I can't take this anymore

[anonymous229]

I just don't have the energy for anything. Today has been cold, grey and miserable and there's nowhere to fucking go because everywhere is closed. Yes there's the local park but I've been there about 500 times since March and I'm bored sick of it.

How much longer can they keep us in this fucking awful state? I've had enough, I'm drained, I'm depressed as hell.

We've sacrificed so damn much for a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it. I know that sounds callous but I'm facing the loss of my job (I'm self employed in events - ha!) and potentially my home because of this. The toll it's taken on my mental health is disastrous, but I feel like me and my family (and other families like us) are just collateral in all of this.

I know people will probably say things like we're lucky to be alive, but I don't feel lucky.

I can't live like this any longer.

@BosnianLeapersarethebest
That is absolutely horrendous, sodding jobsworths! Your poor son I would be livid. R rate is between 1 and 1.1.
They were outside, for goodness sake, would have been fine if they bumped into each other in bloody Tesco!

@GatoradeMeBitch

a virus that kills about 1% of people who catch it

But left unchecked that would have wiped out over 1.5 million people in the UK...

I get that it's frustrating. Try to find tiny ways to improve your days - YouTube channels of your favourite hobbies, order some baking supplies, make plans for next summer, walk in the opposite direction of the park, listen to different types of music on spotify. I'm sure things will perk up once we're into Feb/March.

Fucking BAKING? She’s worried about losing her livelihood and home and you’re telling her to bake and do hobbies? Are you nuts?

I'm in the US where people are acting like it doesn't matter. So we aren't officially lo med downaltbiugh we are being "encouraged" to stay homeu less absolutely essential.

That said... I am a single mom of 3 with no help at all. I have very little family to begin with and my closest older relative died 2 days ago. Not because of covid... But she's still gone and I didnt get to see her at all this year because of this bullshit. And there won't be a service for her. At the end of October I lost my job of 18 years. Again... Not because of covid...rather because I clashed with the new manager (the owner's daughter...),but my job doesn't transfer. So I'm now enrolling in a course to start a new job. Which is terrifying at almost 40 and I was confident in my abilities because I'm not an unintelligent person...but there is soooo much I don't remember from high school and the entry exams are making that glaringly obvious. Them we have unemployment... Which should pay me for 26 weeks... But is so far behind that I don't know when that money is coming. I'm having to pull from my retirement just to make sure I have money incase unemployment doesn't come through. Still trying to decide if I should take it all out just because I can do so right now eihiut penalty... But if I only take part and need more later I'll be penalized. All this while also dealing with a mentally ill teenager who rages almost daily.

I'm just so numb to it all now. I feel terrified but like I can't tell anyone. So I just keep hoping things will work out in the long run.

But left unchecked that would have wiped out over 1.5 million people in the UK...

Where are you getting your figures from ?

@jessstan1

Can you not enjoy being indoors, cosy and warm? I don't 'get' the obsession with going out. Of course we need fresh air and a degree of exercise but it is lovely being indoors too, doing your own thing or doing nothing, sitting in your dressing gown all day if you want.

If you have children you can camp on the floor in the living room.

If you are on your own - what's the problem?

Yeah a day or two of being indoors is great, if that's your choice. Months on end of being indoors is not good. Going out is good for mental wellbeing, losing your job is not.

@EveryYouEveryMe

I’m fed up if it all too but what I’m mostly fed up of is people saying

‘So you want people to die?’

When I voice my very valid and real feelings in a thoroughly shite time especially when I’m an unpaid carer and have seen friends a total of 5 separate visits since March and lost all respite this year.

My kid already had anxiety and now has a serious case of depression with previous suicidal ideation that I’m already hiding belts and all drugs locked in the safe and sharps tucked away because I do not want to go through that again especially now and truly alone.

Of course I don’t want anyone today fucking die but I’m not willing to let my kid die because of this. Much needed psychotherapy that should’ve started in March has been pushed back and back.

My much needed freedom has been pushed back over again. 2nd driving test cancelled. It’s a tiny thing but being able to drive to the supermarket than fret trying to get a much needed delivery (kid gets DLA, I’m at risk) because every fucker who can go in isn’t and I’m struggling.

I’ve been a caged bird for a decade as an unpaid carer this is just an added level of torture that’s left me listless and restless. Insomnia is a level I haven’t experienced.

And I’m really fed up if people saying go to the GP for support. Medication will just numb my feelings, not good, therapy will be in a long waiting list so not really any fucking good especially when the ‘cure’ for this is much needed respite.

The only shining light is DLA and carers allowance but hey, that renewal form just came in and trying to get evidence when everyone is avoiding you because of the plague and the fear it won’t be renewed because there is no new evidence because of the extensive lockdowns and no appointments with specialist...

I’m just done with this.

This is a society wide trauma I don’t think any of us have grasped the ramifications of nor will we ‘fix’ it’s effects within this generation.

I'm so sorry to hear you have ro deal with this with your little one. I hope you are coping. It's hard to deal with what yiure saying. And a driving test is not a small thing. It's your ticket to doing so much. Hell you can sit in a car and drive ...take your little kids out and blast music. Even if you cant get out. I do that sometimes. I drive up to the country side and just look at the greenery. It's annoying you've not been able to do.

@bluebearss

Thanks *@BrutusMcDogface*. I did try to fight my case and explained I just needed to quickly feed my hungry DC, but she said 'can't he wait until you get home?' (!!!!) and then started barricading the seating area with some bollards. It really was unbelievable.

Not usually one for violence but would have been tempted to smack her in the face at that point , Bloody jobsworth! Really feel for you OP

Spotify82

I know it will end but that knowing doesn’t help right now and I’ll get that test passed. First one was cancelled too.
I just feel so much of my life has passed by due to caring responsibilities that when there was light and things changing it’s all gone 10steps back.

It is what it is and Ive just need to moan without people telling me to get a grip

I think it may be a mistake to focus just on the death rate from Covid, even though as a PP said, when millions are susceptible to catching it even a small percentage is a large number of people.

I just think that may make things even more frustrating for you because it doesn't make much sense of the situation. It isn't just about covid deaths, or even the many who have long term or severe illness. It's about what happens when many people are all ill at once, and the effect of that on health care for even the basics like A and E, the effect on businesses and the economy of the virus itself. If we hadn't had restrictions, and covid had been allowed to go completely unchecked, the chance of your business surviving would probably have been zero then too.

I only say that for perspective, I know it doesn't change the fact that things are really hard. For what it's worth, friends who know a lot more about this than me due to their jobs feel that the hope for next year to be much better is huge. Things will start to improve.

I feel exactly the same OP... Covid hasn't affected my life at all, I don't know a single person that has had it - including people who work on the Underground and are mixing with loads of people everyday. I've gained 3 stone as I cannot exercise in a gym, and I live in an area where you get harassed if you are a woman and exercise outside. It has made me very resentful of others who cannot seem to assess risk properly, and think they're going to drop dead instantly if you stand near them without a mask I'm just writing this whole year off, not a single part of it was good. Hopefully people get a grip next year!

@EveryYouEveryMe

Spotify82

I know it will end but that knowing doesn’t help right now and I’ll get that test passed. First one was cancelled too.
I just feel so much of my life has passed by due to caring responsibilities that when there was light and things changing it’s all gone 10steps back.

It is what it is and Ive just need to moan without people telling me to get a grip

NO ONE has the right to tell anyone to get a grip. People don't mean, they let it out which you are doing because it's been a bloody rough ride for you. Oh my days you need a real break from things. We are human and we need to be cared for and cannot constantly be care givers. I'm so sorry. Feel free to rant if it helps. This is the issue. Lockdown has forced people to hide away their feeling because they feel they will be told to get a grip because it could be worse. What is worse than bottling up your feelings and falling into a depression that remains even when COVID is over, or depressing yourself into suicide. No you should not get a grip. You should talk about how you feel. I find ranting to strangers helps. Personally I'm afraid of getting COVID so don't mind hiding but it is still depressing. It is hard. My husband's bussiness might go down too...in fact it is.

Can you not enjoy being indoors, cosy and warm? I don't 'get' the obsession with going out. Of course we need fresh air and a degree of exercise but it is lovely being indoors too, doing your own thing or doing nothing, sitting in your dressing gown all day if you want.

Not it's not, it's like waiting to die. Cosy and warm makes me want to stab my own eyes out. Roll on summer.

Moan* not mean

@userxx

Can you not enjoy being indoors, cosy and warm? I don't 'get' the obsession with going out. Of course we need fresh air and a degree of exercise but it is lovely being indoors too, doing your own thing or doing nothing, sitting in your dressing gown all day if you want.

Not it's not, it's like waiting to die. Cosy and warm makes me want to stab my own eyes out. Roll on summer.

why did this make me chuckle hahahahha

It's about what happens when many people are all ill at once, and the effect of that on health care for even the basics like A and E, the effect on businesses and the economy of the virus itself.

Yup - like I say, I’m purely collateral.

I lost my job in 2010 with the recession. It was soul destroying. Somehow we got through 10k of savings, and had reached overdraft limit, before I got a new job that was as well paid as the one before.

All I can say is just keep plodding..... Hang in there.... Daft as it sounds your health is your wealth. I was able to get a new job as I had my health.

It has made me very resentful of others who cannot seem to assess risk properly, and think they're going to drop dead instantly if you stand near them without a mask

I'm sorry, pennypinchn, I'm not minimising how grim it;s been for so many people during lockdown, but the reality is that standing near someone without a mask can kill you. You won't "drop dead", you will spend weeks doing it. Or you will survive, like I did, and spend months serious ill, and still be in constant pain eight months on. Or you might be completely asymptomatic, feel absolutely fine, and risk passing it on to someone you love. That's the reality.

@Chloemol

Ok harsh as this is I am sick of people like you moaning about not being able to see family, nowhere to go, it’s cold and miserable, you maybe losing your job

Well lots of us are in the same position, but unlike you do care about others, don’t want to see people die, have suffered family loss over this, are trying to get through this have approached go for support etc

But you just moan away if it makes you feel better

Typical of MN to delete my post, but not the spiteful, and nasty post here that I was responding to, hah.

So, once again, if you don't like it - you can get off the thread. Get a bit of empathy too, love.

Op I'm going to PM you because now certain people have arrived on here you will get no sense whatsoever or empathy.

Contrary to what people on here are saying... THIS IS SHIT. You are allowed to feel like this is shit because it is - you've got a new baby which is hard enough going and you've been cut off from all your support networks and fellow new mums who would normally be getting you through all of this - those support networks who have got generation after generation of women through the new baby feeling like you've been hit by a truck phase. On top of that - you've had a business destroyed by all of this - again you are not the only one that's happened to - and it's shit and I'm angry on your behalf.

A fucking hot chocolate - even a posh one is not going to make it better. There are a group on here who are having a wonderful lockdown - secure jobs that are WFH friendly, large houses so they're not all tripping over each other, older kids who are a bit more self sufficient and I think they really quite relish not having to brave the 7.20 crammed to the eyeballs to the office anymore. They can be very very loud and drown out and belittle those struggling.

Many of us are struggling - I've gone from being in a good place - off all my medication for the first time in years - to on the absolute max dose of anti depressants just so I can function enough for the kids to have as much of a childhood as I can give them - it's taken me a few GPs (thankfully a huge practice so you never get the same one twice) to get that level of "I need to be able to function NOW to not fuck up my kids - sorting the inside of my head out properly is going to have to wait" priority understood.

I'll PM ya.

@anonymous229

It's about what happens when many people are all ill at once, and the effect of that on health care for even the basics like A and E, the effect on businesses and the economy of the virus itself.

Yup - like I say, I’m purely collateral.

But you would be collateral either way, as would many of us sadly.

I do think you have reason to feel down so please don't think I am saying otherwise, I identify with a lot of what you are saying, but I do wonder if PND could be playing into this and making you feel even worse. I am sorry you have an unhelpful GP, I know what that is like! But I think pushing for some kind of referral and help might be a good idea.

Fucking BAKING? She’s worried about losing her livelihood and home and you’re telling her to bake and do hobbies? Are you nuts?

@shouldvebeenme I was trying to think of a polite way to say the same thing, but I think this is better.

Unless you stand next to someone for 15 mins without a mask on, you're definitely not giving them anything.

@anonymous229 haven’t read all of the posts on here so apologies if someone has already mentioned it. Mother and baby groups are still allowed to continue as they operate under the bracket of support groups- not for everyone I know, but if your desperate for something different have a look to see what’s in your local area. Also completely get that it’s just a tiny part of the whole issue but It’s nice to have things that lift your mood/ break up your day with a small baby....even if it is for a brief moment

the reality is that standing near someone without a mask can kill you.

And yet every time I get on the bus with my baby there are at least two people wearing masks round their chins, or covering their mouth but not their nose. People can’t even be bothered to follow the rules on public transport (and the rules aren’t enforced either) and yet I’m having to sacrifice my entire career to save the NHS. The whole thing feels so nonsensical - it’s so frustrating.

This is not true, the op is the victim of the cruel and nonsensical rules, lockdowns and restrictions, not of the pandemic.

The rules and restrictions exist because of the pandemic. I acknowledge the damage they are doing, and of course they are riddled with inconsistencies, such as that children who are in school all day cannot mix afterwards.

However.

When you say OP is not a victim of the pandemic, you imply the rules and restrictions were not necessary. But without them, Covid would have spread faster and further. While the vast majority of those catching it would be fine, a significant number would either die or develop long Covid - and the hospitals would be rammed to bursting, leading to people not being able to get treatment (either for Covid, or other things). Many more people would die, both of Covid, and from other things.

There would still have been massive economic damage.

So - I get that it’s shit. The pain has not been equally shared. And I believe that everyone who has suffered because of the pandemic - through catching Covid, because their job has been affected, or their mental health, or anything else - is a victim of the pandemic.

When they have lost so much, people get angry. And I suppose it’s easier to be angry with the decisions and the people who made them, and believe they have suffered unavoidably because of them, than to think that those decisions had to be made.