At my breaking point now. Don't see light at the end of the tunnel

[Valleydad99]

This is probably not going to sit well with people but I'm honestly at the point where I'm questioning what the fucking point of these virus measures are. All the masks/social distancing/lockdowns haven't worked in eliminating the virus & now apparently as cases rise it's back to lockdown again?

Am I the only one thinking maybe we need a plan B? Rather than being flamed for apparently trying to kill people for questioning it?

My 1 year old has been locked down for half her life. I can't take the kids to see sport or play inside for basically no reason.

My kids are no longer welcome at church because of SD & in case they wander around like kids do so now we have no spiritual guidance & anyone I express concerns to just say it's for the greater good & fuck you. "Suffer the little children" said Jesus except when they need god most I suppose.

We've been following all the fucking rules but now it's well if more people followed the rules this would all be over. But that's just not true is it. There's no magic bullet & a vaccine doesn't cause it all to go away so I guess we'll just stay in our bunkers shouting wear a mask at people until we're all dead.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, guess I just want to shout into the void but I'm mentally at my breaking point & don't see a future for my children & me.

'That we hate the restrictions and that they are shit? That they are ruining people's lives financially, that people's mental health is suffering because they can't have normal human interaction?'

You see, that is fine. We can all moan. But the general tone of the thread is more this:

'what I suggest is that we have an adult discussion that acknowledges that people have already sacrificed a lot and that civil liberties and the rule of law actually have value.'

So not just a whinge about facetime but a criticism of the necessary restrictions (attacking our civil liberties! etc etc) when sadly, in a pandemic there isn't an alternative to restricting socialising.

Whats that got to do with soft play

Nothing, beyond the fact that I’m not unsympathetic to people missing things like that: I am too. To be honest my concern is more with the people who work there than any immediate damage to children from missing it (it’s a shame but not really the end of the world) but there it is.

However, the complaints about zoom not being the same and phone calls not the same - no they aren’t, but they are somewhat favourable to never seeing or speaking to that person again.

BTW irma I have genuine sympathy for your DS. I fully acknowledge it’s an awful time to be a young adult. It’s things like that which mean I can’t get too worked up over the small things.

I hope he’s able to sort something soon. He sounds bright and motivated to have managed one, I’m sure he will. All the best to your family

Thank you, Limona . He’s just off to see a firm after he offered to work there for free

There's a lot of emotion in this discussion and that's understandable. I think everyone makes certain valid points and it's important to recognise that. I also think, ultimately moaning doesn't lift anyone's spirits but sometimes it is needed and it is helpful to know that others are finding the current situation difficult too, for a variety of reasons. There's value in talking about it, this is support in itself, knowing we're not alone. It gives hope. We all need that.

I don't think there's any point in dismissing anyone's concerns or in comparing to the war or other historic events. The truth is this is likely to be the event that will have a long-term impact on multiple generations. It will change the world, it has already. I think it's not a competition as to which generation has had it harder, which generation is made of stern stuff and dealt with it better. The reality is big events are often incomparable because they don't tend to happen very often and as such, are set in entirely different circumstances. They bring their own challenges.

I am grateful we, as it stands, are not a generation affected by war. However, it makes me sad we are affected by a pandemic. I'd never wanted to experience anything like this, never wished on anyone to get severely ill or lose their life. I can see how hard this has been on so many people and I truly feel for them. I have so far, touch wood, been ok, but I am struggling with the restrictions and with the enormous negativity and uncertainty of the world around me. I respect that some people choose not to talk about it. But it's been a long time and many people need to have that open conversation, and there's nothing wrong with that. Let's support each other, not tear into each other at a time that isn't easy for anyone right now.

I actually feel really sad for both limona and getoffyourhighhorse (mumsnet's most ironic user name), who both seem to be terrified that if they accidentally give away a little bit too much sympathy it'll run out. Compassion is a muscle, not a resource - you don't have to be frightened of using it.

In with you OP. I lay awake at night worrying what the effect of another lockdown is going to have on my children’s future. I was reading an article in the news that showed that 30% of Britons had said in a poll that they would strongly support a second lockdown and I wonder if the people out there that seem to be so enthusiastic about lockdown and all the other restrictions that have been put in place really realise what all of this is going to do to our economy, it’s not just going to be a case of ‘oh we’re just going to have to be a bit skint for a few years’ we are already on the brink of the worst recession this country has ever seen that will result in mass unemployment, many many more people young and old dying needlessly due to suicide, physical health problems caused by poverty, a mental health crisis, & for what? We’ve locked down once already, got the numbers under control and then as soon as we’ve opened the country back up again it’s ripping through society once again so what’s the point? Especially considering for the overwhelming majority of people this virus isn’t going to have serious health implications for them anyway. I’m not saying that this virus exclusively kills and hospitalises just the old and the vulnerable as I know there have been tragic cases where young and fit people have sadly died or have been hospitalised, but I did feel these specific cases have been over represented in the media and in reality when you look at the statistics it is extremely rare for anyone under a certain age who has no underlying health conditions to die or be in hospital hooked up to a ventilator due to covid, not saying it doesn’t happen but when you look at the actual statistics it is clear to see it is very rare. I’m also not saying oh screw the old and the vulnerable, I do believe they need to be protected and we should absolutely put the resources in place so those that want to shield can do so. Im just looking at the bigger picture here and considering the thousands more that will lose their jobs, homes and in many cases suffer ill health both mental and physical and potentially die as a result of another lockdown.

I understood the first lockdown, I understood the reasons why Boris had made that decision, it was to protect the NHS, and get the numbers under control whilst they put the resources in place to deal with another surge in infections which we all knew would inevitably happen once we all got back out there and started living our lives as normal again (which the government actively encouraged and then scolded us all for when the infection rate went up again 🙄 ) but I thought when this happened we would be well equipped to deal with it would we not? Have we not all seen the photographs of the nightingale hospital in London lying near empty? & how much pressure is the NHS going to be under when the effects of lockdown are seen and we have people with chronic health conditions and life limiting illnesses that have been left untreated due to not being seen by a doctor? Not to mention the strain they will be under dealing with mental health issues. If so many people are left unemployed who is going to pay the taxes that fund the NHS in the first place? So why talk of a second lockdown? So we can destroy the economy beyond repair, reopen the country and find ourselves back to square one? Should we just all lockdown until vaccine or a miracle cure that may or may not ever be developed is ready? There has been evidence to suggest that if we were to lockdown until a vaccine is found the damage to the economy would be irrecoverable and the knock on affect on people’s lives would be absolutely devastating.

I don’t understand why the government don’t just concentrate on protecting the vulnerable and let everyone else just crack on with their lives. I don’t think it should be compulsory for the vulnerable to shield but it should just be advised and we should concentrate our efforts on giving as much support as possible to those that make the choice to shield. Meanwhile the rest of us should be encouraged to get on with our daily lives obviously being sensible with hand washing, staying home when sick etc, perhaps mask wearing, however I do think more research needs to be done on the benefits of mask wearing before it is made compulsory because as far as I can tell more people than not have been wearing their masks whilst out and about, yet here we are, with a huge amount of new infections seen over the last month or so, which makes me doubt their effectiveness. I wear mine anyway, it really is just a minor annoyance, for me anyway but I know for lots of people it is very difficult to get used to. I know a couple of people who are exempt from wearing a mask but wear one anyway for fear of being scolded by a stranger when out and about, despite them being on the brink of anxiety attack and struggling to breathe whilst wearing one. Unfortunately this is the society we live in now 😔

I dont understand whilst we don’t just protect the vulnerable, whilst the rest of get on with things, wash our hands, and try and achieve herd immunity.

So in conclusion I understand and I am happy with with some of the restrictions that the government have put in place, others I do not support I certainly do not support the idea of another lockdown. Of course I care about the health and happiness of the most vulnerable in our society and I am willing to do all that is necessary to protect those that wish to be protected, I understand that it is not ideal and it is terribly unfair to expect a small section of society to isolate whilst we try to achieve herd immunity, but I am not willing to go through another lockdown for all young, old, healthy and vulnerable etc, at the expense of a secure and happy childhood and future for my kids and everyone else’s. I think we need to look at the bigger picture here and it may come down to picking the lesser of two evils, and at the minute it is my personal belief that the collateral damage this virus does is going to be far worse than the actual virus itself, and I’m worried sick for the future of my children.

Sorry for the long post 🙈

Actually hardback if you care to read back through the thread I have given plenty of sympathy.

Sympathy doesn’t equate to agreeing with everything someone says. I sympathise with the OP and others. I just don’t agree with them that some of the things they want are possible at this time.

You aren't alone. Last couple of weeks I've really struggled. We have been in a local lockdown for 11 weeks now, with no end in sight. I feel all my resilience has gone. Just weary with it all.

I really wish I could have some answers but I think what deflates me most is that I don't think it's possible to protect the vulnerable and shielders. It worked to an extent through lockdown but it doesn't work otherwise and lockdown isn't a long term option. It's also impossible to just lock these particular people up and free everyone else until things change for better, it would be inhumane and ultimately pointless because we're all interlinked, we're exposed to each other, whether we want it or not. These people wouldn't be protected, it's just impossible to achieve in practice.

I think part of the problem is that no one has the guts to come out and say we're trying to achieve the impossible here. I don't think we actually can win against this virus in a sense that not many more people will die. If we don't go into lockdown, many people, particularly vulnerable and shielders, will catch it and die. This is also going to happen if they're told to hide away - many will die of covid or other reasons, left to their own devices.

Lack of lockdown risks hospitals being overwhelmed and many more younger, healthy people dying too through lack of medical care.

If we lockdown again, so many people will lose their livelihoods they'll be unable to live. There will be major MH issues that no one will have the resource to deal with. Suicides. Undiagnosed conditions and lack of treatment, like it's happened already because people can't get to their doctors or are scared.

I really don't think there's a good way out of this. Either way, many people will die. Most politicians seem too scared to say that openly, but it is true. Do we need to accept we are mortal beings? That our time might come sooner than we thought?

I am a cautious person and I have followed the rules carefully. I think this is the right thing to do. But after all this time, I really question myself. There are illnesses, bacteria and viruses in this world that may kill us no matter the age. We have no cure for them, sometimes they kill so quickly you don't even realise what's happening. Has this ever stopped me from living my life? No. Have I ever thought about them daily? No, because it would freak me out. I feel like this now. The risk is higher, but I'm getting to the conclusion that perhaps it's inevitable. And a more attractive option than this shell of a life right now.

I dont understand whilst we don’t just protect the vulnerable, whilst the rest of get on with things, wash our hands, and try and achieve herd immunity.

Because it wouldn't work. If it would work, some government somewhere would have done it successfully by now. None of them have.

To 'protect the vulnerable' fully you'd have to lock up about 25% of the population, and find some way to plug all the gaps that would leave (who'd do their jobs? who'd care for the people they're caring for? who'd pay them to live?), and work out what to do with their families/housemates/partners who live with them too. And you wouldn't be able to make it 'optional', you'd have to insist on it, because otherwise they'd get ill and need hospital treatment and our health systems would be overwhelmed.

So it wouldn't work. And even if it would work, it would require very drastically isolating a hell of a lot of people in a way that would be really, really cruel and brutal.

What a great post @PurplePansy05. You have summed up the human condition so well. I think we live in a risk-averse society and so many people can’t see that risk needs to be tolerated.

Thank you @HildegardeCrowe I'm struggling with a lot of things too. It's human to be scared of dying or losing the people we love. It's not easy to just accept things the way they are in a world focused on finding a cure or a solution to everything. It's one of the things I'm struggling with. Arguably it's more difficult to accept this now than it was years ago when science and medicine were nowhere near as advanced as they are now.

So who in your life are you offering for the chop @PurplePansy05?

I'm not even entertaining such comments @Porcupineinwaiting. I'm sorry you've not understood my posts.

No I'm sure you are not, given how full of dog whistles and contradictions your posts are (I particularly liked the bit about healthy people dying from lack of medical care).

They're not full of contradictions.

Thanks for your post purplepansy. Porcupine is clearly hard of understanding.

purplepansy
Well-put post.

'actually feel really sad for both limona and getoffyourhighhorse (mumsnet's most ironic user name), who both seem to be terrified that if they accidentally give away a little bit too much sympathy it'll run out'

You feel really sad for me? Aw you mustn't! I'm not 'terrified of accidentally giving away sympathy'. I have plenty of sympathy for people with businesses who are struggling and those in the high risk groups who are worried. Just not that much for those wibbling on about playdates or not being allowed to go to the pub and refusing to at least try a bit of positivity.

Maybe you should tell that to the people in the North who are about to rebel over another lockdown being imposed.

A collection of massage therapists, chiropractors, homeopaths serial killers and fake names are amongst the 'health professionals' who signed the Great Barrington Declaration.

It's a piece of shit, but it's got traction in the media, so it'll be referred to by science deniers from now on.

news.sky.com/story/coronvairus-dr-johnny-bananas-and-dr-person-fakename-among-medical-signatories-on-herd-immunity-open-letter-12099947

I can’t get my head around people who think seeing their mates or their child’s right to soft play is more important than a life

Seeing mates is vital to well being because we are mammals, social beings. Soft play is often just a vehicle for a frazzled parent to connect with others. Vital for MH. We are not designed to sit in little hutches tapping keyboards.

This sounds difficult for you, but I don’t understand why you can’t see your family? If your less than 6 and stick to the rules why can’t you see your grandparents or your mum?

Life is pretty much back to normal for lots of people. I have a two year old and she is back at swimming, dance class and forest school. We go to the shops and playground etc as normal but just wear a mask, keep our distance and sanitise hands.

I think it’s not as doom and gloom as perhaps you’re feeling