I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

[Rinoachicken]

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

I get really upset at the foul ageism on this site at the best of times but recently the arseholery is terrible
Shame on them

Knew it wouldn't take long for the extreme old age and ''Good innings'' to come up. {Previous poster}

It IS a very good age, especially for a man, but he should have been protected, and of course people that age are on borrowed time.

But our lovely relative, 92, died as a result of all the beds being full of Covid patients...... And his essential cancer treatment was not given.

He was admitted to Hospital as an emergency, caught Sepsis, and died.

It is easy to dismiss the very old, until you actually know them personally.
It then becomes very different.

We had to return to visit the UK recently and quarantined for 10 days before visiting my df. And we drove so were pretty safe as other than petrol and toilet stops we just kept going.

Your Aunt and Uncle are really selfish.

@Fucket

I wouldn’t be able to forgive that ever.

Me neither. It’s not hard to forgo a holiday nor stay at home and quarantine.

So many still sending children to children to school as the message to keep them home isn’t getting through to many it seems, people with numerous bubbles or just because they can have one so do, exercise as an excuse to see friends and posts re people working when they can’t. Little wonder it’s still spreading.

Just a polite reminder to please read ALL my comments before posting.

I have not anywhere used the word ‘killed’ or ‘murdered’ and as per my previous post I will not be calling them up to confront them or they’ll them what I think of their actions. It will serve no purpose, what’s done is done. That is precisely why I posted here, to vent, because I cannot do it in real life.

To answer a few questions:

I am not ‘young’. I am late 30s and my grandmother died some years back leaving my grandfather alone. He is old, yes, but is otherwise well and healthy, no chronic conditions and living surprisingly independently for someone his age. In normal times he is very social, enjoys seeing friends and family. He is not ready to die and took care to shield last year to protect himself. He was looking forward to being able to see more people perhaps once he had his second dose of the vaccine. Of course anything may have happened to cause his death at his age, but I know he wanted to die at home in his own bed, not like this, alone, and unable to say goodbye to his family.

My parents are now isolating and waiting to see if they have caught it. I am anxious for them as both over 60 and my mum is clinically vulnerable herself.

And yes, my uncle is the son of my grandfather, and so if the worst does happen then he will have to live with that, which will be worse punishment than anything anyone else could say to him.

If the worst does happen, I will not be able to tell him I love him or say goodbye, and neither will any of his other grandchildren or great grandchildren, most of whom have stayed away for a year now to keep him safe when normally we would all visit very frequently. Instead he will die alone. I don’t know that I will ever be able to forgive them.

They provide care for your v elderly grandfather. How nice of them. I would never refer to relatives caring for my elderly grandfather as selfish fuckers.

Awful. This kind of thing is going to tear apart so many families. Thankfully all our family have been very careful.

Sorry, you didn't. Somebody else did. I wouldn't call them selfish either.

I'm so sorry to hear that op but the only thing is I can't bear to listen to the 'it's people like that' rants (OP you rant away). Numbers aren't solely due to the selfish few, it's a grouping of everything, yes of holidays and too much mixing, but also of the opening of the economy, the schools etc which of course was necessary. As someone who had covid (and it's battered me) even though we were hermits, and have remained as hermits, I know I've dropped the ball once or twice and I still think there are very very few people out there who haven't dropped the ball once or twice. The horrible thing is dropping the ball means putting someone at risk and it's so sad but everyone blaming each other does nothing

I didn’t mean to sound callous and of course it’s difficult to lose someone at any age. But this virus has really brought out people trying to personally blame someone for deaths. Old people have always been exceptionally vulnerable if they catch an infection but we usually didn’t seek to personally blame the person who passed on the virus.
A 97-yr old is likely to need care and medical treatment in their day to day life. This time, it was the aunt and uncle but it could easily have been someone else who caught it from the shops or a nurse who caught it from another patient.

It’s tempting to direct anger at family members. I’d just be careful about it because that sort of thing can permanently destroy relationships. They no doubt feel awful already without being directly blamed for it, especially if he doesn’t pull through. It may make you feel better temporarily but you could really regret it further down the line.

And this will be pretty commonplace in the future. Your grandfather had been vaccinated but as you say, that doesn’t stop someone getting the virus. Lockdown isn’t going to be possible forever and there will come a time when normal life will resume but the virus will doubtless still be around. That means vulnerable people will still catch it, although hopefully it will not be as serious if they do.

@RealityNotEssentialism

Hence me getting it all out of my system on here and not directing it at my aunt and uncle.

I think had he caught it some other way, for example if he was having external care workers in and out, was going out and about - like I said earlier - that’s then just unlucky.

I think what’s hard for me to swallow is the way he has been exposed was just completely unnecessary and could have so easily have been avoided.

@Coyoacan

This level of anger and accusation of "murder" doesn't sit well with me at all. Would you granddad want this to tear his family apart?

I agree. Yes, the uncle and aunt should have taken more care, but we can get covid from any number of places.

If they had to go abroad (which they certainly didn't in the middle of a winter pandemic) then they should have at least bloody well quarantined when they got back and certainly not went to visit a 97 year old relative.

I'd struggle to forgive them personally. It's one thing if they pick it up in the shops, public transport or a hospital or whatever. That can't be helped. But follow the bloody rules.

OP. I feel for you.

Yes 97 is a good old age but my GF still had six years left at that age - pretty healthy and independent ones, too.

OP’s GF getting COVID seems to have been avoidable and I don’t blame OP for being thoroughly upset and angry.

So sorry op, keeping everything crossed for him. This is happening with my Nan too. My uncle and cousin just can't stop popping round for a cuppa and she lets them in because she is lonely. It's like a ticking time bomb

Your grandfather is as much to blame. He let them in and socialise with them, it's a two way street. If they didnt tell him, then they are to blame but he also broke the rules by having people in his house 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to break this to you but at 97, he is likely to pass away in the next few years. There is no point playing the blame game and falling out with your family over this.

@TornadoOfSouls

thank you

@User158340

You have it exactly. It was avoidable.

@ChocOrange1 you haven’t read all mummy posts have you

*my

And family members have keys to let themselves in - since he struggles to get up for the door. So they would have just let themselves in.

Yes, I totally understand, OP. It’s more some of the other posters I had issues with. Plus I’ve seen lots of references on social media about ‘killing your gran’ and similar which I think is quite unhelpful.

I think there has been a lack of clear information on it.

Only know are they saying '' act like you have it '. It's this very concept I've found other people don't seem to understand.

Where does the blame begin and end in any very elderly person's end of life?

It's the principle of the matter.

Vent away OP, their behaviour was selfish and thoughtless. No need to say anything - they will have to live with it on their conscience (but maybe drop it into conversation at some point in future, if they ever annoy you in any way).

Hopefully the fact your grandfather already had the jab previously might help his immune system fight the virus off. Fingers crossed for your parents.