I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

Op I feel the same way. My home has become my prison. I hate life and hate waking up every morning to this misery. I have 3 dcs including a 4 month old, 2 and 5 year old. My 5 year old has ASD and has really suffered due to lockdown 1 and now he is in a horrendous place since going back to school. Everyday at home he has multiple violent meltdowns and has started to self injure too. Everything has been delayed due to covid and if it hadn't of happened he would be in a specialised school with the correct support, but instead we have only just began to process. Between covid and my son's difficulties I just want to give up. I can't fucking bear to see him suffer anymore and having absolutely no support from anyone fucking sucks.

I had cause to take a teenager to A&E last night. Big city hospital A&E department. Friday night. Waiting time is normally 7 hours.

There was one other patient in the entire place. We went straight in to triage, waited 20 mins to see a doctor, and were then discharged.

It was tempting to ask them to look at all the horrendous things that I am suffering from and which have been untreated since March.

OP, I agree with every word you say.

‘
Unless you stand next to someone for 15 mins without a mask on, you're definitely not giving them anything.’

This is bloody daft.

If I shag frank for 1 minute or 15minutes is my risk of getting a fuzzy fanny higher or lower or do I just wear a condom regardless because I’m an adult and it’s the same thing to do?

standing next to someone, you treat them as though they do have it. Just like you do shagging. You put on your mask, act like a responsible bloody adult until you can confirm (via a vaccine or testing) they don’t.

The only thing that is reduced is the potential viral load and viral load, iirc, is linked to how sick you do get which is why Frontline staff should have the best PPE but why they are also getting sicker. I’m not an expert though but I do read a fair bit.

@anonymous229

the reality is that standing near someone without a mask can kill you.

And yet every time I get on the bus with my baby there are at least two people wearing masks round their chins, or covering their mouth but not their nose. People can’t even be bothered to follow the rules on public transport (and the rules aren’t enforced either) and yet I’m having to sacrifice my entire career to save the NHS. The whole thing feels so nonsensical - it’s so frustrating.

I know - and I really hate that, too. So many people think the rules don't apply to them, and it's really frustrating. But every person who does keep to the rules helps.

@ProfessorFrockdown

I had cause to take a teenager to A&E last night. Big city hospital A&E department. Friday night. Waiting time is normally 7 hours.

There was one other patient in the entire place. We went straight in to triage, waited 20 mins to see a doctor, and were then discharged.

It was tempting to ask them to look at all the horrendous things that I am suffering from and which have been untreated since March.

OP, I agree with every word you say.

Yep. DD2 managed to fall UP the stairs (DD2 is incredibly dyspraxic so this does not surprised me one jot) and was still in pain after a rub better and a hug so we took her to A+E. Adult doctor was so bored he was wandering into paeds in search of patients... in and out in record time. (Buckle fracture)

I’m a nurse and I really can’t understand why that first lockdown was carried on so long. After the peak at Easter the London hospitals emptied out of Covid quickly enough. And yet it went on and on, destroying the economy and putting so many out of work unnecessarily.

@shouldvebeenme interesting - my sister in law works in a hospital in London and says exactly the same thing.

And sorry to everyone else who’s posted on this thread who is struggling. It’s so fucking tough right now

@anonymous229

You don’t know me, you don’t know my circumstances, don’t know what I have been through, one thing though there is no need to swear at me just because I comment on your post

Although I see someone has reported it and had it removed. Not sure why as, having been through my own issues with this virus I really don’t see why it should have been

We all handle things differently, and if you, and whoever reported me, cant understand that, and that whilst my MH like thousands of others had taken a battering I chose to try and fight on rather collapse in a heap then that’s your problem

All I can suggest is phoning your gp and insist on help

@Northernsoullover

Speak to your GP. They might be able to help. Its around 3-4% fatality rate though. I'm utterly miserable with it too. I totally get why we can't mix unchecked though.

It’s not 3 - 4 % fatality rate. The problem isn’t the fatality rate though anyway, it’s the numbers.

Hang in there OP. Society can’t function this way forever so even without a vaccine they’d have to give up on all the nonsense sometime. It looks like the vaccine is going to help stop the vulnerable getting sick so this will help the NHS and help us all x hang in there

Guys there is no need to be mean to anyone at all. Everyone has different circumstances. While I do not disagree with the lockdown because there was no other solution, I dont think the government handled it properly. Had they done a proper one that was earlier and shorter, we wouldn't have needed all this shit. I will do my bit and follow th guidlines because it helps someone else. However I will not ignore it's been rough for people. Everyone has suffered and some more than others. Unfortunately OP has struggled in many ways, new baby prospects of losing jobs, equally people have lost family and not been able to say bye. We are ALL together and honestly we will get through it. We do need a little positive thinking. I am probably the most negative person but have had to change my thinking so dont take my post as rude one. I just want everyone to have their feelings acknowledged and not be abused or mean.

OP if you're still there - you must talk to someone. Is there a post natal depression support group in your area (even if you don't have PND they're there for new mums struggling in any way. Google it, look on your hospital or children's centre website, ring the children's centre, they're probably the best place to start and will know how to speak to you and reassure you better than any gp or their receptionist.

We are allowed to meet 1 other adult with any number of children under 5. Do you have any friends or neighbours you can meet in the dreaded Park? Any family nearby? You can take your baby. You are allowed to drive out of town.

Try and find a local Facebook group - search for one on Facebook and click to join. You can find out what's going on, or post a message asking if anyone fancies meeting (I know, that is really scary!)

I really hope you find something and somewhere to turn to.

The biggest and most up to date study on mortality (covering 60% of all cases worldwide) has concluded (in a peer reviewed journal) that Covid-19 has a mortality rate of 0.15-0.2% among people who develop symptoms.

I was going off OP's 1%.

And no, baking isn't going to solve all problems. But the serenity prayer has something to it. Acceptance or change. If you can't change your circumstances you need to try to change your mindset, and distraction can be helpful.

If you think baking is nuts, I've been soothed by watching Korean cafe vlogs on YouTube. Go ahead and call me nuts, but it makes me feel better.

[quote Chloemol]@anonymous229

You don’t know me, you don’t know my circumstances, don’t know what I have been through, one thing though there is no need to swear at me just because I comment on your post

Although I see someone has reported it and had it removed. Not sure why as, having been through my own issues with this virus I really don’t see why it should have been

We all handle things differently, and if you, and whoever reported me, cant understand that, and that whilst my MH like thousands of others had taken a battering I chose to try and fight on rather collapse in a heap then that’s your problem

All I can suggest is phoning your gp and insist on help[/quote]
I think, @Chloemol, your post was deleted because it was so very unpleasant, and could well have been the final nail in the coffin for anyone reading it who was already wondering whether it was worth carrying on at all. These are real people, not just words on a computer screen.

But I know just how you feel OP. In my blackest moments I just feel my job, my husband’s job, my kids’ education and our general health and happiness are just sidelined so a bunch of old people who have had their full lifespan can get treated for Covid, and stop a few of them dying. I know that’s not fair or right though in my more rational moments, that that’s not what it’s about really, and it’s not fair or right at all to think that, but it’s hard when you’ve had so much stripped from you by the government.

Hang in there. Better times will come x

@jessstan1
Why comment such an unhelpful response. You do know some people have lost the means to sip hot choclate and watch TV. What a inconsiderate thing. Parents are wondering how they'll feed their kids because they have lost their jobs. People already on the poverty line have sunk in deeper. Say something constructive or dont say anything.

@jessstan1

Can you not enjoy being indoors, cosy and warm? I don't 'get' the obsession with going out. Of course we need fresh air and a degree of exercise but it is lovely being indoors too, doing your own thing or doing nothing, sitting in your dressing gown all day if you want.

If you have children you can camp on the floor in the living room.

If you are on your own - what's the problem?

Eurgh I hate this type of comment! Try doing that all day everyday all day everyday. It's like being on house arrest. It's beyond shit with young children just now it really is. It's an absolute struggle

I have a slightly odd suggestion. Could you get a temporary part time job say in a supermarket, just to get you out and busy and feeling a bit more normal? I know getting a job isn't easy and you'd need to find childcare but it might not be impossible. I really struggled in lockdown one but lockdown 2 is 'fine' for me as I'm still going to work, so life feels pretty normal.

I hear you Op. DH is lucky to have survived redundancy at his company (airline), but we're on tenter hooks to see if it even survives.
I run a business which has become very difficult with everyone wfh, and the cash flow has dropped.
I have 2 tiny children and loads of the usual things I'd do are off limits. So we go walking, a lot. I love a walk as much as the next person but I'm sick of fucking walking.
I miss my friends. My family are awful so my friends mean the world to me. I'm struggling without seeing them.
I love to travel and have things to look forward to, visits to friends, long weekends... but there's just nothing in the diary.
DS has got behind with his reading because his teacher didn't do one lesson im 3 months, whilst we were in lock down and now I'm stressing go catch him up. (I tried my best in lock down with online resources).
I just wanted to rant in solidarity with you! It is shit and you're allowed to feel sad and think it's shit.

OP I hear you, I feel you, and you and your mental health absolutely do matter. I am rooting for you to hang on by your fingernails to see brighter days; brighter in all ways. It sounds to me like you're going to need a course of antidepressants to get through this, and I strongly recommend that you do a clinical depression assessment on yourself (wish I could bloody remember what the assessment tool was called!). Then if you can't face ringing the gp, get dh to do it it, give them the score of your assessment and tell them you need an ssri to get you through these restrictions with your baby. It's hideous and overwhelming reaching for that phone and putting yourself on the line like that, but you need and deserve that care. You deserve to feel better and you deserve medical attention to help with that. It's what you have paid your taxes for all these years! I hope you continue to use MN for support, and ignore unhelpful posters. Not everyone has empathy, but there will be thousands of mums who will be rooting for you and who absolutely do empathize with your situation. Sending you strength xxx

@GatoradeMeBitch

And no, baking isn't going to solve all problems. But the serenity prayer has something to it. Acceptance or change. If you can't change your circumstances you need to try to change your mindset, and distraction can be helpful.

If you think baking is nuts, I've been soothed by watching Korean cafe vlogs on YouTube. Go ahead and call me nuts, but it makes me feel better.

I can agree with you. I love watching cooking and also I like reading. During first lockdown I spent the whole excercising going for drives and walking. I baked a whole lot. For me it was different. I had my husband with me. Usually I never see him. Then he went back to work. I got depressed. Excercise baking watching TV became really hard. When I went back to work I felt normal. Now I'm sick and off work. I feel depressed. I can imagine how hard it for people who dont have the means. I mean a lady lives upstairs with 13 kids and they 3 bedroom flat. They have no garden no one drives.

Ah its horrid everything that's happening and we have to all make sure we find something positive. Anything. We have to mse sure we are around for people who need help.

OP. What about making youtube videos? I'm so sorry o am so crap at suggesting stuff. Maybe you could start a daily blood or vlog. That might earn you some cash and help you vent your feelings.

I miss going to dance classes at the gym so much I could cry... Seeing the ladies there 3 nights a week, everyone laughing and dancing together (often very off-beat xD) and having something to lift my spirits on cold winter nights

@pennypinchh

I miss going to dance classes at the gym so much I could cry... Seeing the ladies there 3 nights a week, everyone laughing and dancing together (often very off-beat xD) and having something to lift my spirits on cold winter nights

I'm sorry