I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

[Rinoachicken]

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

Elderly people die. Of all sorts of things, including just old age.

But I would never take action that risked bringing forward that process.

@Lindy2

Your FIL should get tested . I know someone who just had cold symptoms but it was covid .

@Rinoachicken

Exactly . Plus it’s a horrible way to go . I lost my aunt and uncle within 7 days of each other ( they had no children) and I still feel bad about not being able to just hold their hand or speak to them as they went . It’s the guilt I feel even though the situation was not my fault .

We’re your aunt and uncle actually breaking the law or just guidance ?

Let’s hope your grandfather pulls through.

How do you actually know it was your aunt and uncle? I mean really know. Anyone can pick it up anywhere - it doesn’t always stem from irresponsible behaviour.

[quote Unsure33]@Rinoachicken

Exactly . Plus it’s a horrible way to go . I lost my aunt and uncle within 7 days of each other ( they had no children) and I still feel bad about not being able to just hold their hand or speak to them as they went . It’s the guilt I feel even though the situation was not my fault .

We’re your aunt and uncle actually breaking the law or just guidance ?[/quote]
My Nan is in her 90s and frail, every year could easily be her last. However, my Uncle has moved in to look after her since March and has pretty much shielded to keep her safe (she's had the vaccine now too).

I'd hate to lose any family member in that way. I hope when she goes it's peaceful.

@Mouthfulofquiz have you read all my posts?

I think I’ve pretty clearly explained that he does not leave the house, that care is shared between my parents and my aunt and uncle, and that my aunt and uncle took a foreign holiday, came back carrying Covid and visited my grandfather having not quarantined, so exposing him to the virus. They have confirmed Covid within what should have been their quarantine period, and he now does as well.

No one else who has visited the home has Covid.

I hope people think very carefully about accusing family members of killing relatives etc. It’s a horrendous thing to say. Nobody is immortal and when we’re dealing with people in their 90s we’re talking about a very short life expectancy in any event. If I were 97 years old and caught it, I wouldn’t want my relatives blaming themselves for it and I wouldn’t want anyone blaming them either.

By why shouldn't they blame themselves? It's their fault. He didn't just magically pick up covid, they gave it to him when they visited after going on holiday. It's squarely on them because he wouldn't be in hospital seriously ill with covid if he hadn't unnecessarily been exposed to covid

OP you are much kinder than I would be - their selfish reckless disregard for your Grandad (and anyone else) is the reason he is now in hospital. I would be making it very clear to them that they were exceptionally selfish and stupid and should perhaps have more consideration for other people

I don't think I could ever forgive them for that 😔

I'm amazed at the number of people wanting to find a way to take the blame away from people behaving entirely recklessly and putting an elderly man at risk of death because they have been entirely selfish. Probably the same people who think it's ok to bend the rules to their convenience and get us in this mess in the first place. These people should have been quarantining from everyone, let alone an elderly man.

The 'he's old so he wasn't going to last long anyway' comment makes me want to throw up. The total lack of empathy and respect for the elderly is just awful. If he dies I wouldn't be able to look at them again, let alone speak to them. I'm so sorry this has happened OP xxx

It’s outrageous that some posters are saying, well he is old anyway.

That is no reason to take a completely unnecessary risk that may kill him, and potentially in a very unpleasant way. It also means another case in hospital and risks him surviving but with ongoing issues and a lower quality of life. I hope none of that will happen OP and he will soon be home and well, but that will be no thanks to your aunt and uncle.

Not to mention the fact that as OP says...how many others have they infected? How many cases will they cause down the line? How many of them will be very ill or die? How many will need hospital care or be off work as nhs staff and contribute to people dying of other things due to pressure on resources?

Why don't you tell them how you feel instead of telling strangers?

Am shocked at how people have turned this around to make the OP the villain!! I think she is being very restrained...I personally would blame the Aunt and Uncle. Of course they would be the most obvious contact and it’s their fault for such reckless behaviour!
His age is irrelevant,he is a human being who obviously still had a good quality of life...I really hope he gets better OP 💐

OP don't come back to the thread. Some vile people here.

OP I'm so sorry. You must feel so distressed. Ignore the ageist comments on here, they're vile.

I think your updates show you're being very measured about this Op. Of course your feelings are very raw now, you must be reeling I understand your need to vent.

I don't agree with the posters egging you on to confront your aunt and uncle with angry accusations. Or telling them they have blood on their hands as pp are suggesting. Your head's a mess and I don't think it's helpful.

Your uncle's father is seriously ill. That is punishment enough for him. I doubt he was callous and uncaring, more ignorant or perhaps in denial of the risks he was taking and this is the worst way he could ever realise the error of his judgment.

Holding on to this anger will eat you inside op. I know that's easy for me to say but it may be possible to forgive in time.

I'm really sorry your grandfather is ill. It's fine to feel angry, devastated or whatever you're feeling.

This is awful to hear, I hope your DGF recovers. Would totally share your outrage and frustration in your position. I don't think there can be any doubt whatsoever where he got the virus from in spite of some of the posters on here. The aunt and uncle will have to live with this which is punishment enough for anyone.

It’s horrible to see elderly relatives succumb to any illness. But let’s be honest here - 97 is v good innings and if this doesn’t get him sth else will and most likely v soon. If he survives Covid (and he could!) but then falls foul of the flu, or a different virus, or even just a cold, are you going to track down and hold it against the poor person who unwittingly infected him? We can’t and shouldn’t try to live in totally sterile environments. I do of course hope your dgf gets better but please don’t break up your family over this. As you said, your aunt and uncle feel awful already and will probably never forgive themselves regardless of the outcome.

@ChocOrange1

The man is 97 FFS!! Do people think before posting?

@laidbacklife

That’s totally different . The rules are laid out for a reason and they KNEW that they should have isolated .
We are not in normal times .

A pandemic is not just flu .

@ChocOrange1

Your grandfather is as much to blame. He let them in and socialise with them, it's a two way street. If they didnt tell him, then they are to blame but he also broke the rules by having people in his house 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to break this to you but at 97, he is likely to pass away in the next few years. There is no point playing the blame game and falling out with your family over this.

You are nasty love 17 or 97 it does not matter a life is a life

Well I guess we don't know the full story.

My v v physically vulnerable mum is v manipulative. If you don't see her she guilt trips you - "oh I never see you", "You r just using covid as an excuse not to come", "you are selfish not to come", "I need you to get X and y for me", "I never see my grandchildren", "X, y and z's children all see their parents" etc. Etc.. so you feel compelled to go even when risky.

Not all relatives and friends know this about 'sweet dear elderly' mum. I'd be the first to be blamed by others if mum caught covid from me, but no-one knows the constant manipulation she puts me through ('im going to kill myself if you don't come over' 'you are the only thing to keep me alive and stop me killing myself through this pandemic')

I feel deeply deeply sorry for your grandfather and am not implying he's like this in anyway AT ALL. But there might be more behind your aunt and uncles story than you are privacy too. I'm pretty sure they feel shit. But doubt they intended to give your grandad covid and maybe there is more to the story.

By God there's some foulness on here