I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

[Rinoachicken]

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

@PaddyF0dder

Fuckers.

I’d be done with them. I’d cut all contact.

Me too

Fingers crossed for him and your mum.

Your aunt and uncle are not the only stupid,selfish and ignorant ones. There are weekly flights to the canaries here. WTF is that all about. I don’t imagine they are not full of holiday makers who somehow think they can escape the worldwide covid pandemic by going abroad. WTF. I wish they would have police at airports and use the hotels next to airports for mandatory quarantine. You pay to stay for the ten days when you basically are not allowed out of your room, food delivered to outside door, as though you have covid. If you can’t afford to pay to stay them you can’t leave the U.K. or return here.

It’s the only way to ensure they quarantine. Or ban flights. Which would be my preference. Lots of Scottish people are still flying down to London’s for the week because their employers are putting pressure on them not to wfh. It’s disgusting.

Oh and when people arrive from their holiday in Tenerife the first thing they will do is go do a food shop. Great. Fucking irresponsible bastards.

@Rinoachicken

He had the vaccine a couple of weeks earlier, but the vaccine doesn’t prevent you catching it, just lessens the severity.

Hoping it does make a difference for him.

I don't think full protection until 4 weeks ?

Do you have cousins op ? I would be fuming

@Spiratedaway

Yes that’s what I understand as well re vaccine. And yes I have cousins.

[quote Rinoachicken]@Spiratedaway

Yes that’s what I understand as well re vaccine. And yes I have cousins.[/quote]
Kids of your uncle and aunt ? Would be mad at them too eek

I don’t have much contact with them so no idea what they think of the situation.

And if my cousins see this and recognise the situation and show my aunt and uncle - I don’t give a shiny shit.

I hope your grandfather makes a speedy recovery.

I also hope your Aunt and Uncle feel suitably guilty. They’re either profoundly thick or utterly self absorbed or a dangerous combination of both.

Kids of your uncle and aunt ? Would be mad at them too eek

Why would you be angry at the children of the person that you think infected someone? I understand your anger but be very careful about accusing them of stuff because they probably feel bad enough as it is and if they didn’t catch it on holiday they could have caught it at the shop, on the bus or anywhere really. It’s contagious and it’s impossible to make yourself completely Covid-safe. If you haven’t passed it on to anyone yet, a lot of it is down to luck rather than being a responsible person. I do hope your DGF pulls through. For elderly people that don’t, I hope people think very carefully about accusing family members of killing relatives etc. It’s a horrendous thing to say. Nobody is immortal and when we’re dealing with people in their 90s we’re talking about a very short life expectancy in any event. If I were 97 years old and caught it, I wouldn’t want my relatives blaming themselves for it and I wouldn’t want anyone blaming them either.

You are not alone. Big bust ups in many families where some people follow the rules and others don’t. People are incredibly short sighted and arrogant. Your A&U will justify it to themselves. They were providing care. Or what would have happened to him if they had quarantined. Or they didn’t feel right leaving it all to your M&D. Believe me. While they may be saying they feel guilty they won’t accept responsibility. You should prepare yourself for that.

I’m not angry at my cousins. It’s not their fault in any way.

They chose to engage in a high risk activity (travelling by air) and then did not take sensible and reasonable precautions such as quarantine on their return. I absolutely feel justified in my anger for that.

If they had not been away, or been away but quarantined and then caught it afterwards, or not been away but just been unlucky to catch it and passed it on before realising then that’s just unlucky, no one to blame.

I will not be speaking to them about it, I won’t be telling them I think they have killed my grandfather. That’s why I came on here to vent. Because regardless of how I feel and think about their actions I can’t say it to them.

My grandfather was himself angry with them when he found out they had not quarantined after being away and had then visited him. My parents have expressed their ‘frustration’ and ‘disappointment’ without resorting to ripping into them.

It’s too late for that, what’s done is done. We now have to deal with the consequences and hope for the best.

@Ilovenewyear yes I can we’ll see that coming.

While they were away my parents took over the care and cousins helped with things like food shopping etc. There was no reason this could not have continued through them quarantining.

There was no need for them to visit at that time.

They only needed to stay away for 10 days.

I feel you OP!!

My mum has a v.strained relationship with one of her parents. She goes to visit and take shopping twice a week.

My mum has continued to see another relative who is single and claims to be part of their bubble. When I pointed out that she can’t be part of umpteen bubbles she said she “doesn’t count” her parent. I have no words. It boils my blood. The other relative also sees another friend as part of their bubble the extending of bubbles really pisses me off.

I hope you GF does not suffer too much. If your relatives did not follow rules for quarantining can they be prosecuted? I think this will happen in the future and should happen now - no matter if the person who catches Corona is 90+ years old. Is quarantining the law or not? This law ''is an ass'' for sure if not applied.

That's really sad 97 is a grand old age !

Did your parents do all the care whilst they went on holiday? Or were there other carers coming in ? Maybe they felt obliged to get back to it. Caring for someone is serious graft, but it was really stupid to take a risk. They would of actually needed a break and then it's hard work for however takes over plus covers the holiday.

@apricotjamandbutta

Care is shared between my parents and my aunt and uncle. My grandfather lives alone and doesn’t need daily care. So one or the other would take it in turns to pop in for a chat, do shopping, take him to appointments etc, usually twice or three times a week, taking turns. He was otherwise pretty independent still. All three households are in the same village so there’s not much travelling thankfully.

Last week as he became ill he needed more care and my parents went everyday and stayed most of the day with him as he was deteriorating.

He doesn’t have outside care as not needed. Care shared across the two adult children and also grandchildren helping as required.

My parents did the care whilst aunt and uncle were away plus grandchildren helping by dropping off shopping etc.

So there was plenty of family who would (and did regularly) cover any gaps as and when needed with no issue. There was no reason they could not have quarantined.

Shocking behaviour! How could they be so stupid and careless with a ninety seven year old man ? Are they always this dim ?
I very much hope he pulls through this OP.

It's awful OP

I hope the vaccine has kicked in somewhat and helps him to recover

The should have quarantined, definitely. It was irresponsible not to

@Rinoachicken

So sorry - your Aunt and Uncle are totally selfish, stupid and irresponsible. I wouldn't want to maintain contact after this either - honestly if it were me I don't think I could, if I kept talking to them the anger would bubble out sooner or later. I hope your grandfather is ok.

Hand on OP.

If he's your grandfather and they're your aunt and uncle, then surely one of them is his child. Presumably "really guilty" is somewhat of an understatement for hospitalising your very elderly parent.

They might suffer quite a lot for this if he does. I hope he doesn't obviously and hospitalisation is bad enough.

There's probably nothing that could be said to them then is worse than what one of them has done to their father and the other to their spouse's father.

I don’t know how you’re staying so calm. They could have potentially signed his death warrant by knowingly putting him at risk. How dare they? As a PP said, why isn’t this a criminal offense? People can be prosecuted for passing on HIV! Why not this?

This is just heartbreaking OP. I'm so sorry for your grandfather.

Hope he pulls through and that your parents keep well too.

I understand from a friend working in ICU that hospitals the length of the country are full of people saying "if only we hadn't..." so your aunt and uncle aren't alone in their ignorance.