Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

[Icequeen01]

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

saraclara
Thanks OP and those shouting that we all have the same rights, my children have them too. Beginning of the end for us this morning.

I am so happy for your teen. She posed no more risk than anyone else in the shop, and that 15 minutes in the real world, and having agency over her own choice of toiletries will have done her the world of good. It's the simple things that preserve our sanity in the end.

Couldn’t agree more! My teenage niece is the same when she gets to go in a shop and it’s a small thing that has become very big for a kid that doesn’t get much in the way of normality anymore. Expensive though 😉

Wow! What a divided thread. I am shocked at those who think they can tell an older person what to do on their understanding of the rules.

This lady doesn't want to break the rules. She is not wanting to break the rules now that she is vaccinated. She is wanting to change something she has been doing (getting her daughter to do her shopping) to something she now wants to do (get her own shopping) all of which is within the rules.

Say sticking to the rules is 10. Then this mother and daughter have taken those rules up to 12 by only one of them going shopping. If this lady decides to do her own shopping (which she is entirely permitted to do - she hasn't been officially shielding) then she can do that and just come back down to the 10 that we are all (well, not all!) are following.

Just because she decided to implement an extra pandemic condition on herself doesn't mean she has to then live under that until someone else tells her not too. She can join the rest of us just sticking to the rules.

Within the rules it actually doesn't matter if she has been vaccinated or not. The vast majority of people in the supermarket have not been.

Please do take her. I would hate to have someone else choosing my shopping every week.

For goodness sake some of you really think the elderly are children, don't you?

Yep. It's that attitude that has had me massively over-posting on this thread.
Hopefully everyone here will make their 80s one day. Do those posters really want all decision making and agency over their own lives being removed from them by their offspring? Do they really want to be spoken to as if they're toddlers at some point in the future? Do they really want to be controlled (in one case, even from another country) by their children?

I am really concerned that Covid will have had this tangential effect when it's all over. The lack of empathy between people and the generation above them is depressing and worrying. One day this thinking is going to come back to bite those who think their parents should be locked away in their homes for the foreseeable future. Their own children are watching how their parents are treating their grandparents.

She is not wanting to break the rules now that she is vaccinated. She is wanting to change something she has been doing (getting her daughter to do her shopping) to something she now wants to do (get her own shopping) all of which is within the rules.

Exactly. This is well expressed.

She wants to change her approach, but in a way that’s entirely within the parameters of the rules.

Some on here want her to stick to her previous approach because she’s always done it. There’s no justification for that.

Hopefully everyone here will make their 80s one day. Do those posters really want all decision making and agency over their own lives being removed from them by their offspring? Do they really want to be spoken to as if they're toddlers at some point in the future? Do they really want to be controlled (in one case, even from another country) by their children?

I imagine the very people trying to do this would be livid if it was done to them.

Classic controlling behaviour.

Could you take her somewhere else? A trip to the park for a coffee or just a drive?

My Mum and Dad drove to the park the other day, Dad had a walk and Mum who can't walk at the moment sat in the car in the car park people watching. She said it felt like a huge treat to get out of the house.

I'd avoid the supermarket as it is so horrible at the moment and we really don't need extra people there when there are queues. Plus there is still some risk to her.

Having said that she's entitled to do her own shopping if she really wants to and wouldn't be breaching the shop alone guidance.

I am really concerned that Covid will have had this tangential effect when it's all over. The lack of empathy between people and the generation above them is depressing and worrying. One day this thinking is going to come back to bite those who think their parents should be locked away in their homes for the foreseeable future. Their own children are watching how their parents are treating their grandparents.

I completely agree with this. It’s something I’ve always thought about the way some women treat their in laws too. It never seems to occur to them that they’re modelling this for their kids and how it might affect them 20 or 30 years down the line.

@Lexilooo

Could you take her somewhere else? A trip to the park for a coffee or just a drive?

My Mum and Dad drove to the park the other day, Dad had a walk and Mum who can't walk at the moment sat in the car in the car park people watching. She said it felt like a huge treat to get out of the house.

I'd avoid the supermarket as it is so horrible at the moment and we really don't need extra people there when there are queues. Plus there is still some risk to her.

Having said that she's entitled to do her own shopping if she really wants to and wouldn't be breaching the shop alone guidance.

The park? She wants to go do some food shopping. Can hardly do that in the park, can you?!

If your mother can manage on her own, of course definitely encourage her now she’s had the vaccine.

If you would have to go, then no as it’s doubling up unnecessarily.

(FWIW, my similarly vulnerable mother has shopped throughout as she doesn’t like online deliveries.)

then no as it’s doubling up unnecessarily

Did I miss the memo where we were all told we were supposed to be ‘doubling up’?

Or rather not ‘doubling up’?

Has it become policy that we’re supposed to shop for two house holds at a time or is this just a ‘rool’ made up for this thread?

Just back from Sainsbury’s. I’ve never seen so few cars in the car park ever. The shop was eerily empty, I didn’t have to dodge anyone at all and I didn’t have to queue for a staffed checkout. It was the least stressful shop I’ve done since last March.

Take her at 12.30 on a Thursday @Icequeen01!

@apple72

If your mother can manage on her own, of course definitely encourage her now she’s had the vaccine.

If you would have to go, then no as it’s doubling up unnecessarily.

(FWIW, my similarly vulnerable mother has shopped throughout as she doesn’t like online deliveries.)

This lady would need a lift just like someone taking a taxi or using public transport. There would be no 'doubling up' as she would do her own shopping and her daughter would do her own shopping.

People aren't saying OP's mother should be stopped from going out. It is up to her to decide the same as it is for anyone else.

What we are saying that the fact that she has now had the vaccine does not mean she is not subject to the guidance we are all supposed to be following: "Behave as if you have the virus and that everyone else has the virus".

There has been plenty coverage on the media over the last few days of experts explaining why we need to reach a certain proportion of the population being vaccinated before we can get back to a semblance of normality.

There has also been plenty of coverage as to the lack of knowledge so far as to if the vaccines stop people catching the virus and passing it on. All we know for certain is that vaccines reduce the risk of people getting so ill with it.

An item on Radio 4 today also looked at the results of research showing that people who have had the virus seem only to be immune from illness again for five months, and that they may still be carrying the virus in the meantime and spreading it. Experts don't know yet if this is also the case for the vaccine, although they hope it isn't.

There are posters on this thread who need to get a bit better informed before sounding off.

People aren't saying OP's mother should be stopped from going out.

Have you read this thread? They absolutely are. In fact I think the majority have said that. It's insane.

And a significant proportion have decided (based on absolutely nothing) that if she does go out, she'll blatantly ignore all the rules.

Given that she has voluntarily isolated herself up to now, despite having no health reason to do so, I don't see her as the rash, rule-breaking type.

There are posters on this thread who need to get a bit better informed before sounding off.

Including you

@blueberryporridge

People aren't saying OP's mother should be stopped from going out. It is up to her to decide the same as it is for anyone else.

What we are saying that the fact that she has now had the vaccine does not mean she is not subject to the guidance we are all supposed to be following: "Behave as if you have the virus and that everyone else has the virus".

There has been plenty coverage on the media over the last few days of experts explaining why we need to reach a certain proportion of the population being vaccinated before we can get back to a semblance of normality.

There has also been plenty of coverage as to the lack of knowledge so far as to if the vaccines stop people catching the virus and passing it on. All we know for certain is that vaccines reduce the risk of people getting so ill with it.

An item on Radio 4 today also looked at the results of research showing that people who have had the virus seem only to be immune from illness again for five months, and that they may still be carrying the virus in the meantime and spreading it. Experts don't know yet if this is also the case for the vaccine, although they hope it isn't.

There are posters on this thread who need to get a bit better informed before sounding off.

What guidance would that be? People are allowed to go shopping for food. This lady wants to go shopping for food? I am following the guidelines and am about to go shopping for food for myself. Within the rules. This lady wants to do the same thing. Why can't she?

Anyway I’m going to the shop for some sweets after work. You can all lose your shit over that if you want, or is it OK as I’m only in my 40s.

Posters saying that the vaccine may not stop you transmitting the virus are missing the point.

Any person (that doesn't currently knowingly have Covid or symptoms) can go shopping for food. The vast majority won't have had the vaccine therefore it matters not whether this lady, having had the vaccine, may still transmit the virus. We could ALL be transmitting the virus?!

She has no less right than any other person to go shopping under the rules.

People aren't saying OP's mother should be stopped from going out. It is up to her to decide the same as it is for anyone else.

That's exactly what the majority are saying. Are you reading a different thread

What we are saying that the fact that she has now had the vaccine does not mean she is not subject to the guidance we are all supposed to be following: "Behave as if you have the virus and that everyone else has the virus".

The guidance allows her to go shopping though. So what's your actual point here?

@MadameBlobby

Anyway I’m going to the shop for some sweets after work. You can all lose your shit over that if you want, or is it OK as I’m only in my 40s.

OMG YOU'RE GOING TO LITERALLY KILL PEOPLE!!!

I didn't check this thread yesterday and I am so surprised to see people are still "debating" this - I thought I would use the polite word!

I just want to say that some of you have been rather disrespectful towards my DM. Please remember she has done nothing wrong. I created the post to ask opinions not for posters to make nasty assumptions about my mum. She most certainly won't be racing out to visit friends etc. She has two close friends, both of whom live in a different county to us. The only contact she has had with them over the last year is via telephone and it will continue this way for for some time. She would be heartbroken if she read some of the opinions of her on here.

Well unfortunately there is now a twist in the tail. I have tested positive today so any shopping trip is off the cards for at least 10 days now 😢

Very sorry to hear you have tested positive. I hope you make a swift recovery.

Hopefully you can take you mum shopping when you are better.

Oh, that's rotten luck, OP. You'll both be glad to get out to the shop once you come out of isolation.

So sorry to hear that @Icequeen01, get well soon. I hope you read all the posts strenuously defending your mum and her right to do something as innocuous as choosing her own food in an entirely legal way.