned food that got wiped off the shelves in the panic buying) I could make up a couple of bags and leave them outside for her to pick up.

So quite well, thank you very much.

This is one of those irregular verb situtations ...

I am an optimist
You should maybe consider having a back up plan
They are a fantasising idiot in complete denial ...

Thak you, Bernard

I think the distinction made between preppers and panickers is very tenuous, you have to be in some form of panic to need to 'prep'

Anyway, I did hear something which warmed my soul a little about the toilet roll situation. Basically we ran out of toilet roll not just because people were panic buying, but because more people were having a shit at home. Prior to the pandemic, it was estimated 50% of shits took place outside of the home. Suddenly there was a completely different type of toilet roll required because we were at home, i.e. rolls vs sheets.

Really interesting thread. I don’t want to jump on anyone but the poster that said she was saying that 2020 was a write off as proof she was correct to be pessimistic is proving the point. 2020 wasn’t a write off, people went on holiday, the schools were open for quite a bit of it, I had loads of nice days out and ate out a lot over the summer.

I’m particular there were lots of people who said the schools wouldn’t open for the rest of the year and they were wrong in the end. So even with the total shit show of 2020 the people posting with the most dire predictions were not correct.

I think the distinction made between preppers and panickers is very tenuous, you have to be in some form of panic to need to 'prep'

Only in the same way that people take out insurances. I have buildings insurance in case my house burns down. Am I panicking that it will happen. No.

But I don't see the problem in realistic responses if someone asks a question?

Good friend of my is planning her wedding for June and asked for opinion (it is supposed to be big, lots of international guests as she is from abroad). I said what I honestly though as I don't want her to waste money and have stress and disappointment if it can't go ahead as planned!

@RedskyBynight

I honestly don't mind how you do your shopping. You are free to do what you want.

But what was hideous on MN back in March was the sanctimonious whining about Armageddon in supermarket supplies, as if these people had some actual facts on what supplies were going to be like at some point in the future and everyone else was stupid for not following their exceptional lead ( I think a pp on this actual thread has said as much - regalling in her superior prepping and 'saving lives' of neighbours ).

Go for your life and stock up as much as it settles you, but no need at all for the bollocks doom mongering about starvation and fighting in supermarkets.

People are answering in terms of whether they are/were right or wrong. Not answering about the psychology.

Maybe they are NHS workers treating Covid-19 patients everyday, hundreds and hundreds of them. Maybe they are witnessing death on a scale not seen in their generation.

The psychology of people who think things are OK or will be soon is more of an issue IMHO.

Definitely don't turn on the TV and watch the news OP. They are reporting from inside actual hospitals now. Just to REVEL in it.

I dunno @Outseyeder but they are pretty unkind and insensitive and to be honest damn right dangerous given a lot of people's state of mental health these days.

We call them Doom mongers over on our lovely thread:

Good News Part 6 - we're gonna need a bigger boat. Yeah Science! http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/4140026-Good-News-Part-6-were-gonna-need-a-bigger-boat-Yeah-Science

Not sure if you've been but if you're after the positive news stories only and cool Science facts come on over .

NO DOOM MONGERS ALLOWED (ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK)

Oh, that's a shame. I thought this was going to be an interesting discussion about such people but nope, just a chance to jump on those that won't massage op's egos and naivety when they say they are going a holding for April, plan to travel to oz or whatever and want the world to agree that it will be totally fine!

This.

I have trouble with the opposite sort of people actually, those who are overly optimistic. I prefer realism every day. And actually no one knows. And I have enormous difficulty listening to my elderly mother when the optimists have been spraying false hope down her telephone line when I have to pick up the inevitable pieces.

@tobee

People are answering in terms of whether they are/were right or wrong. Not answering about the psychology.

I suspect OP isn't interested in psychology but in using big words to try to bash any opinion that doesn't give her joy.

The irony is strong with this one.

@supercatpowers

Maybe they are NHS workers treating Covid-19 patients everyday, hundreds and hundreds of them. Maybe they are witnessing death on a scale not seen in their generation.

The psychology of people who think things are OK or will be soon is more of an issue IMHO.

That would explain why someone (correctly) thinks the current situation is very bad. It doesn't really explain the mindset of the people who say things like "I'm afraid a strict lockdown will continue for the next 14 months and hugging grandparents will be outlawed for the rest of our children's lives. Sorry."

It does feel like many posters think 'realism' is the opposite of 'optimism', though.

So really what you’re saying is your opinion, if different than mine, has no value?,

Groundless optimism is far worse in a pandemic. It tends to cause risky behaviour which just enables the disease to spread.

@Outseyeder
You are so right. It’s an awful place to read right now.