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Original poster

AIBU to report my teen for breaking 'tier 4' ?

183 replies

ohtobeanonymous · 29/12/2020 19:12

...by meeting up with several people from different households for hours at a time, either in parks / their homes / travelling around and about the city?

I get that being at home is trying, frustrating and difficult for all of us, but she says she doesn't agree with that rule so she isn't going to follow it!

OP posts:
Ginkpin · 29/12/2020 20:56

Please don't report her.

DO read about County Lines and Teenage Money Mules though.

Bouledeneige · 29/12/2020 20:58

I really would never consider reporting my own kid. And to those who think you can just rule your teenagers with a rod of iron I don't think you have any. Or if you do, I pity your kids. Its all about influence - and that's better done with an open and honest relationship. Most teens are bending the rules - but honestly I'd not be wetting my knickers about them if they're outdoors.

However, I would be much more worried about the money and what she's up to and the company she is keeping. And to deal with that I really think you need to keep the communication lines open. And try to find out more and give her subtle direction about how to ensure she's keeping the right company and living the right kind of life. A relative's DD got into county lines stuff and was nearly prosecuted for possession and other offences. Its been a nightmare.

KarmaNoMore · 29/12/2020 20:59

what would you suggest - that parents lock recalcitrant adolescents up, so they can't leave the house?

That brought some immediate visions of DS climbing down from his first floor window without a problem.

Honestly, I have managed to keep him in so far but I don’t know for how longer... I’m begging for a national lockdown tomorrow policed by the army

Looneytune253 · 29/12/2020 20:59

@MrsCremuel

Oh for god sake, get a grip. Just discipline them!
How do you discipline a teen apart from withholding things but at that age they make their own money etc anyway.
Redwinestillfine · 29/12/2020 21:00

She's family. Of course YABU.

RainMoon · 29/12/2020 21:00

Not RTFT but I would be worried about drug involvement and county lines running. I would be getting police advice for that and the money appearing

ZenNudist · 29/12/2020 21:02

Just change the Wi-Fi password or refuse to drive her next time she wants a lift or similar teen punishment

Bathroom12345 · 29/12/2020 21:03

So most teens are breaking the rules..mine isn’t but maybe he is an exception. There is another thread asking where people are catching CV19 and rates have never been higher.

Could you shame her into being more responsible. It isn’t all about her, if she really doesn’t care then that is another issue because it won’t be just CV19 she doesn’t care about.

Quaagars · 29/12/2020 21:03

@Tenyearsgone

Good luck with grounding a 17 year old. 😂
Was just thinking the same lol - got one of those myself and how the hell do you physically stop them going out if they want to?! Is bigger and taller than me by miles lol
Quaagars · 29/12/2020 21:05

Just to be clear, mine isn't rule breaking, he's thankfully sensible and sticking to them, but just saying if he wasn't and was adamant he was going out, there's not much you can physically do to stop them at that age!

Bathroom12345 · 29/12/2020 21:06

Who pays for her phone? Wi fi password is a good one. You don’t get to decide your own rules but carry on using other people to fund your lifestyle.

VenusTiger · 29/12/2020 21:07

FS - it's not even a law OP - what is wrong with folk.
See the news reporter today saying ambulances were stretched to the limit whilst there were about 30 parked ambulances behind her? get real.

AcornAutumn · 29/12/2020 21:09

Looney "How do you discipline a teen apart from withholding things but at that age they make their own money etc anyway."

OP specified unexplained money, so not from a job, gaming online etc which I'm guessing OP would know about

BuntysTwinkle · 29/12/2020 21:09

No, don't inform on your own child. I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it will read, but do you expect faceless authorities to do a better job at parenting than you? I'd hope not.

Livelovebehappy · 29/12/2020 21:10

Who pays for her phone and phone contract? Who provides WiFi at home? Just cancel all payments for her phone. Password protect the WiFi so only you know the password. I can guarantee you that teens cannot survive without these two things

tttigress · 29/12/2020 21:10

People wonder how it was possible for relatives in East Germany to start spying on each other.

I think we now have the answer it could happen anywhere.

AcornAutumn · 29/12/2020 21:10

@Bathroom12345

Who pays for her phone? Wi fi password is a good one. You don’t get to decide your own rules but carry on using other people to fund your lifestyle.
The unexplained money pays for her phone I guess.

Venus that was quite something, that shot 😂

SweetPetrichor · 29/12/2020 21:16

@annevonkleve

Unfortunately, I don’t think reporting will help. I’d take away her phone, laptop, tablet, anything she uses to organise her outings. If she continues, I’d be removing things like makeup, if she wears it, etc

How on earth would any of this help? Taking away make-up? Blimey there are really some crazy people on MN. And presumably she needs a device for schooling?

No access to social media, text and phone would make it harder for her to communicate. Makeup...well, if a 17 year old wears makeup they’ll potentially be reluctant to go out barefaced...won’t work if she doesn’t wear makeup though. If she needs a device for school, she can ha 3 limited access to it. While she’s under the parents roof, it’s their rules.
Lalliella · 29/12/2020 21:17

All part of a total change of character in the past month or so from a new bunch of 'friends' - unexplained money coming in, random outings with various people and only ever late in the afternoon until late at night/the early hours, completely cut herself off from longterm friends etc...

OP there are so many red flags here. This is not good. It’s not the breaking of the Covid rules that’s the issue here, it’s whatever is behind her new behaviour. Follow her when she next goes out.

princessandthedragon · 29/12/2020 21:20

Report your own child? Poor girl. Do so at your own peril. She won’t forget it if you do.

DParse · 29/12/2020 21:22

I do think some people are living in Cloud Cuckoo Land here.

If only it were as easy as changing the wifi password and taking their phones. There is always a backup phone (how? Why? Who knows...). They can get online more or less anywhere - if they can't do it at home, they'll do it at someone else's house. And it's not easy to stop a phone contract just like that. I'm tied in for two years to my DC's (very basic) phone contracts, and it would cost me a fortune in exit fees, so I'm the only one who'd be punished by that.

Teenagers really are very resourceful.

DParse · 29/12/2020 21:22

Though that's a different matter from a teenager suddenly having new friends, more money etc. That's far more bothersome than them breaking lockdown.

Userzzz · 29/12/2020 21:24

Good for her. You are something else for wanting to report your child.

TammyHullfigure · 29/12/2020 21:31

Sounds like she's got a brain, unlike her mother.

chocolatemonster · 29/12/2020 21:32

Those who are saying take away phones etc just think how we would all feel in the current situation having our only contact cut off.

These are unprecedented times and teens are naturally sociable. All you can do is try and keep the lines of communication open and hope they make the right choices. Their freedom has been curtailed for nearly a year.

I would love to know how you ground a 17 year old!

NYE is going to be hard going for many parents of teens.

I definitely wouldn't report her though.