I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

mangomemory
I agree with you 100 percent. I know so many people whose health has been permanently damaged or who will die prematurely because they have not been able to access appropriate healthcare this year. Covid is dangerous but I think that the long term effects of lockdown on public health might be worse.

For people like OP the damage is already done. She stands to lose her business and home. It's incredibly difficult to recover from that in a good economy let alone now and with young kids. I find the lack of empathy from the hot chocolate brigade quite shocking.

@Nc135

Yes it’s shit. Just seen another thread with another teacher moaning they are not protected and schools should close and I just roll my eyes. If schools closed too and home schooling began again I would not know what to do. There is so much over angsting about this virus which has a relatively low mortality rate amongst a section of the population. I think we will look back at this with a massive over reaction hat on. What people are losing over this is immense.

Moaning? And what are you doing? It’s ok for you to moan and allow teachers to take the hit to allow kids to go to school so people can work safely with SD, masks in well ventilated rooms. I’m not a teacher, but I have enough brain cells to fully appreciate that teachers are in the firing lines here. And if they speak up that they are worried about their lives and health then people like you think they are moaning yet it’s ok for you to moan away. Yes it’s a virus with a relatively low mortality rate, but only because of the lockdowns, restrictions, SD and masks. All of which protect the vast majority of the public unless you are a teacher then you don’t get masks and SD to lower your risks.

mangomemoryYou speak sense, it's refreshing to hear

*refuse to do it anymore. It's a charade. No matter what hoops we jump through we're told it's not enough. Its bollocks and not worth my mental health or my child's emotional well being.

I've read the data and seen the hospitals I work at empty apart from the usual winter increase in patients on those specific wards. I've stopped watching the news and come off social media for now.

I've stopped wearing a mask and use what is available as a way of filling the days. Today we got up and went for a walk around the supermarket (before it got busy so no b**tard queue), got a day rider and rode the bus to town, walked around, bus home for lunch, bus to a park a bit further away from home, bus home, drove to my bf's and let my child explore his house and garden, came home and then walked to the local shop before supper time. Tomorrow we'll be going to my parents for part of the day. I need social contact to stay sane. Zoom was fun in March hate the thing now.

If the travel ban gets lifted I'll be straight on a plane (courtesy of my credit card as has zero financial support during lockdown as I'm a locum and not directly employed) with DS to somewhere hot that is being sensible about something that barely effects anyone under 80, even if that involves taking him out of school.

Take care and do what you need to to get through it x*

mangomemoryyou need to wear a mask on the bus, or do you pretend you have lung problems so don’t wear one ?

So @mangomemory did you answer the question about the mask within any of your refreshing posts.

@anonymous229

There was a thread on it on here at the time with NHS staff being honest about having nothing to do. It got removed of course.

I have heard this sort of thing anecdotally too. Which for me makes the situation even more frustrating.

Sorry, I am not wanting to add to the frustration you feel. I wanted to try and encourage you to access anything feasible out there that would help you at the moment without feeling like you're going to be "killing" someone with the virus.

It's a big thread and I may have missed some of your posts so I'm not sure of your exact circumstances but if you need to do things outside the "guidance", for your emotional well being, such as seeing family or friends, then seriously consider it. It's not selfish it's essential.

What works for one person doesn't for another but I focus on one day at a time (or I spiral with anger about it all) and plan something as a focus. I cannot stay in all day. Today I'll do an hour or two at my parents with my son and that reprieve will get me through it.

Also @mangomemory I assume you still wear a mask in the hospital where you work.

@Northernsoulgirl45

mangomemoryYou speak sense, it's refreshing to hear

*refuse to do it anymore. It's a charade. No matter what hoops we jump through we're told it's not enough. Its bollocks and not worth my mental health or my child's emotional well being.

I've read the data and seen the hospitals I work at empty apart from the usual winter increase in patients on those specific wards. I've stopped watching the news and come off social media for now.

I've stopped wearing a mask and use what is available as a way of filling the days. Today we got up and went for a walk around the supermarket (before it got busy so no b**tard queue), got a day rider and rode the bus to town, walked around, bus home for lunch, bus to a park a bit further away from home, bus home, drove to my bf's and let my child explore his house and garden, came home and then walked to the local shop before supper time. Tomorrow we'll be going to my parents for part of the day. I need social contact to stay sane. Zoom was fun in March hate the thing now.

If the travel ban gets lifted I'll be straight on a plane (courtesy of my credit card as has zero financial support during lockdown as I'm a locum and not directly employed) with DS to somewhere hot that is being sensible about something that barely effects anyone under 80, even if that involves taking him out of school.

Take care and do what you need to to get through it x*

mangomemoryyou need to wear a mask on the bus, or do you pretend you have lung problems so don’t wear one ?

So @mangomemory did you answer the question about the mask within any of your refreshing posts.

What was the question?

@Northernsoulgirl45

Also *@mangomemory* I assume you still wear a mask in the hospital where you work.

No we're not allowed to run clinics. Not been in the hospital since April and no mask wearing then. My current knowledge of the patients levels comes from my colleagues at the hospitals I work at but they are on the acute wards. We were Tier 3 previously so classed as a high infection areas

@mangomemory apologies if I have misunderstood your posts but you seem to be indicating that you no longer wear masks but you also travel by bus lots and work in a hospital.
Both of these require mask wearing
Do do you wear a mask or are you exempt?

@Sb2012

Yes it’s a virus with a relatively low mortality rate, but only because of the lockdowns, restrictions, SD and masks. All of which protect the vast majority of the public unless you are a teacher then you don’t get masks and SD to lower your risks.

Incorrect. It is a virus with a low mortality rate because it is a virus with a low mortality rate. Not because of masks etc. That just prevents more people catching it. It doesn’t affect the mortality rate. There are plenty of workers including myself who are putting themselves in the firing line. But we don’t get 10s of threads from healthcare workers or supermarket workers moaning about being in the firing line. It is what it is. We need food. We need healthcare. The kids need education.

Sorry cross post re hospital but what about buses?

Hey OP, I just want to say I hope you're okay. For those who are saying "get on with it" it's not as easy as that. I have a child 18 months and it's been the most difficult year I understand, I struggle most days and feel awful for bringing a child into this world sometimes. Its difficult to switch off when EVERYTHING is bombarding you with the virus, even when you go out it's a reminder just seeing how miserable everyone is. So I understand, I have BPD and haven't had a single mental health intervention this year due to services being restricted. You deserve a rant, it's okay, personally I haven't stopped seeing my family from the start, probably get shit for it but its important for my mental health to have that support. So, i was going to say is there a family member you get on well with who could be your support bubble? I really hope you're doing okay, we all need to support each other in these times

@Pikachubaby

“Shutting down pubs, costa coffee and primark for a few weeks during a pandemic is not dystopia.”

Minimising what lockdown means to people who are losing their jobs, their homes and their sanity by pretending we are a bit upset we can’t go to Costa

The lack of empathy is astounding

Yep. Right up there with the 'You're only being asked to stay at home and watch Netflix for 4 weeks' brigade.

@Flaxmeadow

I tell you what I do know.

Elderly people are alone and confused in care homes, some dying, without having seen a loved one for months. A cruelty that has been condemned by a number of international bodies.

I know that places of worship are closed, mass gatherings including protests are banned (despite there being no scientific evidence that the BLM protests caused a spike in infections in the US) and arts and culture is closed- most of it unlikely to reopen.

I know that we can’t see our families, or our friends, and where I live, we haven’t been able to for more than a few weeks since March.

I know that the sector I work in has been decimated by the economic shutdown and is unlikely to recover without a reopening package so comprehensive I can almost guarantee it won’t come, judging by previous govt support packages. The point of no return is passed. Dozens of people I know and love have lost their careers (not just jobs. Their careers will likely never recover). Many renting have been evicted and forced to move back home in their 30s/40s. Others will likely lose their homes.

I could go on.

And you come on here telling people to effectively “chin up” “it’s not a dystopia”?

What on Earth is a dystopia then?

Not all govts have the same message- certainly not on restrictions, not on economic stimulus, not on education, not on testing, not on how well exit the pandemic. It’s disingenuous to say they do, and as a result I’m more convinced than ever that you'd be great for ours in Britain.

@Northernsoulgirl45

Sorry cross post re hospital but what about buses?

I don't wear a mask anywhere including public transport. I am back seeing some young people in schools and they don't require me to wear one either.

I don't lie about it or pretend I have an underlying health condition. I've never been asked about it when out and about.

I'm happy with the peer reviewed research that shows cloth masks do nothing so if you're wearing one of those, like 99% of the mask wearing public are, you may as well not be. I laugh at the dirty blue masks some have been wearing the same one for months or those who fish theirs out of their germ ridden hand bags. Totally pointless!

' I laugh at the dirty blue masks some have been wearing the same one for months'

You laugh??

Look, stop being selfish and wear a mask. We know it's aerosol generated. They have always said evidence is weak but if it offers some protection to others it is worth it. Its just like a little hanky, surely you can cope with that.

Masks aren't effective, do you not remember being preached to about how useless they are beginning of all of this by doctors/politicians/health experts? It's not just a little hanky though is it, can't imagine it being too pleasant for someone compromised with COPD for example having to wear one.

I get it OP, when you have your first baby your whole world changes. Your identity changes. There is and nothing can prepare you for that. Throw into that your job situation and pile on top of that the whole isolation and of course it feels like a huge weight. I don't think there is anyone in the whole world who wouldn't feel stressed. Allow yourself to feel that way.

There is a vaccine coming, treatment is getting better all the time for COVOD. Take away the weather... this lockdown be is less intimidating than the first? This time next year the vulnerable will be vaccinated, it will be better again.....

Scientific evidence evolves though. I'm quite happy and able to do what current guidance suggests. The pp I was talking to doesn't have copd but even if she did they do not affect oxygenation at all, the only issue is psychological in which case wear a visor. Keep your droplets to yourself.

@mangomemory I’m so disappointed in your posts on this thread as a supposed health professional.
You admit you haven’t been in a hospital since April.
I can assure you my trust is full, we have ICU capacity in places ICU beds don’t belong.
Wards are having to be flipped to covid wards at an alarming rate.
Surgery apart from life and limb being cancelled so surgeons can staff covid wards and beds changed to covid beds.

It’s posts like yours that fuel the conspiracy theories and increase people’s mental health issues as they feel they are doing all this for nothing.

Well I don't recognise the picture some of you paint about hospitals.

I had some scans last week at my local hospital. It was perfectly busy. I had got the scans under the 2 week wait. Everyone was wearing masks.
Biggest differences from pre-Covid? Normal A and E seems to have moved to the "left" of the entrance, the old A and E to the "right" is now Covid entance. For some departments you enter via the "West Entrance" which I didn't know was there before. You pick up medicine from a tent in the car park (drive through). There is also a drive through drop off for maternity.
And then even more hand sanitiser stations.
But its not empty or over run by Covid

I do know another neighbouring hospital does seem be running slower as a friend is waiting for an operation.

But even during the first lockdown I was able to be seen by the eye clinic.

Oh and the parking is free at present.

For the OP - do call the Samaritans if you need to, do get some help.
Yes its hard, but actually even with coffee shops open etc it can be very lonely as a Mum. Not all what you are feeling is just lockdown/Covid - please seek help.

@CourtneyB123 you don't need to imagine as people will COPD would be exempt. Unlike people who just think it is pointless.
can't imagine it being too pleasant for someone compromised with COPD for example having to wear one.

It’s possible to have empathy for job losses but still think that a partial lockdown isn’t awful. Yes it means no socialising but we aren’t as strict as other countries and there’s a bigger picture at play. Presumably we want a health service left to treat non covid issues as well as some form of economy for children’s futures.

There’s still plenty to do inside and out with children and plenty have and are still TTC despite there being a pandemic so know the situation.

@Northernsoulgirl45 Yes, they are exempt but my mum will still wear her mask to avoid the looks from the self appointed covid twats, who deem it necessary to mutter under their breathe about non mask wearers. So many people who are exempt still wear masks just to avoid this kind of unnecessary behaviour.

Who are the selfish ones?

[quote Nc135]@Sb2012

Yes it’s a virus with a relatively low mortality rate, but only because of the lockdowns, restrictions, SD and masks. All of which protect the vast majority of the public unless you are a teacher then you don’t get masks and SD to lower your risks.

Incorrect. It is a virus with a low mortality rate because it is a virus with a low mortality rate. Not because of masks etc. That just prevents more people catching it. It doesn’t affect the mortality rate. There are plenty of workers including myself who are putting themselves in the firing line. But we don’t get 10s of threads from healthcare workers or supermarket workers moaning about being in the firing line. It is what it is. We need food. We need healthcare. The kids need education.[/quote]
Actually we won’t know the full extent of the mortality rate and other long term possible effects of the virus as we have kept the death rate and rate of cases low especially during the first lockdown. Unless the virus is allowed to run free we don’t know.
We have considerably lowered the viral load and infectious dose by SD/masks so that could be factor that has contributed to lower death rates. When the virus was new and very very little was known about it, we lost a lot of young and healthy doctors and nurses and it is believed that was because of the increased infectious/viral load.
Which brings me back to my point that teachers are not allowed to wear masks or SD, so therefore i think they can be excused if they want to have a little “moan”
I’m pretty certain the vast majority of other jobs don’t forbid you from wearing masks, SD where possible and working in well ventilated areas.

I absolutely feel for you and feel the same way. I got my peak Tuesday last week and broke down at work in tears. I feel sad all the time with no energy and anxious and panicky. It has only happened since this started in March. I feel so resentful we are being made to do all this. At the moment I feel like this won't pass (even though it likely will) I feel like my husband doesn't understand as he goes to work 40 hours a week. It's amazing when you talk to people how much they feel the same and I wish they would share more openly...that in turn though gives me feelings of guilt that I feel how I feel when of course everyone else feels the same! It's a vicious cycle. Sending you a big hug and know you are not alone x