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Original poster

Has everyone really stopped having sex?

194 replies

notevenat20 · 04/01/2021 07:01

It’s early and I am stressed so what better than to worry about other peoples sex life.

Have all the single (or maybe not single) women here really just not had sex with anyone new in 2020? Have teenagers really stopped shagging? It just seems inhuman if true.

OP posts:
WanderingFruitWonderer · 04/01/2021 12:24

@SoDiorDarling Shock um, now that would be telling! GrinBlush

Original poster
notevenat20 · 04/01/2021 12:34

I don't really understand the comparison to prison or voluntary celibacy. In the former case you are suffering a terrible punishment which deliberately restricts your freedom. In the latter you are making a free choice about how to live your life. But we have neither committed a crime nor chosen to be celibate.

It is heartening to hear that not all people are letting the restrictions ruin their sex life though.

OP posts:
Malahaha · 04/01/2021 12:42

@WanderingFruitWonderer

I'm strictly celibate anyway, for spiritual reasons. Celibacy can be powerful, and very positive for some women. I love it, and it's an important part of my identity. Of course I recognise that it wouldn't be for everyone. But I LOVE it Smile
I know many such people, men as well as women. I too am effortlessly celibate and have been for almost two decades. It's wonderful to be without that "need". Because it isn't really a need! But you are right, it's not for everyone.
WanderingFruitWonderer · 04/01/2021 12:43

Yes @notevenat20. I recognise totally that my choice to be celibate, is entirely different from the situation for some here at the moment...

WanderingFruitWonderer · 04/01/2021 12:52

Yes @Malahaha, there are probably loads of celibates who quietly live out their celibacy, without advertising it. There are probably many people in my life who don't know this about me. It's definitely not for everyone.
But, I do sometimes wish that in our over-sexualised society, the benefits (both physically & emotionally) of chosen celibacy were more extolled. It's a completely valid choice, with many positive benefits for some of us...

yetanothernamitynamechange · 04/01/2021 12:53

@notevenat20 Can I ask (and you don't need to answer if you don't want to). Are you female? If so, and you had a child and injuries after childbirth that meant sex was painful for you for several months (not uncommon) what would be an acceptable solution for your husband? Would you expect him to remain celibate (having neither comitted a crime or made that choice), or would it be OK with you if he visited prostitutes/had sex with someone else in that time frame? Or would you go through painful sex because you felt his need was greater?
I hope that doesnt sound like an attack, it isnt meant as one. I am genuinely curious about the logical consequences if you start framing sex as a need though.

Eckhart · 04/01/2021 13:10

@notevenat20

I don't really understand the comparison to prison or voluntary celibacy. In the former case you are suffering a terrible punishment which deliberately restricts your freedom. In the latter you are making a free choice about how to live your life. But we have neither committed a crime nor chosen to be celibate.

It is heartening to hear that not all people are letting the restrictions ruin their sex life though.

My point was that it's a want, not a need. My question was 'What do you think happens to people who aren't able to have sex for an extended period?'

What do you think happens? What do you think happens to a person in a relationship where they want sex but their partner doesn't or can't?

Original poster
notevenat20 · 04/01/2021 13:11

yetanothernamitynamechange

I hope you don't mind but I find the question very odd. I am a woman and I don't really understand your framing of the idea of need or really what it's like to be in a loving relationship. The discussion we are having is about govt restrictions on our lives. Yes I think the freedom to have (and also not have) sex is a fundamental right. This is quite different to your idea of need I think.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 04/01/2021 13:15

Yes I think the freedom to have (and also not have) sex is a fundamental right

How would a couple deal with this fundamental 'right' if one wanted to and the other did not. Can you imagine one partner standing there saying 'But it's mu RIGHT!!', and how ridiculous they'd look?

The government restrictions don't preclude sex. You just have to use the bubbling system carefully. Unless you think it's a human right to have sex with a different person every fortnight?

BertramLacey · 04/01/2021 13:27

Yes I think the freedom to have (and also not have) sex is a fundamental right

Like others, I think you need to elaborate on this, or you just haven't thought it through. It sounds like an incel argument. You should have a fundamental right not to have sex - but having sex with another person requires their consent, so it cannot be assumed as a right, without potentially violating their rights.

Malahaha · 04/01/2021 13:27

[quote SoDiorDarling]@WanderingFruitWonderer do you masturbate? Hey, if you can't ask on an anonymous forum, when can you?Grin[/quote]
I know this wasn't directed at me, and I will answer for myself, not her/him:
No, I don't masturbate, never have. Never felt the urge to do so.

Original poster
notevenat20 · 04/01/2021 13:34

How would a couple deal with this fundamental 'right' if one wanted to and the other did not

I think we are talking at cross purposes. I am talking about the relationship of the individual to the state when I talk about rights. You are talking about relationships between individuals I think

OP posts:
Eckhart · 04/01/2021 13:41

@notevenat20

How would a couple deal with this fundamental 'right' if one wanted to and the other did not

I think we are talking at cross purposes. I am talking about the relationship of the individual to the state when I talk about rights. You are talking about relationships between individuals I think

A person's human rights don't change depending on their relationship status, though.

The state is not stopping single people from having sex, which is what you're inferring.

SerafinaPekkala · 04/01/2021 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Palavah · 04/01/2021 13:44

@FortunesFave

Sex isn't fundamental to the individual life...you can live without it.
Speak for yourself
Doingitaloneandproud · 04/01/2021 13:49

Haha thanks for worrying about my sex life Grin I am single and having sex with a special friend, these restrictions have affected my dating life to an extent, albeit still dating but walks only, so in the interim my special friend is a helping hand so to speak Grin

Toilenstripes · 04/01/2021 13:51

Teenagers? Seriously? That’s a broad spectrum, but even so none of them are going to die if they don’t get to fuck someone.

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 04/01/2021 13:56

My husband hasnt stopped having sex... it just wasnt with me!

Eckhart · 04/01/2021 14:03

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

My husband hasnt stopped having sex... it just wasnt with me!
Oh no! I laughed, it was the way you wrote it, I'm sorry! Confused
Eckhart · 04/01/2021 14:04

@Palavah

Speak for yourself

You need to have a look at your priorities!

yetanothernamitynamechange · 04/01/2021 14:47

@notevenat20 The way I framed the question was very odd, I apologise for that. I asked because, although I get you were specifically concerned about the impact of government anti-covid laws, you seemed to be starting from the assumption that sex was a need/something that is very difficult to live without. That opens up a whole other can of (dangerous) worms. I suppose I was interested in where that thought process came from. I do get that the government restricting who people can see/sleep with is completely different to other circumstances restricting peoples sex lives.
In answer to your actual question - I havent had so much as a hug from another adult since March. It is the absence of any physical contact (even a handshake would be nice) that is difficult, rather than the absence of sex itself. I wouldnt consider myself entitled to sex anyway.

yetanothernamitynamechange · 04/01/2021 14:52

As far as teenagers go. Teenage me was incredibly awkward, a tad overweight (although not as overweight as I thought I was) and had braces until I was 19 (!). I was celibate since none of the people I would have fancied would have wanted to have sex with me :( This was unofrtunate for poor little teenage me but I didnt realise that my fundamental human rights were being encroached on. I shall apply to the UN for retrospective compensation immediately!!!

Original poster
notevenat20 · 04/01/2021 14:58

The state is not stopping single people from having sex, which is what you're inferring.

It is isn't it?

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 04/01/2021 15:04

Well not everyone is going without

I know of two couples who got together since the first lockdown
One has met dated June/ July and moved in together at end of November early December
The others met in March /April been seeing each other regularly but currently not living together

Eckhart · 04/01/2021 15:31

@notevenat20

The state is not stopping single people from having sex, which is what you're inferring.

It is isn't it?

How is it?