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Original poster

I just need to vent - elderly relative has Covid due to selfishness of others

294 replies

Rinoachicken · 12/01/2021 10:20

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 12/01/2021 15:35

@RealityNotEssentialism

Kids of your uncle and aunt ? Would be mad at them too eek

Why would you be angry at the children of the person that you think infected someone? I understand your anger but be very careful about accusing them of stuff because they probably feel bad enough as it is and if they didn’t catch it on holiday they could have caught it at the shop, on the bus or anywhere really. It’s contagious and it’s impossible to make yourself completely Covid-safe. If you haven’t passed it on to anyone yet, a lot of it is down to luck rather than being a responsible person. I do hope your DGF pulls through. For elderly people that don’t, I hope people think very carefully about accusing family members of killing relatives etc. It’s a horrendous thing to say. Nobody is immortal and when we’re dealing with people in their 90s we’re talking about a very short life expectancy in any event. If I were 97 years old and caught it, I wouldn’t want my relatives blaming themselves for it and I wouldn’t want anyone blaming them either.

I agree with this completely. This much anger is absolutely futile in a situation like this, and damaging.

Are your parents isolating now, do they have covid after caring for your grandfather?

lljkk · 12/01/2021 15:36

Everyone in the family knew the uncle/aunt had travelled, including the grandfather knew that they travelled abroad -- so why didn't the grandfather tell/remind them to stay away?

SmileyClare · 12/01/2021 15:41

Bear in mind that 25% of covid cases are caught in hospital. If your grandad was being taken to regular appointments then he may well have contracted it there.

This level of anger and accusation of "murder" doesn't sit well with me at all. Would you granddad want this to tear his family apart?

NoOneOwnsTheRainbow · 12/01/2021 15:41

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Ellieboolou33 · 12/01/2021 15:42

@lljkk

Everyone in the family knew the uncle/aunt had travelled, including the grandfather knew that they travelled abroad -- so why didn't the grandfather tell/remind them to stay away?
This? He is 97, old enough to be able to refuse visitors.
HIVpos · 12/01/2021 15:46

@WinstonmissesXmas

I don’t know how you’re staying so calm. They could have potentially signed his death warrant by knowingly putting him at risk. How dare they? As a PP said, why isn’t this a criminal offense? People can be prosecuted for passing on HIV! Why not this?
Because there’s a lot more to it. As far as HIV goes the majority of people who know their status are virally suppressed and unable to pass it on. For a prosecution to take place several criteria would have to be met including for the person to know that they are HIV+

In this case the aunt and uncle did not know so while they were selfish and thoughtless in what they did no comparison can be made.

Wishing your grandfather all the best OP, I’m sure he is getting the best of care.

Coyoacan · 12/01/2021 16:03

This level of anger and accusation of "murder" doesn't sit well with me at all. Would you granddad want this to tear his family apart?

I agree. Yes, the uncle and aunt should have taken more care, but we can get covid from any number of places.

halfeatenhamper · 12/01/2021 16:07

@Elieza

Fingers crossed for him and your mum. Flowers

Your aunt and uncle are not the only stupid,selfish and ignorant ones. There are weekly flights to the canaries here. WTF is that all about. I don’t imagine they are not full of holiday makers who somehow think they can escape the worldwide covid pandemic by going abroad. WTF. I wish they would have police at airports and use the hotels next to airports for mandatory quarantine. You pay to stay for the ten days when you basically are not allowed out of your room, food delivered to outside door, as though you have covid. If you can’t afford to pay to stay them you can’t leave the U.K. or return here.

It’s the only way to ensure they quarantine. Or ban flights. Which would be my preference. Lots of Scottish people are still flying down to London’s for the week because their employers are putting pressure on them not to wfh. It’s disgusting.

Oh and when people arrive from their holiday in Tenerife the first thing they will do is go do a food shop. Great. Fucking irresponsible bastards.

I completely agree with you, and I've been aghast when watching Flightradar sometimes.

We should just shut the borders completely and if there are people currently overseas then they should go into mandatory quarantine when they get back. As in 'down the plane steps, onto the bus and taken there whether they like it or not' quarantine. Not this pathetic current system.

I've got (what I used to call) friends on holiday out in the Canaries at the moment. They keep posting pictures of sunsets and beaches on FB saying how lovely it is there.

WTF is this government doing? Why is this allowed to continue? Nobody should be going on bloody holidays at all.

MaxNormal · 12/01/2021 16:10

We should just shut the borders completely and if there are people currently overseas then they should go into mandatory quarantine when they get back. As in 'down the plane steps, onto the bus and taken there whether they like it or not' quarantine.

People still need to travel for work though. DH is going abroad in a couple of days and I'd rather he wasn't shoved into a detention centre on his return thanks very much.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/01/2021 16:11

That's terrible. I spent NYE alone because I suspected I had covid (I didn't, it was just a chest infection) but I couldn't bear the thought of transmitting the virus to my elderly gran who was staying with my parents. I find New Year really difficult as it is when I found out my DH had weeks to live, but it was safer to stay in alone. Why can't people who are not on their own just enjoy each others company and not go round infecting others? Bloody selfish.

trulydelicious · 12/01/2021 16:13

@Ellieboolou33 and @lljkk

He is 97, old enough to be able to refuse visitors

Sometimes the very elderly are guilt-tripped into these situations (to accept visitors, to look after grandchildren, etc). Not saying this is what happened here, but I see it often

Those who are younger should be looking after them but they don't

Port1aCastis · 12/01/2021 16:15

We've just had a family member due through the selfishness of others
I'm spitting mad very very mad why do people think the virus rules do not apply to their sorry selfish arses

Disgusting selfish behaviour needs sorting out
Blood on their hands

Port1aCastis · 12/01/2021 16:18
  • die
Fembot123 · 12/01/2021 16:20

What fools 😱 so sorry OP.

Fembot123 · 12/01/2021 16:21

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Well this is it, all over the country it makes my blood boil. What an awful thing to happen to an elderly man. Sickening. Nobody is following the rules right now, my town was like the Glastonbury festival at the weekend. Roads normal traffic. Nothing like the first lockdown. This needs to be stamped on fast.
I’m sorry but ‘Nobody is following the rules’ is bullshit.
Purplethrow · 12/01/2021 16:22

@halfeatenhamper your ‘friends’ aren’t E and S are they ?

BornIn78 · 12/01/2021 16:32

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now

We have a similar situation in our family. I’ve told my mum I don’t want to hear all of the boo-hooing about how “guilty” my cousins feel, because that’s done for their benefit, so that we do all this “there there, it’s ok” to make them feel better. Hmm

Lindy2 · 12/01/2021 16:37

I'd find it very hard to forgive the aunt and uncle for this. The level of selfishness of some people is astonishing

My FIL has a very bad cold right now caught from SIL at Christmas when they mixed 4 households - some from tier 4 who travelled over 200 miles to mix. Apparently they just had to see everyone.

I'm not sure if he's been tested for Covid or not. It may well be Coronavirus rather than a cold as part of the mixing involved 3 Primary school children. He and MIL are both CEV. At least he is now completely isolating but it may be too little too late.

HoppingOnSteppingStones · 12/01/2021 16:40

I'd be getting their contact details and messaging them exactly what I think of the selfish self centred twats. And that if God forbid anything happens to grandfather you'll hold them personally responsible.

oakleaffy · 12/01/2021 16:43

Sorry for your Elderly Grandfather..People are so selfish.

We are a hugely over populated tiny Isle, and it isn't ''If'' we are likely to get Covid, but ''When''.

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 12/01/2021 16:46

@Rinoachicken

So my elderly grandfather who is 97 and lives alone has been rushed to hospital with Covid and is now on oxygen.

Where did he get it from?

From my aunt and uncle, who provide some of his care along with my parents, and who couldn’t bear to not go on their annual Christmas holiday abroad because they are ‘special’ don’t you know and NEEDED to go. So having spent hours in germy airports and breathing recycled air on planes, they then couldnt be bothered to quarantine when they got home and instead went to visit my grandfather.

And then promptly came down with Covid.

No longer able to provide their share of care my parents did it all. No grandfather is in hospital fighting for his life and we have to wait and see if my parents have caught it from providing his care.

All because my fucking aunt and uncle thought they were more important than everyone else and that the rules didn’t apply to them. Goodness knows how many other people they have infected swanning about the community when they should have been quarantining.

Apparently they feel ‘really guilty’ now.

All they had to do to protect him was STAY AWAY. Just for 10 days would have been sufficient. They would have got the symptoms, tested positive, isolated etc but he would have been safe.

FFS

Flowers
SmileyClare · 12/01/2021 16:47

@HoppingOnSteppingStones

I'd be getting their contact details and messaging them exactly what I think of the selfish self centred twats. And that if God forbid anything happens to grandfather you'll hold them personally responsible.
I think that's awful advice. Don't do that. I'm sure your grandfather would not want a war breaking out in his family.

At 97 years old, the slightest cold or even a fall can end that person's life. Where does the blame begin and end in any very elderly person's end of life?

Worst · 12/01/2021 16:52

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

I think *@RealityNotEssentialism* has it right. OP, with the best will in the world, he's not going to live forever. He's 97. I don't know anyone who's lived that long. Are you quite young and never seen anyone die before? You are very lucky to have had a granddad this long. You don't know how this will end, yet. It seems pointless to dramatise it into being mad at your relatives and everyone they ever met for living their lives differently to how you would. Being angry at them all won't make your granddad better and if the worst happens, it won't bring him back. He's had a very good innings. I'm sorry your grandad is ill, but I think you need to get some perspective. Flowers
That's one of the most callous things I have read in a while! "He's had a good innings, get some perspective". Jesus Christ!
Lottie2017 · 12/01/2021 16:57

I am so sorry for you and so angry to hear they have done that. I lost my 91 year old Nan to the after effects of Covid after she contracted it in hospital last year and this seems like such a reckless way to treat your grandfather. I can't believe the illness was brought straight to his home where he should be protected 😞 I hope that he is OK and wish him all the best for his recovery.

IloveJKRowling · 12/01/2021 17:00

@Rinoachicken

They've actually broken the law and you could report them for that. I'd understand if you didn't want to, but if they've passed it on to someone they are supposed to care for, how many did they pass it onto that they don't care about?

What they did is against the law.