Fed up with being called selfish for having kids in school

[Namechangeforcontroversy]

NC just in case

I’m so exhausted with people laying into other parents for being selfish for sending their children into school. Most of my friends ended up in tears daily, having to be furloughed and later losing their jobs and being fairly confident that having children contributed to that during the last lockdown. Parents cannot work from home effectively while homeschooling one or more children especially EYFS/KS1. These children are being failed. Parents who have important (but not key worker) jobs and who are reliant on both salaries are being thrown under a bus for months on end. I understand why the schools had to close but it’s almost unbearable on a daily basis for parents at the moment. Working every hour under the sun, attempting to keep up with home schooling, cook, clean, get some sunlight to help with MH. My standards have slipped but we still need to eat even if it’s just a sandwich for lunch and something for dinner.

Parents are seen as selfish for being anxious about living in mess, off ready meals, no time for exercise or health for weeks on end with no end point for the greater good. When did caring about your family become selfish. When did we have to think about every other person in the UK before ourselves.

I know it’s a pandemic and it’s shit for everyone. But I have to say day to day it’s got to be hardest for full time wfh parents with young children.

My three are in school as DH and I are paramedics. I see the impact of covid every day and it’s horrendous. But I also so friends who are shells of the people they once were and are weeks away from a complete breakdown. From losing jobs and their home. From their mental health deteriorating to the point that they can’t function. And that’s bloody terrifying too.

@Shudawuda Totally agree with you.
I'm currently on mat leave with a new baby. I also have two older kids both with additional needs and a partner who is a key worker (full time, social care) who cannot WFH. It's bloody hard.
I could ask for a place for both kids.
But I won't because a) The safest place for them is at home
b) It's totally unfair on the school staff and other pupils (lots of which are far more deserving of a space)
c) I want to play my part in protecting the NHS, reducing the transmission of Covid, and ultimately helping to save more lives.

I know we need an economy etc but as far as I’m concerned businesses need to cut back and if they won’t they need to be made to by govt. parents wfh with children should not be expected to do more than 50% of their work. If their employer won’t use flexible furlough they need to be made to.
Most people I know wfh are insanely busy but this isn’t realistic. Businesses need to stop being so busy making money and reign it in, just for a couple more months.

OP I wonder what happens when one of these children - the ones in a KW space but whose parents aren’t really KW - brings covid into school.

Then the whole KW child bubble is going to be sent home to isolate for 14 days. And people like you and your DP, paramedics who we desperately need to be able to work, will have no childcare.

Every extra child at school increases the risk of this happening. Along with, of course, the fact that more children in school means more covid transmission. And along with the risk of teachers catching covid.

That’s why I think they are selfish. Of course life is awful for parents trying to work and home school, it’s unmanageable for many. Something needs to change - maybe furlough for one parent in each family with under 12s, maybe repeating a school year, I don’t know.

But not some parents solving the problem for themselves by claiming a tenuous KW space, and increasing the risks for all, while other more rule abiding parents struggle through.

minipie there have already been a few posts about school 'bubbles' bursting.

I expect we'll be seeing a lot more over the next few weeks.

Exactly - with this many kids in, the chances of bubbles bursting is huge and then bang goes genuine KW childcare.

Parents are seen as selfish for being anxious about living in mess, off ready meals, no time for exercise or health for weeks on end with no end point for the greater good

Nobody thinks any of these things are selfish.

Everybody gets that Paramedics are essential workers and their kids will need to be in school.

Everyone with any sense realises that when at least one parent is working from home or has a day off that the kids should be at home so that we can reduce transmission/hospitalisation & death rates.

When did caring about your family become selfish. When did we have to think about every other person in the UK before ourselves

In times of crisis we should all understand that sacrifices need to be made for the greater good of society.

As much as I care about my child's education, I do not think it is more important in any way, shape or form than other people's lives.

I don't see what's so hard to understand about that, really.

@Napqueen1234 I think you had a name change fail midway through this thread.

I think you might need to fix as people may be quite surprised with your previous posts.

People don't know what is going on behind closed doors and rather than say that they are struggling/finding it tough they lay into others, attack others and judge.

My son goes to his private nursery under a key worker space (scottish nurseries has to be key worker/vulnerable etc) because my DH is a cat 2 key worker. On paper so am I but my civil service job hasn't defined us that way. Our LA allows 1 key worker and there is space in his nursery to send him it's done on a priority system they have even stated they have a few more slots available.

I have had some nastiness about it but I ignore it, its best for my son he's not taking up anyone else's slot and I have just had a mmc at 14 weeks which turned into a traumatic miscarriage before surgery. Like I say people don't know what is going on behind closed doors so shouldn't judge others

@minipie

Exactly - with this many kids in, the chances of bubbles bursting is huge and then bang goes genuine KW childcare.

That.

And no child with a SAHP should be in school. I find it amazing that it's allowed when other families are struggling so badly with two parents (or a single parent) WFH.

Businesses need to stop being so busy making money and reign it in, just for a couple more months.

Which bits of the public sector are going to volunteer to take the hit on the depleted tax revenues?

NHS? Surely not.
Teachers? Hollow laugh.
Social care? Interesting choice.

Very keen to hear your answer.

[quote mrshoho]@Napqueen1234 I think you had a name change fail midway through this thread.

I think you might need to fix as people may be quite surprised with your previous posts.[/quote]
Indeed 🤔

@mrshoho

Something needs to change - maybe furlough for one parent in each family with under 12s, maybe repeating a school year, I don’t know.

I’m enjoying these super vague statements with absolutely no concrete detail on how any of this could be achieved.

They contain phrases like ‘someone should’ or ‘something needs to change’. We all know none of this is happening, so get your head back into the real world, thanks.

@TheKeatingFive

Businesses need to stop being so busy making money and reign it in, just for a couple more months.

Which bits of the public sector are going to volunteer to take the hit on the depleted tax revenues?

NHS? Surely not.
Teachers? Hollow laugh.
Social care? Interesting choice.

Very keen to hear your answer.

Quite.

It’s absolutely shocking that so many people think “protecting the economy” is about protecting rich people. The rich will be ok no matter what happens. The economy is what funds the NHS, our councils, schools, the police, fire brigade, ambulances etc
If the economy goes, it will make covid look like a walk in the park in comparison.

What people are fed up with is the taking the mick. Sending a 14 and 15 year old into school, with no real needs, usually left alone at home if mum goes out, is selfish. Parent just wanting free childcare. It isnt about their education as they are accessing the same things whether at home or school. The pandemic has highlighted to me just how much people view school as predominantly places for free childcare, learning is a secondary concern.

What these extra pupils in school means in reality is more teachers/LAs/TAs/cleaner etc have to be in school, therefore more people being at risk. If only it was a case of 'kids going into school'. It isnt - they dont learn in a vacuum. The more are in, the more adults have to be there too thus putting them and their families health and lives at higher risk.

2 paramedics as keyworkers?! You know that isnt what people are annoyed about OP

@TheKeatingFive The Government has the power to do that though... so it’s not a case of the ‘real world’ We are in an emergency situation

[quote Ohbabybab]@TheKeatingFive The Government has the power to do that though... so it’s not a case of the ‘real world’ We are in an emergency situation[/quote]
It’s being dripped through the The Times and Telegraph that’s what they are planning.

@TheKeatingFive

Something needs to change - maybe furlough for one parent in each family with under 12s, maybe repeating a school year, I don’t know.

I’m enjoying these super vague statements with absolutely no concrete detail on how any of this could be achieved.

They contain phrases like ‘someone should’ or ‘something needs to change’. We all know none of this is happening, so get your head back into the real world, thanks.

Of course it’s vague, it’s a side comment in a thread that’s about non KW parents claiming school spaces because they are struggling.

My point is that the current situation doesn’t work. The government is trying to pretend we can have schools shut, parents working and parents home schooling. You can’t have all of those and that’s showing up in overwhelmed parents trying to get their kids in school by hook or by crook. And other, more rule abiding parents drowning at home.

Wouldn’t it be better to admit we can’t have all these things and start exploring other options? Rather than just telling working parents to suck it up all over again - but this time with more schoolwork and less flexible employers.

@OhCaptain

I haven’t seen anyone say two frontline healthcare workers are selfish for using school places.

Me either.

The Government has the power to do that though

Have you given even a seconds thought to the problems inherent in furloughing parents? Businesses have to make redundancies, who goes? Oh yes, a swath of parents with vulnerable dependents, plunging children disproportionately into poverty. Super idea.

Everyone repeats a year, what impact does this have on the university sector, already on its knees, denied intake for another year? They’ll basically all go bust.

Any other bright ideas?

[quote mrshoho]@Napqueen1234 I think you had a name change fail midway through this thread.

I think you might need to fix as people may be quite surprised with your previous posts.[/quote]
It confirmed my suspicions

@museumum

I know we need an economy etc but as far as I’m concerned businesses need to cut back and if they won’t they need to be made to by govt. parents wfh with children should not be expected to do more than 50% of their work. If their employer won’t use flexible furlough they need to be made to. Most people I know wfh are insanely busy but this isn’t realistic. Businesses need to stop being so busy making money and reign it in, just for a couple more months.

How do you propose this actually happens?

There are a lot of people - not just you - who don't seem to understand how a lot of the private sector works.

Also, if we cut output, where do you propose we cut public spending? Because we won't be able to fund it all without a vibrant private sector. Would you cut free at the point of use healthcare? Or free access to primary and secondary education? Or social and personal care for the elderly? All these things are overstretched and underfunded as it is, I'm interested to know how you think it might work with even less resources to fund it.

No, we can't just furlough one out of every two parents, or accept that working parents will only be able to deliver 50% of their usual output.

Wouldn’t it be better to admit we can’t have all these things and start exploring other options?

I don’t disagree with this, my point is that there hasn’t been an actual workable solution from anyone.

There are a lot of people - not just you - who don't seem to understand how a lot of the private sector works.

The extent of the ignorance on here on this topic has blown my mind since this stuff kicked off last March.

OP I feel exactly the same way, but for some odd reason the media treat us like we don't exist