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Original poster

I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

294 replies

Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 10:20

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

OP posts:
trulydelicious · 17/01/2021 08:20

@maturinsslothe

Well the grandfather must have known the aunt and uncle had been abroad, surely, and known that they hadn't quarantined

Very dignified of you to try and blame a 97 year old man!

trulydelicious · 17/01/2021 08:21

@SunshineandShudders

For a start, they should have quarantined, didn't bother and went to visit him regardless

Mumdiva99 · 17/01/2021 08:24

I hope your grandad pulls through and your parents are OK.

maturinsslothe · 17/01/2021 08:30

He's not without his mental faculties as I read it, so yes absolutely the aunt and uncle were selfish ignorant bastards but he too made a choice to see them under the circumstances. He's not a child.

Blueroses99 · 17/01/2021 09:16

If I’ve understood correctly, the aunt and uncle had keys and let themselves in. Even if grandfather asked them to leave immediately, they would have come into contact.

Brunt0n · 17/01/2021 09:23

Obviously they are shit bags but... why do people not stand up for themselves in these situations?
Your parents, and your grandfather, should have refused visits / told them to leave / locked the door, done what they needed to do to ensure that they didn’t seem him until 10/14 days after their holiday. If you know they are selfish and stupid, don’t let them near you?

Watermelon999 · 17/01/2021 11:09

@maturinsslothe

Well the grandfather must have known the aunt and uncle had been abroad, surely, and known that they hadn't quarantined?
I suppose it puts you in a difficult position if you’re a vulnerable person reliant on family members for care. You probably don’t feel you can be too demanding in case they take offence.

It’s easy for us to think that, but we’re not in that position.

HelloMissus · 17/01/2021 11:28

I hope your GF pulls through.
However, I do wonder how and why your aunt and uncle were not able to quarantine.
Did anyone actually volunteer to do their share of the care (which will be a lot - no one if that age is remotely independent).
You say you’re at the other end of the country OP so presumably don’t do any of it as a matter of course. Did you volunteer so they could quarantine?

I ask only because in my experience caring for old people is hard and thankless and those doing very little of the day to day grind are often the most critical of those that do the grunt work.

IloveJKRowling · 17/01/2021 11:40

As OP explained, while they were on holiday someone else had to do the care, it wouldn't have taken a lot to extend that to cover the quarantine period.

Perhaps those covering were under the impression they were already covering both holiday and quarantine period?

IloveJKRowling · 17/01/2021 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trulydelicious · 17/01/2021 14:28

@Watermelon999

I suppose it puts you in a difficult position if you’re a vulnerable person reliant on family members for care

Exactly

Original poster
Rinoachicken · 17/01/2021 14:50

I have already stated this but will do so again. Care was covered and there would have been no problem continuing the cover - they chose not to quarantine.

My grandfather is still remarkably independent despite his age. He makes his own meals and drinks, does all his own personal care and gets himself up and dressed without help etc. All he needed was someone to bring him food once a week and pop in every now and then to help with housework and for a chat.

Definitely not a daily grind.

OP posts:
HelloMissus · 17/01/2021 14:58

A 97 year old who does all their own cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing. Does all their own admin online and gets themselves to all their numerous appointments.
Sure.

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/01/2021 15:00

If your uncle contracted COVID and quarantined, then it’s possible aunt caught in 5 days later and would’ve been positive after quarantine anyway. There was no guarantee it wouldn’t have been passed on unless they did a 5 day test.

Did your grandad know when they came back? He didn’t have to invite them in if it was just shopping he needed to the doorstep.

There has to be some personable responsibility.

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/01/2021 15:02

A 97 year old who does all their own cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing. Does all their own admin online and gets themselves to all their numerous appointments.
Sure.

My Gran is 102 and prior to lockdown was capable of all this, now it’s just shopping she needs, the shop across the road delivers when they phone over the order.

It’s not unusual.

VinylCafe · 17/01/2021 16:24

@Tal45

I'm amazed at the number of people wanting to find a way to take the blame away from people behaving entirely recklessly and putting an elderly man at risk of death because they have been entirely selfish. Probably the same people who think it's ok to bend the rules to their convenience and get us in this mess in the first place. These people should have been quarantining from everyone, let alone an elderly man.

The 'he's old so he wasn't going to last long anyway' comment makes me want to throw up. The total lack of empathy and respect for the elderly is just awful. If he dies I wouldn't be able to look at them again, let alone speak to them. I'm so sorry this has happened OP xxx

This!!!

Saying he was old anyway and hasn't much time left makes me sick. I can't imagine thinking like that. My great grandfather lived to 103 and was active to the end and I hope OP's grandfather has the same chance.

VinylCafe · 17/01/2021 16:39

@SunshineandShudders

I hate this blame. You don't know Grandad caught it from them and you don't know they caught it because of their holiday. Your parents must have known they'd been away, why didn't they do all the care for the quarantine period, as they must have while they were away?

I caught it just before Christmas and DH ended up in hospital. I'd have sworn I had no risk, I followed all the rules and had taken addition precautions above and beyond. I'd been really very careful, but I still managed to pick it up and DH became seriously ill as a result. On top of dealing with that, I had to face the fact that it was all my fault and others' assumption that I must have done something reckless.

I hope your relative is OK, but it's not helpful to want to blame someone.

The Op stated that the aunt and uncle had a key to her grandfather's place and went to visit him right after their holiday. Then they came down with Covid. Seems pretty straight forward they were the ones to have passed it to him.
Original poster
Rinoachicken · 17/01/2021 20:37

@HelloMissus I never said anything about online admin and clearly said that he DOES need help getting to appointments. Please read my posts properly before attacking me.

He’s most likely being moved to palliative care tomorrow. 😢

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 17/01/2021 21:14

I’m sorry to hear that OP Flowers

hamsterchump · 18/01/2021 11:22

@spiratedaway Good argument lol.

Spiratedaway · 18/01/2021 11:24

[quote hamsterchump]@spiratedaway Good argument lol.[/quote]
You obviously have no respect for the older generation off you pop love @hamsterchump

suddengate · 18/01/2021 12:37

Would either of you stop your childish arguing and look at the post from OP RIGHT ABOVE yours?? Have some respect.

OP I'm so sorry to hear this, your grandad is in my thoughts Flowers

TiddyTid · 18/01/2021 12:40

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad OP Thanks

Spiratedaway · 18/01/2021 13:09

[quote Rinoachicken]@HelloMissus I never said anything about online admin and clearly said that he DOES need help getting to appointments. Please read my posts properly before attacking me.

He’s most likely being moved to palliative care tomorrow. 😢[/quote]
Sorry to hear that x

Botanica · 18/01/2021 13:11

I know it doesn't help the situation and what's done is done but I would be absolutely fuming and could never forgive them for putting him through this. They are supposed to be his careers FFS - keeping him safe and protecting him. How utterly utterly selfish. And in my eyes unforgivable.

In fact I have wondered before in situations where pure negligence and disrespect have directly caused the death of someone whether there would be an explosion of cases of manslaughter. It would rip families apart so I would hope the guilt was punishment enough but in my eyes still a criminal act.

Manslaughter
The unjustifiable, inexcusable, and intentional killing of a human being without deliberation, premeditation, and malice. The unlawful killing of a human being without any deliberation, which may be involuntary, in the commission of a lawful act without due caution and circumspection.