AIBU to say enough now?

[Enoughnowstop]

I am not sure I can take any more.

I am a single parent. I am over 50. My children depend on me to bring in a wage and keep a roof over our heads. One of my children is a type 1 diabetic and as such, vulnerable to this virus. I am without support as my parents are dead and I am an only child. I am a teacher and a good one. I love my job. I want to be in the classroom and I want to be supportive of the students I work with.

I have read thread after thread on here in the last 24 hours with people looking to find loopholes or claim to just use 'common sense' so that, for the sake of their mental health, they can get through the next 4 weeks. People who have every intention of meeting up with others, even if it is 'just' outside. People who want their children in school because they can't possibly cope with their children at home in lockdown and what about their rights to an education, a future and their mental health.

I have spent an hour this morning quietly sobbing in my room whilst reading this shit. The utter lack of social responsibility and refusal to see a bigger picture. Not one fuck given about either the physical or mental health of every single person now working in key positions knowing that potentially, things are worse than they were 7 months or so ago. When you want to push your child in the pram and don't see why meeting up with someone else pushing their child in a pram, despite the rules being 2 people not 4 people but it's OK because your mental health can't take any more, maybe just give a thought to those of us who are cramming ourselves into small rooms without ventilation with 32 people who refuse to wear masks because they're exempt and who are transmitting the virus with few.....statistics suggest that there will be anywhere between 5 and 50 students in my school tomorrow who will have that virus. A russian roulette of whether or not I will end up in a room with one of them. I mean how could we be anything but mentally unhealthy knowing full well that tomorrow might be the day we contract this virus and our lives change forever? Who is protecting the mental and physical health of keyworkers? Does anyone actually care about the mental and physical health of keyworkers?

Maybe just start thinking about the mental health of every single person and every single person's right to life and our children's right to have a physically and mentally well parent, capable of meeting their needs.

And please, feel free to professionally insult me some more, becuase that's what always happens on these threads, tell me we don't need teachers like you and if you're that bothered, get another job there are thousands of unemployed just waiting in the wings to take over. Well, no, you can't do without me and my colleagues, our experience, our skills, our professionalism. Just as you can't do without the medical professionals who are facing dealing with this shit again because your right to mental health negates our right to both physical and mental health.

Your rights don't usurp mine. I don't have much faith in this government, but they are what they are. They are making the rules. Follow them. Remember you are not the only one struggling. Be grateful that you're not the one doing the keyworking and be supportive of those of us who are by remembering we also have a right to be physically and mentally healthy. There is balance required. For all of us. We all have a right to a future. Let's make sure those who's future is taken from them in this pandemic number as few, not as many, as possible.

As for me, I think my resignation is on the cards. I think anything at all is better than this.

[quote JurassicParkaha]**@Pascal2908* @SheepandCow*

eyeroll Given that EVERY country and Government, and scientific and economic and medical advisor disagrees on the interpretation of those statistics, no idea how you have decided something is the gospel truth. Like everyone else, you have an INTERPRETATION of what is important, and which statistics should be viewed as more appropriate than another set, and how to balance different criteria.

At the end of the day, that is what EVERYONE is entitled to do. They have the agency to decide what scares them more, what calculated risks they can take, and what facts and figures mean more to them. So you can sneer and jeer as much as you want, but it still doesn't make you more right than anyone else on here. And yes, Covid has lasting effects - guess recession, unemployment, tanked economies, starvation, depression don't, and won't impact NHS resources...[/quote]
If you think rolling your eyes is a clever response to a pandemic threatening to overwhelm our health service the. You are extremely callous.

@Pascal2908 Surely, it's quite obvious that I'm rolling my eyes at your little dig upthread, that was completely unneccessary and rather rude btw

Pascal2908 Just to be clear. You have agreed with a poster who also in her post asked if threatening suicide was abuse. In you opinion, is it?

Those that think there was adequate support for people who were suicidal pre-Covid are being very naïve.

To clarify. I asked a question. I didn't make a statement of fact. From my understanding (through friends who are mental health professionals), using suicide as a tool of emotional manipulation is an abusive tactic. If that's wrong, please correct my misunderstanding.

It's certainly wrong to halt all containment measures because somebody says they'll kill themselves if we don't.

Like I've been saying. We need better mental health resources. Something we've long needed. Way before the pandemic.

And here's the silver lining of the pandemic. Never before have I seen so much public concern for suicide issues. So that's a positive. Now so many care, there's more chance of improving provision to help people struggling. For years not enough people cared and so nothing was done.

Btw, I absolutely have not ignored the impact of lockdown. It's why I say we need a proper one, so that the hardship is worthwhile.

This is wrong. We're all derailing OP's thread. She posted for support. Sorry for contributing to the detail OP.

Glad to see at least one person with sense on here @Pascal2908

I read the OP and have cut straight to the end. Why not buy some FFP3 masks? Look at YouTube videos about fitting.
They just stick one on, in school, and wear it whenever you are in contact with others.

Remember, in April, we HCPs were told to not wear PPE as it would 'scare the public'. Now it's compulsory at work.

Wear a FFP3 and gauge the response.

I would.

We can - and should - provide better mental health resources.

Well the provision is woefully inadequate, and that's unlikely to change. So it doesn't matter how much we 'should' do something, the fact is some people will never take mental health issues as seriously as physical health, as this thread proves.

SheepandCow You have clearly picked it up wrongly from your friends.

If you think a young person who is sitting on the wrong side of a bridge and who calls 999 is abusive, you would be very much mistaken. Or who has phoned a friend to say they have taken pills.

Coervice control is a separate matter. I’m incensed that you would even consider it generally “abusive”.

To be clear, threatening suicide to a partner can and is abusive. But you cannot generalise as to say it is abusive to threaten suicide.

@Nicknacky
Oh goodness, no that's definitely not what I meant. I'm quite sure that I've explained it badly!

I was referring to some people who are exploiting suicide for an anticontainment agenda - the 'You have to do what I want or I'll kill myself' argument.

Very bad analogy, but say you, as a police officer, are going to arrest a murderer. They say you can't arrest them because if you do they'll kill themselves. You'd still arrest them presumably (and then get them medical care).

Also, when somebody is suicidal, yes they need help - but that may not always be what they want, i.e. sectioning somebody against their will. It's sometimes got to be what somebody needs rather than wants.

I'm sorry OP but your anxiety over what will happen if you or your OH catch covid does not trump my anxiety over my sister and her MH and the wellbeing of her 6 year old, 4 year old and 7 month old. She is not a single parent but with her husband out at work constantly (paramedic) she needs my support and I will continue to go round to help her when she is looking after 3 DC on minimal sleep with severe anxiety and now all she can do with the younger ones in the day to pass the time is go for a walk in the bloody park in the cold. Have some fucking empathy . She is more important to me than statistics and she has a higher chance of severe MH issues than she does of being severely infected with covid so that is what I am prioritising. So there you go. You don't get to make others decisions for them or tell me what to do. What do you want, everyone else to suffer so your OH is ok? Why is he more important than my sister ?

When people say we can't contain Covid because containment measures make some people suicidal, they ignore that failed containment will make other people suicidal.

We have already seen ICU nurses sectioned because of the trauma from the first wave.

What we need to do instead of arguing against containment measures is improve mental health resources. Something long neglected before the pandemic.

The good news is that until the pandemic not enough people cared. Now we can see there is strong public support for good mental health care. That's a positive.

The irony. People attacking a clearly struggling OP, worried about her vulnerable child, in a highly stressful job, little real life help, who posted for support...and they're telling her to 'have some empathy'...
Kicking somebody when they're down? Nice!

@SheepandCow OP can speak with her Dr about a sick note, take some time off and consider looking for another job.

People who want their children in school because they can't possibly cope with their children at home
To start wrong things like this is not the way. Some people cannot come at home with their kids what is wrong with that?
^^

@SheepandCow

The irony. People attacking a clearly struggling OP, worried about her vulnerable child, in a highly stressful job, little real life help, who posted for support...and they're telling her to 'have some empathy'... Kicking somebody when they're down? Nice!

The OP, in her first post, described other people's worries and struggles as this shit. How is that not kicking people when they are down?

People who want their children in school because they can't possibly cope with their children at home in lockdown and what about their rights to an education, a future and their mental health.

People who want their children in school because they can't possibly cope with their children at home in lockdown and what about their rights to an education, a future and their mental health.

I have spent an hour this morning quietly sobbing in my room whilst reading this shit.

Other parents have stressful jobs and no support too, schools closing could mean young secondary aged children being home alone all day five days a week, are they not allowed to worry about the effect of that on their children?

I feel for everyone’s situation. We all need to be more understanding and less judgemental. Everyone has their own worries and stresses. I am a teacher with teenagers, a son at first year in University and parents with health issues. I worry every day. But I also try to think about others, try not to judge (that is hard!), meet up with a friend (one at a time) smile at strangers and take pleasure in the little things.

If you are struggling then you need to step away from social media. No good comes of playing misery top trumps. I don’t mean to sound dismissive but that’s basically what it boils down to.

@PlentyofButter you sound like a lovely sister. 💗 I wish I’d had you when my kids were little and I was struggling. Take care.

When you want to push your child in the pram and don't see why meeting up with someone else pushing their child in a pram, despite the rules being 2 people not 4 people but it's OK because your mental health can't take any more

But this is both allowed and very low risk? I have a lot of sympathy for you OP, but people seem to have this sort of puritanism about how people are only Doing It Right to prevent covid transmission if their lives are joyless; it's spread by person-to-person contact, and overwhelmingly from person-to-person contact indoors, not from fun. I thought that people would learn from the hysteria about beaches, outdoor VE Day parties, people exercising for more than an hour, all of which proved unfounded, but they're still obsessed with it. It's silly and counterproductive to tell people not to do things that are both legal and low-risk; it makes them more likely to do things that are actually risky because it fuels the idea that it's all arbitrary.

I want my son in school because he's in his gcse year. He adapted to lockdown far too easily and became very withdrawn and isolated. I can see a huge change in him since he's been back at school. Both in the attitude to his work but more generally in his mood. I can't homeschool him for his GCSEs and I work full time (not frontline key worker) so I have limited time to check on him during the day. I also want him, his friends and his teachers to be safe. I also want my friends who teach to be safe.

Blaming each other, being angry with what we perceive as rule breaking isn't helping anyone. Most of us don't want to make other people poorly. Or to catch the virus ourselves. So most of us are being sensible. Making choices we believe are the right ones based on our contacts and our emotional needs.

It does sound like you might need some additional support OP. Can you call your gp or do you have access to a counselling service through work? It sounds like a support bubble would benefit you greatly. Is there anyone or another family who could fit that bill?

@Notcoolmum

I agree because i know it's massively affected me and I struggle to leave the house much now. I don't fear the virus. But I got used to being home and now I'm allover the place.

Is it some sort of morbid game here to be nasty, bitchy and downright rude to someone who's not only clearly struggling, but has said so in plain language?
As a HCP I've often felt like I'm just here to serve, and not allowed to be a human, by most of society. And woe betide if you have human needs! I was told not so long ago that I have no right to go to the toilet if someone wants something from me.
Think about that, people genuinely believe that some others have no right to use a toilet, while relying on them for education of their children or healthcare. That's the attitude that comes through every day to HCPs, teachers, social care workers, the police, the fire service.
And society wonders why people in these roles burn out and break down or leave and accuse them of having no compassion or empathy and clearly not up to the job.
Until we have robots to fill these positions, unfortunately you're stuck with humans!
How the fuck have we ended up here?!

@Noplans2020 I was the same at the beginning. I was so scared. The best thing I did was volunteer for a local FB Covid support group and a family who were isolating needed their shopping doing. I forced myself to do it (just in small local shops) but it got me out and less scared. My son didn't leave the house for months. He refused. So unhealthy. I contacted school and they just said it wasn't unusual. Being back in, even if it went to part time, is really important for his mental health.

@Nicknacky

Wherehavetheteletubbiesgone Are you for real? Do only Covid deaths matter?

Of course not only Covid deaths matter, but don’t be obtuse. The overall number of deaths and sickness is what matters, therefore containment of the virus has to be the priority. Suicide is tragic, but not associated with exponential spread.