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Original poster

I can't take this anymore

539 replies

anonymous229 · 21/11/2020 16:56

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

OP posts:
bingowingsmcgee · 21/11/2020 22:51

OP the assessment is called phq9. Google it, it should come up. Do it when you get a min, and it should help save you from having to speak much to the gp xxx

Original poster
anonymous229 · 21/11/2020 22:55

We all handle things differently, and if you, and whoever reported me, cant understand that, and that whilst my MH like thousands of others had taken a battering I chose to try and fight on rather collapse in a heap then that’s your problem

@Chloemol if I “choose to collapse in a heap that’s my problem”? Wow. Just wow.

OP posts:
Original poster
anonymous229 · 21/11/2020 22:56

Thanks @bingowingsmcgee - I will have a look.

OP posts:
1dayatatime · 21/11/2020 23:01

OP - personally I feel that I am no longer living life with all the hopes and plans that we all have but more like I am simply marking time until things go back to "normal " or as they were.

Except I am now starting to realise that things will not get back to normal for a long long time. I just don't understand why people think if we lockdown for long enough and hard enough then this virus will just magically disappear and not pop back up again when the restrictions are lifted again.

But for now I put on a jolly face for my three DC in the day until they've go to sleep. Then about this time of day I just cry and then go to sleep or if a good day stuff my face with chocolate and then sleep or if a bad day then simply cry myself to sleep.

Original poster
anonymous229 · 21/11/2020 23:02

Oh, and I didn’t report you @Chloemol but thanks to whoever it was that did!

OP posts:
Original poster
anonymous229 · 21/11/2020 23:04

But for now I put on a jolly face for my three DC in the day until they've go to sleep. Then about this time of day I just cry and then go to sleep or if a good day stuff my face with chocolate and then sleep or if a bad day then simply cry myself to sleep.

@1dayatatime I’m so sorry that you’re struggling too - it is fucking hard x

OP posts:
1dayatatime · 21/11/2020 23:06

OP - I also did the park in the rain thing today (and countless days before) with two grumpy children. One thing though that made me smile was thinking jeez even this light misty rain is crap, why can't it just bucket it down or just sod off. t

1dayatatime · 21/11/2020 23:08

@anonymous229

Thank you for your words - I'm currently working my way through a Terrys Chocolate Orange which I convinced myself should count as one of my five a day.

Spotify82 · 21/11/2020 23:11

@bingowingsmcgee

OP the assessment is called phq9. Google it, it should come up. Do it when you get a min, and it should help save you from having to speak much to the gp xxx
I did that questionnaire and I scored 27. I got to the question of feeling like I'm failure and would be better off not around and I ticked, everyday. I just realised that if I wasnt around, no one would really notice.
Flaxmeadow · 21/11/2020 23:27

I did that questionnaire and I scored 27. I got to the question of feeling like I'm failure and would be better off not around and I ticked, everyday. I just realised that if I wasnt around, no one would really notice

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's hard yes and it must feel like no one knows what you're going through. Especially in these days as we approach winter. That you're here and reaching out is a good thing. It's a step. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

Quillink · 21/11/2020 23:27

OP I get it. It's terrifying. People talk about protecting the vulnerable from Covid but people like you are also vulnerable and need protection. The lockdown will have lifelong implications for so many people.

The worst thing is that there is nothing any of us could have done to prepare for this. Nothing. You had no reason to think that government decisions would force you out of business. No reason to think that this would be a difficult time to have a baby. The situation is unprecedented and has been forced upon you.

It helps me to do what I can to take control of my situation. Even in small ways. Hope for the best but plan hard for the worst. It's difficult with a newborn but your baby won't be young for long. It's tough but you're not alone Flowers

BonnieDundee · 21/11/2020 23:29

I have a secure income and no young children and I hate it. I can't imagine how awful it is for you. Vent all you want WineFlowers

BlueBlancmange · 21/11/2020 23:31

@1dayatatime

OP - personally I feel that I am no longer living life with all the hopes and plans that we all have but more like I am simply marking time until things go back to "normal " or as they were.

Except I am now starting to realise that things will not get back to normal for a long long time. I just don't understand why people think if we lockdown for long enough and hard enough then this virus will just magically disappear and not pop back up again when the restrictions are lifted again.

But for now I put on a jolly face for my three DC in the day until they've go to sleep. Then about this time of day I just cry and then go to sleep or if a good day stuff my face with chocolate and then sleep or if a bad day then simply cry myself to sleep.

Why are you starting to feel that things will never go back to normal just as it's been announced that there are highly efficacious vaccines?
Crumpety · 21/11/2020 23:37

Someone said earlier that the NT places are shut but that’s not the case. I’ve booked to go to one tomorrow and another one the following Sunday. The cafes are even open for takeaway. Maybe you could try that Op?

Dustballs · 21/11/2020 23:37

No one is measuring the effect that restrictions and tiers and lockdowns are having on the invisible vulnerable are they? These Vulnerables are invisible to Covid death rate Measurers. They're invisible too because they're all locked inside. There's many of them. And they're increasing in numbers every day.

Flaxmeadow · 21/11/2020 23:40

Except I am now starting to realise that things will not get back to normal for a long long time. I just don't understand why people think if we lockdown for long enough and hard enough then this virus will just magically disappear and not pop back up again when the restrictions are lifted again

Lockdown is not meant to make the virus "magically dissapear". Lockdown is to provide time. Time for the services to cope, to keep covid at a manageable level.

But the thing is this. Everyday we discover new strategies, new tests, new vaccines. Behind the scenes, scientists the world over are working together to solve these problems. Governments try new ways of coping, better lockdowns and restrictions, as we learn more about the virus and how it spreads. Heck just a few months ago we didn't even know a fraction of what we know now!

There is hope, there is light at the end of tunnel. It might not be apparent, but the science, whether it be medical or social, is happening.

MinecraftMother · 21/11/2020 23:46

I'm so sorry for new mums this year. So so sorry.

Rant away OP, you are due it. I do think you sound very low and it wouldn't hurt to speak with your GP.

Feel better, love x

wildbarnet · 21/11/2020 23:55

@anonymous229

op, do you have a local garden centre with xmas decorations you could visit with your baby. its a change of scenery and isnt outdoors. I know it won't fix this for you but may help a little.

I do but I'll probably have to queue for a fucking hour to get in.

they are saying even with vaccine still have to have restrictions wtf

Oh God - I haven't heard that before. Please tell me that's not the case.

I don't think I will be here next year if we still have to live with restrictions I can't take Much more even though I tried to be positive in previous post
kiwibrown · 21/11/2020 23:56

It's hard under lockdown with small children. Personally I am travelling for exercise and recreation with my 2 yo toddler, which is all legally allowed. There's no way I would have survived just going to the same park over and over again. Not as good as going to a nice museum or soft play in winter, but it's still good getting out to places like big country parks or nature reserves, it feels like a nice day out (and all free as we just take a hot lunch). We're lucky that we've managed to dodge the heavy rain, and I don't mind rain if it's just a bit of drizzle. The playgrounds have been very busy so most other parents are doing the same thing. DD loves it, I'm not even sure she's aware we're in lockdown.

Some baby groups are going ahead through lockdown 2 so it's worth checking Happity app or FB to see if anything is going on near you, I've seen quite a few listed locally (but DD is too old). We went to an outdoor music class last week, we all brought our own picnic mats and instrument, and it worked out great.

sima74 · 22/11/2020 00:04

Wow, this could be me too op, I have been feeling the same. Really what is the point of living if we have to be restricted in absolutely everything we do.

wildbarnet · 22/11/2020 00:04

@feellikeanalien

Totally agree OP. Only one thing matters now and that's Covid. Feeling down? At least you're still alive. Wishing you could see family and friends? You are a selfish granny killer.

Once this is over (if it ever is) there will have been so much damage done to our society in other ways, not just loss of jobs and homes but less trust of those in authority, more divisions in society.

Yes it must be awful to see someone you love die of Covid but it's also pretty awful not be able to see someone you love who is in a care home and you may never see again.

I'm feeling particularly fed up with it all today too. The relentless boredom, the lack of adult conversation and the inability to do anything nice. I love the countryside, I love going for walks but there are other things I also love to do. I don't even know if DD and I will be able to see anyone at Christmas.

Maybe that is selfish of me but frankly at the moment I don't really care.

This !
Dustballs · 22/11/2020 00:06

Nobody seems to mention this anymore. Maybe they haven't much before.

But this is very dystopian - isn't it? More and more so.

wildbarnet · 22/11/2020 00:07

@IcedPurple

I was holding onto that, but an earlier poster said restrictions might still be in place even after the vaccine is rolled out! Does anyone know if that is the case?

That person knows no more or less than you or anyone else here.

But once a sufficiently high proportion of the population has been vaccinated, I can't see how restrictions would need to remain. One of the scientists involved in the Pfizer vaccine said he expects to be fully back to normal by next Xmas, though I'm hoping it will be before then!

This gives me hope
Dustballs · 22/11/2020 00:08

So it's no wonder we're all feeling so bloody depressed.

You'd read something like 1984 and think how awful it would be to live like that. But our world is becoming more and more like that every day.

It feels like a nightmare.

jessstan1 · 22/11/2020 00:12

wildbarnet: I don't think I will be here next year if we still have to live with restrictions I can't take Much more even though I tried to be positive in previous post
........
Where can you go though, wildbarnet. It's the same nearly all over the world and there are restrictions on travelling abroad to most places anyway. Frankly, you have no choice but to stay put.

Does your area have a local Facebook group, or something similar? People do seem to have a laugh on them and also give each other encouragement. They can also point you in the direction of useful things to do, ways you can help - and be helped.

I know it all seems a bit bleak right now but there is a vaccine in sight and things will improve.