10 villains breathing , 9 bbqs smoking, 8 online deliveries

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

7 friends laughing
6 flaps bleached
5 covid masks
4 cool kids smoking
3 deadly hangovers
2 claps a' missin

And a partridge in a pear tree. Socially distancing of course.

Thread number something? Forgot to keep count.

That's why I have you murderous, despicable , flappy villains.

I know its pathetic. I know i am lucky.

Dude, fuck that shit.

That's like having an arm sawn off but say oh I'm lucky I still have legs.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are allowed to be sad and miserable and bitch and moan and shout FFS. And you're definitely allowed to "mourn" what started like a great , happy, fulfilled year.

This happiness/gratefulness at all costs is bullshit and damaging.

We have to allow ourselves to feel in order to understand,heal and move on . Not sellotaping it all in unicorn rainbow farts.

Peggy it's not pathetic at all, lockdown has been shite and it's no wonder it's impacted on you. Big hugs, it doesn't help much but they're there anyway.

I met him when I was 17. Briefly.

We worked in the same huge hotel. He walked down a corridor towards me. I remember thinking he was hot. But looked like a grumpy bastard. I was 17.

Never saw him again. We worked in different departments.

Over the years he would pop into my head occasionally. No idea why.

My exh was very controlling. I left with the support of my best friend. Her brother was coming to stay as he had divorced and was moving back to the area. We met, and the first time he smiled I literally stopped talking. A few weeks later we were talking about where we worked. He mentioned the hotel, I laughed and said I was there and then I realised. He was the man from the corridor.

We became friends. A year later started dating and its been great for years.

I have to be sure, I am not trying to keep the relationship together because of these romantic stories. Its so easy to fall into the trap that we are 'meant to be'.

I need to decide, if its a good relationship. And it was. The best until about 4 weeks ago.

Thank you. Feels such a huge relief to not be saying...yeah its fine...i am doing OK...could be worse all the time.

Peggy one question I'd ask is does he make you feel safe?

Underneath the romance, the love, the memories, the fun and laughter etc. Does he make you feel safe?

Princess just want to say thanks for these threads. Clearly some of us have really needed a space to say the stuff we need to say not just about lockdown and frothers, but the rest of life carrying on during that time. So many people seem to be acting like covid is the only relevant thing going on in our lives and we should all just be grateful we're ok and overlook everything else that's happening.

And Peggy it's hard isn't it, when you look back and sometimes all you see are the good bits. But it does sound like your relationship was good up until lockdown

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock

Yes. 100% yes he makes me feel safe. He feels like home, it the only way I can describe him.

But it does sound like your relationship was good up until lockdown

It really was. I dont think its rose tinted glasses. Before now, it was easy. Even when we argued it was easy. It could get heated, but easily resolved. Nothing like it has been, recently.

I didnt answer when he asked if I wanted he to go permanently. Which was shitty of me. But I just don't know. Just going to take sometime to think it over and decide.

Hopefully the announcement might mean, there's some light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh Peggy thats shit. You can feel whatever you like and get it all out here.
Anyway you do not have to make any quick decisions. Its too important. You need to think about it, talk about it and weigh it all up and do whatever feels right for you. It could be he is having a blip due to lockdown or depression. It could be he is just being bloody awkward and its the first time he has gone this far and you got a shock he can be like that. It depends also on his reaction to you talking about it.
You have to do whats right for you nobody else.

Peggy do you feel able to share what he said that you can't move past?

Completely ok if you don't want to.

I think safe is very important. I know you can't talk to your best friend, but what about other friends and family that know both of you and your relationship?

For now I'd look at it as a break, get your thoughts together, spend some tome apart and give yourselves an issue to try and sort /look at your issues separately

My uneducated, not a professional ass thinks that while you were eachother's rock in normal times, under the claustrophobic conditions of the lockdown you became so overwhelmed with your own issues , that taking the other's on top was too much, not to mention the pressure of knowing you have to deal with it.

Exh got brought up. Again can't really remember why, he said something aboutbhow I probably want to get back together with him because he has money.

I said 'the man that cheated on me?' I was going to say 'abused me, raped me?'

But before I got chance and just finished the cheated on me bit dp said 'good on him!'

I know its small. But I felt like he had punched me. He immediately apologised and said he was our of order. He looked pretty devastated when he saw the look on my face.

But I am so used to people telling me my abuse was my fault, in some way and he has never made me feel like that.

I feel like I didn't know who he was when he said that.

Ffs sake missed the announcement.

Need to go find what's, what!

Fuck. A break was definitely needed.

While it might very well be his insecurities/depression at play, that doesn't mean you have to be his emotional punching bag. And it sounds like it's escalating. You both need space. And while I know services are massively reduced and not that great at the best of time he needs to make the effort and ring the GP,look into anything that might offer him some help and support.

And you need some time to yourself to get your head in order, away from the love,responsibility,wish to help etc that come from being in a relationship with him.

Peggy nothing has changed except the fines you get for breaking the rules will be higher.

Lilac it did say you could travel for exercise and are allowed out as often as you like. Could that mean a trip to meet your friend is possible?

Peggy bloody hell!! Yeah that's a lot to come back from. Exh used to use my ex during arguments and I'd point out things that happened during that relationship and he'd say well I'm not surprised he did that to you. It's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.

Crow it conflicts with use of public transport though, pretty sure he said “by car, walk, or bike”.

It is a benefit that I can, in theory, be in the park with less police. I don’t know.

So what he said really is that bad?

I was doubting myself. He hasn't said its not that bad. He is gutted. His sister is letting him stay but really had a go at him so did her husband.

She is rely disgusted and said if I want him out so I can go stay there for a few days, she doesn't mind. But I want to stay in my own home.

Looks like I cant see my dad then? What the actual fuck!

Peggy re your dad

No mention was made of friends or family

Tbh I don’t think they will ever explicitly say “you can see these people” so if you’re able to do a short car journey/walk/cycle and take the risk of a fine, I would.

It’s also been mentioned to me that a fixed Penalty Notice doesn’t give you anything that shows up on a DBS check but I’m not 100% sure on that one.

Lilac good point, but he did say if at all possible by bike, car or on foot. Does that completely negate public transport then? Hm. I don't drive so if I want to take DD somewhere prettier than our crappy park then I would have to use public transport. But it does appear you can spend more time in the park without fear of reprisals so that might help you a bit?

Peggy I think that was an awful thing to say tbh. I get that people say nasty things in the heat of the moment, but I always struggled with having stuff about my first ex thrown at me in an argument because it was such a vile time in my life. If it's out of character for your DP then it's not insurmountable, but it sounds like you need a bit of space first.

Crow I don’t know. I think if he was really okay with doing that, the fines wouldn’t be going up.

I’ll be interested to find out from neighbour keyworkers what the public transport message is when you get on. Apparently on .london Transport they say “ only travel if your journey is essential” on a continuous loop.

Just to echo what everyone else daid Peggy that was pretty low of him.
I bet he is kicking himself for saying that but thats good he needs to realise and take responsibility for his own actions.
He needs to decide what to do next. Help himself if indeed he is struggling with mental health and prove it to you. Plus let you have breathing space for now.

If everything was great up until now nobody is going to advise you to ltb flippantly. It was a horrible thing to say but you know the guy we dont. Only you can decide if you will let him work to prove to you it was a huge one off moment of madness which he bitterly regrets.
Only you know if you can get past this due to your feelings about him and your relationship up to now.
Take your time.

Lilac yeah I agree there seemed to be some contradiction in his statements. Surprise surprise. Make it vague and let us find out the hard way if we get fined.

Peggy that's a horrible thing to say. But I think for me it might depend if it was a one off or in a pattern. But it is objectively horrible.

I think I need to stay off Facebook for a bit. Mine is full of smug Welsh Nats reminding us gleefully that we still aren't supposed to sit on benches or drive to exercise. It's not good for my blood pressure.