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Covid

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Original poster

My lovely Dad is gone

93 replies

Cherrycee · 21/04/2020 04:38

Its the middle of the night and I just can't sleep after the traumatic 24 hours I've had. I wonder if anyone else is here?

This horrible bastard of a virus took my lovely Dad yesterday and I'm really struggling. The illness came on extremely quickly. He was given oxygen but he just didn't respond to it at all. I got a few minutes with him before he went but he was unconscious and I was so shaken I could barely even say anything to him, I was just a mess. I told him I loved him and I fell apart and had to leave the room.

We can't even have a proper funeral. This is just so so unfair.

The media is full of stats and commentary but with little focus on the victims and their families, unless they're the 'worthy' ones who were young or had no underlying conditions. My dad may have been elderly but he could have had a few more years left. His life mattered and he's more than a statistic.

I don't know how to cope with this. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:

Brenna24 · 21/04/2020 07:32

I am so sorry for your loss. You dad sounds like a wonderful person. He would have known how much you loved him every day, telling him as he left would reinforce it, but he knew anyway. Look after yourself.

forsucksfake · 21/04/2020 07:34

I am really sorry that you have lost your father. It is especially hard during this time. Thinking of all the happy memories you shared is the best way of honouring his life, I think. To your father.

ScatteredMama82 · 21/04/2020 07:36

I'm so sorry, it's heartbreaking. I lost my Dad to pneumonia very suddenly nearly 11 years ago now and I remember the feelings like they were yesterday. It's absolutely horrible, and I really feel for you going through it with all the restrictions and lockdown that is going on just now.

kevintheorangecarrot · 21/04/2020 07:40

I'm so, so very sorry about your wonderful Dad, OP. I am absolutely petrified of this virus catching my dad out as well. He is in his 70s, smoker and He is my absolute world. I'm always telling him to be careful he only goes shop to get basic essentials and then I do the food order each month for him.... again I'm so, very sorry This virus really is a BASTARD!!

astericia · 21/04/2020 07:45

Condolences OP. It must be unimaginably difficult.

When I lost my mum I found it helpful to write down everything I could remember about her life, all the things she taught me and the influence she had. That way I wasn't just grieving for a mother, I was grieving for my lovely mum. It helped humanise her after death.

Sending love and strength to you and your family. Xx

Wonkydonkey44 · 21/04/2020 07:45

I’m so sorry for your loss , I can’t imagine what your going through

Natsku · 21/04/2020 07:52

I am so so sorry cherrycee

londonrach · 21/04/2020 07:57

Sorry for your loss. Your dad is your dad and you right he had more years to live before this awful virus took that from him. Hold onto your postive childhood memories. You right the media isnt mentioning the the people or families effected by this. Your dad mattered. Im very sorry x

ilovemydogandMrObama · 21/04/2020 08:03

Dreadful news - several years ago my own dad died in a car crash and while it was sudden, violent and devastating, the doctors said that he would not have been in pain, which is somewhat of a comfort.

So sorry about your dad - hope you have a lovely memorial service for him when you can...

sanealaddin · 21/04/2020 08:06

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your dad sounds lovely. My thoughts are with you.

I wish everyone who dismisses the elderly as expendable to this disease could read your post. These are real people who are much loved.

DahlingDahlia · 21/04/2020 08:07

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a shock, and what a terrible time to lose someone. Keep your dad alive in your heart

ch3rrycola · 21/04/2020 08:11

You're right, each and every life lost matters. I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely Dad

FancyPants20 · 21/04/2020 08:12

I'm so sorry about your Dad, Cherry. He sounds like a lovely man. Big hugs to you. Xx

catwithnohat · 21/04/2020 08:32

So sorry for your loss.

Losing a parent is a dreadful thing at the best of times. All best wishes to you.

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 21/04/2020 08:38

Your dad will never be a statistic. He was loved and cherished and people who love and are loved can never be just a number.

His whole self is entwined in you.

I am so terribly sorry he died cherry, sometimes life can be so unfair. He went out of this world knowing you loved him. x

Sammy1012 · 21/04/2020 08:51

Thank you for sharing a bit about your dad - he does indeed sound a very special man.

Keep talking about him where you can - he’s not a statistic - I felt very emotional reading what you wrote to describe him - I’m pleased to hear how you recognise traits in yourself that you carry forward from your dad - and I’m Genuinely sorry he’s been taken by this dreadful virus way too soon xxx

flowerstar19 · 21/04/2020 08:52

I am so very sorry. Absolutely tragic for you and all your family and not being able to have a proper funeral is so hard for you all. Maybe you could have an additional memorial service for him later this year? Sending so much love and strength to you Xxxx

Cornishbelle · 21/04/2020 08:58

So sorry to hear about your Dad @Cherrycee you speak of him so fondly and I hope in time the lovely memories will outweigh the pain you are feeling xx

Roomba · 21/04/2020 09:02

Your Dad sounds like a lovely man. I'm so sorry for your loss, what am awful thing to go through

ineedaholidaynow · 21/04/2020 09:02

@Cherrycee your dad sounds a lovely man. I am so sorry for your loss

LondonJax · 21/04/2020 09:19

@Cherrycee I am so sorry about your dad. My mum died just before the lockdown - not coronavirus so we at least had the last few days with her.

You're absolutely right - his life did matter. I get very annoyed with people who say 'it's so sad about a 34 year old' but 'oh well, they were 80 and this virus is hitting them more' as if that's OK. My mum was 90. She had come to the end of her life. But if she'd died with coronavirus I'd have been devastated. The elderly should die at the end of the their lives - not have those last few months or years cut short. Anymore than the 34 year old should. Everyone is precious to someone and we should choose our words more carefully.

We had to have a very small funeral for mum just because of the times we're living in. We're planning a memorial service when this is over.

If you don't mind me giving you a few tips for the funeral here - I hope it doesn't upset you but we were on a learning curve with mum!

If you can have mourners you may be limited - we were told five but they allowed us six because we'd already cut as many people as we could and they'd only given us two days notice. No wake obviously. We couldn't get fresh flowers easily so we managed to track down silk tributes via Ebay (of all places). They were lovely. We had a phone call two days before the funeral telling us the person who usually did the music had been told they couldn't attend now - luckily our funeral director had the music on his mobile phone and bluetooth speakers so we could get what we wanted. Not what we wanted for mum but we managed. They are things that may happen so plan for eventualities like music and flowers so you're not suddenly trying to sort things out at the last minute. We also couldn't have a car for the family - social distancing. And we had to spread out in the chapel. But it was still OK - we said goodbye and that's what mattered.

Your dad was a special man and didn't deserve this. When this is over do something special in his honour. In the meantime, try to go with the flow, there's nothing more you can do and he would understand.

Original poster

Cherrycee · 21/04/2020 09:36

There are so many thoughtful messages here that its impossible to thank them all, but I really appreciate your kind words. I'm so sorry to LondonJax and everyone else who has been bereaved recently and thanks for sharing your experience. I hope this will pass soon and we can celebrate them properly.

OP posts:

Cheekychops73 · 21/04/2020 09:46

I am so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family Xxx

wildcherries · 21/04/2020 09:49

I so agree with you about the media on victims. So so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength.

worriedmama16 · 21/04/2020 09:51

Sorry to hear this. My grandad passed away from this virus 2 weeks ago. 91, who had been a good father, husband and grandfather and just like that, taken away.
My aunty spent a few moments with him but no one else was able to see him, it was then 3 days till he passed alone in hospital. It's horrendous.

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