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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
kingkuta · 14/01/2021 07:36

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket. Imagine I'm speaking very slowly

FFS those guidelines are clearly to stop people from the SAME household piling into shops i.e. a couple and all their kids when one adult & kids could stay home. It does not mean that 2 people from separate households cannot be in the same shop to shop for themselves just because they are friends or relatives.

MadameBlobby · 14/01/2021 07:50

It is clear that people only object to the mum going shopping because she is old. If this was a younger relative or friend who just needed a lift no one would say she couldn’t go.

As for the “no vaccine is 100% and she can still spread it!@ lot do sod off. She’s less likely than the general population to do either of these things. And what’s the point of a vaccine if not to help get life back to normal?

Donewithrules · 14/01/2021 09:16

My family have stuck to the rules throughout even though I've seen the serious impact on my own teens health and motivation, I'm now ashamed to say. Well after the shouting on this thread about ageism and us all having the same rights my teen came to the supermarket with me this morning. Drove together, separated in the carpark, met again 15 minutes later back in the carpark, teen having bought her own toiletries and looking a lot brighter for doing so.

Essential shopping items - absolutely. Could she have written her list and I pick up as usual - absolutely. But this thread has made me seriously question what we are doing. Kid hasn't been beyond the garden for weeks, no college, no meeting friends, wore a mask so no risk to anyone else, just like the OP mother.

Thanks OP and those shouting that we all have the same rights, my children have them too. Beginning of the end for us this morning.

charliespie · 14/01/2021 09:26

@24HoursInPoliceCustody

Interesting; the same poster who made the speaking slowly comment to me yesterday afternoon was the same one accusing people of abuse last night....

Literally this is all I've been saying, and the amount of abuse is frankly staggering.

Abuse 😂

charliespie · 14/01/2021 09:28

@Torvean32

No. They dont want groups of ppl in supermarkets Could you drop her off then pick her up.

Or could you go somewhere else?

They are not a group of people. They are 2 people from separate households doing separate shopping for their own homes.
saraclara · 14/01/2021 09:29

Thanks OP and those shouting that we all have the same rights, my children have them too. Beginning of the end for us this morning.

I am so happy for your teen. She posed no more risk than anyone else in the shop, and that 15 minutes in the real world, and having agency over her own choice of toiletries will have done her the world of good. It's the simple things that preserve our sanity in the end.

charliespie · 14/01/2021 09:33

Anyway, I'm done with this thread, all the talk of abuse and ageism when people are just trying to protect those they care about has pissed me off just too much this time.

Half of the posters shouting the lady should not go are not here because they care and are trying to protect anyone. They are here because they can't resist the opportunity to have a go at someone and for some reason feel that covid justifies it. The talk of abuse and ageism is real. Someone much further up thread took unbrage because if this last went to Sainsbury's the queue would be longer for them. You can be as pissed off ad you like but let's not pretend the majority of these posters care about anyone but themselves. The entitlement is strong. Those pesky oldies are threatening people's right to get straight in and do their shopping.

Roselilly36 · 14/01/2021 09:36

Your mum is capable of making her own decisions, I presume, if so I would definitely take her shopping if that’s what she wants to do.

charliespie · 14/01/2021 09:38

Thanks OP and those shouting that we all have the same rights, my children have them too. Beginning of the end for us this morning.

It actually made me smile to read this. I have said many times on this thread, there has to be a balance somewhere between mental and physical health. One of mine hasn't been out for months either, but is quite happy at home. My other teen is working but when she was furloughed last time round I sent her to do the shopping just so she could get out and about for a while. I stayed at home for about 4 months before I ventured to the shop. It was a wonderful feeling to return. Granted it didn't last and just became normal in the end but it made all the difference at the time, that's cannot be underestimated here.

Honeyhoops · 14/01/2021 09:39

@Icequeen01

I haven't read the full thread so you've maybe already taken your mum shopping but if not I hope you do.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. If an adult, whatever their age, wants to do their own shopping of course they should be able to. People need to look at the stats and put things in perspective.

My 90 year old aunt and uncle have refused to allow me to shop for them. Back in March/April last year I was convinced they'd pick up Covid and die, they are frail and have numerous health conditions. They have shielding letters and should not have been going out at all. But they enjoy going out and chose to continue to do their own shopping, they visit B&M's, Tesco and Lidl a few times a week and also get the bus. We're in an area which has had a number of cases and deaths.

My 81 year old dad started doing his own shopping again a couple of months ago. I had been doing it but he wanted to get back to doing his own. They've all now been vaccinated but none of my elderly relatives have stayed in throughout and none have had Covid.

Honeyhoops · 14/01/2021 09:50

I should say I don't agree with my aunt and uncle visiting various shops and using public transport but there was only so many times I could say to them they should be staying in.

Myself and their neighbours have offered to get their shopping and they have refused. They feel at 90 they have lived their lives and would rather enjoy however long they have left. Given this, against the rules, I have taken my children to visit them and GONE INSIDE THEIR HOUSE Shock a few times over the last year. If they died tomorrow I'm sure they'd rather go having enjoyed their last year as much as possible rather than having spent it isolated and alone.

MrsWindass · 14/01/2021 09:57

[quote Honeyhoops]@Icequeen01

I haven't read the full thread so you've maybe already taken your mum shopping but if not I hope you do.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. If an adult, whatever their age, wants to do their own shopping of course they should be able to. People need to look at the stats and put things in perspective.

My 90 year old aunt and uncle have refused to allow me to shop for them. Back in March/April last year I was convinced they'd pick up Covid and die, they are frail and have numerous health conditions. They have shielding letters and should not have been going out at all. But they enjoy going out and chose to continue to do their own shopping, they visit B&M's, Tesco and Lidl a few times a week and also get the bus. We're in an area which has had a number of cases and deaths.

My 81 year old dad started doing his own shopping again a couple of months ago. I had been doing it but he wanted to get back to doing his own. They've all now been vaccinated but none of my elderly relatives have stayed in throughout and none have had Covid. [/quote]
That's very fortunate for them isn't it and hindsight is a wonderful thing ! If they had contracted Covid then they could have been hogging beds caused by their own stupidity and using NHS valuable time when they knew they had vulnerabilities . This is nothing to boast about . What do people not understand about stay the fuck at home ?

MadameBlobby · 14/01/2021 10:02

Anyway, I'm done with this thread, all the talk of abuse and ageism when people are just trying to protect those they care about has pissed me off just too much this time.

If it was just about protecting someone you care about there wouldn’t have been all the discussion about breaking rules, accusing the mother of spreading etc. It’s so not about that at all but about trying to put old people in a box and stop them having any agency over their own lives.

MadameBlobby · 14/01/2021 10:08

@charliespie

Anyway, I'm done with this thread, all the talk of abuse and ageism when people are just trying to protect those they care about has pissed me off just too much this time.

Half of the posters shouting the lady should not go are not here because they care and are trying to protect anyone. They are here because they can't resist the opportunity to have a go at someone and for some reason feel that covid justifies it. The talk of abuse and ageism is real. Someone much further up thread took unbrage because if this last went to Sainsbury's the queue would be longer for them. You can be as pissed off ad you like but let's not pretend the majority of these posters care about anyone but themselves. The entitlement is strong. Those pesky oldies are threatening people's right to get straight in and do their shopping.

Agreed
Handcarthell · 14/01/2021 10:11

Over-50s rush to book holidays as vaccine boosts confidence www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-55654127

Honeyhoops · 14/01/2021 10:14

@MrsWindass

I've said I don't necessarily agree with their choice but at the end of the day it's up to them. For some people the risk of Covid, and perhaps death, is preferable to a year of loneliness being confined to their homes.

Justcurious93 · 14/01/2021 10:15

@jazzandh

So, if your Mum contracts it, then you will potentially be a contact and have the inconvenience and worry, that it would entail.

How many people in your household would that bring an additional risk to?

If you are ina support bubble, you are treated as one household, so you are doubling the risk to your "household" by additonal potential exposure. (Depending on how often and the type of visits that you make).

Honestly people need to engage their brains here. If I thought about that (partner and I both key workers mixing with lots of people per day) then I would never sleep from anxiety. Her mum has had BOTH vaccines and wants to do her own shopping. I'll be celebrating the day when that's comes for my nan!!
HelenRose1111 · 14/01/2021 10:18

No
No and
No again.
I wouldn't be comfortable at all especially when rates are rocketing.
Just my opinion

MrsWindass · 14/01/2021 10:20

[quote Honeyhoops]@MrsWindass

I've said I don't necessarily agree with their choice but at the end of the day it's up to them. For some people the risk of Covid, and perhaps death, is preferable to a year of loneliness being confined to their homes.

[/quote]
and like all the other people who have ignored guidelines/rules and who have added to this mess ? "It's up to them " Really ? How selfish !

tinselearedcow · 14/01/2021 10:35

@Handcarthell

Over-50s rush to book holidays as vaccine boosts confidence www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-55654127
As do other age groups. From that article: 
<strong>TUI, the UK's largest tour operator, says 50% of bookings on their website are currently by over-50s</strong>

So the same percentage of under 50s are booking holidays as over 50s.

Article also says:

As TUI analysed its recent booking data, one trend they spotted is the emergence of large, multigenerational group bookings
It is family time we've all missed. We can't get away from our own families, but our broader families we can't see, and that's feeding into our choices" Mr Flintham explains

MadameBlobby · 14/01/2021 10:37

@Handcarthell

Over-50s rush to book holidays as vaccine boosts confidence www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-55654127
Good for them, honestly. What is the point of the vaccine if it doesn’t let them get their lives back.
Honeyhoops · 14/01/2021 10:39

@MrsWindass

It's fair to say I don't agree with the way the government has handled things. I only wear a mask in shops etc because I have to, if it was personal choice I wouldn't be, as I didn't from March to whenever it was it was imposed upon us. I'd happily be sending my kids to school if I was able to.

I completely understand the need to "protect the NHS" but feel maybe if more had been done to protect the very elderly and vulnerable (perhaps forced them to stay at home rather than forcing the entire population) then many other peoples lives wouldn't have been ruined and the economy decimated for a virus that kills so few.

TheKeatingFive · 14/01/2021 10:48

I wouldn't be comfortable at all especially when rates are rocketing.

She has had the vaccine.

What do people think is the point of the vaccine? How long does the extremely well protected woman have to stay in her house for?

VinylDetective · 14/01/2021 11:02

@saraclara

Thanks OP and those shouting that we all have the same rights, my children have them too. Beginning of the end for us this morning.

I am so happy for your teen. She posed no more risk than anyone else in the shop, and that 15 minutes in the real world, and having agency over her own choice of toiletries will have done her the world of good. It's the simple things that preserve our sanity in the end.

Me too. It’s about time we treated mental health with the importance it deserves.
puffinkoala · 14/01/2021 11:08

For goodness sake some of you really think the elderly are children, don't you?

"I should say I don't agree with my aunt and uncle visiting various shops and using public transport" Really? Adults going to shops and getting the bus there?