‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

[Despairandchocolatecake]

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

I like your style @YoniAndGuy

If you are a key worker and he is not, then your job is clearly more important to the country than his.
I don't see why staff in your dc's school have to make exceptions for you when their own dad has made sweet f.a. of an effort to even try to reorganise his work.

How will he cope with sole charge of two DC 24/7 his half of the week if you were to split? His attitude would seriously have me considering the relationship long term. He'd have to juggle childcare alongside his big important job then wouldn't he. Point that out to him and watch the panic.
He's shown his true colours alright. You sound very passive. I suppose that's why he speaks to you like that.

Lots of people got through zoom calls with children at home. I'd be telling him to suck it up and deal with it. Don't give up your job. It may not earn as much as DH, but of course it's important. He should be more supportive.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

First step is to talk to the school to see if you can get a key worker place. Second step is to talk to your employer about what's available, whether that's furlough, part-time furlough, using leave, whatever. Then you talk to your husband about what he's going to do. Ie can he reduce hours, take leave etc. Can he wfh and supervise the DC's, basically keep them safe, and then you can do the actual homeschooling when you're not working? Can you bubble with another family for childcare to cover any gaps?

Do NOT give this up without a fight. It's your job and it's important.

Seconding this.

Good luck OP - even if your school generally only provides places from double key worker families, the guidelines allow for just one, so lay it on thick.

Otherwise perhaps you can mix and match with some help from your partner?? I can understand he’s used to you being a SAHP but obviously that was about to change.

Fight for it and good luck!

@bluebeck Furlough is at the employer's discretion. DH can always request it, but unfortunately it can be refused.

It is a pity your DH is so unsupportive

Good god, OP only said that his job was of a nature where he wouldn't be able to look after the children, and people on here are calling him an arsehole and all sorts

Does anyone know if you can request to be furloughed if you have an underlying health condition but are not on the shielding list?

This is unbelievable OP - you have a part time job, so he will have to step up on a part time basis to handle childcare whilst you work. Loads of couples are having to juggle childcare between them at this time and it is incredibly sexist of your DH to simply see childcare as your role. He should consider himself fortunate that you "only" work part time so he only needs to cover your part time hours. If you were both FT (which many couples are) it would be much more difficult (but still doable - everyone is pretty much in the same boat and have got used to people having to say "Can we do a zoom at this time intead because I need to do x with my dc a the proposed time". This attitude that women need to shoulder all this is putting us back to the dark ages. If you don't put your foot down for your own sake, do so for your daughter (or future granddaughters' sake).

[quote Orf1abc]@bluebeck Furlough is at the employer's discretion. DH can always request it, but unfortunately it can be refused.[/quote]
Agreed (although this might change tonight) but from what OP has said, DH hasn't even bothered to ask.......

I would be livid and would tell him he needed to ask for furlough (I would want evidence) and if not, he would have to cope with the DC as I was not going to quit my job.

Does he have form for being dismissive of you like this?

Divorce him and be a single parent doing 25 hours a week with no childcare. How is that going to solve anything. See if the school will take your DC. Ask for furlough or temporary change of hours. Or even leave without pay. Resign should be last resort.

@user1851098 You can request it but they would be entitled to refuse. If your condition is a disability, you'd be better to ask your employer to consider reasonable adjustments, which might include furloughing you.

I'd tell him to go stay with his parents and work from there as you want a trial separation from the unsupportive arsehole you've married.

And then apply as a single parent.

Perhaps he can reconfigure his hours a bit, the flippant arsehole.

Do not give up your job. Share the responsibility for making homeschooling work.

Schools will be closed soon anyway, so you may not be required in work soon anyway. It’s worth muddling through for a few days until then so you get to keep your job if you can.

I’d send him an email asking him if he really wants you to give up your job to support his, because then you have it in writing, just in case, down the line. But I’m a cynic.

I work a full time, high pressured job involving lots of MS Teams calls with government officials in the U.K. and internationally. I managed to hold down the job whilst also homeschooling two primary kids earlier in the year. So I’m sure he’ll be able to cope. Do not simply leave your job!

Your husband is a dick. I'm a single parent of 3, I will be WFH and I'm on calls to customers and team meetings- it's hard but it's doable. Tell him tough and he will have to deal with it for once.

We are both key workers and we’ve been refused a place. They don’t have enough teachers.
I work in schools supporting kids with EHCPS. I’m due in tomorrow but I can’t go. DH earns more money so unfortunately that’s the way it goes. No idea if I’ll be sacked or what. Waiting to hear what BJ has to say tonight.

@BubblyBarbara Because he is an arse with an attitude more suited to the 1950's!! I spent a lot of time on video calls during the last lockdown and the only thing is that now everyone knows what my daughter is called and that 3 year olds don't care if they interrupt you. What does he think the rest of the country did last time round

Do not leave your job! Seek all other options.

@BubblyBarbara

It is a pity your DH is so unsupportive

Good god, OP only said that his job was of a nature where he wouldn't be able to look after the children, and people on here are calling him an arsehole and all sorts

He behaved like a complete arsehole. A SAHM getting a job after 4 years can be a pretty big deal, especially for her sense of confidence and independence. It’s not always easy to return to work. Zero recognition of that, no empathy at all, in his blasé ‘you have to give up your job’.

@SimonJT - but not all schools are open for KW children, in my area there are 'hub' schools and a staff rota to cover them. So one school in five (say) is open which means 4 are shut and staffed accordingly. Of course teachers are busy teaching remotely but I'm assuming if OP was a teacher she'd say so.

I’m a single mother of 3 on zoom all day long and manage, granted youngest was 5 in first lockdown but it is doable for that few hours.

Also has he even spoken to his work about arranging meetings around your work times, most employers are being reasonable right now and depending on his job level he can nagar his diary and prioritise.

Basically don’t go down without a fight about exploring options first he’s being obstructive!!

So what conversations has your DH had with his employer so far about negotiating his work pattern so that he can take on some parenting?

Bet I already know the answer to this....