Fed up with being called selfish for having kids in school

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NC just in case

I’m so exhausted with people laying into other parents for being selfish for sending their children into school. Most of my friends ended up in tears daily, having to be furloughed and later losing their jobs and being fairly confident that having children contributed to that during the last lockdown. Parents cannot work from home effectively while homeschooling one or more children especially EYFS/KS1. These children are being failed. Parents who have important (but not key worker) jobs and who are reliant on both salaries are being thrown under a bus for months on end. I understand why the schools had to close but it’s almost unbearable on a daily basis for parents at the moment. Working every hour under the sun, attempting to keep up with home schooling, cook, clean, get some sunlight to help with MH. My standards have slipped but we still need to eat even if it’s just a sandwich for lunch and something for dinner.

Parents are seen as selfish for being anxious about living in mess, off ready meals, no time for exercise or health for weeks on end with no end point for the greater good. When did caring about your family become selfish. When did we have to think about every other person in the UK before ourselves.

I know it’s a pandemic and it’s shit for everyone. But I have to say day to day it’s got to be hardest for full time wfh parents with young children.

My three are in school as DH and I are paramedics. I see the impact of covid every day and it’s horrendous. But I also so friends who are shells of the people they once were and are weeks away from a complete breakdown. From losing jobs and their home. From their mental health deteriorating to the point that they can’t function. And that’s bloody terrifying too.

Too many people has forgot there is more than just covid. People are valid to worry about their children. People are valid to be worried about paying their bills. People are valid to be worried for MH.

Nah, one of you should be staying at home....let the buggers die in the street. [sarcastic]

I have a vulnerable child in school, definitely further up the selfish scum list than you.

Mind you at least it saves you a call out or two.... ASD and homelearning did not mix well. Having one child awake until three or four in the morning and one awake at 7 was eventually going to cause an accident as well. I felt so ill.

I’ve not seen anyone call two frontline nhs workers selfish for needing childcare.

That’s a very different situation than having a parent/s in the home, loosely using the word keyworker etc.

I guess what I’m saying is that even as a genuine key worker I can completely understand why some families want to send their kids in and find ways to bend the rules. Fair enough not one with a SAHM or people that can easily be furloughed and take the financial hit but more two full time wfh parents who are struggling. One of my close friends is a paramedic as is her DH. She isn’t entitled to a place as she’s on maternity leave so currently at home with a 6 week old, 1.5 year old and a 4 year old. She is exhausted as her partner is obviously out all day and working late, has a newborn baby and is meant to be homeschooling and caring for her toddler too. Her toddler thankfully still attends nursery some days but i speak to her most days and have no doubt she is developing PND as a result of the situation,

IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I’ve not seen anyone call two frontline nhs workers selfish for needing childcare.

That’s a very different situation than having a parent/s in the home, loosely using the word keyworker etc.

I think you'll find it was government who created the list of key workers.
Who knew jobs were essential eh?!

Think you are fine to send your kids in. Some are absolutely taking the piss though. Please don't worry and good luck with your job it must be very busy.

I’ve not seen anyone call two frontline nhs workers selfish for needing childcare.

This!

The people being referred to as selfish are those who have now seen they count as key workers, or their partner does. And despite being able to wfh or being a sahp they are using this to send their children to school.

I am a "key worker" (really shouldn't be!) As is OH.

We are not using up a school place as we can WFH and it would be selfish.

2 paramedics...not selfish

I haven’t seen anyone say two frontline healthcare workers are selfish for using school places.

You are both key workers. The criticism isn’t aimed at you.

You aren’t selfish at all.
Sadly there will always be those who take advantage and make life difficult for everyone else. I know someone who makes a big thing of her ‘stay at home mummy’ lifestyle on her Facebook page but according to the books works for her husband’s ‘vital in a pandemic business’ so are accessing key worker care for all their 3 children.
I also know someone who has busted a gut so she doesn’t need to access key worker care for her child by swapping and juggling shifts with her partner and she really should be one with priority.

Its not you being attacked. I certainly wouldn't begrudge your family places or judge you for taking them. Its the people who don't need a place that are being laid into, and in some cases, deservedly so.

A lot of schools anecdotally have 50-70% attendance. If the school is that full, why can't it just reopen and my DC go back to get their full education? Why should my DC get a second class education because I am a single parent, who now wfh and is not a keyworker? How is that fair?

Its the vocal minority screaming 'close the schools' that got their way as apparently schools are middens full of covid. On my FB, these were the SAHPs, the ones with childcare on tap, those with secure jobs. I have none of those. Be grateful you can send your kids to school to be educated so you can work.

@PurpleDaisies

You are both key workers. The criticism isn’t aimed at you.

This. DH and I are both listed as ‘key workers’ we are not and can wfh with our children here. It’s hard but we can do it. As two paramedics you genuinely can’t.

I think you are all missing the point of the OP. She is not justifying her own situation but defending others who might be categorised as "taking the piss" because they don't need the place, and trying to emphasise that we don't know what is actually happening in their lives.

Correct me if I'm wrong though!!

If you are working for the same trust I'm surprised they haven't suggested working opposite shifts in order to keep the children home from school (as the NHS is doing everything it can to minimise the need for staff to isolate and having the children in school is a big factor that increases the likelihood of needing to isolate) but you are exactly the kind of family that the government had in mind when allowing key workers children to go to school. It is those with a stay at home, furloughed or unemployed partner at home that are facing the criticism and rightly so.

I think the issue is that the definition of "key worker" is quite broad (my H and I are both classed as key workers but don't consider ourselves to be - both office based, can work from home). It's frustrating though when you see others locally who we know do the same jobs as us, have older primary children so probably don't need to be "hands on" home schooling and who have taken up school places, and then you see them running or walking to the local Starbucks. That's completely different than 2 paramedics!

I am a sahm. I have two small twins. I can't take my eyes off them for a moment. I'm fed up of everybody saying sahp are able to homeschool. I'm not. I cannot ask to be furloughed. I cannot swap my shifts. I cannot homeschool my foundation stage child. It's not just working parents who are struggling.

I would not begrudge you a place at school. I would expect your children to get a place over mine but I'm fed up of people saying it's just the working parents struggling.

It's disgraceful.
It feels like the whole of MN has found a new stick to beat working parents ( mothers ) with. It's depressing and upsetting.

We're using our key worker place this time - just 3 days a week, specifically the days when I'm delivering online lectures pretty much all day and would mean my 6 year old being left alone for hours. The other two days we've arranged to work flexibly to accommodate home learning.

I'm governor at my son's school and we've got a lot more vulnerable children in this time 3x more than in March. It's not just the key worker list that's been expanded.

@Africa2go same as us. Would be interesting to see how many people feel the same? That they are on the list but don’t at all consider themselves to be?

People keep on bringing up being able to wfh as a reason people should be able to keep kids at home. How on earth are you meant to do a full time demanding job to a standard that wont get you fired AND homeschool for months on end? Theres only so many hours in a day.

I dont know what the right answers are. Everyone is struggling

I got called an idiot for not taking a place I'm entitled to

But you need that space. You are frontline and I'm sure you've seen more than your fair share of horror the past year.

I have a child of paramedics in my class. His behaviour in lockdown 1 went off the wall. I imagine seeing his parents arrive home exhausted and bruised from face masks and shields. School was a bit of normality for him and absolutely that's what the provision is for.

Thankyou for your service. And I'm sure there's 1000's of families out there who can also thankyou for them still having their loved ones in their lives.

No one has said two key worker parents shouldn’t have a schooo place- we are criticising the others. Surely as front line you see that “closing the schools” yet still having over a third of pupils in is pointless

People seem to be getting annoyed with other people rather than with the government, which is bizarre.

Honestly you have every right to send your children in.
Due to my role being a keyworker (it’s IT related) I could send my child in but rightly I want your children in safe with reduced numbers to try and keep it as safe as possible! Yes I’d rather all be in school far better mentally/socially etc but it is what it is!
It’s bloody hard WFH and childcare - I’ve asked their Dad to step up more and help this time as he wasn’t before and I got to many grey hair the last time. I may be judged at work not being 100% contactable. And judged I’m not spending wonderful time baking cakes - oh well!
It’s hard - homeschooling is not 100% - screen time up 100% - work /phone calls / house mess - but I just hoping it’s for a short time - naively. But I’d never judge you sending your children in and Thankyou for the hard job your doing.

@bmachine The Government need to be putting pressure/incentives on employers to support those with children at home. It’s not the whole working population after all.
The health system is on the brink of collapse in some areas, we need to all do what we can to bring the infection rate down.

@StatisticalSense

If you are working for the same trust I'm surprised they haven't suggested working opposite shifts in order to keep the children home from school (as the NHS is doing everything it can to minimise the need for staff to isolate and having the children in school is a big factor that increases the likelihood of needing to isolate) but you are exactly the kind of family that the government had in mind when allowing key workers children to go to school. It is those with a stay at home, furloughed or unemployed partner at home that are facing the criticism and rightly so.

And when do you suggest she sleeps. OP works a 12 hour night shift, gets home to home school the children, cook, clean, go out for exercise, do food shop etc. Then her partner comes home, they swap and she goes off to work!