‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

[Despairandchocolatecake]

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

Why do you have to be in work if schools are closed?

Ask other parents you know if they would like to share childcare - I think this is legal even in a lockdown. If your school is being strict on keyworker places then you won't be the only one in this position.

If the school you work at has a nursery then would they allow your child to attend there?

I’d pay for childcare even if informal and keep the job then.

Then I’d be having strict words with DH if he thought his job was too important and mine wasn’t. That’s not a partnership.

For keyworker and vulnerable children. Of which there are many.
Staff are expected in.
It isn’t the only job, I can look for something else, but when? When this is over?! When will that be?!

It seems weird that a school was give you the sack for not having childcare under the circumstances.

In fact, what were you doing before the tier change? As presumably you worked the same hours whilst your husband was working?

Could your husband work before you go/after you get home from work/do condensed hours on less days?

How are your hours split? Could you ask to work different hours and between you and your husband make it work?

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

Why do you have to be in work if schools are closed?

If school staff are at home who do you think is supervising keyworker children, making resources, delivering resources etc.

*was = would

Also I meant, is your husband working from home?

Take unpaid parental leave.

I'm assuming you're not a teacher? A part time job in a school is like gold dust and I wouldn't be giving it up without a fight. Time for your husband to step up and help.

Do not accept your husband’s attempt to make this your problem. If he doesn’t support you in remaining on the job ladder then there is zero chance you can ever pull your weight financially which presumably is his argument for telling you to quit to avoid inconveniencing him (i.e. he earns more). I hope you told him that you most certainly will not be giving up your hard to come by job when we’re heading into economic meltdown, and start sketching out some proposals for sharing the load. Do/can you or he wfh? Seriously, you need to stand up for yourself and value your job or he most certainly won’t. Don’t just roll over and do as he is telling you to, you will quite rightly resent him for a very long time.

Well I’m presuming that would be what would happen. That id lose the job.
When I took it the schools were in. I’ve not long started Vitaminsss

And if your husband doesn’t support you, see you as an equal or part of a team then you have bigger problems. It certainly doesn’t seem like he has any respect for you or your job, speaking to you like that.

At the moment it’s a couple of weeks, plenty of women have been in DH’s position and have had to do both, for him to say simply give up your job is shitty.

Dh works from home but he’s basically on the phone / zoom all day long. There’s just no way he can have the children as well.
I will ring the school in the morning and see if one keyworker parent might be enough to have a place. It was just he flippant he was - you’ll have to give up your job then. I mean his job matters financially much more than mine. As a household we don’t need mine - but I do.

Your husband sounds like a piece of work. Don’t give up your independence like this, you may need it one day.

That’s what I meant, it seems like he’s wfh.

And in that case, it is ridiculous for you to give your job up.

Sorry but household noise is normal in the background of a zoom call in this climate. He’s just making excuses. If he actually wanted to support you, he wouldn’t force you to give up your job whilst he’s right there to provide childcare

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

First step is to talk to the school to see if you can get a key worker place. Second step is to talk to your employer about what's available, whether that's furlough, part-time furlough, using leave, whatever. Then you talk to your husband about what he's going to do. Ie can he reduce hours, take leave etc. Can he wfh and supervise the DC's, basically keep them safe, and then you can do the actual homeschooling when you're not working? Can you bubble with another family for childcare to cover any gaps?

Do NOT give this up without a fight. It's your job and it's important.

Absolutely to every word of this. And lots of parents manage to be on the phone of Zoom for part of the time -- if he needed to, he would be able to arrange this. Tell him he needs to.

I think some men need taking down a peg or two.
No way would I give up a job I liked because a man told me to.
He goes pt or manages the kids and work too, many other parents have to cope.
He sounds a right bore.

Dh works from home but he’s basically on the phone / zoom all day long. There’s just no way he can have the children as well.

So are a lot of women. Somehow they manage to obtain the type of flexibility that so many men just CANNOT get. So many threads on here where posters say they employ people and have offered flexibility or granted it when requested but that only female employees are asking for it. It’s fucking depressing. A lot of men just don’t want to be seen at work to have any responsibility for their own children because they want to be too important for that kind of ‘women’s work’

Do you work in your kids' school?

When you call the school, be assertive not apologetic.

So "I'm a key worker, just wanted to confirm arrangements" rather than "I don't think I'm entitled to a space but could you help".

It will influence the response you get.

I think you DH needs to use some annual leave or emergency parental leave to cover the hours you are at work.

Do mot give up yet OP. Talk to the school and your work. Fight for it!

Your 'D' H needs to step up, what an absolute arse. There will be other people in his work that will be looking after children while working from home. This just shows how little he values you and what a crap parent he is as he is using it as an excuse to not care for his child.

This would really give me the rage and cloud my view of him. So disrespectful to you!