My parents won't see me or my children until there is a vaccine

[Whatsthis1515]

My parents , who have terrible health anxiety at the best of times, have said they won't see us until there is a vaccine. They are in their late 50s. Generally good health.

They keep calling themselves vulnerable and when I've expressed my excitement to see them when we are allowed to, I've been told they won't until there is a vaccine. I mentioned maybe me bringing the kids into the garden and seeing them from a distance - I was told no because the children will be too tempted to come close.

I keep seeing other people saying their parents are not taking lockdown seriously. Mine are taking it to the extreme and are believing the dailymail headlines.

I feel devastated that they've told me this. Is anyone else in the same boat?

I’m in my 50s. Sat in hospital staff room having a break and drinking a can of pop. I don’t have asthma but lots of my colleagues do. The number of women staff in their 50s is massive.

Agree with PP. do what you want but prepare yourself for your mum ramping up the attempt at emotional control when you won’t reinforce the family script.

Mum said 'well what a fucking hero she is, what fucking amazing grandparents'

Your MUM said "FUCKING" to you?

Bloody hell!

I wasn't even aware that my mother knew that word until she was coming out of an anaesthetic after surgery . . .

@TamTam25
So sorry to hear about your loss.

SchadenfreudePersonified

I first heard (and copied) that word from the boy sitting in the desk behind me at school, Year 6 (Class 4 as it was then) in 1964.

It wasn't invented yesterday...

If you detach you’ll be the ungrateful daughter preventing her from seeing her grandchildren to anyone who listens. Poor her. They all prefer the other grandparents to her and it’s because she can’t give them X, Y and Z.

Your cold hearted actions will be making her ill. She’ll recruit your father to guilt trip you so that you’re back working around her controlling whims.

I’d actually bail on this thread and start a new one in relationships. You don’t have a Coronavirus problem you have a controlling mother one.

Sounds like my mother. Every illness no matter how minor is some kind of event...my immediate thought when this all kicked off was that my mother would practically be salivating with glee if she thought she could tell people she had Coronavirus for attention. Everything from her diabetes to her ‘anxiety’ is like some kind of badge of honour...she actually seemed pleased to be told she was diabetic 🤔 it is draining to listen to and she does nothing whatsoever to improve her health and lifestyle...I have to ignore any mention of anything as it wears me down...I feel your pain!!!

It wasn't invented yesterday...

I'm aware of that Nanny - but my mother would never have even thought it (or so I believed ) - and certainly not in front of us kids, even when we were adults.

Have you thought of asking her what will happen if there's never a vaccine? Will she hold off from seeing her grandchildren forever?

She sounds very much like my aunt, of whom my mother used to say, in a very disapproving voice, 'she enjoys poor health. And she really does enjoy it.' (Imagine it said in a Lady Bracknellesque way for the full effect)

'well what a fucking hero she is, what fucking amazing grandparents'

Proof if proof were needed that this literally is all about her getting attention.

Your instincts are right @Whatsthis1515.

I wasn't even aware that my mother knew that word until she was coming out of an anaesthetic after surgery . . .

For me the moment the veil was lifted from my eyes came in 2008 when Ireland sent Dustin the Fucking Turkey to the Eurovision.

She called me the following week to apologise - she had been carried away by the shame of the spectacle...

Ehem. Yes. Back to the thread..

Mum is on repeat that 'she never slept again since I was diagnosed and that her asthma got terrible as a result'. I have never known her use her inhaler and she's never been in hospital or seen anyone for this asthma. But it's really showing me a pattern - thank you.

Smacks of narcissism.

Can we not conflate narcissistic parents with middle aged people making a perfectly valid choice to self isolate for a period of time.

Covid is a horrible illness with the possibility of long term lung damage. If you want to stay home and avoid getting it at this time, when we know next to nothing about how to treat it, that's allowed.

OP, your dad shouldn't have been going to get a paper if that's all he was going for. Your mum has clearly been listening carefully to Matt Hancock. Going on completely unnecessary outing will indeed push our rate of transmission up and lead to unnecessary deaths. In broad terms, your mum was only repeating the official guidance.

You clearly don't like her. Many people want their parents to stay safe because they want to have them around for years to come.

Must admit, I read your dm’s comment the other way. Ie. She’s fed up of hearing about your perfect mil, sort of competitive grandparenting in reverse (although no need for the f-word).