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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Covid

My lovely Dad is gone

93 replies

Cherrycee · 21/04/2020 04:38

Its the middle of the night and I just can't sleep after the traumatic 24 hours I've had. I wonder if anyone else is here?

This horrible bastard of a virus took my lovely Dad yesterday and I'm really struggling. The illness came on extremely quickly. He was given oxygen but he just didn't respond to it at all. I got a few minutes with him before he went but he was unconscious and I was so shaken I could barely even say anything to him, I was just a mess. I told him I loved him and I fell apart and had to leave the room.

We can't even have a proper funeral. This is just so so unfair.

The media is full of stats and commentary but with little focus on the victims and their families, unless they're the 'worthy' ones who were young or had no underlying conditions. My dad may have been elderly but he could have had a few more years left. His life mattered and he's more than a statistic.

I don't know how to cope with this. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:

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RhubarbTea · 21/04/2020 21:50

I'm so sorry for your loss.

lumpybumpylooloo · 21/04/2020 21:24

I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s just the most heartbreaking circumstances when families can’t be with their loved ones at the end and then can’t support those left behind in the way they normally would. I despise this virus. Take care and be kind to yourself .

RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 21/04/2020 21:19

Sorry for your loss

Littlemiss74 · 21/04/2020 21:15

So very sorry for your loss xx

FireandFury · 21/04/2020 21:04

Sending you a hug OP. I’m sorry for your tragic loss. The shock will stay with you for a while I think. I lost my dad not through Covid but a fatal heart attack and he was never conscious for me to say goodbye. That crushes me and still does today even though it’s almost been a year.

Stay strong OP. We are all here for you x

MigginsMs · 21/04/2020 21:01

I’m so sorry xx

H1978 · 21/04/2020 20:09

Sorry for your loss

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/04/2020 19:39

BrandyandBabycham · 21/04/2020 19:31

So sorry OP - this virus sucks & somehow people are still not taking it seriously. Sending warm thoughts to you & your family 💐💐💐

TeaLibrary · 21/04/2020 19:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family and all those losing loved ones to this awful virus.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/04/2020 19:19

So very sorry to hear of your loss.

I wanted to tell you about my DM's funeral, I hope it helps.

My DM died in January (pre Covid) and we had a very small funeral, just five family members. We were able to sit in a semi circle together close to the coffin, rather than in rows at a distance. It was really lovely, very intimate and personal, we shared some thoughts about her and played some music she enjoyed. At home we opened a bottle of champagne in her honour, and toasted her memory. We all felt that was the day we said goodbye, and it was really special.

I know it's not what you would have chosen but it will be a "proper" funeral, honestly.

AdoraBell · 21/04/2020 13:10

So sorry for your loss.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 21/04/2020 13:07

My condolences on your loss Op. You are right, it is a bastard disease. Your Dad sounds lovely and his life and death definitely mattered. It is life changing losing a parent, but in time hopefully, you will be able to recall all the wonderful, funny times you spent with your Dad without that awful, jagged pain that happens when you have just lost someone close. For now all I can tell you is that you will get through this, you won't remember how, but you will. All the best to you and your Mum.

tinkerbellla · 21/04/2020 12:42

I'm so sorry to hear this, it must be such a shock. You poor thing xxxx

TheDogsMother · 21/04/2020 12:36

I'm so sorry. This is heartbreaking

velocitygirl7 · 21/04/2020 12:26

Your Dad sounds so so lovely.
He will have known you were there with him and how much you loved him

2beautifulbabs · 21/04/2020 11:05

So sorry OP for your loss

wildcherries · 21/04/2020 10:59

Oh, worriedmama so sorry. It really is horrible.

worriedmama16 · 21/04/2020 09:51

Sorry to hear this. My grandad passed away from this virus 2 weeks ago. 91, who had been a good father, husband and grandfather and just like that, taken away.
My aunty spent a few moments with him but no one else was able to see him, it was then 3 days till he passed alone in hospital. It's horrendous.

wildcherries · 21/04/2020 09:49

I so agree with you about the media on victims. So so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength.

Cheekychops73 · 21/04/2020 09:46

I am so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family Xxx

Cherrycee · 21/04/2020 09:36

There are so many thoughtful messages here that its impossible to thank them all, but I really appreciate your kind words. I'm so sorry to LondonJax and everyone else who has been bereaved recently and thanks for sharing your experience. I hope this will pass soon and we can celebrate them properly.

OP posts:

LondonJax · 21/04/2020 09:19

@Cherrycee I am so sorry about your dad. My mum died just before the lockdown - not coronavirus so we at least had the last few days with her.

You're absolutely right - his life did matter. I get very annoyed with people who say 'it's so sad about a 34 year old' but 'oh well, they were 80 and this virus is hitting them more' as if that's OK. My mum was 90. She had come to the end of her life. But if she'd died with coronavirus I'd have been devastated. The elderly should die at the end of the their lives - not have those last few months or years cut short. Anymore than the 34 year old should. Everyone is precious to someone and we should choose our words more carefully.

We had to have a very small funeral for mum just because of the times we're living in. We're planning a memorial service when this is over.

If you don't mind me giving you a few tips for the funeral here - I hope it doesn't upset you but we were on a learning curve with mum!

If you can have mourners you may be limited - we were told five but they allowed us six because we'd already cut as many people as we could and they'd only given us two days notice. No wake obviously. We couldn't get fresh flowers easily so we managed to track down silk tributes via Ebay (of all places). They were lovely. We had a phone call two days before the funeral telling us the person who usually did the music had been told they couldn't attend now - luckily our funeral director had the music on his mobile phone and bluetooth speakers so we could get what we wanted. Not what we wanted for mum but we managed. They are things that may happen so plan for eventualities like music and flowers so you're not suddenly trying to sort things out at the last minute. We also couldn't have a car for the family - social distancing. And we had to spread out in the chapel. But it was still OK - we said goodbye and that's what mattered.

Your dad was a special man and didn't deserve this. When this is over do something special in his honour. In the meantime, try to go with the flow, there's nothing more you can do and he would understand.

ineedaholidaynow · 21/04/2020 09:02

@Cherrycee your dad sounds a lovely man. I am so sorry for your loss

Roomba · 21/04/2020 09:02

Your Dad sounds like a lovely man. I'm so sorry for your loss, what am awful thing to go through

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