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Original poster

I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

294 replies

Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 10:20

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

OP posts:
tatutata · 12/01/2021 22:21

I'm really shocked. I get so tired of all the covid police and the quibbling over supermarkets, but thus is just so shocking and stupid. My sister went on a little trip somewhere and I banned her from visiting, not because I worry about covid for our sake , but becaaue in a worse case scenario my DD would pass it around preschool and they'll go out of business. Why can't people think about the chain, not just their own noses!!

trulydelicious · 12/01/2021 22:25

@SmileyClare

The updated government guidance states that no self isolation period is needed when travelling from the allowed "travel corridors" abroad. In other words, it is not enforceable by law and carries no penalty

The 'penalty' in this case is that the GF is in hospital. They should have known better and quarantined before visiting even if 'it is not enforceable by law'

Original poster
Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 22:34

@TiddyTid thank you for asking. He’s on oxygen. He can’t speak on the phone because he can’t breathe enough for that.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 12/01/2021 22:34

Yes absolutely truly. I think it would be ineffectual to report this to the police for the reasons I gave. I don't mean that the relatives were ethically or morally in the right at all.

I think will stop posting here as I seem to be upsetting posters with some clumsy comments.

Op, best wishes to you and your grandfather Flowers

ImnotCarolineHirons · 12/01/2021 22:38

@FunnyInjury can't believe after 10 months of this pandemic i actually have to say this, but ... providing care for an elderly or vulnerable person, as the OP's parents were doing, has ALWAYS been allowed and no they were NOT breaking any rules by caring for him. Hmm

HerMammy · 12/01/2021 22:43

The situation is sad but why are so many people coming and going from a 97 year olds house in the first place, your parents, aunt, uncles, cousins? I’m surprised he’s not been ill before this.
We have 93 yr old in our family and have been very careful and limited contact to protect him.

FunnyInjury · 12/01/2021 22:53

Imnot 5 people. 2 of which had just returned from holiday ALL took risks in this scenario.
OP says her gf needed minimal 'care' in that they all took turns to pop in for a chat, get shopping and what not. She says he's in reasonable health but that her mum is clinically vulnerable.
So all five adults have knowingly bent the rules at best imo.

My thinking is that all the venting and blaming isn't usually directed in the right place. How can it be? It's a virus....not a masked intruder.

Original poster
Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 22:54

@HerMammy you clearly haven’t RTFT and I don’t know why I’m bothering to repeat myself but here goes.

My grandfather has two sons. Care is provided roughly three times a week by either my father or my uncle. They take turns to share the care load. When my uncle went on holiday, one of my cousins stepped in.

Care for him = dropping off food and making sure he is ok/15min chat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 22:55

And having a tidy up as he cancelled his cleaner at the start of lockdown in March.

OP posts:
HerMammy · 12/01/2021 23:00

I have read, still too many ppl ‘popping in’, then aunts and cousins, why did no one say no or take their keys off them, sounds all very casual until he’s ill and now you’re angry.
97 year olds should be treated as shielding.

FunnyInjury · 12/01/2021 23:08

Exactly HerMammy.

It's clearly a sad and emotional time for you all OP but no point in laying blame. It wont help your gf get better.

EileenGC · 12/01/2021 23:09

I'm so sorry OP. I hope your grandad makes a full recovery soon.

This is why so many people keep asking for the borders to close. Because selfish, irresponsible individuals have decided the rules don't apply to them, they come back from a risk area and don't bother to quarantine.

Travelling by air is not a high risk activity. I've done close to 20 flights since the pandemic began. There are studies and tonnes of research showing it's really the tiniest risk.

Travelling by air and THEN choosing to ignore the quarantine and/or testing requirements on either end, puts so many people at risk. These are normally the same people who go on a jolly to Mallorca and feature on Spanish news as the idiots who refuse to wear a mask on the street as 'we don't do that back in England'.

I still don't understand why 10 months in, the UK don't have a proper testing and quarantine system for returning travellers. I don't know where your aunt and uncle went but if it was Spain/Italy or somewhere similar, they would've had strong measures on entry. Coming back to the UK no one does spot checks or fines rule breakers. Come to Germany and see how everyone stays in for the required amount of days, and orders an online shop, as you risk being fined €25k for any self-isolation infringement.

It's just incredibly selfish to come back from a holiday and ignore the quarantine requirements. So is saying you're exempt from mask wearing when you aren't, having 6 support bubbles and all these other 'interpretations' of the rules people come up with.

converseandjeans · 12/01/2021 23:15

rhinoachicken where did they go on holiday? Lots of UK was in tier 3 or 4 & so it's strange they thought it a good idea.

Topsyandtimison37 · 12/01/2021 23:15

Selfish as they have contributed to overwhelming the NHS

ProfessorPootle · 12/01/2021 23:15

People think it won’t happen to them, they won’t have it or pass it on. So stupid, this is how it’s still spreading.

One of my family members is very ill with Covid, he’s young, works as a builder. He was working in a house where a couple live, they work in the NHS. He got symptoms and let them know he was staying home, tested positive. They then said he must have caught it from them as they’d tested positive a week before, they were self isolating when he was working in their house. They didn’t say anything as they wanted their building work finished!!

Original poster
Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 23:27

They went to Western Europe. Their local area was in tier 3 at the time and yes we all thought they were being ridiculous and foolish at the time. But they go every year and nothing was going to stop them don’t you know. They do usually travel abroad 3 or 4 times a year so not out of character for them at all. We half expected them to get stuck and not able to get back but they managed.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 12/01/2021 23:31

That's ridiculous. Yes they were foolish to go. I can't work out why flights are allowed.

Your poor grandfather. We have had trouble getting in laws to stop having visitors. FIL is 82.

I don't get why people are blatantly flouting the rules.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 12/01/2021 23:55

Your aunt and uncle were wrong for not isolating after being Away , but as everyone knew they were going away was this not discussed before about the others continuing the care until they quarantined

Yohoheaveho · 13/01/2021 00:00

Unbelievably selfish stupid and short-sighted had they not even thought through the consequences 😳
How can anyone be that thick 😳

hamsterchump · 13/01/2021 00:19

@spiratedaway You can't really believe that, it's so stupid it's impossible! So you'd be exactly the same level of upset would you if your 87 year old Grandparent died as if your 17 year old child did? Grow up.

halfeatenhamper · 13/01/2021 00:31

[quote Purplethrow]@halfeatenhamper your ‘friends’ aren’t E and S are they ?[/quote]
No that's not them Grin

TidyOmlette · 13/01/2021 00:32

I’m so sorry, I really hope he makes a full recovery.

Sadly this is happening everywhere. So many members of the public are horrifically selfish. I am sick to death of assessing patients with covid symptoms who haven’t bothered to get a test or isolate despite having the symptoms for several days.

willowtree66 · 13/01/2021 00:41

Why is anyone going away? The world is in a pandemic. You can't escape the virus! Selfish, selfish fuckers, spreading it around. And I would tell them that. Hope your grandad pulls through.

EileenGC · 13/01/2021 07:17

Flights are still allowed because they're one of the least risky activities you can do right now. Because people still need to travel for work or to get to their families in other countries. Because flying in itself is extremely low risk, the planes have the most powerful air filters on the market, and absolutely everyone is masked, from the moment you step foot in the airport, to getting out of the bus/taxi on the other end. I'm yet to see a mask-exempt person in an airport or plane. A few try it, they're quickly told you either put your mask on properly, or the captain will have you disembarked.

The problem comes when the UK has decided to implement absolutely NO measures, at airports or after you land.

In other countries you need 1-2 recent negative tests before you even board the plane, 1-2 tests when you come back from your holiday, a visual and temperature check on landing, plus quarantine. Some at home, some in a government hotel that you pay for. The UK has none of that. None of it is enforced.

Where I am we can isolate at home, and I was spot-checked several times by my local health authorities. You get regular phone calls and emails, and they monitor your location for the 5/10 days required. No one breaks the rules otherwise you're fined. That's why other countries don't have so many imported cases. Because they've actually taken this seriously and don't allow citizens to come back from a holiday and go straight out into their relatives' houses.

SnoozyLou · 13/01/2021 07:33

They went to Western Europe. Their local area was in tier 3 at the time and yes we all thought they were being ridiculous and foolish at the time. But they go every year and nothing was going to stop them don’t you know. They do usually travel abroad 3 or 4 times a year so not out of character for them at all. We half expected them to get stuck and not able to get back but they managed.

Shame they didn't really. It's one thing to take risks with your own health, but to risk other people's for the sake of a holiday is unbelievably selfish. I can't believe other posters are defending them or trying to pick holes in it. I would be cross too. I hope he makes a full recovery quickly.

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