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Original poster

‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

227 replies

Despairandchocolatecake · 04/01/2021 17:39

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

OP posts:
BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 04/01/2021 20:20

The guidance we were given by the DfE was that we couldn’t insist on both parents being key workers. We have had to increase our provision to allow children where only one parent is a keyworker.

bluebeck · 04/01/2021 20:21

I don't need to demand my "pound of flesh" from them - they all deliver and more already. If the company still operates on the kind of presenteeism and denial of life outside the office that you describe then its very out of date.

Totally agree with this - what kind of dinosaurs do some of you work for? I work for a prestigious law firm and there's none of this shit. B.C. Senior Partner brought their toddler daughter in sometimes if they and their DP had no childcare.

Since Covid, everyone is in on first name terms with everyone elses DC and has little chats with them Smile

Sorka · 04/01/2021 20:22

Boris said early years childcare will remain open so sounds like you’re can send the youngest to preschool and your husband can look after the 7 year old while he’s WFH.

madcow88 · 04/01/2021 20:25

My headteacher has just messaged me - place already confirmed thank goodness. Get on at school now

dinglethedragon · 04/01/2021 20:26

@Despairandchocolatecake

I work in school so I have no annual leave and furlough wouldn’t apply. I’m expected to be in and if not I won’t keep my job. My dd is only 3 and can’t be basically left on her own all day.
if she's 3 isn't she in nursery though? They are staying open.
SEpoppet · 04/01/2021 20:33

I work in a secondary school and if a parents said to us that they were a key worker and they would lose their job if their child couldn't come in there is absolutely no way we wouldn't let them. If your DDs school has any sort of conscience they will allow her to attend. Have you spoken to the head of your school about your predicament? If your head is worth their salt they will assist you in finding a solution. Good luck!

VinterKvinna · 04/01/2021 20:35

@Despairandchocolatecake

I’m so fed up. So fed up. Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased. Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way. He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’

and you should say "no, you'll have to pay for childcare"

Canwecancel2020 · 04/01/2021 20:36

@Despairandchocolatecake

I work in school so I have no annual leave and furlough wouldn’t apply. I’m expected to be in and if not I won’t keep my job. My dd is only 3 and can’t be basically left on her own all day.
Didn’t he say early years/nursery could stay open?
Dereg · 04/01/2021 20:38

Some people might apply for 4 weeks of unpaid parental leave per child, but you do have to give 4 wks notice.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

catkins22 · 04/01/2021 20:38

As long as he's working from home all day tomorrow, get up and say bye darling, I'm off to work. Then go. I'm sure the children will be fine with him for a day.

He will soon be willing to have a conversation with you about childcare / school provision rather than telling you what to do. Then try to arrange with work / their school about childcare or time off going forward.

If you want to keep your job or otherwise you'll be unhappy, the children will pick up on it.

Christmasbellsareringing · 04/01/2021 20:38

If he earns £10,000 per month then you can afford wrap around care. You can afford lots surely?

Dereg · 04/01/2021 20:39

*3 weeks notice.

Im shattered Sad

HappyDays10101 · 04/01/2021 20:42

This is the kind of bullshit my Ex DH would have tried to pull.

You earn more than me OP, and I have a great life as a single parent 😀

madcow88 · 04/01/2021 20:47

@Despairandchocolatecake

I work in school so I have no annual leave and furlough wouldn’t apply. I’m expected to be in and if not I won’t keep my job. My dd is only 3 and can’t be basically left on her own all day.
School staff were taking there own children into school last lockdown.
Lucidas · 04/01/2021 20:52

@C8H10N4O2

Sorry but if he's earning 9k a month he's must be very senior at that level companies won't accept kids running round in background or him bouncing one on his knee in zoom calls

Sorry but this is absolute tosh. At senior level we have a lot more autonomy over our work and businesses and are better placed to manage this than most of our juniors.

Its entirely normal for the MDs, CTOs and other c-suite clients to have family at home with them at the moment and not at all uncommon for the first few mins of a call to be people saying "just in case", knowing most of the callers are in the same boat.

I agree with this. There are some senior roles with very little flexibility (often gruelling jobs that are not family friendly in general) but for the most part, the longer you’ve been at a company, the more you’ve built your reputation and credibility, the more flexibility you’re permitted. When I went back to work after a few years out, DH - who had worked up to a high level - did the school pick ups and drops most of the time, simply because he could. He could just get work a little later or earlier, or in the weekend, or take calls while out and about. And he won’t be disadvantaged for it. That then gives me the ability to work my way up.

Sometimes I think the men who won’t request flexibility refuse because they’re just too comfortable, rather than because their career will be compromised in any way.

FeminismandWomensFights · 04/01/2021 20:57

Ask your employer about paid special leave, emergency childcare leave, whatever they call it. It is a thing in the public sector and if you have no childcare options you may be able to get that. If you are a keyworker you may be able to get a place at a school elsewhere in your local authority area- ask your LA for advice if your school doesn't have capacity to take your kids.

Indoctro · 04/01/2021 21:09

It's been made quite clear than only people allowed into school to work will be the absolute bare minimum

Are you sure you will be required to come into work, I work in a school and we have been told we will not be allowed into the school and have to stay home

I think you are assuming something that's not correct

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/01/2021 21:14

@Indoctro

It's been made quite clear than only people allowed into school to work will be the absolute bare minimum

Are you sure you will be required to come into work, I work in a school and we have been told we will not be allowed into the school and have to stay home

I think you are assuming something that's not correct

You do realise not all schools operate in the same way right?
MajesticWhine · 04/01/2021 21:25

You need to get a nanny to cover this temporary situation. Please don't give up your job.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/01/2021 21:31

@FeminismandWomensFights

Ask your employer about paid special leave, emergency childcare leave, whatever they call it. It is a thing in the public sector and if you have no childcare options you may be able to get that. If you are a keyworker you may be able to get a place at a school elsewhere in your local authority area- ask your LA for advice if your school doesn't have capacity to take your kids.
It's unpaid.
StillGardening · 04/01/2021 21:53

Just been notified that our school wants all staff working on site. That will be my job gone then. Ignore earlier positive message, Gutted.

TheShapeJaper · 04/01/2021 21:55

Whatever you do, don’t give your job up.

caringcarer · 04/01/2021 22:07

Ask your employer for a letter stating you are a key worker. Phone school and email letter across to them. Schools are supposed to accept children of key workers and vulnerable children but I know some don't as foster son has HSC plan and a SW but school refuse to open at all.

TasslesandFringes · 04/01/2021 22:19

Don’t give up your job OP. Too important!

Jobsharenightmare · 04/01/2021 22:28

I'm really sorry OP.

One of my friends is married to a six figure worker and he basically said to his boss sorry the kids will have to be in the room all day at work (during lockdown) or you'll have to furlough me as DW needs to go out to work. Friend achieved almost nothing but worked in the evenings and weekends to make up for it and boss was very understanding. Meant the world to my friend.

Lots of people worked evenings and weekends last time to make up their time. I'm not saying they found it easy but not everyone quit their jobs like he's suggesting is a fait accompli.

Your husband sounds like he doesn't care to try and work with you on this at all.

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