I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

Econsult?

Thank you @Nothingwillcomeofnothing.

@anonymous229, I really believe the government will relax the restrictions as soon as possible, because they want businesses open again, generating income for the Treasury rather than relying on Government funding (furlough, hospitality grants etc).

I heard Mervyn (?) King (former Governor of the Bank of England) on Any Questions a few weeks ago- he said this was not an ordinary recession because lots of people have money to spend, but they can’t spend it, so we need to support businesses through the crisis because once we lift restrictions people will want to go out and spend money. I think there’s a lot of truth in that. I’m definitely looking forward to going out again, for meals, to the theatre etc. And I intend to try and support small independent businesses if possible when I can.

I suspect it might be a while before larger events are allowed again though- I don’t know what you do but you might want to bear that in mind.

Or worse case scenario losing a home or job? Which would only be temporary if it was to happen and there would be support available if it did happen.

Its easy enough saying losing home/job is just temporary though, when its not you in that situation. Technically it will be temporary for most, but not necessarily. And its not exactly a small problem. And the 'supprt' is really nowhere near as good as it should be either, and will likely be worse as more and more people need to rely on that support. Yes some people die. People die all the time from many causes. That does not mean noone can ever complain about anything because someone somewhere else is dying of something, thats bloody ridiculous! But seems a common thing to say when people complain about anything to do with covid. Have even seen it said when someone was talking about their granddad dying, that at least it wasn't their whole family like it has been for some. Mind, that was one of the people who 'you think your want to make money is worth more than my grannys life?!' replied to my friend who has lost his life savings. The lack of empathy is astounding. It really is.

I suspect it might be a while before larger events are allowed again though- I don’t know what you do but you might want to bear that in mind.

I really couldn’t have picked a worse industry to work in could I? Hollow laugh.

its shit op but it will pass with the vaccine comng out it will slowly go back to normal

i dont know exactly what work yure in and if you can go back to it but maybe for now look at studying something-the arts has to come back for alot of peoples sakes and it will

At least you aren't having to self isolate for a month because of not being able to socially distance at work. Two weeks off, back in for one day, next day another colleague tests positive.

But yes, it's shit.

Yep it’s fucking shit! Your feelings are totally valid.

I was holding onto that, but an earlier poster said restrictions might still be in place even after the vaccine is rolled out! Does anyone know if that is the case?

That person knows no more or less than you or anyone else here.

But once a sufficiently high proportion of the population has been vaccinated, I can't see how restrictions would need to remain. One of the scientists involved in the Pfizer vaccine said he expects to be fully back to normal by next Xmas, though I'm hoping it will be before then!

We shouldn't be locked down. The whole thing is not right. Many people are protesting. The restrictions are not proportionate to the threat of the virus and lockdown will kill people in the lock down through poverty, not getting medical treatment and mental health problems. Stand up for your rights. See Leicester lock down insta page.

OP, my feelings about lockdown are well documented on here, and they are exactly the same as yours.

I, too, lost my job in March - a successful career which I have spent my entire adult life creating (so never mind anyone who says it's our own fault for choosing an unstable career: my career was stable. I now have no income.

Anyone who thinks "snuggling" and "hot choc" will make everything alright needs drowning in a large vat of the stuff.

The fact is, OP, this situation is infinitely worse for some people than it is for others. We are absolutely not all in this together. I can't begin to see why my children losing their home is a price worth paying for a virus which is not going to do any lasting damage to the massive majority of people who catch it.

The one thing I'm grateful for is that my children are at school and university. I haven't got a clue how I would cope if I had a baby or small children too.

OP, it is of course possible that you are suffering from PND, exacerbated by the situation, and it's always as well not to rule it out. It's equally possible, though, that your mental health is suffering "just" because of the situation. Face masks, social distancing, staying inside, not seeing friends and family (or even acquaintances at the school gates, baby groups, at work, etc, etc, etc) is not normal. Most humans thrive on being out and about, talking to people, doing things, earning a living, going to concerts/theatre/pub - whatever floats their boat. They do it, on the whole, with other people. It is monstrous to expect people to live without this for a week, never mind months on end. Not to mention how people are supposed to live with no job and no income.

It makes me feel quite sick that people can blithely talk about "seeing the GP", or "getting a prescription" - as if the answer to this completely, spectacularly miserable and shitty situation is to treat it as a medical problem which can be solved by drugging the people who are unhappy about it.

I really am with you a thousand per cent, OP.

What would make you feel better OP? What would make the most difference to you? Getting a new job, right? Concentrate 100% on that. You will mourn your old self-employed lifestyle in events, but let's face it, even when events come back, it will take time to get back to your old income level.
You have transferable skills. Make a plan to update your CV, LinkedIn etc and post on the employment board for more tailored advice. A lot of experienced HR people hang out there. Imagine how much better you'll feel in January with a secure career and enough income to remain in your home. That should be your priority.

Life is shit in many ways at the moment.

My heating AND hot water has decided to pack up :-); it would wait until cold weather starts before doing that! Sod's law. However I have bought a couple of fan heaters to tide me over, I daresay I will survive. The shower heats the water so that is OK (bathroom cold though).

Honestly, we can't win.

It must be Hell thinking you could be without income like the op.

Cantata “ Anyone who thinks "snuggling" and "hot choc" will make everything alright needs drowning in a large vat of the stuff.”

Hear hear!

I really feel for you OP. I wish I could say something helpful but can only offer empathy.

I suspect it might be a while before larger events are allowed again though

It might not be a good idea to mention this to people who are already feeling desperate and whose entire livings are based on this.

@jessstan1

Can you not enjoy being indoors, cosy and warm? I don't 'get' the obsession with going out. Of course we need fresh air and a degree of exercise but it is lovely being indoors too, doing your own thing or doing nothing, sitting in your dressing gown all day if you want.

If you have children you can camp on the floor in the living room.

If you are on your own - what's the problem?

Fuck me. How dim do you have to be to realise that not everyone wants to be "cosy and warm"?

Lots of us struggle at this time of year because it's so dark. Not light until almost 9, dark again by 4. Some people might think it's "lovely" being indoors, others go stir crazy because - newsflash - we're all different! What a revelation.

Getting out is so positive for mental health, not being "cosy" at home.

I hear you OP, it's totally shit and it's fine to say you're struggling. There are no gold medals for doing lockdown bigger and better than everyone else, despite what the Covid enthusiasts on MN tell you. I cannot WAIT to throw the fucking masks in the bin and do exactly what I please without worrying about fucking tiers or bubbles or the rest of the shite. I have seen my parents TWICE all year because of the ever-changing rules and even in Scotland's Tier 0 if me and my DH and kids, and my sister and her DH and kids went round it would have to be in the garden because only 8 inside.

It is CRAP, all of it, and could quite cheerfully strangle the people who bleat about about it being for our own good and how lockdown gives them precious time making memories with their fam-a-lam.

It's totally shit, I get you. I really feel for people on maternity leave during this. I know during mine it was the baby groups and coffees/cake with friends that kept me going.

I think when you have kids you have to have a plan every weekend. I write my plan down and we get a takeaway every weekend and a bottle of lovely wine or champagne. We make cocktails on a Saturday. We try and be kind to ourselves. We've made the most of the lovely weather today and had a run out to a different park which the kids loved and got an ice cream and sat on the beach.

Last weekend was much harder as the weather was shit so we stayed in.

I think people without kids don't understand how hard it is to amuse kids in the cold when you can't go anywhere.

It is shit, OP, and I'm sorry. I totally understand having had enough. I'm also in a similar industry to you, and as well as wondering where my job will be in the short term, we're facing a complete upheaval of the whole industry for some while to come.

Might it help by thinking of what you are actually doing? I caught covid, back in March, and I've had 8 months of illness, sometimes very severe. My DS spent the first lockdown having to care for me. I've got Long Covid, and am currently a lot on social media because I am in constant physical pain and as a result don't have enough focus to read or watch telly. I don't say this to compare - your distress is every bit as real as mine - but to emphasise what your actions mean.

By staying in, by doing all the things you've been doing, by just getting through this, you've been one of the people that have prevented other people (including members of your own family) from becoming as ill as I am. You've been one of the people who've prevented more people from dying.

There's a rather fabulous and funny German government video doing the rounds, which you might enjoy - link below - which really illustrates how valuable your actions have been. Yes, life is grim at the moment, but you can get through this. You've been doing a good thing.

[quote Genevieva]@Sb2012 This isn't a competition. But for a family hit by suicide due to lockdown or a cancer death due to the lack of provision during the first lockdown, the end result is the same - the loss of a loved one. Both suicide rates and cancer deaths among 45-65 year olds have been at an all time high since the end of March.[/quote]
I know it’s not a competition, but we have a family on the street that has lost people from 3 generations to covid. The mother in law, daughter and her daughter all 5-6 days after each other. They didn’t have cancer, they shouldn’t have died yet. The mother in law was over 70 but the the other 2 were not. They had decades left in them. The youngest had an underlying issue, it was very mild childhood asthma. She was 36. According to her family the last time she needed her inhalers was when she was in her early teens.
I wasn’t too bothered about the virus before, but now I’m actually really scared.
Also death due to suicide is a small fraction compared to deaths from covid.
As for cancer, not everyone had treatment delayed. Those that were emergencies went ahead. Also treatments that would have had a higher success rate for the patient and changed the prognosis considerably still went ahead as much as possible.

@DianaT1969 I don't want to pick on you, and I know your advice is well intentioned - but just imagine you have spent 25 years training to be a concert violinist. You don't do that just because it's "a job". You put in the hundreds of thousands of hours of practice, give up an 'ordinary' social life, gradually build up a portfolio of work until you actually start making a good living, etc, etc, etc.

Please tell me who is going to employ an unemployed concert violinist at a time when companies are folding by the hundreds, meaning that there are ever more people looking for 'secure' jobs who have the relevant skills, training and qualifications. How is the imaginary concert violinist going to get a job in the face of that kind of competition?

@Chloemol

Ok harsh as this is I am sick of people like you moaning about not being able to see family, nowhere to go, it’s cold and miserable, you maybe losing your job

Well lots of us are in the same position, but unlike you do care about others, don’t want to see people die, have suffered family loss over this, are trying to get through this have approached go for support etc

But you just moan away if it makes you feel better

Ah the old "I-have-it-worse-so-be-grateful" top trumps that many MNetters use as an excuse to be nasty. I agree OP it's a shit life at the moment, all we can do is take each day 1 at a time and hope it's better than the previous one.

Thanks @Cantata - your post made me laugh and cry!

The way it’s being handled is all wrong. My Mum died 2 weeks ago locked inside a care home to keep her safe!!! I was lucky enough to be with her at the end but from March lockdown until she was near the end I wasn’t allowed near her which broke my heart and speeded her demise. She had health problems yes, but for me covid killed her. Balls to missing shopping or going out with friends the government should sort out seeing our loved ones cause that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

🙁 sorry OP. I was thinking of really big events - is that what you do? But it might be worth considering what you could do on a small scale - it wouldn’t do any harm I suppose to do some planning and thinking in case that’s all they allow at first.

Depression is an awful thing. If you really can’t face going back to your doctor, there are other things you can do to help, such as CBT (you could look up some of the techniques online). And if you’re serious about retraining, how about book keeping-again you could do that online, and if you have your own business you will probably find you already have a good feel for it (NB you’d have to make sure whatever training you do gives you a bit of a grounding in using the cloud accounting packages).

The people that don’t mind lockdown are the ones who have a stable income and a nice warm house. They ignore the people that have lost their jobs or on a tiny income due to furlough. They ignore the people in flats that are losing their minds. They ignore the people that live alone.