10 villains breathing , 9 bbqs smoking, 8 online deliveries

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

7 friends laughing
6 flaps bleached
5 covid masks
4 cool kids smoking
3 deadly hangovers
2 claps a' missin

And a partridge in a pear tree. Socially distancing of course.

Thread number something? Forgot to keep count.

That's why I have you murderous, despicable , flappy villains.

I really want wood flooring in the bedroom. There's no way that can happen because of the furniture. I pride myself as a bit of a tetris champion considering we have a king size bed, a mid sleeper, a desk, a wardrobe,wash basket ,two chests of drawers in here and enough room to walk.OFC that means no painting or redecorating in any way shape or form.

Gnome i would do more if i had the means😄😄 I am.not enamoured with any part of this house except the wallpaper we put up in living room!

Jeeze Princess i thought my bedroom was cluttered (it is but its also a decent size so more room for clutter i cant fit anywhere else!)

Princess that is impressive tetrising!

We are fortunate. DD1 will be moving out soon (waiting on a very slow moving house purchase). When she moves then a whole load of clutter will go - she has been maintaining the distance from her partner so has been filling her time (and our space) with craft projects.

The various craft projects are all quite impressive. We are all kitted out with face masks. She has taught herself to crochet and has made herself various soft furnishings for the new house. She built a garden table from scratch.

The only problem is that the resulting items or raw materials take up so much space!

hey all. I hope you are OK.

I have spent loads of time planning a whole house renovation....i do not have the funds for it though. Sadly. 🤣

I think most people are most be the impact of being at home so much.

So i need honest advice! who thinks I would be a dick to let dp come home next week?

If it is what you want then of course you wouldnt be a dick. Do you feel that you have sorted out what happened to cause you to separate? Is it sorted or parked?

Do you forgive him for what he said? Does he properly understand the hurt he caused you?

Do you miss him being in your home, living together?

I definitely miss him.

I do forgive him because I have seen how sorry he is. He is engaging with his GP, awaiting counselling. But talking with his GP, seems to help. They speak once a week.

He has told the GP he is ashamed of himself and the GP agreed that he should be

The issue is, I am not sure i have forgiven him. I feel like I have, but its still in my mind. Its like I have forgiven but not forgotten and I dont know if thats enough.

I have never come to a conclusion on whether I agree with the forgive and forget, saying.

Do you think I need to forget? And if I havent forgot, I havent really forgiven.

My parents would argue and 'forgive' eachother. But then during disagreements, past things woild consistently be brought up.

I dont want to be like that. I do genuinely, think he wouldn't say anything like that again, though.

I think (and please bear in mind I am young and inexperienced!) that you can forgive but not forget, but also not bring things up. Or at least not in an argument. They might need to be mentioned at another time, but that's different to them being thrown in someone's face.

But it's ok to say, "I do remember that you hurt me, and I forgive you, but that doesn't mean I'm not still hurt by it." If that makes sense? Otherwise you're not really forgiving but pretending it never happened!

@110APiccadilly thats just perfect.

I don't want to forget. Because if he does it again, if I am pretending this didnt happen.
..oy would just be a one off again.

You dont sound young or inexperienced.

Do is only my 2nd longterm relationship. My first was with my husband from 18. And now dp, and i am 38.

So not experienced. Yes, you are right. Its possible to forgive, not forget and not throw it in eachothers faces.

Mum and dad marriage is fucked up. And its caused me many issues. I never had a healthy adult relationship to observe. My nan was wonderful. My grandad was an abusive prick. My exh was also an abusive prick.

I spent far too many years, just letting stuff go when people hurt me. My mum (mental health issues, so i felt I should let it go), my exh (i didn't want to be divorced or have the kids coming from a broken home), friends (i didn't want them to not like me), bosses (I didnt want to lose my job).

And I promised I wouldn't let stuff go again. Which I havent. I suppose my pride is stopping me letting him come home. But, i havent let this go. I have confronted it, dealt with it and made him show he isnt going to do it again. I havent just let it go.

Thats it, I am going to ask him to come home. I bought this house before I was with him. But its doesnt feel quite like home with out him.

Thank you ❤

For myself I think that forgiving and forgetting are two separate things. You now know that DP has definite feet of clay but so does he know that, which in a way is more important.

You are both adults you know that you can be profoundly hurt by thoughtless statements which cant be brushed away by kiss and make up. For me not forgetting is important. Not forgetting means that there are no excuses for carelessly hurting the other.

Morning all, it's raining again. Like it ever stopped!! My garden is under water.

Trev I agree with everyone else that you can forgive without forgetting. They are 2 different things. Exh husband wanted both, instantly, for every shitty misdemeanour. I thought I had to do both to move forward. Like you I've only had 2 long term relationships. The first when j was 18 with the dad of my 2 eldest DC, and the second with DD2s dad..

I looked at my parents marriage and that of extended family and they were good, they set the barre high in terms of loyalty and togetherness and respect. I'd say it was a pretty good blueprint growing up. Unfortunately both of my ex's turned out to be sociopaths with narcissistic tendencies so yeah, I was clearly onto a loser both times! It has made me super wary not only because of how much damage that caused, but because I'm obviously not very good at picking men 🤔

If you're house doesn't feel like home without him, and he's engaging with the GP, it sounds to me that letting him come home is very much the right thing to do. I'm really chuffed that he's doing what needs to be done 😊

You wouldn't be a dick if that's what you want .

The forgive and forget thing is bullshit. Your memory doesn't get erased as soon as you forgive someone and let something go. No one actually forgets. Either they minimise, they bring it up at every opportunity or keep as a stick to beat the other up with (particularly if it suits them) or they move on,and gather new insights/wisdom/understanding. The first two are highly unhealthy and toxic.

You now know he has the capability to be a dick and to hurt you, I think that's more realistic than "perfect". Even the best people can be and will be dicks. What matters is intent and whether they learn from it or not.

Wow that was a load of waffle.

It wasnt waffle.

You have all given me great advice. How do i get to 38 and still not understand adult things? yoh have all explained how, I felt about 'forgive and forget' but never been able to verbalise. Even to myself.

We talked. He is coming home, we are having a little garden get together tomorrow night. He is bringing his stuff over during the day. Can't wait to have him home.

But one last night on my own (kids are at their dads) is something I am enjoying! Alot .

Thank you all so much. I have been on MN for about 10 years. And never felt I have been able to be so honest about my relationship or my feelings or how I dont feel I have got to grips with adult relationships.

If one good thing comes out of covid, for me, its been these threads.

Trev Glad you are feeling better now. Lots of good advice here so i will just 2nd it. You do whats right for you and i hope your dp realises how lucky he is.

First coat of paint on bathroom walls. Got to do it all again after work tomorrow! Need to go to homebase and see if they have either brackets i can cobble together shelves on or small but not too small shelves.

Well, I'm I'm my early 30s, and I've only ever had one relationship, serious or not. Which is probably unusual, and in fact I often shy away from admitting it, in case people think I'm weird.

If what I said was helpful, then I'm really happy about it! Hope your DP realises just how lucky he is.

Ohhh a night on my own... or even a day... or even a few hours. Atm feels like finding a unicorn. I've only been away from DD since this started to be at work.

It's lovely to see you so positive and.. full of life,I guess Trev. Hopefully things will only get better from now own.

Good luck with the painting Willow hope you have a good shift.

OH's bday tomorrow, and he has a wooden climbing frame(for DD) to build to celebrate. I give the best gifts.

Trev that's so good to hear! You sound so positive. I'm so pleased for you, I hope that DP of yours knows how lucky he is. I've been on MN around 10 years too and this is hands down the thread I've felt most comfortable on.

Thanks to our benevolent Princess for giving us a place to talk about pretty much anything and everything. It's certainly kept me sane (ish 🤪)

I'm watching that Polish 50 Shades type film on Netflix if anyone's interested in some steamy stuff! 365 dni it's called and holy moly!!

I'm watching that Polish 50 Shades type film on Netflix if anyone's interested in some steamy stuff! 365 dni it's called and holy moly!!

I didn't look at the time and thought you posted this in the morning.

P.S. I accept gratitude in minty fags, preferably pall mall double capsule 😂

Morning all! Princess a morning spent constructing a wooden climbing frame would be my DH's idea of pure heaven. He loves nothing more than getting all his power tools out and building stuff.

I foresee a morning of picking blackcurrants for me.

Gnome in that case would you mind if I borrowed him? OH is looking horrified 🙈

Well we've just been to town, DD2 had a panic attack in Poundland it was that busy, m and Mcds definitely won't serve people who walk thru the drive thru because reasons.

But at least the sun is out again.

Sorry Princess DH is busy cooking dinner.

I hope your DD feels better soon Crow

Blackcurrants are picked. I had also had a delivery of horse poo so have happily trundled backwards and forwards barrowing it onto the bed it is needed on.

It's done. Bloody hell that was painful in more ways than one. Kinda feel sorry for OH having to spend his whole bday like this but he insisted in doing it today.

I wanted to order food and cakes but he's not in the mood. The man is impossible to celebrate.

Crow hope DD2 feels better soon. That sounds awfully crowded.
I remember when I was young and we'd always ask the taxi driver to stop at the drive through at night so we could get our fix.

Gnome uhmmm enjoy your horse poo?

Evening all.
Crow my place was busy all day today. I never stopped doing stuff for one thing or another! Be much better if we had the stuff to hand in the first place!
Was going to pick up a few bits of shopping but weather has been awful rain and pea soup fog so couldnt face the queues and came home. Hope your DD feels better now.

Princess your DH sounds like a cheap date😉 ( in the nicest possible way) no cake on your birthday though thats not natural!!!

After another 3 & 1/2 hr sleep last night despite my good intentions i fell asleep after i had late lunch😤 Bloody freezing here. Am watching nature prog on Alaska and i feel empathy with the animals.😄😄 Heating is now on.
Think its wine o clock before i force myself to start on tea😉