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Original poster

‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

227 replies

Despairandchocolatecake · 04/01/2021 17:39

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

OP posts:
UneFoisAuChalet · 04/01/2021 18:05

In March, my school took in key workers and vulnerable but also our own children. We shared a rota, X in on Mondays, Y in on Tuesdays etc and many of us brought in our own children because we needed childcare as well!

Definitely don’t give up so easily - all schools need extra help right now and I bet they would be willing to work something out.

CeibaTree · 04/01/2021 18:07

@Gogglebox20

If you’re a key worker you can ask to send your child to school and only one parent has to be a key worker. The amount of children who attend school during lockdown reduces the amount of children dramatically and children can be social distanced properly. I totally understand if this is still a concern for you though.
Our school is saying both parents need to be key workers, so that might no be a solution unfortunately.
Lua · 04/01/2021 18:08

pp have given you good advice on sorting the DC.

But, i suspect by your tone, you may need to sort out things with DH. Even if it makes more sense for you to stay home with the kids, is not a foregone conclusion and he should treat you and your work with more respect Flowers

Swimmingiscancelled · 04/01/2021 18:08

I'm in a similar position OP - except I started today!

My DCs school have confirmed that my DCs will get a key worker place even though DH is not. It is worth asking your DCs school again.

LobotheBotanist · 04/01/2021 18:09

Talk to the school

Shout your frustration at “D”H

This virus is setting women’s financial freedom back by decades Sad

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 04/01/2021 18:10

I thought he could get furlough if he is needed for childcare?

Which he is - because you are a key worker!

yesifibbed · 04/01/2021 18:10

Your DH is an arse, I WFH and have 2 secondary age DC and a 6yr old who requires support. I am on MS teams too but given we are in the midst of a pandemic work has to flex a little to allow me to ensure I support my youngest with there school zoom calls etc. Your DH isnt bothering because you have already decided his job is more important and he thinks your responsible for the DC. Put your foot down with this man, you should not have to give up a part time job when your DH is WFH...in his 'important' job

C0NNIE · 04/01/2021 18:10

@SnailortheWhale

Do not accept your husband’s attempt to make this your problem. If he doesn’t support you in remaining on the job ladder then there is zero chance you can ever pull your weight financially which presumably is his argument for telling you to quit to avoid inconveniencing him (i.e. he earns more). I hope you told him that you most certainly will not be giving up your hard to come by job when we’re heading into economic meltdown, and start sketching out some proposals for sharing the load. Do/can you or he wfh? Seriously, you need to stand up for yourself and value your job or he most certainly won’t. Don’t just roll over and do as he is telling you to, you will quite rightly resent him for a very long time.
This.
RainingBatsAndFrogs · 04/01/2021 18:11

This virus is setting women’s financial freedom back by decades

In many cases.

But as per usual, men's attitudes and behaviour is also setting women's financial freedom back.

EndOfTheRoadForMe · 04/01/2021 18:11

Ash school and explain the situation to them. I know a mum had similar problem last time out dc school and school were really helpful. It is worth asking.
It awful for so many working parents I really feel for them

DeciduousPerennial · 04/01/2021 18:11

So if you earned a fuck-ton of money in your 25 hours and out-earned him would you EVER turn to him and say, oh so flippantly, “you’ll have to give up your job”.

No. You wouldn’t.

bluebeck · 04/01/2021 18:11

Well DH will have to ask for parental furlough won't he?

Maybe Boris will make it mandatory for employers to agree it if requested from non key workers.

If DH refuses then you have a HUGE DH problem, and you really need to not give up your job. Flowers

Icebear99 · 04/01/2021 18:12

Tell DH that he can request temporary flexible working or furlough for childcare. I wfh during lock down, 2 dc youngest was 3, in high pressure IT role, it was very very stressful but I still did it as i had no choice. You should tell him to sort it out as you're going to work.

TableFlowerss · 04/01/2021 18:13

@Remmy123

If you are a key worker your kids can go to school?
Not if there’s no space and she’s only part time and DH isn’t a key worker.

It’s bollocks for poor OP but taking to friends, these key worker spaces are to limited that some schools are only providing it for when both parents are key workers.... terrible

Nacreous · 04/01/2021 18:13

I'd definitely be going in with "I'm a key worker and need childcare to do my job,which is helping to keep a school open so other key workers can do theirs. It's essential my child has a key worker space" and then let them negotiate you down from there.

Newwayofthinking · 04/01/2021 18:13

Could family/friends help?

YoniAndGuy · 04/01/2021 18:14

It was just he flippant he was - you’ll have to give up your job then.

That's why you say no.

You just say - no. This isn't on me alone. Parents working from home everywhere are having to negotiate condensed hours, parental leave, you name it. But you - you expect to carry on exactly as normal, and to facilitate that, I simply take the entire hit?

If that's the way you think, we have no family pulling together, we have nothing.

I will not be leaving my job. I am part time, I will happily take complete responsibility for the children when I am not working, and on weekends if you need to catch up. That's me putting into the team. What are you putting in, and where is your support for me?

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR JOB.

AaronPurr · 04/01/2021 18:15

@Newwayofthinking

Could family/friends help?
Yes her husband, the child's father can help.

Also just repeating the obvious - Don't give up your job!

IdblowJonSnow · 04/01/2021 18:15

Please try to explore your options a bit more op. 25 hours is great and they are so hard to come by.
Say to your DH that you don't 'have to' give your job up. You're supposed to be a team. Don't just roll over.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/01/2021 18:16

Dh works from home but he’s basically on the phone / zoom all day long. There’s just no way he can have the children as well

What exactly are these people 'who are on Zoom all day' actually doing? Is it all really necessary or are they just nattering? Sounds like some of them need to be a bit more focused so their actual work is more flexible and they can do their share of childcare.

Off the wall suggestion but can the school provide on site childcare for any children of staff who need it?

SunKeepsShining · 04/01/2021 18:19

That really sucks, but try to split it into 2 issues. 1 is sorting childcare and 2 is the way your DH spoke/decided for you and if there are any other issues in the relationship that it’s brought to the front. 1 needs sorting in the next few days and 2 can be discussed later, but please don’t put it off indefinitely.

See what your work will accept. Is there anyway your DH can move his hours to say 4pm til midnight? Depending on if he needs to be available 9-5. It will suck but so many people are having to work weird and shit hours. Can he condense so at least you can still keep your job one day a week? Any family friends who you could pay for childcare if they have also lost their job and might be grateful if the income (I know it’s not technically legal not being registered but times change and needs must).

LauristonPlace · 04/01/2021 18:19

Last time we had full lockdown guidance suggested that school staff could take their children into their own school (assuming you have a nursery in your case).
Also where wrap around care was shut, in the child's school this also helped schools to maintain school staffing as staff weren't having to dash from school to school to collect. All of this was vital flexibility in keeping as many staff and therefore children in school as possible.

As an LA we also offered free childcare for KW children through LA volunteers and volunteer teachers/TA's. Day time for preschool age, plus holidays and weekends for all other KW/vulnerable children.

Try and wait and see what arrangements are in place.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/01/2021 18:20

I think some men need taking down a peg or two.
No way would I give up a job I liked because a man told me to.
He goes pt or manages the kids and work too, many other parents have to cope.
He sounds a right bore.

This PP has it in a nutshell, OP. All very well to be blase about making sacrifices when he isn't the one actually having to make them.

I would not accept this in a million years. DH and I both work full-time. Regardless of who is the higher earner, when our child was off school we both stepped up to the plate. He WFH without my asking him to, when one of us was indisposed the other homeschooled, and vice versa. And yes, our kid did spend far too much time on screens. Survival mode means needs must.

This pandemic certainly has made it register with me the degree to which women shit out, pick up the slack and make the sacrifices when the chips are down. Not least, the issue that that some men simply assume that will happen, without negotiation or even it seems
the slightest consideration for their partners.

To coin a MN phrase (and one I don't usually like but the circumstances are exceptional) it boils my piss!

foxesandsquirrels · 04/01/2021 18:21

I would tell them one keyworker parents but were both out the house and that's that. He practically is. Anyway your child could come to the school you work at? Have you spoken to your school?