‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

[Despairandchocolatecake]

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

If you are a key worker your kids can go to school?

Is there any flexibility at your place of work to reduce your hours and/or do some of them when your DH is not working?

No advice but you have my full sympathy. Part time work is so hard to come by and can be so fulfilling. This situation is so unfair. X

Some schools will allow children to go in if they have one key worker parent, others can only accommodate children where both parents are keyworkers. Talk to your school in the morning and see what they say.

Don’t give up your job, you can ask for unpaid leave instead, or investigate if furlough for childcare is possible. There’s always options.

If you’re a key worker you can ask to send your child to school and only one parent has to be a key worker. The amount of children who attend school during lockdown reduces the amount of children dramatically and children can be social distanced properly. I totally understand if this is still a concern for you though.

I agree that if you are a key worker the school should still allow your children to attend

This is so intensely frustrating and I am deeply sorry for you.

Just one quick thought experiment: What would happen if you and your husband couldn’t afford to be on one salary? Would he find a way to step up and cover a few hours of childcare while you’re working? Most dual-income families are struggling (!!!) but muddling through. I wonder if he could try a liiiiittle bit harder to be supportive of your career aspirations, if this is something that is meaningful and exciting to you?

@Remmy123

If you are a key worker your kids can go to school?

Not everywhere is following that rule. Our council is only giving spaces to kids from families where there are 2 key worker parents or a single parent who is. Plus its only available for times when work can't be done from home, so basically no matter what key worker job you do if you can do it from home you don't get childcare anyway.

It's worth asking school - ours has a 2 key worker and no parent ever at home rule during school hours but others are more flexible. I had to stop work last March so sympathise but hopefully school will help you.

Can you request furlough? It is a pity your DH is so unsupportive- I’m in a similar situation in that after 5 years SAHM I have a job but “luckily” it’s only a handful of hours so far so I’ll be able to carry it on.

Have you asked the school? Some are allowing children with only one key worker parent.

If not, can you take annual leave between the two of you to cover the two weeks, then look into taking parental leave if the closures are extended. It would be better than giving up your job.

Try to think of other options first OP, part time jobs can be hard to come by. Remember that as it's 25 hours a week it will be easier to cover those hours than if you were full time. Can you use a mixture of your annual leave and DH's annual leave, plus a few hours per week when he's watching the DC while working (as many of us have to!).

Ask the school, under the circumstances you may be able to send DC in.

Don't give up.your job. Hold onto it and divorce him at the end of the pandemic (or sooner if you can move in with family).

Abject arsehole that he is.

Don’t just roll over, keep fighting. There’s a solution out there

Does your husband have to work particular hours or does he have flexibility?

We’ve had a list of priorities in terms of places and although I’m a key worker the fact dh isn’t means we would be way down the list. They’ve organised the jobs in terms of those most deemed essential. Also they are a small school so they won’t have many children in if they are to abide by social distancing.
I will ask. But I’m not hopeful. My hours cannot change unfortunately.

I doubt furlough would be an option assuming that you are in a public sector role.

but I could weep.

Do. Cry. It’s fucking heartbreaking tbh. So many women are losing their livelihoods, their financial independence, their safety net, their contact with the outside world. Cry- let your husband see that it has an impact- even if there is no other way.

I work in school so I have no annual leave and furlough wouldn’t apply. I’m expected to be in and if not I won’t keep my job. My dd is only 3 and can’t be basically left on her own all day.

Why does it have to be this job or nothing? Keep searching for another

First step is to talk to the school to see if you can get a key worker place.
Second step is to talk to your employer about what's available, whether that's furlough, part-time furlough, using leave, whatever.
Then you talk to your husband about what he's going to do. Ie can he reduce hours, take leave etc. Can he wfh and supervise the DC's, basically keep them safe, and then you can do the actual homeschooling when you're not working?
Can you bubble with another family for childcare to cover any gaps?

Do NOT give this up without a fight. It's your job and it's important.

Tell your school that you're a key worker. Although ours maintain that both parents have to be key workers, others have not.

Of course it matters! Whatever the outcome in your current situation, it matters to you - and quite right too. Your DH sounds insensitive, to put it mildly.