‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

[Despairandchocolatecake]

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

@AaronPurr

I'm assuming you're not a teacher? A part time job in a school is like gold dust and I wouldn't be giving it up without a fight. Time for your husband to step up and help.

I agree with they are look like gold dust. Silly comment from OPs husband I would be annoyed too.

Can you hire a nanny short term? Might be worth it to keep your job, then if your salary only just covers the cost.

@Despairandchocolatecake

We’ve had a list of priorities in terms of places and although I’m a key worker the fact dh isn’t means we would be way down the list. They’ve organised the jobs in terms of those most deemed essential. Also they are a small school so they won’t have many children in if they are to abide by social distancing. I will ask. But I’m not hopeful. My hours cannot change unfortunately.

Ask, ask and ask again. I feel it is important that you keep your job for all sorts of reasons.

@Ozzie9523

Can you hire a nanny short term? Might be worth it to keep your job, then if your salary only just covers the cost.

I meant ‘even’ if it only just covers the cost.

One keyworker parent is the requirement.

If he were a single parent, he'd have to step up and learn to multi-task.

I'm sick of men like this. How many women does he think have 'important jobs' which involves being on Zoom calls? Tonnes! Nobody has a choice about having kids at home at the moment - he needs to step up. How does he think single parents manage?

It's rubbish for all the posters who are saying the OPs DH should just be furloughed. The practical economics aren't that simple. For my household my part time wage is about 20% of DHs full time one... If he were furloughed we would be worse off than if I gave up my job. And if D's furlough led to redundancy we'd be in a right pickle.

Can’t you just say you’ve split from your partner, your a single parent now 😉. Or go
On the sick? Stress? Yes I know these options will be frowned upon but you can’t give up your job. Jobs in schools don’t come around very often. Plus when your child’s at school it will be very handy

PS. In response to this statement:

his job is important

So is yours.

If you told him to give up his job he wouldn't accept or even consider it, so don't do so yourself. Send them to school as a keyworker.

dh isn’t but is job is important

Is it really? As in really, really?

Or does he just like to think it is?

'Dh works from home but he’s basically on the phone / zoom all day long. There’s just no way he can have the children as well'.

Sorry but he is just making excuses Op. Lots of parents have been working from home for months, dealing with ZOOM meetings and conference calls whilst looking after young children. Most employers are accepting background noise & distractions from wfh parents as the price of them being able to work.

I have a severely disabled DS and had to care for him whilst working from home, and am facing the prospect now of doing it all over again. So I have very little sympathy for your DH I'm afraid, he just needs to get on with it like the rest of us. Please don't allow him to make this your problem to solve alone.

This is a real watershed, OP.

You DH does not see you as an equal adult partner.

He automatically assumes that he has the right to continue with his normal life because he has a wife whose role is to pick up the pieces, to facilitate him.

The money isn't the issue here. There are thousands of people in the same boat - where the main earner is absolutely rolling up their sleeves and negotiating new working hours, arguing for flexi, taking leave. He could do that. He doesn't want to, though, because he simply doesn't expect to have to be inconvenienced. That's what you are there for.

This is bigger than money - it's about respect and a partnership.

You say, I won't be leaving my job. It is possible for us to juggle it, it means though that you too will be inconvenienced. I expect you to be. I expect you to opt to be inconvenienced because it's fair that we both pull together, rather than opt to take the whole pie and watch me have mine snatched away. If your preference is for the latter, we've no relationship.

@Despairandchocolatecake can you pay for a nanny to come to your house for those hours? Maybe not a professional nanny but a student or other young person. Any safe, kind adult who could play with your child for 25 hours a week. Even if it cost all your salary it would be worth it to keep your job.

Separate from the DH if he's an arse, even if you still live under the same roof (chuck him on the sofa!) you would then technically be a single parent and entitled to schooling for them

Oh and yes - my DH is full time, WFH, on teams all day. He's currently juggling annual leave, flexi time, moving meetings so that we can share the load.

I have a year 5 dc as well - but they would cope I think, basically as long as fed.
I will speak to the school in the morning and see if it is one or two keyworker parents. I think it will depend on their numbers.

The DfE says one parent.

@BeyondThunderdome

Separate from the DH if he's an arse, even if you still live under the same roof (chuck him on the sofa!) you would then technically be a single parent and entitled to schooling for them

Now there's a thought.

Look him in the eye and say 'Looks like it's worth officially separating then? As a single parent, I'll be eligible for key worker schooling. And I'm sure the Head will more than understand the reasons for a sudden separation when I describe how you simply told me that my place was to lose my job immediately, rather than any inconvenience fall to His Majesty'

All part of the plan to oppress women. Handmaid’s Tale, here we come.

Childcare for your 3 year old should still be open

@Despairandchocolatecake can you explain why DH cannot get furlough?

Are you wanting the 3 year old to go to the same school as the one you work at? As I can see the school might be more amenable if they know you can come in as long as your DC gets a place?

When you speak to the school don't be afraid to tell them that you'll lose your job if you can't send your DC in - if they think you're just asking on the off-chance you can get free childcare like so many parents they'll say no. If they get that you're in a genuine pickle they might be sympathetic.